Author's Note:- Rated for sexual content in later chapters and adult themes. Episode based "Breaking Glass" S3 EPs 5/6. Not mine and never will be.

Nothing but the best Chapter 3

For a second the air around her seemed to have stilled completely as Grace stared up at him his words and the way he was looking at her, the raw need in his gaze, making her heart ache. When they'd first got back from the one amazing weekend they'd spent together she'd hope he would change his mind, she hoped he'd find it as hard working beside her not touching her or loving her as she did working alongside him. It hadn't happened though and the sting of the nights she lay in bed hating herself for crying over him, hating herself for still loving him and wanting him was suddenly all too real again. She felt like the room was closing in on her suddenly it felt too small, he felt too close, she was finding it impossible to breathe or think or speak. Pushing past him she all but ran from the room toward the kitchen throwing open the door to the back garden and moving out to the middle of the small lawn gulping for air. For a moment her head was spinning, her knees had turned to jelly and in a fleeting moment of clarity she self diagnosed. She was having a panic attack, a full on panic attack and it was the last thought that crossed her mind as the dark garden around her slipped out of focus.

"Grace?...Shit Grace what's wrong?" Boyd shouted running across the lawn getting to her side in just enough time to catch her before she hit the ground. On his knees with her in his arms he was frozen, unable to understand what he'd just caused but knowing he had been the one who caused it. "Grace? Please Gracie open your eyes what's happened? I'm sorry ok, I'm sorry just open your eyes."

"I'm ok." She muttered as he was about to reach for his phone and call an ambulance. "It was a panic attack I hyperventilated that's all."

"You need to see a doctor."

"I am a doctor and I know a panic attack when it happens I knew it when it was happening I just didn't realise in time to stop it."

"Shit I'm so sorry I never wanted this, I had to come but I thought we'd talk it out and...God Gracie you scared the hell out of me."

"You haven't called me Gracie since Glasgow."

"You told me it was ours, not to be used in work because it did things to you that were not professional, then when I stopped things I didn't think I had the right to use it anymore even if we weren't working." Boyd replied feeling a lump come to his throat as she gave him a small smile. "You're shivering, let's get you inside you'll catch your death then what will I do? I can't live without you. I know that now and I will show you even if it takes the rest of my life."

"Peter! I can walk you know I fainted I haven't had a heart attack." Grace cried as he stood up with her still in his arms and carried her back to the house. She wanted to struggle, to tell him to put her down but the soft familiar scent of him was entwining with her mind, the solid strength of his body that she could still remember every detail of felt too right and instead she rested her head on his shoulder letting him carry her through the house and set her gently on the sofa.

"You've no idea how much I've missed how you feel in my arms. I didn't want this to happen like this, I didn't want you to feel trapped or panicked but it doesn't mean everything I said to you wasn't true. I love you Grace and you've no idea how much I wish I could turn the clock back. If I could I'd never say the things I did on that drive home, I'd never hurt you like that. I was so frightened, I knew how I felt about you, I knew I loved you and I thought there was no way you'd ever love me as much. That we'd have a wonderful, passionate affair and eventually you'd tire of me..."

"I'd tire of you?" Grace asked trying to keep her voice level and not to lose her temper again as he sat beside her taking her hand and kissing it gently. In the single innocent action she could feel the connection, the truth in his words in the way his lips connected to her skin but it wasn't easing the conflict in her mind. "Don't you realise that was exactly what I thought had happened with you? That you'd released year's worth of sexual tension between us in the course of one weekend and that was all you wanted. I felt used Boyd, I thought we were starting something amazing and instead I ended up feeling that in giving you what you wanted..."

"You wanted it to."

"I did I'm not saying I didn't but if I'd thought for a second it would end the way it did I don't know if I'd ever have let us cross that line. I think I'd rather have never known what it was like to be loved by you than have had it and then had it snatched away again. Before I could fool myself. I could convince myself the only reason we weren't together was that we'd never tested how wonderful it would be. When you finally said we should forget it ever happened you didn't just take that weekend from me you took that delusion too. It took me months to come out the other side of that while you carried on as if nothing had happened."

"I wasn't carrying on as if nothing had happened. It was killing me but I thought we'd agreed, now I know you only did because I didn't give you an option but then I believed everything we were doing was mutual. The number of times I wanted to just scream at you that I missed you, that I needed you and how much I loved you, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it." Body said quietly seeing her search his eyes and knowing she was looking for any hint that he was lying. He knew she'd find none. He wasn't lying. For probably the first time in his life he was being completely honest with someone he loved and all he could hope that it wouldn't be something he lived to regret.

"I don't know if I can trust you again Peter."

"Look at me Gracie, you know people, you know me better than I know myself, do you really think I'd be here laying my heart out for you if I didn't mean it?"

"I love you so much, I miss you more than I thought it was possible to miss someone you actually still see every day of your life, but I've never been more terrified than I am right at this moment." Grace said quietly. She knew he meant everything he was saying but then he'd said things before she was sure he'd meant. She knew he really believed he loved her but lying in his arms in a hotel bed months before he'd told her loved her and she knew he'd believed it then too. Moving for a second not releasing his hand she reached for her abandoned wine glass on the table staring into before taking a gulp her heart winning over her head, teasing and taunting her into what she knew was a childish test but one she hoped would help her make up her mind.

"Grace? You don't have to miss me I'm right here. You don't have to be terrified I'm not going anywhere ever again."

"Do something for me."

"Anything. I swear Grace name it and if it will help you believe me I'll do it."

"Give me back Glasgow. Stay with me tonight, let me sleep in your arms like we did after drinking way too much of that very good whiskey the night we arrived then spend tomorrow reminding me why I believed everything you told me. Make me believe it again. Give me that back and I'll know. I'll know if it's ever possible to go back and pretend the last lot of months never happened."

"Exactly like Glasgow?" Body asked his tone breathy as she nodded knowing what was coming next as he leaned into her kissing her softly. That was all that had happened that first night, they'd kissed for what felt like forever. She'd felt like a teenager again unable to lose contact with him and then they'd fallen asleep and woke up the next day to what felt like the beginning of her life. She needed to see if she could ever believe again like she had that morning because if she couldn't she knew there would be no future for them. She'd never be able to forgive him. She'd never trust him and she couldn't live that way no matter how much she loved him.