I just finished this chapter and I haven't even started the next one and it's not really checked for mistakes…I usually write about 1 000 words for the next one before posting, so the next is going to be up later than usual. I just started my fist semester, first year and I have some medical stuff + school + driver license (here you need to be 18 to get one of those ;d ) and I too have to socialize so yeah ;d;d
I am thinking about a little time jump like a week or so? And I'm not sure about doing a Santana POV too so what do you think? Please respond :) Okay good night, hopefully you'll hear from me in a few days ;) Don't own Glee or any characters, don't own the song too it's by Bastille - Albatross...I own the story it's part of my own life and part of my imagination so yeah :)
She looked through the small window on the door. Everyone was already inside, even Mr. Schue, who had the habit to be late. Almost nothing had changed with the New Directions. There were a few new faces and two or three switched seats, for instance Santana and Britt weren't sitting together, and instead Britt was on the middle row, sitting next to a blonde muscular guy. Quinn couldn't see his face but knowing Brittany he was probably hot. Next to Santana was Mercedes and they seemed to be having some sort of a discussion, Kurt was a part of it from his place next to the diva and another new face next to him. Quinn noticed that the only free chair was on the other side of Santana, so she was once again fighting with herself about going in there…
Her eyes met Brittany's, she had looked to the door countless times since Quinn was standing here, but this was the first time she noticed her. The other blonde smiled and gave her a reassuring nod, she seemed so happy to see her and it was enough to make the fight inside of the blonde stop…Quinn took one last look through the small window, a long breath followed, she was determent not to cry anymore there was enough of that going on for the last two days, but she could already feel the tears, the limb in her throat, the fast beating of her heart…Those people…All of them…They were nice to her, they gave her more than anyone in her life. They were like family, but she was awful to them for that one year…She made it hell for them, and they were still next to her till the end, she wasn't sure if there was a chance for them to accept her once more, but she was willing to try…After all she had made a promise…
Quinn Fabray opened the door that lead to the room and group of people that were going to change her life forever. The squeak it made caught the attention of few people and their shocked gasps made everyone look her way. She heard the quiet "OMG"s, she saw the wide eyes, she felt the stares…That young Quinn that they knew would have loved all that attention…But she…She hated it, she wanted to shrink herself and hide under the piano…It was like Britt knew how she felt, it was like she could read her thoughts because as soon as she looked at the door thinking about running away the other blonde was there, next to her, hugging her with a soft smile and taking her hand into hers.
"Quinn!" Mr. Schue said with a smile, finally thrown out of his shocked frozen state by Santana clearing her throat. Quinn gave her a fast smile and turned her attention to the teacher on her right.
"Hi" she said looking at him and then at the whole group.
"Where have you been girl?" Mercedes asked immediately. It didn't surprise Quinn at all, after all she and Kurt were the rumor mill's life force.
"Boston" she answered, not really wanting to lie, there was no point in it.
"So you're back? For good?" Rachel's voice was breaking. She seemed stressed, surprised, worried and maybe a little happy? But what stunned Quinn the most was the humongous change in Rachel's looks, style and…Just all of her was different, she now seemed like someone with a fashion sense with her tight black jeans, bare shoulders sweater and high leather boots. She looked hot and comfortable with herself, full with confidence. Quinn actually couldn't keep her eyes from scanning her small figure.
"If it's up to me, yeah." She answered finally starting to feel more calm and relaxed. She looked at Santana and their eyes met. There was nothing in hers, she seemed uninterested about anything that was happening around her, but she was looking at Quinn, she was looking at her even before the blonde looked back. This time Quinn didn't look away. The feeling of Britt's hand in hers made her feel safe, at home, so she felt bold as well "But it's not, so I don't really know"
"What happened to you?" And this was the part she was afraid of…This was the part she wanted to run from the most…She felt the pain in that voice, she felt the hurt, the anger, the feeling of betrayal…Quinn felt bad once again, she was the reason for all that…Britt squeezed her hand, and she looked at the taller girl with a smile, thankful for her being there. She was the only one that didn't need answers from her. Quinn knew that Brittany was just that type of person. Someone you can count on no matter what!
"My dad" she felt a slight pain from her cheek, she knew there was a small bruise there, left from the other night. A painful reminder of an unforgettable night. She tried to ignore the pain and it was surprisingly easy to do so, maybe because her mind was too busy trying to answer questions as vaguely as possible or because of her nerves?
Puck wasn't happy with her answer he wanted more and it was clear to her, she looked at him, forcefully moving her eyes away from Santana. She hoped that he knew her good enough to understand that there were things she couldn't talk about in front of the whole club. His tense shoulders seemed to relax, he looked away and to Santana's direction, she gave him a reassuring nod and a smile. So there's something going on there? Curiosity awoken in her, and now all she could think about was the small exchange between San and Noah.
"Quinn" Mr. Schue waved his hand at all the sitting people and looked at her. It was his way of saying to them to leave her alone and give her some space. "Questions later!"" he said with some kind of exiting determination. "Are you here to join us again?" she looked at him. He hadn't changed at all. His hair was still curly and short with too much products in it, but he somehow manage to look good, his green eyes seemed full with more love and happiness than before, but he was the same old William Schuester. She nodded in response to his question and his smile grew wider. "Ok then." He clapped his hands and turned to the group of people "Why don't you introduce yourself to our new additions and then we can move on with this week's assignment"
"She should sing too" Quinn looked at the Asian girl next to Rachel. With her peripheral vision she could see Santana moving forward in her seat, like she was expecting a bitchy type of response from the blonde or a cat fight. Just how bad Santana thought she was? She wasn't going to get it thou…Quinn smiled at the girl and nodded in agreement. Mr. Schue gave her "the room" and sat down. Britt also left her, to sit next to the blonde boy that was having a heated discussion with the guy next to Kurt. Quinn was getting kind of curious to how he looked, as she seemed to always miss his face.
"My name is Lucy Quinn Fabray" she started, for the first time not ashamed from her first name. Before it was a bad reminder of who she was, as now her second name was the same reminder. She was never meant to be only Lucy, or only Quinn, she was both, so she introduced herself as both. "I prefer Quinn thou" she smiled at the group, all of them looking at her, but she was looking at Santana or Puck, changing between the two of them, trying to show them that she was different now. "I'm originally from Laguna Beach, CA. I studied here freshman year and I was a part of the first New Directions." She looked at Brad, who was still the glee club's pianist and then to the band. Some of the guys were different and the band itself looked bigger than before "I'm a junior, I like fantasy and sci-fi, I love reading and I have no idea what else to say about myself…So, yeah" she smiled and walked to the band whispering something to one of the guitarists. He gave her his acoustic guitar and helped her set a stool in the middle of the room. She took the seat thanking the boy and took a deep breath. She hadn't really sung in some time now, but it was like riding a bike, something you never truly forget. Quinn noticed that now the blonde boy seemed to deliberately hide his face from her and she wasn't really sure why he would do that. Did they know each other? Maybe he was someone from an old school? Now she was determent to find out!
She looked at Santana and started moving her fingers on the strings of the guitar, humming to the melody. She heard her own soft voice traveling through the room, she heard the lyrics that she knew by heart, that had become a part of her, that meant so much to her. It was a song for Santana, for Puck, for Rachel, for anyone in this room that knew her before, for herself…It was all she can do to reassure them that she wasn't that bitch anymore…
"There's an albatross around your neck,
all the things you've said,
and the things you've done.
Can you carry it with no regrets?
Can you stand the person you've become?
Oooh there's a light!"
She felt the tears gathering in her eyes, but she forbid herself from crying…It was a song Fran loved, it was a song that was like a motto to her, but it was so much more than a song to her…It was a memory, and she put all the emotion she had, all that she was keeping, she put it all out there in that song, in that melody, and it helped her keep the tears out. She was now looking at her fingers, how they were moving on the strings, their soft movement, the sound that came from that movement, a sound that combined with her own voice, a voice she was happy that wasn't breaking from the now threatening to come out tears.
"Your Albatross, let it go, let it go,
Your albatross shoot it down, shoot it down…"
Every line was special, every line meant something more to her, something more than just words, just lyrics…It was more that she could handle…It was a song she used to sing with Frannie it the car and the guitar reminded her of the lessons she took from Fran's boyfriend and how happy she was, they both were back then, how proud her sister was when she had finally learned a thing or two…
"Stepping forward out into the day.
Shrugging off the dust and memory…"
The hardest part of losing someone you love is not wanting to let them go, to forget, to keep living, to go back…It's the regret, the guilt you feel…It's all those emotions and most of all the hole in your heart…A whole that no matter what you do is there, because it was a place meant only for that one person…It was hard to live with all those emotions, but it was the price of surviving…At least she owed Fran her best shot at trying to be better, she owed her that, she knew her sister would want that…
"The weight of living"
She repeated the line four times, stopping the movement of her fingers during the last one, so the music would fade away and her voice would be alone at the very end. She felt the wet streaks on her cheeks, left there by the tears she couldn't keep. She was fast to hide them and smile to the group that was now applauding her.
"Good job Quinn" Mr. Schue got up from the only empty chair next to San and moved to the white board. "So this week's assignment is going to be…" he started writing something on the whiteboard as Quinn took the seat he was just sitting in.
"Something confessional" Santana whispered in her ear and Quinn couldn't help but smile, the Latina was right "Nice song" she added and with that the girl turned her attention to the gossip mill next to her. Quinn was left alone with her thoughts, for the first time since the accident she felt empty in a good way. Her emotions, her pain, guilt, anger, there were all gone. She felt free, alive.
So Glee ended early, only half an hour after her coming back song, confession song? She didn't really know how to call it, it was a performance so yeah, maybe that? Now her real problem wasn't how to call what she did, but how to escape from Cedes…Okay she loved the girl and they had a few phone calls over that summer, she was actually the only person who knew she didn't just disappear, but truth to be told she was a gossiper and Quinn wasn't really sure where she stood with her, was she the new hot tropic or was she an old friend Cedes wanted to catch up with? Or maybe both…And what worried her most was the whole Boston thing, not that she cared about her reputation, but she didn't want to be the talk of the school for the whole year. So yeah it was going to be a big story all over the school if she ever told it, why you ask? All maybe because of her ex…
"You have a lot to catch up on" Mercedes was now behind the blonde with a big smile, she hugged Quinn like they haven't spent the last year not talking. She slipped her arm under the blonde's and pointed her in some unknown direction. "All of Glee club has gone upside down since you left." Mercedes started. You know most people would think that she was just that girl that was always talking about others and was the type to spread rumors, truth was that she kind of was, not really thou and most of all not when it came to Glee…So Cedes and Quinn had this weird friendship, it started with gossiping, evolved to Q hiding from her father at the diva's house and then to that same diva being the only person who knew she had a brother here in Lima…So yeah…This girl was the closest she ever got to a best friend, she was there for her and now Quinn knew that hadn't change. How she knew that you may ask, well she wasn't asking questions instead she was sharing information…You know it's a weird relationship, but yeah…It was a good one too. "Santana is a softie now, don't tell her I said that thou" she laugh and faked a scare expression, Quinn only smiled not able to imagine that, but on the other side San had been really good with her and not all Lima Heights "Rachel broke it off with Finn, found fashion, became a little bearable" Ok with that temp she was going to catch up with her lost year in a hour or two "Mike is dating Tina, she is a year younger than us, the girl that made the request for you to sing" So there was not really any gossip and Quinn was actually happy about it. "Kurt is dating Blaine and there are the best couple ever!" she explained obviously shipping the two boys and Quinn guessed that Blaine was the young Superman with fashion next to Kurt. "And…"
"And you left the whole gangster style" Quinn finished for her, they were now at the parking lot and she noticed her lonely motorcycle. "I love you Cedes but I don't really what to know all that, I mean…I want to catch up but the right way" she started playing with her keys and just now realized her jacket and helmet were in her locker… "Damn…I have to go back" she pounded "I'll see you tomorrow!" she hugged the diva and walked back to the school entrance.
By the time Santana left the building there were no more cars on the lot, only one rusty bike and her own jeep. She actually hated the fact that she had to stay more than anyone it seemed unfair, but there was a plus, she finally got that solo she wanted! The Latina smiled proudly to herself and turned the engine of her car on, heading for the exit of the parking lot she noticed Quinn leaving the school…Don't even think about it…She opened the side window and yelled at the girl. "Tinkerbelle you wanna ride?" the other girl just smiled her way, that whole smiling thing was in a way weird for San, back in the days they were frenemies Quinn almost never smiled, she was serious all the time and Santana often found herself wondering what her smiles would look like, she knew the fake ones all too well, so she wondered about the happy, sad, true smiles and maybe a little about those special ones saved for the people she loved, the person she loved.
"Have one!" the blonde yelled back and at that moment San noticed the helmet in her hand. Quinn Fabray and a bike? A real motorcycle? The Latina found herself once again amazed, maybe the blonde had really changed, the question was how big was that change? A second later the bike was leaving and San followed closely behind…No she wasn't following her, like she wasn't stalking her, or something like that…Don't even think about it! She was heading home and as it seemed so was Quinn who was obviously living exactly three blocks away from Santana's house…Just perfect…
The blonde seemed to notice Santana and waved her to stop. The Latina rolled down her window on the passenger side of the jeep, or in her case pushed the button. "So how may I help you Ms. Officer?" she asked with a wicked smile. She was in a really good mood for an unknown reason. No. It wasn't because of the blonde, nope, no way…
"That the best you got?" she returned the smile "Wanna hang out?" she asked and looked at the big house behind here, which seemed to be empty.
So here comes the truth, she wanted to say yes, to get out of her jeep and inside that house, alone with Quinn…She wanted to do a lot of stuff and…Yeah that wasn't new, it was there since freshman year and Q knew it, she knew the whole story. Back then San felt as a freak not because she was having those feeling for a girl, but because that girl would never returned them and she knew it…She knew Quinn Fabray wasn't like that, wasn't into girls, but there was flirting, there was…There were all those little things and Santana stayed hopeful that maybe, just maybe she would have a chance…So she wanted to say yes, but she couldn't really do it…She knew that one day was enough for her to fall back into the bottomless pit that were her feelings for the blonde…
"Ok." She finally said…It seemed she couldn't run from this or even say a simple no…
"Perfect" the blonde smiled and walked to the house waiting on the porch for Santana to come
"Okay Blondie how long have you been living here" she asked as she entered the huge house that was old school style outside and inside. Everything seemed like it was there for years, like that was its place, there were no signs of someone moving here recently, but knowing Q's mom it was normal, she was perfect at making a home seem like…A home? Yeap!
"A week or so. I'm not really sure" she answered and walked them to the kitchen. She started picking stuff from the fridge. "Water and more cheese less meat" she murmured to herself and Santana smiled. For someone else that sentence alone would make Q seem crazy, but for her it made perfect sense. Back when they used to spend the summers together or even back when they were just freshman Quinn would cook for her, yeah when they were younger it was small stuff but as they grew she started making more and more meals. Not that the blonde liked cooking, it was something that she learned because "a lady should be able to take care of her man" or some bullshit of that sort, but that made it all the more special to Santana, because Quinn did it only for her. She never cooked for her other friends, or even boyfriends, so it was a special memory, that seemed stupid to hang on to, but she did.
"Don't you dare go all Rhoda on me!" Santana said and stepped back when Quinn took the hugest knife she had ever seen. The blond just smiled and left the knife only to get another, smaller. San was disappointed that she didn't really say anything, that movie was their thing. It was one of the memories she cherished and loved, but Quinn seemed to have forgotten all about it…
"Don't you ever dare mention that movie to me! I still hate you about it!" the blonde laughed and pointed the knife at San after a few minutes of using it. It had cheese on it and San couldn't help the smile.
"We were like ten, what fault do I have for not knowing better?" she asked and started walking after the blonde that was now leading her through the dining room and to some door "Ok, I am not going in the basement with you! I prefer myself alive" she raised her hands as in surrender, but it was more like an imaginary defending wall.
"So you're not coming to my room?" the blonde laughed again and the sound made San's heart skip a few beats. Yeah she was going down that road again…"And why would you say that I'm Rhoda, she's more of a Rachel kind of girl!" Q said now looking offended but she seemed to be fighting a smile.
"She's blonde" San explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world "And the only female killer I could think of" she shrugged and looked at the stairs leading down with caution.
"Santana Lopez is of her game" the faked surprise expression on Quinn's face made San laugh too "The stairs don't bite" the blond was now nowhere to be seen, she had gone downstairs and was probably somewhere in the room.
"Rachel has changed a lot since you last knew her" she started walking down slowly, not really sure what to expect. "And as it seems you have gone cuckoo living in a…" she was stunned. The basement was more like a smaller floor. After the stairs ended she was greeted by a big open space with only three other doors, one just next to the end of the closed by a wall stairs, one on the wall facing them, and the last one on the same wall but a few meters away. The rest of the space was separated by big bookcases full with movies, books, games, pictures and all other types of stuff. There was a big couch facing a wall and on the wall a huge TV hooked to different consoles, there was a desk with a computer under it, a monitor on it, a laptop and more books and stuff like figures from movies and games. Everything was either light green or graphite black, but the room was pretty colorful from all the artwork, posters and so many different types of stuff. There was a corner full with instruments, another place dedicated to boxing maybe? There were surfs, snowboards, skateboards on walls…Okay the place was really weird but in a way amazing…The last thing San noticed was Quinn's huge bed that was barely seen by the biggest of the bookcases. It was hidden in a smaller part of the basement… "Okay it's been like a year, not…A whole new life…Right?" San was truly stunned by what she was seeing. She knew Quinn for years and they practically spent every summer together…Yeah she knew about the surfboarding and skating but it was something the blonde left when she was around twelve maybe, the reading wasn't news too, but all the other stuff…Those were definitely something new…
"Some of the stuff I came back to, some are new, some were hidden because I used to think that they weren't right for "a lady"" she shrugged and walked to the couch turning one of the consoles "Gaming was always a thing btw, but my dad forbid it."
"You live in a basement that is like a small apartment, you ride a motorcycle, dress like a teenager…" Santana stopped to study the blonde's face. She seemed too busy choosing a game "Okay alien! Where is Quinn and what have you done to her!" She smiled and took one of the controllers. A part of her was happy that this new Quinn seemed so much more open and she seemed more relaxed. She remembered how on edge was the blonde before, and how she always seemed to be worried if something she's doing is wrong…
Quinn laughed again and started some game for two. They were going to play against each other. "Life took care of that scared Quinn" she explained even thou she seemed complete concentrated on the game, they were fighting controlling some huge guys. "My mom kicked Russel out" she said in between punches "Fran died because of me" her face was unmoved by the statement but San could see the pain in her eyes and she felt the need to hug her. She paused the game and looked at the blonde. "No…Don't…Don't say anything. I'm not fine, but I am going there and I'm not ready to talk about it" she explained "Let's just find our rhythm back, let's play, talk, but not about the past year…Please…" San nodded and started the game. She had so many questions, but most of all she wanted to be there for the girl…That was her biggest problem…She was way too forgiving when it came to Quinn…Just like that she didn't even care that the blonde ignored her for the past year and some…It was that simple for her when it came to that one person…