Day 4
Sheppard wasn't waving at them. He wasn't there at all.
It had taken two days of excruciating, tedious searching, crammed into a jumper with sensors straining to the limits of sensitivity to convince McKay of the fact, but in the end, even the thoroughly pessimistic Sergeant O'Riley, search and rescue specialist, agreed that Sheppard wasn't on the planet.
Ronon could have told them that after the first thirty minutes. The Stargate had been situated on the very edge of the cliff, a mere two feet from a 1,223 foot drop. But the edge had been sturdy. It did not crumble even when Ronon knelt at the lip and studied the ground carefully. Certainly, two days had passed, and the MALP had trundled its way over the small patch of rock, but Ronon was certain he would have seen something, some sign of passage, some evidence of a struggle had Sheppard found himself there.
Ronon didn't need the visual survey, nor the biometric sensor array, nor the grueling scramble along the rocky beach at the bottom of the cliff to know that Sheppard had never set foot on the planet. Not really. Maybe only a little. But the others from Atlantis did need the proof, and Ronon gritted his teeth and endured it, all the while listening with part of the back of his mind for a call from Carter that Sheppard had reappeared as mysteriously as he'd disappeared and they could return. It was only partially as nerve-racking as listening for the half-expected communication that Sheppard's body had been found, floating peacefully among the waves out to sea.
The recall never came. Sheppard wasn't found, and Ronon was tired. Not physically – he'd done nothing but sit and look at screens for 48 hours – but weary in his bones, in his very soul. He knew enough about loss to realize that it was the lethargy of grief that was tugging at him, but he shoved the melancholy aside, and walked to the locker room with the rest of his team, planning to set out tomorrow for whatever task was required next to track his friend down.
"What a nightmare," McKay groaned, sitting on the bench a few lockers away as Ronon padded back from a long shower. The rest had already left. McKay was staring at the floor as if he didn't have the energy to even open the locker door. He scrubbed his face and looked up as Ronon flung his towel at a laundry bin then bent to tie his shoes. "So, what's it like having your first command turn out to be a colossal failure?"
Ronon froze, and turned to stare. McKay was lucky that Ronon was tired, or he'd have thrown a punch without thinking about it. As it was, he had just long enough before getting really pissed off to see that McKay was simply curious. McKay babbled on, not seeming to even realize he'd said something provocative.
"You picked good people, at least. Anderson's a great pilot, and Corrigan will come in handy when we have some actual people to deal with. His specialty is anthropology and he's really good at talking native mumbo-jumbo."
Ronon slammed his locker door shut. "We didn't fail." Rodney looked up, surprised.
"We didn't?"
"No. Sheppard wasn't there. He was never there. He wasn't at the bottom of a cliff, so we didn't fail." Rodney snorted.
"We didn't find him."
"We didn't find him dead. Where do we look tomorrow, McKay?"
"I don't know. Lorne called a briefing first thing in the morning. Maybe he and Carter have come up with something."
"It's our job to come up with something."
"As the last remaining members of Sheppard's team. Yeah. I know." Rodney's tone was bitter and he suddenly stood up to yank his locker open, tugging at his jacket in sudden agitation. Ronon watched him for a second, tempted to just walk out. He usually left Sheppard to manage the touchy scientist out of his funks and snits. But it suddenly hit Ronon that he was team leader, at least for the moment. It fell to him to sort out McKay's baffling behavior.
"McKay, it's only temporary. We'll find Sheppard." McKay just kept tugging off his gear.
"You sound just like him."
"Who?"
"Sheppard," McKay spat, then turned his back on Ronon to hop on one foot as he untied a boot.
"That's bad?"
"What if it's not temporary? What if he just doesn't come back? Our track record certainly doesn't seem to point to a Sheppard-like optimistic appraisal of the situation. We haven't found Teyla."
"We will, McKay."
"Elizabeth never came back."
"Dammit! That was different. She chose to sacrifice herself. Sheppard's come back before."
"No! The time Kolya got him was totally different. We at least knew what had happened. We had a place to start. When he was with the Travellers, he was even able to send us breadcrumbs to find him, but it's already been four days and not so much as a peep. Nor are we any closer to even understanding what happened! We just eliminated our best guess as to what might have gone wrong. We're back to square one."
Ronon opened his mouth then snapped it shut, completely confused. McKay was turning red and jabbing a boot at him as he babbled wildly. How the hell did Sheppard deal with the man when he was like this? Ronon was usually long gone by the time McKay had gotten himself worked up into this state. The thought brought sudden inspiration. Ronon grabbed the boot out of McKay's hand and tossed it into the locker.
"Want to go grab some food?"
McKay cocked his head.
"Yeah. I could eat."
They sat shoulder to shoulder in the nearly empty cafeteria, staring at the chairs across from them. One sleepy 'gate technician sat at a table in the corner staring at a laptop and idly tapping his spoon against a cup of cold coffee. Ronon had finished off his second, leftover sandwich before either of them said anything.
"So, what if it's not temporary?" McKay finally asked, sounding more like himself. At least the arrongant tone was back, Ronon decided. "You really going to keep Sheppard's team?"
"It's not Sheppard's team without Sheppard," Ronon chided mildly, then paused to think about the question. "If he doesn't come back, then… I might leave. Go somewhere else." He realized the words at the same moment he spoke them.
"Really? Where would you go?"
"Somewhere I could fight the Wraith."
"By yourself?"
"If I had to."
"But you're good at the command thing. Why not stay and fight the Wraith here?"
Ronon was amused by the compliment, and he had to admit it was a fair question. "It'd be different without Sheppard. Carter might give me a 'gate team, but Lorne would get the top spot. I don't think they'd let me in the loop like Sheppard. He trusts people." Even when they're not from Earth, he added privately.
"Yeah, he's like that. He doesn't worry much about politics."
"What about you, McKay?"
"What about me?"
"You ever think of leaving Atlantis?" McKay was hurting and Ronon could see him struggling with the grief that was tugging at his own shirt. He found himself curious if the self-absorbed scientist ever had the same thoughts that he did, and knew there wouldn't be another chance to ask. Midnight in the commissary made for interesting conversation, Ronon knew. He'd even gotten some stuff out of Sheppard that he knew the man would have never volunteered under any other conditions. Ronon didn't talk much, but he listened a whole damn lot.
"Leave? Are you kidding? This place would fall apart within a week if I left."
"What if you didn't care?"
"What kind of question is that?! Of course I care, I mean would care, I mean--." McKay shoved his seat around to face Ronon. "I make a difference here, there's work to be done that's important."
"What if you weren't making a difference any more?" Ronon slouched back in his seat, also turning slightly. McKay just shook his head.
"That seems unlikely. As long as the IOA supports the Atlantis project, then I'll have a place here." Ronon leaned forward, he fixed McKay with a look until the man squirmed.
"But what if you didn't. What if things changed and you didn't like what was happening. What if you weren't making a difference? Would you stay, then?"
McKay just looked annoyed at the thought. Ronon nodded knowingly. "I wouldn't," he said. If Sheppard didn't come back, things would change. And the longer he stayed missing, the more Ronon felt it. It was like thunderheads gathering on the horizon, or fibers tearing on a taut rope.
McKay rolled his eyes and began gathering up his sandwich wrappers. Ronon watched him for a moment longer, then stood up. McKay didn't seem quite so panicky, and would most likely sleep in his lab for the next few hours until the meeting with Lorne.
"You should think about taking a command."
Ronon paused at the words, puzzled. McKay looked up at him with haughty appraisal. "If you feel like you can't make a difference on a 'gate team, you should find a way to make a difference before you just leave. If Sheppard really is…gone, then Atlantis will need all the help it can get."
"He's not gone. We'll find him," Ronon said, his turn to feel uncomfortable. Maybe McKay felt the thunder, too. But damn, he hoped they were both wrong.
"Right," McKay whispered.
TBC...
A/N: I realize that so far, this is less of a story than a series of vignettes. An interesting approach and I beg your indulgence. There is plenty of action and adventure to come on around day 6-7 ;-)