Months later
"Baby, what is this?" I ask, feeling scars on the side of her left thigh next to her hip. Quinn tenses up next to me. I know what they are, I've seen them before for a few months now, I just didn't know how to bring up the subject. I don't know what made me want ask about it today, but right now after our Saturday afternoon "study session" seemed like as good a time as any.
Tears start to form in her hazel eyes as I hold eye contact with her. She doesn't look away, but she doesn't say anything either. I suppose she didn't think I would ever ask. I touch her cheek and the tears fall. My tears join hers on my pillowcase.
"It's too hard," she whimpered as we cried together.
"I know it's hard, but this...?" I ask as I touch the scars, a few of them fresh and pink. Self-injury is a cliché teenager response, but it's not something I ever thought Quinn would do.
"I love you," Quinn whispers as if that explains everything. I get mad.
"You say that, but you can't love me unless you love yourself too. This isn't loving yourself, Quinn." There's a bite in my voice I wasn't expecting. Seeing her like this kills me. I thought she was the strong one, I thought she had it together while I was dying inside. I guess this arrangement is killing us both.
"I need help," Quinn says, her eyes begging me for help.
"I can't help you. I'm the cause of this, not the cure."
More tears stream down her face. She knows what I said is true. We're both the cause of each others pain.
"Don't leave me," she begs.
My resolve crumbles. I was ready to tell her we couldn't keep doing this. Now, I pull her to me. I know leaving would do more harm than good.
"Never. I'll never leave you. But you need to get therapy."
Quinn nods into my neck. She kisses the spot her nose just rubbed against. We'll keep doing what we're doing, even if it kills us. She promises, just one more year, just until graduation.
I want to, but I don't know if I can make it that long. I've almost had enough.