Nothing you recognize is mine. Original Characters are my own.

Chapter Three

I had just left the hospital after being there all day. Mom stayed and Juice came to pick me up. As we rode out of the parking lot I held him tighter than I needed to and he was ok with it. He started to take us home and I made him change course to the clubhouse. The last thing I wanted to see was our house; I didn't want to think about just what it meant.

"There's a party tonight baby. You feel up to it?" He pulled in and I saw the fires going in the back and the crowd around the boxing ring.

"Sure baby, I think I need the family." He nodded and helped me off the bike. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he held me close.

"I need you baby." I ran my hands under his shirt and scratched down his back.

"Baby?" He lifted my face so that I was looking at him, the question in his eyes prompted me to get on my tiptoes and kiss him.

He pulled away and looked at the party I could see a longing in his eyes and I leaned against his bike. I wanted him, I wanted to feel alive, but I didn't want him to miss anything because of me.

"Go to the party. I'll be inside." I almost made it to the door before Juice grabbed me and pulled me into a dark niche in the wall behind the clubhouse. He pressed me against the wall as he started to lift my skirt.

I didn't say anything and didn't need to. He knew that I wanted, rough, dirty and quick. No foreplay and no gentleness. He gave me what I needed and didn't question the tears in my eyes. After he was done he pulled me in his arms and gave me a different kind of comfort.

"Thank you." I rasped out and he kissed my hair.

"It'll be ok baby. Abel will be fine and our babies will be fine." Just like that he got to the center of my distress. I admitted that sometimes Juice didn't think things through but when it came to reading me he was a genius.

I held him tighter and all the tension I had been holding in eased out. As I moved away I gave him a smile and we walked out, just in time to see Happy and Tig faceoff in the ring. One of the croweaters brought us each a brew and I was feeling generous so I smiled at her. We enjoyed ourselves at the party for a while before I was ready to go home. Now that I had dealt with my crazy I could see our house as the home it was, not a tomb for my future babies.

I went to work the next morning, I wasn't scheduled to come in before Monday but I needed to work and not think about all the shit that was going on with the club. Juice was gone and had left me a text letting me know he'd be gone all day and most of the night on club business. I figured it was something to do with the warehouse.

I finished my editing and began doing some research on custody cases and drug addiction. I discovered that Wendy could still get custody of Abel as long as she feigned sobriety. I wouldn't stand for it. If need be I'd adopt Abel until Jax built up a case. I knew that the county judges would have the club's back for the right price but there were always the Dudley do-right guys who wanted to stick it to SAMCRO.

I couldn't handle it anymore so I went to the hospital. I had barely made it through the doors when I nearly got assaulted by Mom.

"He made it through the first surgery babe; they're working on his heart next." My breath came back in a whoosh. He was going to be ok, he had to.

"Gemma, can I talk to you?" Tara asked mom and she nodded. I went to look at the babies, smiling for what felt like the first time in days.

Mom burst out of the hallway and practically ran out. I almost followed but I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Milla, can I talk to you?" It was the same tone she had used with mom so I followed warily. She took me to the door outside Wendy's room and I tensed.

"She really needs someone right now Milla, she thinks she's alone. I heard around that you two don't have a bad relationship. Maybe you could go sit with her, make sure she's ok?" She gave me a hopeful smile and I just gave her a blank stare.

"I will neither help, nor hurt her Tara. She burned all of her bridges with me when she shot up while pregnant with that angel. I'll stay away, but that's it. If I go in there I may tear her throat out." I felt my teeth grind as I spoke the last.

"You really feel that way?" She looked at me sadly.

"Yeah I do. If you're really that worried I can give you the names and numbers of some of her friends, though I'm sure those friendships have lapsed. I just really can't be in there with her; I'll only make it worse." I felt my sympathy coming to bite me in the ass. My mom had always said it was my biggest flaw.

"I knew you weren't a heartless bitch. Why don't we go have a coffee and you can give me those numbers." I followed her to the cafeteria and got myself a soda and a bag of chips. I hadn't eaten all day.

"What are you doing back Tara? You didn't tell me this when I called you three months ago." I hadn't told anyone that I had been in contact with Tara for the last ten years. It would have caused the feud to end all feuds.

"I needed to settle my dad's affairs and I just felt it was time to come back. I see the ring on your finger, who's the lucky guy? He's obviously a Son, you have the crow." She smiled at me over her coffee while I sipped my soda.

"His name's Jean Carlos Ortiz but he goes by Juice. He's been a patched member for two years, but we were together before that. If you see a guy wandering around here in the cut with sexy head tats and a devastating smile, that's my man." I smiled as I thought about him.

"He sounds appropriately menacing; I always thought you'd be with a lawyer or something to piss your dad off." I chuckled at that and took out my notebook. It was good talking to Tara face to face again but she wanted the numbers.

"You think being with a Patch doesn't piss him off? Anyway, here are the numbers. I'm sure you have important doctor stuff to do." I wanted to talk to her some more but I needed to get home.

"You're right but we should get together and talk sometime. It's nice seeing you face to face." She gave me a hug and I went out to the waiting room.

"You talk to her about Wendy baby?" Luanne asked as I went over to the little SAMCRO knot in the corner.

"Yeah, I explained that I couldn't help and she seemed to accept it. If mom comes back can you let her know I just went home for a little while?" I asked as I got into my coat.

"Yeah, baby, yeah I'll let her know. Everything's gonna be ok." She drew me into a hug before I went to the door.

When I got home my first stop was the bedroom. I sat on the bed and stared at the floor by the closet before I got up the courage and moved the floorboard. It was my hiding place where I kept everything I didn't want Juice to find. In it was my birth control, my berretta and my "escape" money in case something huge went down and I needed to get out of the country. I took out the pills and stared at them. Juice just thought that we were having trouble conceiving. Before last night I had never given him any indication that I didn't want children. More to the point I was terrified of getting pregnant. Everything that was happening with Abel aggravated the fear I had. I didn't think I could survive losing a baby; I wasn't nearly as strong as mom. I replaced the floorboard and put the pills in my pocket. I wasn't going to lie to Juice anymore, he had seen my fear and he deserved to know why he wasn't a daddy.

After I made myself a quick dinner I went to the clubhouse to wait. I knew they were going for retribution tonight and I didn't want to be home if something happened to Juice. The dumbass always seemed to be getting hit over the head with things or forgetting important steps. Regardless, I couldn't live without him. They got back later that night and I decided I could wait to tell Juice about the birth control until the next day. He had enough to think about, there was going to be war and who knew who the casualties would be.