A/N THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING THIS - ITS GOOD TO WRITE THIS. THANKS TO THE GUEST WHO SEEMS TO LOVE THIS STORY -THANKS FOR REVIEWING - TELL ME WAHT YOU THINK AT THE END - AND I WOULD LOVE ANY COMMENTS ON THIS!
Rory just about jumped up into the kitchen chair, holding the bag of donuts in one hand, one of the chocolate milks in the other, and a huge smile on her face. "Mommy, I can't believe we got there in time – I think they were almost out of these really big…" Her eyes got wide as she reached her hand into the bag and pulled out her chocolaty goodness. "… the big chocolate ones."
Lorelai ruffled her hand teasingly through Rory's hair, smiling as her daughter took a big bite, and came away with chocolate lips, chocolate chin, and a tiny dollop of chocolate on her nose. Taking the bag, Lorelai pulled out the vanilla one, and picked up one of the milks and headed into the bedroom, leaving Rory to enjoy her heaven in the kitchen.
She walked past the couch, rolling her eyes as she saw Chris still laying there, oblivious to the world. Maybe that's his best course of action. She sarcastically thought.
Opening the door to the bedroom, she walked in quietly and took in the room with the little bit of sunlight crawling through the small window on the wall opposite the door. Two little mattresses in separate corners, partitioned by a shower curtain that was nailed to the ceiling. That had been Chris' idea: make one room into two. It didn't matter that when the sun was up you could see completely through the threadbare second-hand curtain he had picked up for a dollar. It also didn't matter that the curtain was a foot and a half off of the ground. A small box of clothes, one with boy clothes, one with girl clothes, sat at the end of each mattress, mattresses that Lorelai had tried and tried to find cheap sheets for – but she had to use old table cloths that they were throwing out of the club – to cover the dirty mattresses Chris had found on the side of the road.
Her mind told her that it was better that they had something to sleep on. That even though Lorelai's clothes were only three outfits, the one she had on, a nightgown, and another shirt and pants, that they would be ok. Her mind tried to tell her that. But it also tried to confuse her. It told her that the dirt on the floors that wouldn't come up no matter how many times she scrubbed and scrubbed – her mind told her that there was something wrong with this picture – that she was a bad mom for keeping her kids here in this. That the thin blankets that were the only block from the cold when her children were sleeping – what kind of mother was she to cover her children with old flour sacks that came from the shop down the street?
She walked over to the mattress where her little boy was sleeping, and she softly sat down beside his tiny body. Her hand found his thick brown hair, brushing it away from his face. I need to cut his hair soon. She thought, adding it to her never ending list of things that she was failing at. Don't want the school to send him home with another note and him being embarrassed being sent to the principal's office.
He stirred, but didn't wake. Pulling the blanket up over his shoulders. She couldn't believe he had been with them for four years. She still remembered it had only been the second day they had been in the apartment when she heard yelling out in the hallway. A woman's yelling. Very angry. But that hadn't been the part that had gotten Lorelai's attention. But it had been the cry of pain that followed, a tiny cry of fear and pain. She had waited until the yelling stopped before Lorelai had cracked her door to find a little boy, dark curly hair, huddled in the corner of the hallway. He looked up when he heard the door open, and Lorelai's heart had broken. His face was full of bruises, black and blue – so they were old. His face was red, and tears stained his cheeks. His brown eyes held such fear at the sight of her. Lorelai remembered trying to talk to him, but he just looked away, pulled away, and started crying again. But she could tell, just by how skinny he was, how gangly his little fingers were, she knew he needed food. And of course, Lorelai, having just moved to the apartment with no money, she had barely anything to give him. But she had made a small bowl of oatmeal, put it into a small, chipped cup from her cabinet, and slid it out to him. She had then closed the door. When she came back a few minutes later, the boy was gone. And the cup sat there by the door, empty.
Lorelai reached down to shake him awake. "I brought you some food." She simply said, as he stretched and opened his eyes.
She remembered the first time she had held him. She had been feeding him when he was in the hallway, which was once or twice a day. Each time, she would talk to him, trying to get him to talk to her. But even though he barely even looked at her, she knew she was doing the best job that she could, giving him something to eat. The bruises never seemed to fade, and she wondered whether they were just bruises on top of other bruises that made it look like he never healed.
But the breakthrough had come one night when she least expected it. It was in the middle of the night. There was always commotion in the building, from couples fighting to an actual fistfight in the room below theirs – it was always something.
She had gotten home from work, and was unlocking the door to her apartment when she heard a woman yelling in the apartment across from hers. "I can't believe I have to do all of this for you, you ungrateful kid."
And a voice so small, so scared, had come through the thin walls. "Mom, I was just looking for food."
The angry woman. "I'll feed you when you deserve it."
Lorelai had never been so angry, her motherly instincts flaring to the surface.
But it was the sound of flesh hitting flesh that had sent her into overdrive. Even now, Lorelai remembered when the door had opened, and something flew out and hit the wall opposite the door. And the woman screamed, "Go find somewhere else to stay until you can keep your fucking hands off of my things." And the door had slammed shut.
And without thinking, Lorelai had reached down, scooped up the six year old little boy, and carried him into her apartment. He barely moved, but he had snuggled up against her, wrapping his arms around her neck. Shaking. He shook so much.
His first words to her were "thank you for the food."
It was a done deal that night for Lorelai. She later found out that his mother, Liz, was known all over the neighborhood for being a drug addict, doing anything and everything she could do to get her next fix – which never involved taking care of her son. It had been almost three weeks before she heard Liz asking around for Jess. Liz' exact words when Lorelai said he was staying with her was, "Don't expect me to pay you anything."
A few weeks later, Liz had been evicted. And that was the last time Lorelai had seen her – and that was almost four years ago.
Jess had become one of the family, at least in Lorelai's eyes. Rory was happy to have someone to play with, to keep her company. And Jess seemed to take pride in looking after Rory, taking on a big brother role like he had been born into that – making sure her homework was done, that she did her chores, and that she stayed away from Chris when he was drunk – a skill that Lorelai sadly learned that he had grown up with.
But as she looked down into his sleepy brown eyes, Lorelai couldn't imagine their lives without her handsome little boy. She could barely believe that he was ten. Growing up so fast. Faster than he should have to, but fast nonetheless. She thought.
Then she held up donut in front of him. "I brought you some food."
He sat up, and she could tell that he really was hungry. He took the donut, and said in between bites, "Thanks for just getting me vanilla, not that chocolate shit Rory likes."
Lorelai cringed to hear the crude word – not that she didn't have a mouth like a sailor after being around the people she worked with and for – but that it came out of her son's mouth – the ten-year-old. He had been just as exposed to it as she had, but she still wanted something of him to be a child.
She knew he knew she wasn't happy with it, and he just mumbled, "Sorry" in between bites. When the frosting was sticking to the roof of his mouth, she held out the chocolate milk. "Sorry it's that chocolate crap Rory likes." He smiled, pulled the cap off of the bottle, and drank it down. The donut was gone within seconds, and Lorelai again felt sad that he had been so hungry.
"How did you sleep?" She asked.
He smiled, "Good." And for him to say that, Lorelai knew that it must have been a better night. He had suffered from nightmares since coming to live with them, crying out in the middle of the night, begging her to come hold him because he was scared. But she hadn't heard him mumbling or thrashing in his sleep last night, so that was a good thing.
Then he looked up at her, his eyes filled with heaviness. And she knew he was about to unload something that no child should have to tell an adult. She had no idea what he was going to tell her, but they had enough experience to know when that was going to happen. Because he took it so seriously looking out for Rory, he was her eyes and ears when she was at work.
"He wouldn't let her have any food last night." His voice was quiet. But a bit angry.
Lorelai nodded, and asked, "Did he have food? Or just didn't want to get stuff for you guys?"
"He had a few people over. They were smoking stuff. And had food all over. But he told us if we got out of our room he…"
People? You had a party while I was at work? Taking my clothes off just to make ends meet and you were here taking drugs and threatening our children? Her mind went a million miles an hour. And then she said, "I'm trying to think of anything else that's going to make this better."
Jess nodded his head, and then he said, "Don't worry about Rory. I'm taking care of her."
A sad smile came to her face at the brave façade this little boy put on to make her feel better. And she ruffled her hand in his curly hair, and said, "I know you are, Jess. But that's not your job. It's my job to take care of my kids."
Then he said words he had said before. And they made her smile because he accepted them as his family. But they made her sad because it showed just how little of a childhood that her little boy had. "I won't let anything happen to her."
Lorelai had to look away as she whispered, "Jess, I know you won't. But I have to look out for both of you."