Chapter Three – Urges

After Jack left, Daniel fended off Robert's questions about the issues between him and Jack, and then settled with him to the task of planning their expedition. "When are we leaving, exactly?" Daniel asked.

"One week," Robert said. "I was hoping for sooner, but the base camp seems to be taking awhile to put together. I'm fine with that. Better safe than sorry, that's what I say."

Daniel nodded. "I agree," he said. More importantly, so would Jack. "So, it's SG-11, haven't most of them been trained in basic excavation techniques?"

"If you can call it trained," Robert groused. "Marines. You might as well train monkeys."

"That's not fair, Robert," Daniel protested.

"I swear, basic training takes twenty points off the IQ."

Daniel rolled his eyes. "Yeah, Sam's a good example of that, I suppose."

"Just imagine what she'd be like if she'd skipped it," Robert replied with a grin. Daniel gazed at him in disbelief, shaking his head. Robert gave him a sly grin. "Come on, Daniel, you know I'm joking."

Daniel shrugged, giving him a look that was half grimace, half grin. "I know." He gestured at their list, and Robert nodded. They set to the work of actually figuring out which tools to take and how many. One of the plusses to a site like this one, so close to a stargate, was that they didn't need to worry as much about leaving something behind. It wasn't like being out in the middle of nowhere in the Congo, where it might take a week or more to get something shipped out to you. It was as simple as activating the gate and radioing in the requisition.

Eventually, Robert left and went about his own work, leaving Daniel to stare unseeing at his. Jack had agreed. He had been prepared for just about anything but that. Not only had Jack agreed, but he was closer to acting like his old self than he'd been in months. Daniel still wasn't sure what he thought of what Jack had told him, but he was glad that things were out in the open if this was the effect.

Almost as an afterthought, he opened the e-mail Jack had sent him and read it through. When he was done, he sat back, caught between amusement and irritation. He'd always known Jack was a bit of a mother hen, but he'd never had printable proof before. He also didn't appear to think Daniel had a jot of common sense. Deodorant. Socks. Insect repellant. He snorted over the last one. SG-8 had discovered that sometimes what repelled insects on Earth attracted them elsewhere.

It was different though, reading sentences like, "Pay attention to what's around you. Threats can sneak up from anywhere, and we can't afford to lose you." Now that Jack had said what he'd said, Daniel wondered how much that 'we' narrowed down to 'I.'

Putting that thought firmly to the side, he set about the process of preparing his office for an extended absence, triaging his in tray for the things that simply couldn't wait, doling the rest of it out amongst the staff, being as fair as he could. He met with Cameron Balinsky who would be in charge during their absence, and made it clear both that he wasn't inaccessible, and that it had better be very important to interrupt him. Balinsky seemed a little in awe of him, but he hadn't been with the program all that long. Unfortunately, the translators were no more immune to bullets, poison darts or staff blasts than the soldiers were, and they'd recently had to hire several new guys, turning Balinsky's three and a half months into a seniority he didn't want.

The door opened behind him and he turned to see Teal'c entering. The Jaffa gravely shut the door behind him and stood looking strangely uncomfortable.

"What is it, Teal'c?" he asked.

"Something is wrong between you and O'Neill, and you are leaving." Teal'c was, as always, very nearly unreadable. Daniel blinked uncertainly. "Is that why you are leaving?"

Daniel shook his head, though it wasn't strictly true to deny it. "I'm taking an opportunity that's been offered. I'm not leaving the team for more than a temporary dig."

"I am glad to hear that, DanielJackson," Teal'c said. "What are you going to do?"

Daniel grinned. "It's looking like this planet might be someplace the Goa'uld spent time early in their development, if not the place where they evolved to begin with."

Teal'c's eyebrows rose. "Are you certain it is safe?" he asked.

"Jack agreed, and he said he read the report three times." Daniel shrugged. "You can come out and vet the site if you feel the need."

"I may do that. Has O'Neill done so?"

Daniel shook his head. "But we're not going for another week, so he just may."

"Indeed." He looked at Daniel's workload. "It is time for the noon meal. You must take a break."

Jack came around the door frame as Teal'c spoke, and Daniel blinked with surprise. He'd just been thinking that once upon a time, forcing Daniel to take his lunch would have been Jack's office. Apparently, Jack had just remembered that, too.

"Why don't we make it a threesome," he said. Daniel felt his ears heat up as the potential double meaning of that hit him. Jack's eyes widened and he coughed. "Whaddaya say, T?"

"I am amenable to that, O'Neill," he said.

"I am, too," Daniel managed to say. "Let's go."

Jack and Teal'c made the trek to P3X-888 on Wednesday, and Daniel was glad that Jack came back without anything more than a dry comment about rocks and trees and water. The last potential obstacle was gone and all that was left now was arranging for his apartment to be taken care of while he was gone.

The woman who'd always collected his mail for him had gotten married and moved elsewhere, but he did have the benefit of knowing in advance this time that he was going to be gone for awhile. He called the post office to arrange for his mail to be held for him. All the important stuff came to the base, but it wouldn't do to have his mailbox stuffed with circulars and small packages marked 'free.'

He turned around and found Jack in the doorway behind him, an odd look on his face that he smoothed away just a shade too slowly. Putting on an expression of jocularity, he stepped forward into the room and rubbed his hands together. "Getting ready for the big trip, huh?" he said.

Daniel eyed him askance. "You're trying too hard," he replied.

Jack's whole pose dropped away. "Does it show?" he asked.

"A bit." Jack looked dismayed, but he stopped trying to be the life of the party. Daniel gave him a relieved smile. "So, will you watch my fish?"

A little crease formed between Jack's eyebrows, warning Daniel that a zinger of some kind was coming. "Do you mean that I need to sit on the sofa and keep an eye on them, talk to them, that kind of thing, or is this just the usual go in, drop some food at them and leave?"

Daniel rolled his eyes. "The latter."

"Good, because I have trouble remembering all their names."

"How hard can it be? You named them if I recall."

"Some of them," Jack corrected.

Shaking his head, Daniel began enumerating on his fingers. "Larry, Moe, Curly and Homer were your choices, not mine, though I might have selected Homer."

Jack raised his hands in a triumphant gesture. "I knew you'd like the show if you ever tried it."

Daniel let out a sigh of exasperated annoyance. "As in Ovid and Virgil, Jack, not Bart and Marge."

Standing up a little straighter, Jack tilted his head, looking baffled. "Right. Those guys." Daniel rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. He was doing the 'dumb colonel' routine again. "Don't worry, Daniel, I'll feed the fish and make sure all your major appliances are still working."

Daniel pursed his lips over the second promise. "I.e. you'll go over to my place with a six pack of beer, a take-n-bake pizza, wash your clothes and watch the game?"

"Something like that," Jack said with a grin. "Though you forgot the nachos."

"For the microwave?" Daniel hazarded.

"Precisely."

"I appreciate it," Daniel said with a chuckle.

"So, you want to come over to dinner tonight?"

Daniel blinked in surprise and his mind kicked into overdrive. Dinner with Jack. What was Jack thinking? He didn't have anything unusual in mind, did he? Just as quickly, he smacked himself internally. Everything wasn't about that. "Sure," he said.

"Cool. Come by around seven."

"Sure."

"Well, I've got work and so do you, so I'll see you later." Daniel watched him leave and then sat down. Awkward didn't begin to cover it. They were going to have to work out some way past that if nothing else. If they kept talking like a pair of adolescents in their first uncomfortable forays into romance, someone was bound to notice.

He finished up by five and headed home, vowing that if there were roses and a tie at dinner, he was walking out. A shower later, he was looking at his closet, contemplating what constituted casual in this situation. Before this, he would have grabbed whatever looked comfortable and clean, but now . . .

Feeling like an idiot, he tried to imagine he was having dinner with Sam. It didn't much help, since she was always after him to make sure everything matched and that he didn't look too much like a geeky scientist. Finally, disgusted with himself, he just grabbed a pair of tan slacks and one of the ten or twelve shirts Sam had picked out to go with them. Then he hurried out of the house and down to his car.

He pulled up in front of Jack's house and sat in the car for several minutes, wondering what this was going to be like. He was probably being a dithering idiot, but this was outside his experience. Not that he hadn't had men come on to him before, not that he hadn't found that pleasant once or twice, but Jack? He'd never had a friend who was so demonstrably not gay make overtures, and his own limited exploration in that direction had been years ago.

Opening the car door, he got out and walked up to the house. If Jack was in a tie and jacket, he wasn't even going in.

He was nerving himself up to knock when the door opened. "If you learned something at Kheb that's supposed to make knocking unnecessary, it's malfunctioning," Jack said with a grin. "What, were you just going to stare at the door till it opened?"

Daniel blinked up at his friend in startlement. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a polo shirt. Nicer than his usual at home attire, but not date clothes by a long stretch. Daniel gave him a bright grin and said, "It worked, didn't it?"

Jack stared at him with an eyebrow raised for a moment, then stepped back. As Daniel walked past him, he said, "Smart ass."

Daniel shrugged. "What are we having?"

"Roast beast," Jack replied. "With potatoes and broccoli with cheese sauce."

"Smells good," Daniel said as he walked into the kitchen.

"Thanks."

Daniel looked around the cheerful room and sighed. The awkwardness had not abated. If anything, it had gotten worse. He cleared his throat and leaned against a counter. "Check on Cameron, would you, make sure he's not over his head while I'm gone."

Jack lifted up the pot lid and stirred the cheese sauce. "Feed fish, check on Cameron. Got it." He looked up with a grin. "Are you excited?"

"Actually, yes," Daniel said. "The scope for discovery in this is amazing. We could find out how the Goa'uld became what they are today. We could find weaknesses that can be exploited."

"It's hard to imagine getting that excited over the opportunity to dig in the dirt," Jack said, closing the pot and putting the spoon down again. "I mean, I understand the potential for knowledge, but digging still seems to me to be something that you do when you have to, not . . . you seem to get a kick out of it."

"Oh, come on, Jack, didn't you dig when you were little?" Daniel asked.

"Of course, but that's different. That's make believe. If we did deep enough, we'll find the tunnel to China; 'X' marks the spot for buried treasure."

"That's all this is, Jack, a search for buried treasure, only the prize is a bunch of fossilized remains."

"Not bones?"

"The symbiotes have an extremely flexible spinal column without much solid bone mass." Jack was still looking expectantly at him. "The best we'll get is fossils because most af a Goa'uld's body is made up of cartilage, which doesn't last long."

"So this probably isn't going to involve much inthe way of DNA typing," Jack said.

"No," Daniel said with a smirk. "Fossils are typically made of sedimentary rock, and most rocks don't have much in the way of DNA." He shook his head. "Though if we're really lucky, we might find some samples that were preserved more completely, like bugs in amber. That would be a coup."

"I can see that," Jack said. "So, this thing is set up for six weeks."

"Initially," Daniel replied, nodding, wondering why this had come up.

"I don't like the idea of you being gone for six weeks."

Daniel blinked at him in sudden alarm. "You agreed, Jack. You're not going back on it, are you?"

Jack shot him an irritated look. "No, I'm not going back on it. I gave my word, but that doesn't mean I have to like it, does it?"

"Well, I'd rather you weren't upset about it," Daniel said. "I just need . . . I mean, this is an incredible opportunity, and it comes at a time when I really need some time away."

"Away from me," Jack said, sounding both angry and unhappy. Daniel felt his gut starting to knot, but Jack shook his head. "Grab the drinks, would you?"

With alacrity, Daniel got the drinks and finished setting the table. Jack had apparently started the process but forgotten such minor details as spoons. They didn't say much apart from dinner prep talk until they were both sitting with a plate of food in front of them. Even then, they were silent for awhile. Daniel busied himself with cutting his meat.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't a fair reaction," Jack said finally.

"You're entitled to your emotions," Daniel said.

"But I'm not entitled to force them on you," Jack replied. "And you –"

"Let's not talk about it, Jack," Daniel said hastily.

"I'm sorry, it's kind of on my mind," Jack said with a grimace.

Daniel shrugged. "I guess I can see that." He looked down at the plate. "It's just . . . don't get me wrong, I'm flattered, but I don't know what to do with it. I mean, I come here to ask you what's wrong, why you're so angry, expecting you to tell me not to be so full of myself because everything isn't about me. Instead, you tell me it is all about me, but in an entirely unexpected way."

"It's not exactly expected to me, Daniel," Jack said. "I've never felt . . . I mean, I never wanted . . . I mean –"

"How articulate," Daniel remarked and Jack glared at him. "I understand what you mean, though, I think. I guess the difference is that you've had a few months to get used to the idea. I haven't even had a week, and I don't . . ." He looked down at the plate in front him. Hesitantly, he cleared his throat. "Have you considered that it might be . . . maybe it's not real."

Jack leaned back in his chair, staring at him. "Not real?"

"Maybe you're just trying to avoid intimacy with a woman."

Shaking his head, an incredulous look on his face, Jack said, "Daniel, none of your multitudes of degrees is in psychology, right?" Daniel shook his head. "So lay off the psycho-babble."

"No, really, Jack, have you thought about –"

"I had an intimate relationship with a woman for nearly two months, Daniel," Jack said with ruthless logic. "If I was seeking to avoid intimacy with a woman, I've already failed dismally." Daniel bit his lip. "And through all of it, I was fantasizing about –" He broke off and Daniel didn't know where to look. Jack looked horrified by what he'd said, and Daniel was just glad that he'd stopped himself in time. "So," Jack said with false cheer. "How's the roast?"

"Tender," Daniel said. "Very juicy."

Jack's eyes went wide and he looked very uncomfortable. Daniel wondered what he'd said. After a moment, Jack said, "Good, I'm glad."

They went back to eating in silence, and Daniel wondered how long this awkwardness would last. It might make mission briefings a little difficult, and Hammond was bound to notice, not to mention Sam and Teal'c.

"What time do you –"

"Where did you put –"

They'd both started talking at once, and they both fell silent instantly. After a moment, Daniel tried again.

"You go ahead."

At the same time Jack said, "What were you saying?"

Daniel looked down at his plate, fighting not to laugh. He looked up and found that Jack was biting his lip. Daniel opened his mouth and said, "So, you were saying?"

"I just . . . I was going to ask what time you folks are leaving on Monday."

"Actually, it's been moved to Sunday," Daniel said and Jack looked startled. "The base camp was finished earlier than they expected. Now they're just testing the defenses and stocking up. SG-11 is going tomorrow, and if Robert had his way, we'd be leaving then, too, but Hammond wants the defense team on site for a couple of days to make sure they know the lay of the land before he sends the defenseless civilians."

"Rothman's just itching to go, isn't he?" Jack said, an amused tilt to his lips.

"Do you find that surprising?"

"A little, actually," Jack replied, with a shrug. "He's never been fond of offworld missions, so far as I could tell."

"Oh, he loves them," Daniel protested. "He's just . . . well, Robert wouldn't be happy without something to complain about."

"So if he stops complaining?"

"That's when you should worry," Daniel said.

"Good to know." Jack shook his head and Daniel wondered what he was thinking. "How long have the two of you been friends?"

Daniel smiled. "My senior year in college. I was seventeen, he was nineteen and a sophomore. He was one of the few guys who didn't care that I was a 'child prodigy.' He just cared that I knew more about something than he did and was willing to share the knowledge." Sighing, Daniel shrugged. "He made my first TA job bearable."

"How so?"

"I was eighteen, and leading discussion sessions in anthropology. Lower division, but there were people of all ages in it, and some of them weren't real thrilled with me. I was kind of the wunderkind at the university, and a couple of the profs seemed to think it was cool to talk about my achievements in class."

"Which went over well with seniors who were four years older than you and still not graduated, I'm sure," Jack commented.

"Even more so with the 'super-seniors,'" Daniel said. "Anyway, it was a class Robert had skipped for something else, but needed in the long run, so he took it that semester."

"I just can't see Rothman running interference, though. He's not that perceptive."

Daniel laughed. "No, it wasn't that. It was his persistence in treating me like his teacher. He wasn't even aware of the mild hazing that was going on, I don't think, but when the others would get off topic he would relentlessly drag us back because he was determined to get everything out of the class that he was supposed to." Thinking back Daniel grinned. "You know how sarcastic he can be. He'd make some snarky comment about the . . ." He blinked. "Actually, now that I think about it, I guess he did run interference. He made a couple of remarks that were clearly designed to be embarrassing to the idiots who were playing games with my authority."

"So that's what college was like for you?" Jack asked. "People being jerks because you were younger than the usual?"

"Well, I was no sweet innocent," Daniel said. Jack raised his eyebrows. "Oh, no, I had attitude out the yin-yang and a condescending manner that was enough to piss anyone off. It didn't help that I was usually right, even when it was the teacher whose facts I was challenging."

"No, the sin of always being right is hard to forgive," Jack said, and there was a heaviness in his tone that made Daniel look askance at him. "I'm sorry, Daniel," he said. "I was a shit on Euronda, and that's why. I was so sure that you were wrong that time . . . that I was right for once, that I didn't consider things fairly."

Daniel stared at him. "Did you . . . did you just apologize?"

"Don't," Jack said, and Daniel was startled by the intensity in his voice. "If I had listened to you, there are several of the Eurondans' enemies that would still be alive." Jack's neck muscles were tense, and he had put his fork down. "I killed people because I couldn't consider that you might be right long enough to stop and ask a couple of questions."

Daniel shook his head. "There were other pressures on you," he said. "I know how much the joint chiefs are pushing for us to bring back useful technology. You shouldn't be so hard –"

"I killed people for no good reason."

"You thought they were unarmed drones."

"I didn't ask."

Daniel didn't know what to say to that. He took a deep breath. "You made a mistake. That happens sometimes."

"Mistakes don't have to get people killed."

"So don't make that one again," Daniel said. The other man didn't look reassured. "I don't know what to say, Jack. You made a mistake, but it wasn't done out of malice, it wasn't done for self-aggrandizement."

"No, it was done out of sheer, bloody minded stupidity." Daniel grimaced, but Jack shook his head before he could speak. "Sorry, I'm being a jerk."

"Not a jerk," Daniel said with a half smile. "A man with a conscience, and there are far worse things to be."

"You see me so differently from how I see myself," Jack said, and Daniel blinked. The gaze Jack had turned on him was somewhat warmer than he was used to on any occasion when he hadn't recently died. He ran through the past few missions in his mind. Nope, no deaths.

Daniel cleared his throat and skewered a broccoli floweret. It was a little unnerving. "So, what will you three be doing while I'm gone?" he asked.

"Carter's got some experiments she's running next week, Teal'c plans to visit his family, and I'm going to go out into the world and do some interviews to see if I can find us some new recruits."

"Sounds exciting," Daniel said. "Surely you can go out on missions without me."

"We will," Jack said. "But Carter's been planning these experiments for awhile, I guess, just looking for an opportunity to spring them on me."

"The transducer from PX9-332?" Daniel asked.

Jack looked blank. Then he shrugged. "I think that might be one of the words she used. There were so many."

"What's your degree in again?" Daniel asked. "Studies in bullsh –"

"Daniel!" Jack growled. "I'll have you know that my degree is in baseball."

Daniel's eyebrows rose. "Not hockey?"

"The university I went to didn't offer it," Jack replied with a straight face.

This conversation had certainly taken a surreal turn. "You could have transferred to one that did," he suggested.

Jack shrugged. "I already had so many units in that it seemed pointless."

"So many units in . . . baseball?"

Nodding, Jack said, "You know, they have three separate classes devoted to the reading of those little numbers in the box scores."

Daniel nodded thoughtfully. "Don't those have something to do with the number of baskets made?"

Jack's lips twitched. "Yeah, Daniel, baskets."

"So, tell me, Jack, do you have to play baseball to get a degree in it?"

"There's a required number of hours spent playing, actually," Jack said. "I don't remember the exact number, I could look it up for you."

"Do that, would you," Daniel said, barely keeping a straight face.

They passed the rest of the evening with similar nonsense, then Daniel helped Jack put the dishes in the dishwasher and get the kitchen cleared up. He washed his hands and turned around while wiping them off on a towel just in time for Jack to turn towards the sink. They came face to face, very close together, and Daniel found himself very aware of Jack's physical presence, the warmth of his body mere inches away.

After several frozen seconds, Jack turned away, put the bowl in his hands down on the opposite counter and left the kitchen. Daniel took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then he rinsed the bowl, stowed it in the dishwasher and walked out into the living room where Jack was standing facing the windows, his back to the door.

"This was stupid," Jack said without turning around. "I'm sorry, Daniel. I'd probably better stick to team dinners until I've got a better handle on this."

"You didn't do anything, Jack," Daniel said.

"It's not what I did or didn't do. It's what I wanted to do."

"Jack –"

"I'll see you at work tomorrow, Daniel. Thanks for coming."

"Jack, what did you –"

Jack turned around, his eyes wide and his body stiff with emotion. "Daniel, please. Good night."

Unwilling to cause his friend any more distress than he apparently had, Daniel bit his lip, trying to think of something to say. He didn't want to just leave like this. "Surely you've known women you were attracted to that you couldn't do anything about."

Shaking his head, Jack glared at him. "It's different, Daniel."

"How?"

Jack threw his hands in the air. "I can admit to being attracted to women! I can't talk about you in the locker room."

Daniel blinked, caught by the horrifying image of that. "No, not if you want to keep breathing. But there must have been women . . . wives of friends . . . that you were attracted to that you couldn't admit to. There must be strategies you –"

"See, Daniel, that's the problem," Jack said. Yes, there are strategies, but I wasn't in love with any of those women. It makes a difference."

Daniel shook his head. "Right, I . . ." He shrugged, giving Jack a helpless look. "I just can't believe that's how you feel about me."

"Why not?"

Daniel grimaced. "Well, for one thing, I'm not that lovable."

"If this is an invitation to tell you how perfectly wonderful you are, I'm not biting," Jack growled.

Daniel cleared his throat. "For another, you've known me for more than five years now, and you only figured this out, what, two months ago?"

"It took a year for me to fall in love with Sara," Jack said defensively. "Not everyone does the love at first sight thing, Daniel."

"Five years?"

"Well, I'd like to point out that for the first year I knew you, you were on another planet, never to be seen again, married and in love, and I was getting over a rather distressingly neutral divorce. Then the next three years –"

Daniel raised a hand and shook his head. "Don't! Please, don't . . ."

Jack nodded tightly and stopped. "Regardless, I thought of you very firmly as married." Daniel nodded and looked down at the floor, his arms crossed. "And we are straying far afield," Jack said. "I want . . . no, that's not true. I don't want you to leave, but what I do want you don't, so it would be more comfortable for me if you left."

Daniel blinked. "Are you saying that I'm going to have to stay away from you until you're over this?"