So here's the next chapter….I know it's late again BUT I didn't get a lot of encouragement for the last chapter. SO That's why…J
Thanks to M&M…
Disclaimer: Twilight is for the one and only Stephenie Meyer.
Dear Edward what do you want me to say. I'm going crazy over here. Well I suppose you don't know where exactly is "here". That would be Seattle. If you are wondering for one second that I would move all the way to Seattle for you, the answer is no. You see I changed, big time. I'm not hanging around for you anymore; in fact today I'm going out on my first date. And you would wonder why. I guess you deserve an explanation. I can't wait for you, I hate waiting, I always hated waiting even before you came along I hated waiting for love and when I found it, I guess I wish I never found it now…I take that back…what I really wish is for me to be with you without any conflicts, and by conflicts I mean me knowing you exist for sure…you know what my parents always talked about, faith. I have faith in you but its diminishing so fast. You know what I'm listening to? The Scientist-Coldplay.
I believe you and me were together at some point in another life, maybe even in the life before that right? Because we're meant to be.
Forget my ranting you I love you deeply, maybe there's still hope for us right? Faith.
˜*•. ˜"*°•.˜"*°•L.2.E•°*"˜.•°*"˜ .•*˜
I stood in front of mirror appraising myself. I was getting ready for my first date, ever. Unfortunately it wasn't with Edward.
Great. Don't you dare think about him.
It's been a month since I have given up on Edward. A month since I realized he wouldn't come around. A month since I know Lily was right and I needed a life, as she puts it.
FlashBack
"That is it" Lily yelled.
We were sitting in our new apartment she was rambling about something. I had no idea what she was talking about; I was in one of Edward-ish daydreams. I was picturing us on Isle Esme. I'm so jealous of Bella; she could at least touch her Edward.
"Izzy" I cringed, but my head snapped up involuntarily. I obviously still respond to that name. Izzy. Sound so childish. I can't imagine I loved that name. Bella is so elegant and it goes perfectly with Edward. Izzy and Edward sound horrible.
"Would you stop screeching, I love my ears and I don't what to be deaf." I defended myself.
"If you look at me when I talk to you, we wouldn't even have this conversation"
"Okay, so what is it this time? Bellayou stay at home all the time talk or Bella you should date talk?" I stressed on Bella because it's been my name for so long now and she knows it.
"umm no it's actually Izzy you need a life talk. Girl you should live at the very least, and you are not doing a good job. We're freshman at college, have you even attended a college party this year?" She was beet red. Her facial expression was hilarious, but I didn't dare laugh at her I know she was fuming.
I kept quiet because for one I wasn't sure I could talk without laughing and second I knew she would get pass this. We had this talk every freaking weekend.
"I'm calling your parents" Lily sighed.
This is not good.
"I hate to say this again, but you are wasting your life and I think you need therapy because this shit isn't normal. I know I told you all of this many times before but we are either moving back or you're snapping out of it. You were my best friend but I'm not sure if I can call you my friend any more. The Izzy I knew wouldn't let me face all of this alone. This is not healthy and you know it so snap out of it or you're going to see a therapist. Your choice." She looked really sad. I was hurt because she had lost her friend. Me. I had lost myself. I can't do this anymore.
End of FlashBack
Edward is figment of Stephenie Meyer's imagination. How I come to this conclusion? Everyone imagines their perfect guy. Mine happens to be the same. That's why I gave up on him.
I didn't write him a letter after that because a farewell letter would mean that I'm saying good bye to him. How can you say good bye to someone who you haven't even said hello out loud huh?
Lily was more than happy to help me. I needed someone's help to get back to my life. She just proved to me how good of a friend she actually is. I got a job near a few blocks away from our apartment. I needed a job to keep my mind occupied from the thoughts of him.
"Are you ready?" Lily clapped her hands; she was really excited about my date.
"Yeah, but I'm not sure about the dress is it too much?"
"Shut it Izz, you look sexy." That's right. We were back to Izzy one more time. I changed my name back because I really didn't need Bella to remind me of him.
"Thanks Lil." I giggled. She decided to ignore my nickname for her.
"So tell me about this guy, is he hot?" she raised her eyebrows daring me to shrug her off. She's been asking about him the past week.
"He's kind of cute. I don't actually know him so I might need the emergency call thing girls do on dates ok?" I pleaded with her.
"I'm not bailing you out of your first date, get over it and endure even if you have to"
"Lily please you know how awkward I can be" I gave her the puppy eyes. No one can resist those.
"Don't look at me like that it's not happening. I'm going out with Sam so I'm not returning any phone calls from you got it?"
"All right, I won't call you. You go have fun when I'm enduring hell." I joked.
"I'm positive you'll have a great time with Ashton, just give him a chance. Have fun sweetie" she hugged me and I was out of the door.
I met Ashton while I was working in the Café one afternoon. He gave me his number and since I was looking for a change I called him. We talked a couple of times, and he asked me on a date and bam I was looking through the menu with Ashton sitting in front of me.
Our phone calls were really short so I really didn't know him.
"Anything intresting?"He asked.
"I'll have a mushroom Ravioli" as soon as I said it a gasp escaped my mouth. Shit. I'm so Bella.
Don't.
"Everything ok?" Ashton asked obviously having heard my large intake of breath.
"Peachy"
"I think I'll have the Ravioli too. So tell me about yourself." I hated talking about myself so I just summarized my life for him.
"Born in Chicago, moved to Arizona at five, just moved back here this year." I looked at him hoping this was enough for him.
"Umm…" he was lost for words certainly not expecting me to be this straight forward.
Shit I suck at dating. How long did I last? Two minutes?
I swear if he was sitting instead of Ashton I would be having fun now.First dates are awkward.
"So how's living in Arizona?"
"Boring" short answers. Could this date get any more uncomfortable?
"How so?" Like I would know I spent the last year and half of my life locked away in my house.
"It's just boring." I had no idea what to tell him.
"Ok then."
"So why Seattle?" He asked.
It's closer to Forks. That was the obvious answer.
"I don't know" I answered nonchalantly.
He stared at me dumbfounded for a good ten second before looking away.
I know what he was thinking, is this girl for real.
"What's your favorite color?" Ashton asked.
"Green." I answered without thinking.
"Green huh, may I ask why?"
"No." Wow I can't even date.
After five awkwardly silent minutes, the waiter brought our food. I started eating fast. I just wanted to get out of here. The guy was just as awkward as me.
I was worried that he would be offended that I'm eating this fast so I looked at him, he was also inhaling his food. Now I was offended.
So I tried to start a conversation which I failed miserably.
"So what do you do for living?" I asked him.
"I study at UofW. I don't need a job."
Way to point out that you're rich.I didn't want to pry so I didn't ask any more questions after that.
After we finished eating, he asked for the check and he paid for our food.
"I had a nice time Izzy, bye." He turned and walked away. Jerk didn't even offer to take me home.
Oh my God my first date was a disaster.
I decided to walk home because it would kill time and I couldn't have any free time these days. Free time at home equaled writing a letter to him.
I didn't realize that I've been wandering the streets for two whole hours. Apparently I've been going to the opposite way of our apartment. I quickly turned and headed back. That's when I heard them, they've been following me.
˜*•. ˜"*°•.˜"*°•L.2.E•°*"˜.•°*"˜ .•*˜
I ran faster than I have ever run before. I was gasping for air. Both my lungs and my muscles were burning. You know me not really athletic. Shut up Bella you're running for your life here. Oh back to the present issue. I was running down an alley with three obvious dangerous guys chasing after me. Why did I have to go for a walk after my date?
"Wait up, Sugar" yelled one of the drunk assholes.
Guhhh I feel so much like Bellanow. I'm sure anyone who has read Twilight and is in a situation like mine, thinksabout how Edward saved Bella.
But not me. Even when running I actually expected him to appear right out of thin air and save me from these assholes. You promised you wouldn't think about him Bella. My inner voice was really annoying considering the state I was in. It's Izzy and not Bella any more.I retorted myself.
I reached the end of the alley, I was about to turn when I collided with something so hard. At first I thought it was the wall; however, that changed when I felt two hands on my waist. My heart started beating rapidly. Two paths lay ahead of me, the first one was this stranger being friends with the assholes running after me…shit I'm screwed….the second one was him being someone who can actually save me.
I hesitantly looked up and all I could see was the green eyes staring at me with concern. He was here.
˜*•. ˜"*°•.˜"*°•L.2.E•°*"˜.•°*"˜ .•*˜
I was passing through the street while watching human interactions. Man I'll never get tired of that. I had an unfilled coffee mug in my hand just for keeping appearances. Let's face it I wouldn't even drink that shit, even for an act. It was easier this way, pretending to be part of the crowd. I was different, but I could blend in with them easily. Although it wasn't effortless I made it work. Years of practice made it painless for me. Twenty years of practice. Practice makes perfect.
If you look at me now you'll see an average twenty two year old male who is probably a business man and that's wrong. No I don't mean the male part, I am a man and I can prove it to you.
I'm not twenty-two. I'm forty two. I don't age. You ask why?
One night I was just going back to my apartment after a visit to my parents and I heard a woman's screams. I ran fast toward the piercing sounds. On the corner of vacated alley there was a man hovering over a woman.
"HEY!" I yelled at the man. They were both homeless that much was apparent from their attires.
I heard movement behind me, but when I looked back nothing was there. I looked back at the man.
He looked smug. I wanted to punch him in the face or cause him some serious pain.
I returned my gaze to the woman, who had stopped screaming as soon as she saw me. I expected her to seem thankful that I have arrived; however, she didn't. She had the same look on her face as the guy.
I was so lost in the people in front of me that I didn't see someone came behind me and knock me to the ground.
My memory of that night is a bit hazy since I was knocked in my head. I know that those people mugged me and they stabbed me with a knife numerous times then they left me to die.
I was dying. I could actually feel death. That's when the pixie angel showed up.
"You'll find out why I did this someday Edward….Oh and don't forget you can't hunt humans." That's the only thing she told me. I was so out of it that I didn't get what she was talking about.
She leaned in. For a moment I thought she was going to kiss me, but she bit my neck then she left. I just laid there burning for what could have been months. I lost track of time. When I felt I could move I got up and opened my eyes to a new world.
˜*•. ˜"*°•.˜"*°•L.2.E•°*"˜.•°*"˜ .•*˜
I saved many humans after that night. It was my job to look over the alleys of Seattle. I didn't kill them. Whenever I was tempted to taste human blood I tried to remember the pixie. If she hadn't saved me I would have been dead that night. By not giving in to this temptation of drinking human blood I'm showing my gratitude to the pixie vampire. I know she's not an angel now evidently.
Humans are complicated. They do things you never expect; you don't know what they're thinking about all the time. You don't know when they're going to turn and start to walk toward the opposite direction. One minute they're laughing and the next they're shedding tears. I always wanted to go to a theater and watch people while they're watching the movie; keep in mind that I'm not a creep. You never know when they start yelling. Wellyou'd never know these things, because I'll assure you I would know every single thing that there is about humans. I can tell when something scares, embarrasses or even fascinates them. That's a lot right?
Humans are fascinating to me now. Well not all of them. I had the pleasure of running into a few during the last few years and they were anything butcaptivating.
When I was human; I was the awkward person who bumped into everyone on the pedestrian lane. I remember even back then they frustrated me; not knowing what they were thinking made me go mad.
I couldn't wait to arrive at my favorite place in the whole world, Seattle's Public Library. I can actually say I mean it because I have traveled around the world but nothing excites me more than this library.
I try to tune out people's thought sometimes their just plain boring.
"Edward Cullen" I snapped my head up and looked around wondering who was calling me. I was rather startled because no one knows who I am.
There was a group of girls huddled over a book. I tried to pay more attention. I was still confuse, how would they know my name and why are they staring at the book like it's a wonder?
"Oh he's so dreamy" one of the girls sighed.
By "he" I assumed she was saying Edward Cullen this time as well. Well thank you, but would you like to enlighten me how the hell you know my name? I wanted to ask. Of course I couldn't do that, so I just perked my ears and looked closely for more information.
"Give me the book back Sarah, you can't have it. I told you I don't lend my books." I don't lend my Twilight books to be exact. She added in her thoughts.
So Twilight was the name of the book and did she just say books.
I could just go ask for the book and read the back of it. Hopefully there's nothing major and my name was coincidently mentioned in the books. Edward is a popular name. Who are you kidding, it's the twenty-first century and Edward is not popular.When you're all alone talking to yourself becomes a normalcy.
I walked closer to them holding my breath. I was preparing myself in case one of them was "mouth watering", which fortunately none were.
"Hey ladies." I gave them my panty dropper crooked smile. Their words not mine.
"Hey." They squeaked in unison.
"I heard you were talking about a book, may I have a look." They handed me the book without any further questions.
I flipped the book and started to scan it. I could analyze it closely later.
"Thank you." I turned round. I walked until I was out of sight then ran with my vampire speed toward my apartment. I got there pretty fast.
Then I started to read the picture I had of the book out loud.
"First Edward was a vampire, shit how is this even possible?"
I skipped the second one because it had the words "thirst" and "blood" so I avoided it like a plague.
"The third I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him." She falls in love with a vampire? Doesn't she know it's dangerous? Is she a masochist? Was this girl for real? Of course not you idiotshe's a character.
That night I went to the first book store I could find and bought the four books of The Twilight Saga.
I looked at the mirror, checking every feature of my face. I'm not self obsessed.
Untamable bronze hair. Check.
Skin cold as ice. Check.
Vegetarian. Check.
Mind Reader. Check.
I could go on forever telling you the similarities between Edward and myself. The only differences between us are his topaz eyes, and the fact that he has a family, Cullens, and well Bella. I can see why Edward fell in love with Bella, but I can't see why she fell in love with him.
I know Bella can't be real. You ask me why?
The answer is obvious. Who falls in love with a vampire? I'm not trying to be emo like Edward.
I'm just thinking logically. I spent days fantasizing on ways to find my Bella, but I came to a conclusion that Bella doesn't exist.
I picked up my Twilight book; I wanted to re-read it again. Not that I needed the actual book. I have every line memorized.
It's just that reading Twilight makes me feel that the connection with Bella is real, even if she's a fantasy.
I reached the part where she saw the Cullens for the very first time; I realized that I know how the pixie Cullen looks like. She was the pixie angelwho turned me into a vampire.
I remember what she told me when she changed me.
"You'll find out why I did this someday Edward"
It took me a while to realize that maybe she needed someone to watch over the streets at nights.
Could there be another reason for me to be a vampire?
More reasons to envy Edward.
He not only got the girl, but he got the family also while I sit here all alone pondering about his family.
I never wondered why Stephenie Meyer wrote a book based on a girl who falls in love with me of all people; because I know it was just a coincidence. Coincidence my ass Cullen, what about the pixie vampire then, Alice?Oh inner monologue how I missed you.
I turned on my laptop just to stop myself from thinking about Twilight, Alice or Bella.
I started typing carefully, God knows how many lap tops I have broken with my vampire super strength power. I'm not bragging, just stating a fact.
I checked the news, apparently Eclipse, the third installment of the Twilight Saga is doing really well. I searched for picture just to see how they actually look.
Bella is really pretty. Edward looking nothing like me but he's good looking I give him that.
I see Jacob, and I thank god that he doesn't exist in my life. Then I remember that if Bella is real she probably has someone like Jacob. I don't know why but this makes me mad. So I snapped the lid of my laptop shut and it cracks. Great another broken laptop.
I looked at my watch. It was near 10 PM and I know I should get going soon.
Seattle is safe at nights, thanks to me of course.
I walked out of my apartment. I slow down to my human pace, it's still early for trouble and I have time. By now I knew which parts of the city were more accident prone, and I know exactly what time the jerks would start to make problems. It's never the same person since I scare the shit out of them with my fangs. Fangs! Good one Cullen. You don't have fangs.Sharp teeth I suppose then. I hate that voice.
I don't find problems every night, they are actually rare; however, I never stop wandering around the streets for two reasons. First, I can never forgive myself if something were to happen to someone and I wasn't there to prevent it, and second I don't have anything better to do at nights.
I reached the street were most of the jerks come to. I don't know why people would continue to walk here since it's obvious this place is not safe.
I heard suspicious noises and I knew tonight wouldn't be a peaceful night. Little did I know.
"Wait up, Sugar"I heard the jerk called after someone. I wasn't far from them. I knew he wouldn't be able to hurt her. I would get there in time. I knew he was running after someone from this alley. I was so close to the alley. I heard in his thoughts what he was thinking. That repulsive junk. I could "see" the girl running so fast, away from the jerk. She wasn't graceful; she actually tripped twice in the ten seconds, this should have been the first clue.
I was so lost in "watching" her run that I didn't see I was actually running into someone. It was her, the girl who was running. She smelled so sweet. Like freesia. I held my breath because it was risky for her.
I was so worried. Her heart was beating frantically. It was then that I realized I couldn't read her mind. I tried with concentration this time, but I heard nothing.
I knew it was hereven before she looked at me with her beautiful brown eyes.
Okay, if you feel that there's a jump or a scene change completely out of phase, it's just that I'm merging chapters with each other.
I am Really sorry for all the Emails that you guys are going to get. Just 2 more and I'll be done.
I'm sorry.
Please review :)