"It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed,
that someone could be that important, that without them, you feel like nothing.
No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you"
~~"We Found Love" ~ Rihanna
It was after twelve noon and Lovejoy had just finished going over numerous financial ideas with Cal for Cal and his father's mill business, and now Lovejoy was quite excited to be going to see Victoria, especially after their enjoyable conversation the night before. However, as soon as Lovejoy was walking down the hallway, Cal came running out the room after him.
"Lovejoy! Lovejoy!" Cal called, as he ran over to Lovejoy.
Lovejoy sighed and briefly closed his eyes. He didn't feel like spending another three hours talking with Cal about HIS problems. Besides, wasn't he off the clock now anyway? Lovejoy turned and looked at Cal with a slight frown.
"Yes, Mr. Hockley?" Lovejoy said with slight annoyance in his voice.
"Well, Rose, Ruth and I were going to have a nice brunch with Mr. Andrews and Mr. Ismay, so come on, lets go." Cal said in a demanding tone.
Lovejoy looked down and frowned more with annoyance. Usually, Lovejoy didn't lie, ok that's a lie, Lovejoy did lie when he felt necessary, but he never lied to Cal—until now. Lovejoy looked up at Cal and nodded briefly.
"Mr. Hockley, thanks for the invitation but—"
"Cal, Mr. Hockley is so formal when we're not discussing business matters." Cal said with an arrogant smile.
Lovejoy briefly smiled.
"Alright, Cal, I appreciate the invitation but, I'm not feeling quite well." Lovejoy lied. "So, I feel that since I'm off the clock with work right now, I'm going to lie down for a while."
Cal raised his eyebrow at Lovejoy with suspicion in his eyes. In all the time Cal had known Lovejoy, he never knew Lovejoy to not be "well." However, Cal could make do without Lovejoy for this one day. Cal nodded slightly.
"Alright Lovejoy, then I guess I'll just see you tonight, for dinner in the dining room." Cal said flatly.
Lovejoy nodded.
"Yes you will, thank you for understanding." Lovejoy replied lightly with a brief smile, before Cal turned and walked away.
When Lovejoy arrived at the door of Victoria's room, he took in a deep breath before knocking. He was surprised that she opened shortly after the second knock. When she opened the door, he smiled briefly.
"Good afternoon, Lovejoy, you came, I see." Victoria said with a smirk.
Lovejoy nodded with a brief smile.
"I always keep my promises." Lovejoy said lightly, with a laugh that came from Victoria.
"So, can I come in or—" Lovejoy asked, before his voice slightly trailed off.
Victoria's mental antenna's quickly went up. She knew he couldn't come inside, not now, because then he WOULD know the truth about her.
"Um, no, actually, lets go out on the deck." Victoria said quickly, as she closed the door to the room shut behind her quickly.
Lovejoy frowned slightly with confusion and slight suspicion and then nodded with a slight shrug. He laughed briefly and slightly shook his head.
"Alright." Lovejoy said with a brief smile.
"We can go out to the deck, take in the beautiful, warm, sunny, afternoon air," Victoria said as she took hold of Lovejoy's hand and held it lightly as they walked down the hallway. "We can have more of the FASCINATING conversation that we had on last night."
Lovejoy looked at his hand intertwined with hers and raised an eyebrow as his face held a surprised look. Was she actually holding his hand? He blushed greatly and scoffed with a faint smile.
"Indeed our conversation was very fascinating, you're very fascinating." Lovejoy said in a low voice with a smile.
Victoria stared at him as they walked down the hallway. She laughed and blushed hard, he was definitely winning points with her, with his numerous flirtatious compliments. As they walked down the hall, Lovejoy remained quiet, with the only noise being those of other first class passengers walking by.
"Are you always this quiet, Lovejoy?" Victoria asked, smiling.
Lovejoy looked at her and laughed as he looked away. Why was he so quiet, she asked, maybe it was because Lovejoy didn't know what to say around a woman so beautiful, a woman in which he was so strongly attracted to, despite only meeting just the night before.
"I'm sorry, I'm just thinking," Lovejoy said with a smile. "Quietly thinking."
"I'd like to hear your thoughts, Lovejoy." Victoria said with a smile, as they walked out on the sunny, warm deck together.
The deck was somewhat filled with people, but not much. There were a few people from second and third and even first class playing polo on the deck, some were reading, walking around, chatting. It was a somewhat busy area on the deck. Victoria sighed as she smiled and looked all around the deck.
"Wow, this ship is so beautiful." Victoria said, smiling.
Lovejoy stared at her and then nodded with a faint smile.
"Not just the ship, come look at this." Lovejoy said as he led her by the hand over to the railing of the ship.
As Lovejoy and Victoria reached the ship's railing, Lovejoy looked over the railing and into the deep, glistening, blue ocean.
"Look down there," Lovejoy said lightly. "Have you ever seen an ocean so beautiful?"
Victoria looked down into at the ocean and smiled in awe.
"Yes, its terrifically beautiful." Victoria said. "It's a reminder of the many beauties in the world and this ocean is one of those beauties."
Lovejoy looked at her and smiled. He could think of one other beauty that was standing in front of him. He laughed and nodded. She looked at him, gasped and smiled.
"I have a wonderful idea, Lovejoy!" Victoria said, smiling.
Lovejoy looked at her with an eyebrow raised and a smirk.
"Oh you mean this isn't your wonderful idea here?" Lovejoy joked, with a hearty laugh from Victoria.
"No, Lovejoy, I have a better one." Victoria said with a smile.
Lovejoy sighed with a smile as he leaned up against the railing of the ship.
"Well, I'm all ears, Victoria, what's your idea?" Lovejoy said, smiling faintly.
"Well, I've seen some of the passengers in first class, dancing the Waltz," Victoria said, her face glowing with excitement as she spoke, "and I've always wanted to dance the Waltz but I don't know how, so how about now you teach me?"
Lovejoy looked at her with an eyebrow raised and a "are you serious?" look that was mixed in with the amused smirk he had on his face.
"Seriously?" Lovejoy said, still smiling. "You're first class and you don't know how to dance the Waltz?"
Victoria looked down at the deck, her smile slowly fading, she didn't want her truth to come out to Lovejoy, all because she was too honest with him, but in all honesty, she DID wish to learn the dance. She had always wanted to know the dance, ever since she was ten. Victoria looked up at him with a slightly embarrassed look and nervously smiled briefly.
"Well, yes, I'm serious." Victoria replied lightly. "I don't know how to dance the Waltz, why I don't know but—but if you don't want to teach me, that's fine, I understand."
Victoria turned to quickly walk away, feeling ridiculous for asking him. He probably thought she was the biggest idiot. Lovejoy quickly walked after her and lightly grabbed her arm.
"Wait, wait, of course I'll teach you." Lovejoy said in one quick breath as he stared into her eyes.
She smiled faintly and he looked down and laughed.
"I'd be happy to teach you—anything." Lovejoy said in a warm tone.
Victoria laughed, blushed heavily and quickly hugged him warmly.
"Great, thank you Lovejoy!" Victoria exclaimed as she hugged him.
Lovejoy scoffed with slight surprise and hugged her back warmly.
"We have no music to dance to out here though." Lovejoy said with a smile.
Victoria shook her head as she let go of him and smiled.
"We don't need music," Victoria said, smiling. "Let's just pretend there's music and I'll follow your lead."
Lovejoy looked away from her, laughed and nodded.
"Alright, then." Lovejoy said as he walked closer to her.
Lovejoy took her hand into his, and wrapped his other arm around her waist.
"We'd have to step a little closer to each other to dance the Waltz," Lovejoy said, as he pulled her close to him, and wrapped his arm closer around her waist. He could smell the scent of her perfume from how close she was standing to him.
Victoria laughed as she put her hand on his shoulder.
"I'm fine with that, Lovejoy." Victoria said, smiling. "I follow your lead."
Lovejoy laughed and nodded. This was new to him, well in a way as to mean he hadn't been in this type of situation for quite some time. The last time he had, had a woman in his arms was twelve years ago when it was his Lilly, but after she died, he hadn't touched another woman—until now.
"Ok, just follow my lead," Lovejoy said with a smile and a nod from Victoria.
"And one-two, and one-two and one-two and one-two." Lovejoy said in a low voice, as he swirled Victoria around the deck, doing the waltz. "Perfect, you're doing quite well, Victoria."
As Lovejoy and Victoria slowly did the steps of the Waltz around the deck, Lovejoy laughed and looked at her with surprise. She was mastering the steps quite well for someone who didn't know how to dance the Waltz.
"Oh, no, now see, I'm doing horribly aren't I?" Victoria said with a slight frown and a faint smile.
Lovejoy laughed and shook his head.
"No you're actually doing terrific." Lovejoy said warmly. "You're very—light on your feet."
Victoria laughed with surprise.
"Really?" Victoria asked with a smile. "Really I am?"
Lovejoy nodded, smiling as they continued to dance around the deck. "Yes, you're perfect, hard to believe you never knew this dance."
As Victoria and Lovejoy continued dancing the "one-two" steps, at one point, Victoria got ahead of herself and took the wrong step and stepped her heels on Lovejoy's foot and gasped as she tripped and fell down to the floor.
"Oh! I'm sorry Lovejoy, I took a misstep!" Victoria exclaimed with embarrassment all over her face.
Lovejoy laughed.
"Its alright, its alright," Lovejoy said with a smile. "Its not the first time, my feet have been used as a stomping ground when dancing."
Victoria and Lovejoy laughed as Lovejoy helped her to her feet and as she got to her feet, she found herself very close in Lovejoy's arms.
Lovejoy and Victoria shared an instant eye contact. He felt the same spark he felt from her last night, only at this moment when she was in his arms—this close, the spark felt stronger.
Lovejoy looked down and blinked repeatedly and sighed almost loudly. Victoria looked at him closely and gently kissed him on the lips. He looked at her and to him that was the signal. He immediately pulled her closer and kissed her passionately, wrapping both his arms around her tightly. As she kissed him back, she wrapped her arms around him closely, and became lost in the passion of the kiss.
Lovejoy almost forgot where he was and had practically lost all sense of time as he continued kissing Victoria, the kiss was powerful to him and so strong that he didn't want the kiss to end, but he slightly frowned with confusion as she quickly pushed him away and gasped with a shocked expression. She took a step back and looked at him with extreme guilt.
"Oh—oh Lovejoy, I'm sorry." Victoria said in a shocked tone.
Lovejoy raised an eyebrow and looked at her with a deeper, confused frown.
"What—what? Sorry for what?" Lovejoy asked with a frown. "What's wrong?"
Victoria continued backing away from him, while staring at him with guilt and shock over what she had just done. She couldn't fall for him, no matter how much she wanted to. She knew the dire consequences of her falling for him and she couldn't go through that pain. She looked down and shook her head with a deep frown.
"I—I'm sorry, its just—all wrong. I'm so—ashamed." Victoria said in a low, guilty tone. "I must go, goodbye."
Before Lovejoy could respond, Victoria dashed away.
"Victoria! Victoria wait!" Lovejoy called out, only to see her walk off the deck and back inside the ship.
Lovejoy sighed and frowned with disappointment, guilt and slight hurt, hurt over the fact that Victoria was another woman whom he had scared away, just the like the previous two he tried with four years after Lilly's death. Lovejoy tried dating after Lily's death, but he could never seemed to make it work—and here again was the case with Victoria. He knew, he just KNEW he blew it by kissing her. Maybe he moved too fast? Or was too forward? Lovejoy sucked his teeth, and rolled his eyes in anger as he went and sat on a bench on the deck.
"Oh damn it." Lovejoy said under his breath in a hurt tone. "Perfect Lovejoy, you screwed another one up."
Couldn't I do anything right?" Lovejoy thought he obviously did wrong by kissing her, he just knew it by the look Victoria had on her face and by her pushing him away roughly, right in the middle of the kiss. Great, just great, Lovejoy had to find Victoria and apologize, and see if he could make right, what he did wrong with her. He couldn't just let this mishap go with Victoria, like he did with the women before, who came after Lilly, no, he had to find Victoria and apologize, he was and felt too attached to her now for him to just let it go with the mistake he had done.