(Chapter Song: AFI - Morningstar)

Where am I? What is this feeling? It's like I'm floating... What happened to me? I can't remember... Should I open my eyes? Can I open them? Do I even want to try? For some reason I don't think I do...

He was floating, in what he couldn't tell, he just knew he was weightlessly swimming though pure nothingness. Once he opened his eyes he attempted to look around. It was pitch black, encompassing every bit of his surroundings. There was absolutely nothing to see. This panicked him a bit, now he wanted to know what was going on.

It took him a few seconds to remember exactly what he had done, but there was no forgetting. And with that knowledge came every bit of pain he had ever felt. All of it, though he still couldn't remember what caused that pain, it was just there.

This is what I wanted, right? To stop feeling, to cease to exist, just end everything? If so then this isn't it. I wanted it all to end, this is not ending. I can still think, I'm still aware. What the hell was even the point? Why do I have to go through this?

He closes his eyes again in attempt to black out his thoughts just as his sight is, but, just like in life, his mind wouldn't leave him alone. Then, all of a sudden, there is a blinding flash and there they were, these eyes. Impossibly sad, blue eyes silently begging him to do something. What, he did not know.

I know these eyes, I know I know them.

Even though he knows nothing about who they belong to or their significance, he knows that for some reason they are important. No matter how hard he tries he can't seem to make the rest of the persons face come into focus. It was all just a big blur, besides those beautiful eyes.

But then, just as suddenly as those beautiful eyes had appeared, they begin to slip away form him. Panic overtakes him as he desperately attempt to not lose track of them.

Don't let them fade yet, please. I just want to see them for a little longer, please. I need this.

With his eyes still closed he reached his arms out to try catch up with those fading eyes, while in the back of his mind still trying to tag a name to them.

Maybe if I remember his name they'll no- wait, his name, he's a he...

Phil!

That's his name! Phil!

The face finally comes into focus and he is able to see all of the perfections and imperfections that come with it. The only problem was that with the face came the memories, all of them. A dull ache began to rise from his arm. Looking down he was able to see that it was covered in a deep scarlet-red that was then cascading off and into the surrounding black oblivion.

"Dan!"

He looks up, Phil is crying his name over and over in a hushed, broken voice.

"Dan, please come back, please. Please, for me, please don't leave me..." he repeats again and again.

He follows the voice, ignoring the pain that was now permeating his entire body. He has to reach him, to comfort him. No matter what, that is what matters.

Everything goes pitch black again for a second then a very annoying beeping began to snuff out the voice he as been holding onto so desperately.

He fights to open his eyes, it takes a few tries, but finally he succeeds and is welcomed by a blinding white light. There's something wrapped around his right hand, something warm and comforting. He desperately wants to see what is trying to make him feel wanted. He struggles a few times to blink the light away before it finally subsides. He looks down to see Phil on a chair next to his bed holding the hand attached to his heavenly bandaged forearm. Phil is resting his head on the bed next to their intertwined hands with his eyes slightly open as he starts into the distance. He's yet to notice the change in Dan's state of consciousness so Dan had a few moments to assess Phil's state. All around his eyes were puffy and red, still continuously leaking tears as he muttered under his breath.

"...please, Dan, just come back. You can't leave me, please, please, please, please..." It brakes Dan's heart to see Phil like this. He reaches his not injured left hand over and starts to stroke Phil's hair very lightly in attempt to not startle him.

"Phil." It shocks him how rough and forced his voice sounds, but luckily it was enough to break Phil out of his trance. Immediately his eyes show panic then quickly soften to a mixture of bittersweet joy.

"Dan! Oh thank goodness, your awake!" Phil said as he pushes himself off of the chair enough to be able to reach Dan's cheek and softly caress it with his fingers.

"I was so afraid that you weren't going to wake up, that you would just stay like you were, that you'd never answer me. You have been so still ever since I got here. Do you have any idea of the things that were going through my head? Dan, oh Dan I was so worried. Are you feeling okay?"

It takes Dan a second to once again grasp what he had done, or attempted to do. He quickly think through the war he was having in his mind against, how he gave up the fight, writing the note for Phil, Phil finding him, and then nothing.

How could I do this, how do I explain this to him? What is he going to think of me after all of this? The thoughts race around in Dan's head before he was finally able to say(lie) "I'll be alright."

"Dan you need to tell me what is wrong, I can..." Dan just stares at his hands as Phil's worried voice echoes all around him, but then he notices something that definitely was not there before on one of his fingers. Sitting on his ring finger was a tarnished gold and silver band with little leaves and buds with small stones scattered throughout the delicate metal. He stares at it for a few seconds before he gets the nerve to ask, "Phil, what is this?"

Phil looks down too see what Dan was talking about. 'Oh no, did he not remember?' Phil thinks.

"You don't remember, do you?" Dan shakes his head 'no' feeling very confused. "Okay, let me refresh your memory." Phil sits on the bed next to Dan staring directly into his eyes.

"Dan, I'm in love with you, I want the two of us to be together for the rest of our lives and I would like it very much if you agreed to marry me." Then he slowly and very gently gives Dan a small kiss on his lips. "Please do me the honor of saying yes.. again."

Dan sits there in shock not really believing the words that have just come out of Phil's mouth. "You want me to marry you? A-and you love me?" He feels the tears begin to fall from his eyes despite his best efforts not to let them.

Phil reaches his hand up to Dan's cheek and wipes the tears from his face, "Yes. I do, with all my heart. You'll always have all of my heart."

Dan nearly jumps out of his bed while tackling Phil, wrapping him in the tightest hug he could muster in the state he is in, and tucking his head into Phil neck. "Yes! Of course I will, I love you so much Phil, I have loved you for so long!"

"I know, I'm so sorry I was so scared to admit my feelings towards you. It was selfish of me to keep you by my side this entire time, to not give you as much as you have given me. Maybe if I had just let myself love you then you wouldn't have-" Phil then brakes down and hugs Dan tightly while sobs into his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry Dan, for everything. This is all my fault. I should have seen that you were in trouble. I should have paid more attention, looked closer. I should have been there to help you through it. I'm so thick for not seeing this. I'm so sorry, I love you, I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you."

Dan hushes him and says, "This isn't your fault, you're what kept me going for so long. Please, it's okay."

But Phil just keeps sobbing, "But those... those things you wrote, yo-you've been like this for a long time and I never saw, I never noticed. Dan I'm so sorry."

Dan freezes, the journal, shit. "How-"*clears throat* "how much did you read?" He can't know it all, please not yet, he can't.

"Just your note and the last and first entries. I couldn't read anymore, it was too much for me at the time and I wanted to hear it from you." Phil pulls away slightly and stares, tear staining face, at Dan, "What happened to you Dan? Why didn't you tell me? That dream where you... that dream was not very long ago, Dan, why didn't you wake me? Why didn't you tell me you were having problems? I could have tried to help."

Dan averts his eyes and whispers, "I didn't think that you would care." and begins to rub his bandaged wrist without realising, but Phil does. It hurt him to see that just as much as what Dan had just said. "I am not worth it, I didn't want to put this on you.." 'He didn't think that I would care, because I have been so bad at it. How could I do that to him?' Phil thinks.

"You didn't notice when I-" Dan pauses and takes a deep breath, "Phil I...I really can't. I don't want to talk about it here, it is just all too much for me right now. Can we talk about this when we get home. Please?" He looks up and gives the most pleading look he could summon, which given his situation, was quite effective. Everything is just too much at the moment, he can't explain this big of a secret to Phil just after he found him... nearly dead.

"Ya, ya, that's fine, whenever you're ready, just as long as you tell me when you are. I don't know if I'll be able to help, but I want to try." He takes Dan's hands into his and kisses each one gently before speaking again. "I want to know everything, no matter how stupid you think it might be. I don't want this happening ever again. I couldn't stand to loose you. Just the thought that I might nearly drove me insane. I can't see a future for myself without you in it with me."

"I'll do my best, Phil," Dan says quietly, "You loving me has given me something that I can look forward to, something that makes me want to live, that makes me think that I can maybe get over the things I went through. Thank you for that and I promise that I will tell you everything, just not here and not now."

Phil nods and does his best to keep the worry that is in his mind from seeping into his expression.

'How bad were these things Dan is talking about? What could have pushed his so far over the edge? If they are truly terrible, what could I do to help him? What if I don't do enough? What if I'm not enough?' Phil thinks.

Phil hugs Dan again, resting his head on his new fiance's shoulder, silently hoping he was able to help this man through everything that he was going though. He wishes for the chance to spend the rest of his life with this loving, beautiful, intelligent man. He would give anything to have that happen. He knows he will never stop trying to help him, no matter what.

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Hey, so here it is, Dan's awakening. I hope that is was adequate. I made a cover finally! I really think that it turned out good, also the ring on the cover is the one Phil gave Dan or at least the one I pictured. And the saying on the top, if you are unable to read it, says, "Never forget the indescribable struggle some face daily." I though it was relevant, and a good saying. Craig Owens of Chiodos (very good band in my opinion) posted it. I hope you are all well & I wish you all the best.