Disclaimer: I have returned, with nothing. Actually I got a lot of stolen characters, so most of 'em belong to Konami. The storm trooper thing was Lucas and Kain is activision. Umah is eidos. I might even throw in a few more stolen characters.
You had better review this! (Shakes a fist) Or I'll get mad! Thank you once again, Sephira Strife (I'm Canadian to, except I live in Ontario) Akai Yuki, Stefanie, and Blackraven. Vanilla coke and The song that never ends dudes, thanks. It's appreciated. Review my serious fic, too.
Chapter 3: Fox's date
FOXHOUND HQ. Yes, its still the bloody cigaret factory.
As usual, Snake is smoking a Lucky Striker. He is also in a recliner, waiting for Fox to finally shut up. He's going on a blind date. Liquid is as pissed as Snake, who is jealous. Meryl is pissed because Snake doesn't notice her. Naomi is being happy for Fox. Raiden doesn't understand what a date is.
Snake: Stupid, lucky, sexy Fox!
Liquid: It can go horribly wrong you know.
Meryl: Explain.
Liquid: It could be a guy, or even a Patriot!
Fox: (suddenly calm) It could be that bi ballerina, Vamp!!
Liquid: If he could pull all of his pieces back together after I Soul Reavered him!
Suddenly the door opens on itself, and Psycho Mantis floats in.
Mantis: You fools, I shall have my revenge!
Fox: YOU'RE MY FRAKING DATE?!
Liquid: Just like I said.
Snake: Remind me never to go on a blind date.
Meryl: You already have someone to date.
Snake: Naomi?! Going out with you're best friend's sister is not cool.
Meryl: ARG!! (so mad she tears the arm off the couch)
Mantis: Date, what the Hell are you talking about? I'm here to kick you're asses!
Raiden: (gets up from behind the couch) Hi mister bug guy!
Mantis: (terrified) NOO!! (grabs his balls as a reflex)
Fox: (relieved like heck) How did you survive that? Any sane man would of ended it right there!
Mantis: That freaky gayboy may have cut one of the pleasure pearls in half, but that wont stop me! Wanna see?
Fox: NO!
Meryl: Don't even think about!
Snake: Do that, and me and Liquid are gonna have two new ashtrays, each.
Liquid: I her you feel their pain after you sever them.
Raiden: Yeah! Show 'em to the group, be proud to be proud!
Mantis: Not too swift, is he?
Naomi: No, he is not. I agree with Snake though, whip them out and lose them.
Mantis: Just asking! Now, prepare for battle!
Fox: No can do, my date's today, and I don't want to be bruised or bloodied.
Snake: Just smoked a whole pack, my LIFE is too low.
Liquid: I don't want to lose a good smoke. (Lights up another Shirley)
Mantis: Then I'll take you on!
Meryl: Sorry, gotta ogle Snake.
Raiden: You're not coming on to me, so I don't wanna fight. Did you hug daddy?
Naomi: Don't even look at me, I couldn't fight if it would eradicate all illness in the world.
Mantis: Oh. Well Solidus fired me for losing to you guys, so can I hang here?
Snake: Go for it.
Liquid: Fine, but no snoring or reading our minds while we watch naked news. That's Mei-Ling time!
Meryl: If Snake says it's good, you can stay as long as you want.
Raiden: You can share a room with me, guy. But no rubbing against me like that crazy Ivan guy.
Liquid: General Ivan? That's Ocelot.
Mantis: He sleeps with Ocelot?!
Liquid: Once.
Fox: Do as you wish, but you gotta help me pick out a suit for my date.
Naomi: I don't see a problem. Welcome aboard.
Voice: NO! Guys, don't do it!
Snake: Otacon?
Fox: Look who's alive.
Liquid: Where the Hell have you been for the last two chapters?!
Otacon: I was in intensive care!
Meryl: For six months! That time had passed by the time the first chapter started!
Snake: For lying to us by using Mei-Ling, we're going to have to hurt you.
Otacon: No! Listen to me!
Mantis: Tough luck, optometrist! (Uses his psychic powers to smash Otacon across the house, through doors and into the driveway so bad he has to spend at least another six months in intensive care) Done and done!
Fox: Nice one! You're now officially a member of-
All: Unit FOXHOUND!!
Snake: Let's get drunk!
Fox: Yeah- frak! I can't, I have a damn date!
Liquid: You'll always be in our thoughts!
All of them bolt for the door, but a sniper bullet knocks snake into the rest of them. They fall down like dominoes.
Kurd Voice: Who goes by the name: Foxyguy@hotmail.com?
Fox: Me!
Kurd Voice: Step out where I can see you.
Fox does as he is told, and steps out of the house into the cold Alaskan blizzard.
Kurd Voice: Then I'm your date. I am Sniper Wolf!
Author's Note: I was getting around to it, Red Snow.
Fox: (checks her out) SWEET!
Liquid: Wolf?
Wolf: Liquid!! What the Hell are you doing here!?
Liquid: If you must know, I live here.
Snake: Me too, ya dog ho!
Fox: (punches Snake in the shoulder) Hey! That's my date.
Meryl: You're that Sniper who shot me!
Wolf: If I knew I was going to live, I wouldn't have done it!
Meryl: Good enough.
Naomi: Hey Christie.
Wolf: Hey Naomi. You know Fox?
Naomi: He's my brother.
Fox: So where are we of to first?
Voice: Hell!
Fox: Oh poopie.
Solidus Snake is riding Metal Gear RAY. He's apparently angry to have been bathed in... the Liquidate soup! And they robbed him $150 000.
Solidus: I'll grind you into ash!
Fox: How the Hell did you sneak up on us?!
Solidus: Sephiroth_02_01@hotmail.com is a sick freak!
Author's Note: That's Ryan's e-mail. Mine's evil_1_10@hotmail.com don't e-mail, review. Please.
Wolf: You think you can ruin my date?!
Fox: Stand back. These fights are always 1on1.
Meryl: But I want a turn!
Mantis: Hate to point this out, but you got to fight once in the game. This guy massacred them.
Fox: Yeah, and a RAY is nothing compared to a REX.
Snake: Who dares, wins.
Liquid: I thought you said 'screw the wisdom'?
Snake: I meant to say 'screw you, and get off my back' Liquid.
Liquid: Fair enough.
Fox: Snake!
Snake: Catch! (Tosses him his plasma gun 'REX Buster')
Solidus: DIE!! (fires the machine gun)
Fox: Hoyeah! (Deflects it all with the katana he stole from Solidus) Try this! (Un-equips the katana and equips the plasma gun) Burn! (Fires it off)
Solidus: Ha! I hardly even felt that!
Fox: What the Hell?
Snake: You have to shoot his knee first!
Solidus: Never! (Jumps the thing straight at Fox)
Wolf: Fox!
Fox: Damn! (Pulls some ninja moves and gets outta there)
Solidus: I'll slice you in half! (Fires off the hydro cutter)
Fox: Damn laser! (Flips out of the way, then shoots Solidus' exposed cockpit) Try that!
Solidus: Why you little! I'll kill you! (Fires off the knee rockets)
Fox: Bail! (Leaps between them, but gets hit by the shockwave) Arg!
Solidus: Ha! (Tries to stomp on Fox)
Fox: Hurt me more! (Flips out of the way and shoots him in the knee)
Solidus: Damn!
Fox: A cornered fox is more dangerous than a Manta Ray! (Fires into the face)
Solidus: Nice shot! (Leaps away and fires the missiles on its back)
Fox: More! More! (Charges Solidus, firing for the face. The missiles explode behind him)
Solidus: I'll send you back to Hell! (Fires the hydro cutter again)
Fox: HHAAA!! (jumps onto the head and back flips off, confusing Solidus, then he shoots it in the knee) I'm gonna kill you '98 style!
Solidus: Just try and shoot!
Fox: (fires into the face)
Solidus: Damn! NOO! (Staggers back, and fires off the machine gun)
Fox: HA! (Flips over it, then backwards to dodge it again) (aims straight for the face) Game over. (Fires)
Solidus: NO! (RAY starts to explode, so he jumps out) Good work, but now it's time to play! GGRRAAHH!! (grows big muscles) Die! (Slices overhead)
Fox: Ha! (Block it) Take this! (Does a spinning strike)
Solidus: Oh yeah? (Blocks it) How 'bout one of these? (Roundhouses Fox in the face)
Fox: (flips up) Nice one! Now, make me feel it! Make me feel alive again!! (Does Raiden's axial-torso)
Solidus: HYA!! (swings for Fox, but it goes under him)
Fox: Pathetic! (Slices his back)
Solidus: Damn! (Tries another roundhouse)
Fox: (back flips with the kick) Is that the best you can do?
Solidus: Take this! (Clutches the new tentacles and fires off a few rockets)
Fox: (flips all over the driveway) The old Solidus Snake would never depend on such a weapon!
Solidus: This is where it gets interesting! GGRRYYAA!! (throws off the tentacles) Die. (Dashes around like a madman, then comes straight at Fox, and bunches hi right in the face)
Fox: (kneeling down) I remember. That punch. (Gets up and starts to walk calmly for Solidus)
Solidus: What's wrong with you? (Dashes around again, then lunges at Fox, katana first)
Fox: (teleports behind him and gives him his 'super punch') Pathetic.
Solidus :(looks down at the dent in his armor) Ha. (Throws back his head) HAHAHAHAHA! Do you really think you can win by punching me?!
Fox: (drops his katana) We shall see. (Continues to walk for Solidus)
Solidus: Die! (Runs normally for Fox, then swings around and roundhouses)
Fox: (ducks it) Nice try!
Everything seems to go in slow motion, as Gray Fox gives his best uppercut. It connects solidly with Solidus' jaw. He soars through the air and recovers in mid flight, throwing out his hand and performing a handspring. He lands on his feet, and turns to see Fox leaping toward him. He strikes out with four fierce kicks to his foes torso.
Solidus hits the ground hard, and coughs up a mist of red. He raises shakily to his feet, then brings his blade toward Fox in great arcs. Once, twice, thrice he misses, before feeling what could have been solid steel connect with his cheek. His face contorts around it, before he feels himself being taken from the ground, only to connect with it once more.
Fox: Pathetic... You cannot be a son of Big Boss. (Uses the force to summon his sword once more) Now die.
Solidus: Take this! (Lunges at him, trying to impale him)
Fox: End game. (Runs Solidus through in slow motion)
Solidus: (staggers away) You will never defeat the La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo!
Fox: The what?!
Snake: The Patriots.
Fox: I don't play football.
Solidus: The secret organization with the twelve wise men's committee!
Fox: Oh, them. Don't worry, we'll kill them for you.
Solidus: No! They'll kill you for me!
Fox: Fine, be that way!
Solidus: (pulls out the katana) We shall meet again, in the next chapter!
Mantis: I'm betting.
Solidus: Stay the Hell out of my head!
Liquid: Make him, you no royalties giving freak brother!
Meryl: Yeah, I did not sleep with Snake in Shadow Moses!
Solidus: The movie would've sucked if you didn't get to see Brittany Spears naked!
Snake: True, but for God's sake, I was James Bond!
Fox: I was Lance Bass!! He's Sephiroth!
Solidus: Yeah? And Psycho Mantis was Lance Bass' stunt double!
Mantis: (never saw the movie, so now he's pissed) You know, Hollywood's a long way from here. Allow me to give you a lift! (Uses psychokinesis to throw him all the way home)
Solidus's Voice on the wind: Frak asses!
Fox: Nice one, man!
Snake: Cool, lets all celebrate by getting drunk, like we were gonna.
Fox: Sounds good.
Wolf: Ahem.
Fox: Actually I'm gonna take Wolf for a night on the town.
Wolf: Damn right you are.
Fox: See you guys later.
Naomi: Use protection.
Wolf: Oh, he will.
Fox: (mouths) Oh God yes!
Meryl: Have fun!
Liquid: Try and tape it, if you can.
Wolf: Now!
All: (hasty good-byes)
Wolf: Now, where are we going to first?
Fox: Well we can...
The two walk off, leaving one man laying on the ground.
Otacon: Help? Anyone?
With Wolf and Fox.
Wolf: Are you sure this is a good idea?
Fox: He called you a ho, yes?
Wolf: Well, yeah.
Fox: Then it must be done.
They walk into a convenience store
Fox: Hey, you!
Clerk: Huh? Oh, its that skank again. Who's this, your pimp?
Fox: On the count of eat shitgun. Eat shitgun!!
Wolf and Fox fire, completely covering the hapless young man with a foul mouth with darts
Clerk: Hey! What the Hell?!
Fox: (ominously) See you in Hell, shitboy.
The two walk out, leaving the kid confused, until-
Clerk: My stomach! Oh god! (Runs out of the store to the nearest trash can and suffers the effects of the gun)
Wolf: HAHAHA! That poor little bastard never knew what hit him!
Fox: Now for the date. Okay, first off, kill the mayor, then we hunt down some inuit.
Wolf: Right.
At the mayor's office, 5min later.
Mayor: (coincidently Fatman) Damn those stupid FOXHOUND, they cost me $20 000 in damages, on the same grocery store!
Suddenly two rounds come through the window behind him and kill the security.
Mayor: What the Hell? (Walks around to inspect the window) That gonna cost at least $50! Who the Hell- (suddenly sees Fox and Wolf with sniper rifles, Fox is waving) Oh crud.
A few more shots hit him full in the chest, but because he's so fat it just knocks him over.
Mayor: Ha! You can't kill me like that! (Two rounds hit him in the head, splattering his brains everywhere) Oh no! (Looks down at the carpet) Now I gotta get it cleaned! (Dies)
5min later, in a regional Eskimo get together.
Head Inuit: First order of business, our dead brother Raven. Anyone who thinks we should comfort his family, raise their right hand.
All: (raise their hand, except for two)
Head Inuit: You're not Native!
Fox: No, but pretty soon none of you will be either!
Fox and Wolf pull out flamethrowers.
Wolf: Burn baby!
The two ignite everyone there, and keep doing so until they're nothing but ash.
Fox: Oh, I'm gonna sleep easy tonight.
Wolf: (grins) No you wont.
Fox: (grinning ear to ear) Oh, I'm gonna love this chapter.
Author: No NC-17
Fox: Damn!
Author: But it will happen behind the seen's.
Fox: Oh, yessss!!
Back with Snake and the gang.
Snake: So he said: I am you're father. And I said: No u ain't. So he says: Yes I am! And I'm all like: Cool, I love you Big Boss!
Meryl: And then?
Snake: I killed him.
Meryl: You killed your own dad?!
Snake: Yeah, but you never know, Mike is sick! He could bring him back at any time!
Naomi: But he won't appear until chapter 7.
Liquid: But he didn't say that about Ryan!
Naomi: Yeah he did.
Liquid: Oh. Wanna have sex?
Naomi: (maces him)
Liquid: My eyes!
Mantis: And when I read her mind, it was all like, I wanna suck Sanke!
Raiden: Who the Hell is Sanke?
Mantis: I meant Snake and you know it!
Raiden: Know what?
Mantis: That I meant Snake.
Raiden: When?
Mantis: Oh shut up, Jack Off.
Raiden: I'm Jack Off.
Mantis: I know that!
Raiden: Then why did you call me Jack Off?
Mantis: (clutches his head in pain) His stupidity is so strong he forced it into my head!
Liquid: Yeah, he does that a lot.
Fox: (runs into the bar) I'm not a virgin anymore!
Snake: God, my eyes! (Falls off the bar stool)
Naomi: Frankie, you're running around naked again!
Fox: I thought it felt drafty.
Meryl: Just go back and put some pants on.
Fox: Sounds like a plan. (Walks into an Alaskan Blizzard bare butt)
Fin
Author's Notes: I couldn't go on without a fight scene! Review and tell me who should fight Solidus next chapter!
Oh, should I bring back the quote of the chapter system? Thanks for the reviews, Stefanie, Blackraven, Akai Yuki, Sephira Strife and the other two anonymous dudes. Send suggestions. Characters you want in, characters you want dead, resurrected etc.
Oh, will put in you're suggestions, only if they fit my plot. Thank you, and adieu.
Screw X-Box! Long live Hideo Kojima!
You had better review this! (Shakes a fist) Or I'll get mad! Thank you once again, Sephira Strife (I'm Canadian to, except I live in Ontario) Akai Yuki, Stefanie, and Blackraven. Vanilla coke and The song that never ends dudes, thanks. It's appreciated. Review my serious fic, too.
Chapter 3: Fox's date
FOXHOUND HQ. Yes, its still the bloody cigaret factory.
As usual, Snake is smoking a Lucky Striker. He is also in a recliner, waiting for Fox to finally shut up. He's going on a blind date. Liquid is as pissed as Snake, who is jealous. Meryl is pissed because Snake doesn't notice her. Naomi is being happy for Fox. Raiden doesn't understand what a date is.
Snake: Stupid, lucky, sexy Fox!
Liquid: It can go horribly wrong you know.
Meryl: Explain.
Liquid: It could be a guy, or even a Patriot!
Fox: (suddenly calm) It could be that bi ballerina, Vamp!!
Liquid: If he could pull all of his pieces back together after I Soul Reavered him!
Suddenly the door opens on itself, and Psycho Mantis floats in.
Mantis: You fools, I shall have my revenge!
Fox: YOU'RE MY FRAKING DATE?!
Liquid: Just like I said.
Snake: Remind me never to go on a blind date.
Meryl: You already have someone to date.
Snake: Naomi?! Going out with you're best friend's sister is not cool.
Meryl: ARG!! (so mad she tears the arm off the couch)
Mantis: Date, what the Hell are you talking about? I'm here to kick you're asses!
Raiden: (gets up from behind the couch) Hi mister bug guy!
Mantis: (terrified) NOO!! (grabs his balls as a reflex)
Fox: (relieved like heck) How did you survive that? Any sane man would of ended it right there!
Mantis: That freaky gayboy may have cut one of the pleasure pearls in half, but that wont stop me! Wanna see?
Fox: NO!
Meryl: Don't even think about!
Snake: Do that, and me and Liquid are gonna have two new ashtrays, each.
Liquid: I her you feel their pain after you sever them.
Raiden: Yeah! Show 'em to the group, be proud to be proud!
Mantis: Not too swift, is he?
Naomi: No, he is not. I agree with Snake though, whip them out and lose them.
Mantis: Just asking! Now, prepare for battle!
Fox: No can do, my date's today, and I don't want to be bruised or bloodied.
Snake: Just smoked a whole pack, my LIFE is too low.
Liquid: I don't want to lose a good smoke. (Lights up another Shirley)
Mantis: Then I'll take you on!
Meryl: Sorry, gotta ogle Snake.
Raiden: You're not coming on to me, so I don't wanna fight. Did you hug daddy?
Naomi: Don't even look at me, I couldn't fight if it would eradicate all illness in the world.
Mantis: Oh. Well Solidus fired me for losing to you guys, so can I hang here?
Snake: Go for it.
Liquid: Fine, but no snoring or reading our minds while we watch naked news. That's Mei-Ling time!
Meryl: If Snake says it's good, you can stay as long as you want.
Raiden: You can share a room with me, guy. But no rubbing against me like that crazy Ivan guy.
Liquid: General Ivan? That's Ocelot.
Mantis: He sleeps with Ocelot?!
Liquid: Once.
Fox: Do as you wish, but you gotta help me pick out a suit for my date.
Naomi: I don't see a problem. Welcome aboard.
Voice: NO! Guys, don't do it!
Snake: Otacon?
Fox: Look who's alive.
Liquid: Where the Hell have you been for the last two chapters?!
Otacon: I was in intensive care!
Meryl: For six months! That time had passed by the time the first chapter started!
Snake: For lying to us by using Mei-Ling, we're going to have to hurt you.
Otacon: No! Listen to me!
Mantis: Tough luck, optometrist! (Uses his psychic powers to smash Otacon across the house, through doors and into the driveway so bad he has to spend at least another six months in intensive care) Done and done!
Fox: Nice one! You're now officially a member of-
All: Unit FOXHOUND!!
Snake: Let's get drunk!
Fox: Yeah- frak! I can't, I have a damn date!
Liquid: You'll always be in our thoughts!
All of them bolt for the door, but a sniper bullet knocks snake into the rest of them. They fall down like dominoes.
Kurd Voice: Who goes by the name: Foxyguy@hotmail.com?
Fox: Me!
Kurd Voice: Step out where I can see you.
Fox does as he is told, and steps out of the house into the cold Alaskan blizzard.
Kurd Voice: Then I'm your date. I am Sniper Wolf!
Author's Note: I was getting around to it, Red Snow.
Fox: (checks her out) SWEET!
Liquid: Wolf?
Wolf: Liquid!! What the Hell are you doing here!?
Liquid: If you must know, I live here.
Snake: Me too, ya dog ho!
Fox: (punches Snake in the shoulder) Hey! That's my date.
Meryl: You're that Sniper who shot me!
Wolf: If I knew I was going to live, I wouldn't have done it!
Meryl: Good enough.
Naomi: Hey Christie.
Wolf: Hey Naomi. You know Fox?
Naomi: He's my brother.
Fox: So where are we of to first?
Voice: Hell!
Fox: Oh poopie.
Solidus Snake is riding Metal Gear RAY. He's apparently angry to have been bathed in... the Liquidate soup! And they robbed him $150 000.
Solidus: I'll grind you into ash!
Fox: How the Hell did you sneak up on us?!
Solidus: Sephiroth_02_01@hotmail.com is a sick freak!
Author's Note: That's Ryan's e-mail. Mine's evil_1_10@hotmail.com don't e-mail, review. Please.
Wolf: You think you can ruin my date?!
Fox: Stand back. These fights are always 1on1.
Meryl: But I want a turn!
Mantis: Hate to point this out, but you got to fight once in the game. This guy massacred them.
Fox: Yeah, and a RAY is nothing compared to a REX.
Snake: Who dares, wins.
Liquid: I thought you said 'screw the wisdom'?
Snake: I meant to say 'screw you, and get off my back' Liquid.
Liquid: Fair enough.
Fox: Snake!
Snake: Catch! (Tosses him his plasma gun 'REX Buster')
Solidus: DIE!! (fires the machine gun)
Fox: Hoyeah! (Deflects it all with the katana he stole from Solidus) Try this! (Un-equips the katana and equips the plasma gun) Burn! (Fires it off)
Solidus: Ha! I hardly even felt that!
Fox: What the Hell?
Snake: You have to shoot his knee first!
Solidus: Never! (Jumps the thing straight at Fox)
Wolf: Fox!
Fox: Damn! (Pulls some ninja moves and gets outta there)
Solidus: I'll slice you in half! (Fires off the hydro cutter)
Fox: Damn laser! (Flips out of the way, then shoots Solidus' exposed cockpit) Try that!
Solidus: Why you little! I'll kill you! (Fires off the knee rockets)
Fox: Bail! (Leaps between them, but gets hit by the shockwave) Arg!
Solidus: Ha! (Tries to stomp on Fox)
Fox: Hurt me more! (Flips out of the way and shoots him in the knee)
Solidus: Damn!
Fox: A cornered fox is more dangerous than a Manta Ray! (Fires into the face)
Solidus: Nice shot! (Leaps away and fires the missiles on its back)
Fox: More! More! (Charges Solidus, firing for the face. The missiles explode behind him)
Solidus: I'll send you back to Hell! (Fires the hydro cutter again)
Fox: HHAAA!! (jumps onto the head and back flips off, confusing Solidus, then he shoots it in the knee) I'm gonna kill you '98 style!
Solidus: Just try and shoot!
Fox: (fires into the face)
Solidus: Damn! NOO! (Staggers back, and fires off the machine gun)
Fox: HA! (Flips over it, then backwards to dodge it again) (aims straight for the face) Game over. (Fires)
Solidus: NO! (RAY starts to explode, so he jumps out) Good work, but now it's time to play! GGRRAAHH!! (grows big muscles) Die! (Slices overhead)
Fox: Ha! (Block it) Take this! (Does a spinning strike)
Solidus: Oh yeah? (Blocks it) How 'bout one of these? (Roundhouses Fox in the face)
Fox: (flips up) Nice one! Now, make me feel it! Make me feel alive again!! (Does Raiden's axial-torso)
Solidus: HYA!! (swings for Fox, but it goes under him)
Fox: Pathetic! (Slices his back)
Solidus: Damn! (Tries another roundhouse)
Fox: (back flips with the kick) Is that the best you can do?
Solidus: Take this! (Clutches the new tentacles and fires off a few rockets)
Fox: (flips all over the driveway) The old Solidus Snake would never depend on such a weapon!
Solidus: This is where it gets interesting! GGRRYYAA!! (throws off the tentacles) Die. (Dashes around like a madman, then comes straight at Fox, and bunches hi right in the face)
Fox: (kneeling down) I remember. That punch. (Gets up and starts to walk calmly for Solidus)
Solidus: What's wrong with you? (Dashes around again, then lunges at Fox, katana first)
Fox: (teleports behind him and gives him his 'super punch') Pathetic.
Solidus :(looks down at the dent in his armor) Ha. (Throws back his head) HAHAHAHAHA! Do you really think you can win by punching me?!
Fox: (drops his katana) We shall see. (Continues to walk for Solidus)
Solidus: Die! (Runs normally for Fox, then swings around and roundhouses)
Fox: (ducks it) Nice try!
Everything seems to go in slow motion, as Gray Fox gives his best uppercut. It connects solidly with Solidus' jaw. He soars through the air and recovers in mid flight, throwing out his hand and performing a handspring. He lands on his feet, and turns to see Fox leaping toward him. He strikes out with four fierce kicks to his foes torso.
Solidus hits the ground hard, and coughs up a mist of red. He raises shakily to his feet, then brings his blade toward Fox in great arcs. Once, twice, thrice he misses, before feeling what could have been solid steel connect with his cheek. His face contorts around it, before he feels himself being taken from the ground, only to connect with it once more.
Fox: Pathetic... You cannot be a son of Big Boss. (Uses the force to summon his sword once more) Now die.
Solidus: Take this! (Lunges at him, trying to impale him)
Fox: End game. (Runs Solidus through in slow motion)
Solidus: (staggers away) You will never defeat the La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo!
Fox: The what?!
Snake: The Patriots.
Fox: I don't play football.
Solidus: The secret organization with the twelve wise men's committee!
Fox: Oh, them. Don't worry, we'll kill them for you.
Solidus: No! They'll kill you for me!
Fox: Fine, be that way!
Solidus: (pulls out the katana) We shall meet again, in the next chapter!
Mantis: I'm betting.
Solidus: Stay the Hell out of my head!
Liquid: Make him, you no royalties giving freak brother!
Meryl: Yeah, I did not sleep with Snake in Shadow Moses!
Solidus: The movie would've sucked if you didn't get to see Brittany Spears naked!
Snake: True, but for God's sake, I was James Bond!
Fox: I was Lance Bass!! He's Sephiroth!
Solidus: Yeah? And Psycho Mantis was Lance Bass' stunt double!
Mantis: (never saw the movie, so now he's pissed) You know, Hollywood's a long way from here. Allow me to give you a lift! (Uses psychokinesis to throw him all the way home)
Solidus's Voice on the wind: Frak asses!
Fox: Nice one, man!
Snake: Cool, lets all celebrate by getting drunk, like we were gonna.
Fox: Sounds good.
Wolf: Ahem.
Fox: Actually I'm gonna take Wolf for a night on the town.
Wolf: Damn right you are.
Fox: See you guys later.
Naomi: Use protection.
Wolf: Oh, he will.
Fox: (mouths) Oh God yes!
Meryl: Have fun!
Liquid: Try and tape it, if you can.
Wolf: Now!
All: (hasty good-byes)
Wolf: Now, where are we going to first?
Fox: Well we can...
The two walk off, leaving one man laying on the ground.
Otacon: Help? Anyone?
With Wolf and Fox.
Wolf: Are you sure this is a good idea?
Fox: He called you a ho, yes?
Wolf: Well, yeah.
Fox: Then it must be done.
They walk into a convenience store
Fox: Hey, you!
Clerk: Huh? Oh, its that skank again. Who's this, your pimp?
Fox: On the count of eat shitgun. Eat shitgun!!
Wolf and Fox fire, completely covering the hapless young man with a foul mouth with darts
Clerk: Hey! What the Hell?!
Fox: (ominously) See you in Hell, shitboy.
The two walk out, leaving the kid confused, until-
Clerk: My stomach! Oh god! (Runs out of the store to the nearest trash can and suffers the effects of the gun)
Wolf: HAHAHA! That poor little bastard never knew what hit him!
Fox: Now for the date. Okay, first off, kill the mayor, then we hunt down some inuit.
Wolf: Right.
At the mayor's office, 5min later.
Mayor: (coincidently Fatman) Damn those stupid FOXHOUND, they cost me $20 000 in damages, on the same grocery store!
Suddenly two rounds come through the window behind him and kill the security.
Mayor: What the Hell? (Walks around to inspect the window) That gonna cost at least $50! Who the Hell- (suddenly sees Fox and Wolf with sniper rifles, Fox is waving) Oh crud.
A few more shots hit him full in the chest, but because he's so fat it just knocks him over.
Mayor: Ha! You can't kill me like that! (Two rounds hit him in the head, splattering his brains everywhere) Oh no! (Looks down at the carpet) Now I gotta get it cleaned! (Dies)
5min later, in a regional Eskimo get together.
Head Inuit: First order of business, our dead brother Raven. Anyone who thinks we should comfort his family, raise their right hand.
All: (raise their hand, except for two)
Head Inuit: You're not Native!
Fox: No, but pretty soon none of you will be either!
Fox and Wolf pull out flamethrowers.
Wolf: Burn baby!
The two ignite everyone there, and keep doing so until they're nothing but ash.
Fox: Oh, I'm gonna sleep easy tonight.
Wolf: (grins) No you wont.
Fox: (grinning ear to ear) Oh, I'm gonna love this chapter.
Author: No NC-17
Fox: Damn!
Author: But it will happen behind the seen's.
Fox: Oh, yessss!!
Back with Snake and the gang.
Snake: So he said: I am you're father. And I said: No u ain't. So he says: Yes I am! And I'm all like: Cool, I love you Big Boss!
Meryl: And then?
Snake: I killed him.
Meryl: You killed your own dad?!
Snake: Yeah, but you never know, Mike is sick! He could bring him back at any time!
Naomi: But he won't appear until chapter 7.
Liquid: But he didn't say that about Ryan!
Naomi: Yeah he did.
Liquid: Oh. Wanna have sex?
Naomi: (maces him)
Liquid: My eyes!
Mantis: And when I read her mind, it was all like, I wanna suck Sanke!
Raiden: Who the Hell is Sanke?
Mantis: I meant Snake and you know it!
Raiden: Know what?
Mantis: That I meant Snake.
Raiden: When?
Mantis: Oh shut up, Jack Off.
Raiden: I'm Jack Off.
Mantis: I know that!
Raiden: Then why did you call me Jack Off?
Mantis: (clutches his head in pain) His stupidity is so strong he forced it into my head!
Liquid: Yeah, he does that a lot.
Fox: (runs into the bar) I'm not a virgin anymore!
Snake: God, my eyes! (Falls off the bar stool)
Naomi: Frankie, you're running around naked again!
Fox: I thought it felt drafty.
Meryl: Just go back and put some pants on.
Fox: Sounds like a plan. (Walks into an Alaskan Blizzard bare butt)
Fin
Author's Notes: I couldn't go on without a fight scene! Review and tell me who should fight Solidus next chapter!
Oh, should I bring back the quote of the chapter system? Thanks for the reviews, Stefanie, Blackraven, Akai Yuki, Sephira Strife and the other two anonymous dudes. Send suggestions. Characters you want in, characters you want dead, resurrected etc.
Oh, will put in you're suggestions, only if they fit my plot. Thank you, and adieu.
Screw X-Box! Long live Hideo Kojima!