November 4, 1989
Do you know the thing I never got about the Death Eaters, the Black Thorn, the Disciples of Mayhem, the Republicans, and every other band of dark orianted assholes that started shit with the Regime?
Rape, torture, and murder, murder torture and rape, rape, murder, and torture, it was always all the same with these uncreative assholes.
I mean fucking seriously, every time we went up against these purist dicks it was the first bit of bullshit they would spew out at our forces and did it ever get fucking tiring to listen to.
They would lock their sights on the most attractive woman in the squad, usually Tonks, Fleur, Gabby, or Ginny, and start spouting off about all the horrific things they'd do to said women once they killed all the men. Never once, in hundreds of sorties over dozens of years did any of these idiots pick up on the fact that said women used that monologue spacer they provided to summon up magic of truly horrifying scope to smite them all in a hilarious and efficient manner.
They never caught on! I mean what the literal fuck!? Every single time one of our more violent ladies was assigned to a quick response team Hermione would just sigh and start preparing the paperwork for the collateral damage bills. That is how rote and routine the entire thing became, and it was both hilarious and sad all at the same time.
Ya know how many actual cases of capture and rape there were for our forces before the end? How many times the forces of evil actually got their hands on one of our delicate flowers and viciously tortured, raped, and murdered them in the confines of their super secret stronghold to show the good guys how powerless they really were?
Fucking zero, because the women that led the front were just like the men who led the front, brass balled badass mother fuckers who fought to their last dying breath and took armies down with them if they deigned it necessary to fall in combat.
I think, honestly, that was one of the reasons I respected Bellatrix as much as I did, despite how much I wished her dead. 'Cause honestly, if she hadn't been sealed to that bastard Tom? I'd have married her myself, as long as Ginny said it was ok, I know Luna wouldn't have minded regardless.
What can I say? I always liked my women a little bit crazy, and alota bit badass.
Sirius heard voices speaking in hushed tones, and it didn't take a genius to know the childish, female voice was slightly contrite, and the older male baritone was highly annoyed. Still, he was just recovering from quite the shock so he did his best to convey the image that he was still passed out.
"I'm sorry," the female voice said, not sounding sorry in the slightest.
"Really? Really Harry? He's been locked in hell for over a decade and you decided to prank him?!"
"He would appreciate, he's a natural prankster!" Her response sounded slightly offended, but even Sirius could sense the tint of worry in her tone.
"He was before he was thrown into hell on Earth and forced to baste in his failures for years while having all happiness sapped from him! Girl he isn't like Bellatrix! He didn't have the majority of the damage siphoned off due to a goddess damned technicality, he is going to take some time to heal. That 'prank'? It didn't help!"
Sirius drifted off as he heard the girl sigh in resignation, "Ok...I won't do it again until he is fully healed Lord Arcturus."
When he came to again it was to the sounds of Led Zeppelin, specifically 'The Foreigner' which had been a favorite of Lily's, glancing to the side he saw who he assumed was Harriet throwing knives at the wall. That really didn't surprise him, if the male voice from earlier was who he thought it was he'd be forcing her to take up the Black Lady Art regardless. He had to resist the urge to laugh though, once he realized his Grandfather's image was what the girl was throwing her blades at, woman after his own heart there.
"Hey," he groused out, the little girl paused mid throw and turned her head to meet his gaze. Slipping the knives she had in hand into the expertly hidden sheathes scattered about her dress the girl approached him and took a knee as she ran a hand down the side of his face.
"Hey, umm...sorry for earlier, you don't have to marry anyone and you're not under any sort of contract or the like. Pettigrew was captured by the way, interrogated, and thrown to the Dementors already. You are free, Crouch's career is destroyed, and the Ministry is a laughing stock. Good times for all."
He chuckled darkly shaking his shaggy head slowly, "You pranked me."
She tilted her head to the side and nodded, "Yup," she stated, once again popping the 'p'.
He leaned forward and kissed her brow, "James would have been proud, so would have Lils, well played Prongslet." With that his tired head hit the pillow and he passed back out.
"Sleep well, Padfoot."
"What?!" Bellatrix sputtered out indigently as her Grandfather rolled his eyes yet again.
"As I said before, unlike Sirius who never received a trial, you did as a LeStrange, and were found almost hilariously guilty for your crimes. You died, along with every other inmate in Azkaban other than Sirius, so you need a new identity, it is far simpler than trying to free you legally.
She sputtered at that, "But as a half-blood?!"
The little girl who had been nursing her back to health chirped in at that, "Yarp, fucking deal with it, being a half-blood ain't that bad regardless. We're kinda awesome like that, ain't that right Arty?"
Lord Arcturus simply shook his head while pinching the bridge of his nose, "Girl...please, please, for once in your life, shut up with your inane prattling and let the adults talk?"
Said girl, Harry if she remembered correctly, made a zipping motion across her lips and leaned back as her Grandfather continued speaking.
"With my idiot son's contract voided thanks to this brat," he shot a thumb back at Harry who extended her pinky and pointer fingers and shook her fist violently for some reason, "you've reverted to your teens. It is much easier to just start anew rather then try and prove your innocence."
Bellatrix sighed at that, "And how will we accomplish this?"
She cringed as Arcturus and Harriet grinned as one.
"An adoption potion, actually. While your Uncle Alphard had unfortunetly passed during your stay in chateau Azakaban I have managed to retain a vial of his blood, you drink this and you'll become his daughter biologically and magically. Effectively you'll-"
"You're telling me that if I take that potion I'll no longer be related to Cygnus Black?"
Arcturus froze, glanced at Harriet who for her part shrugged in confusion, then turned back to Bellatrix, "Err...yes?"
"Done deal," with that she snatched the vial from his hand, popped the cork, and downed the potion. Even as she screamed in agony, she knew it would be worth it.
Harry blinked rapidly a few moments before turning her head away from the writhing form of Bellatrix to address Lord Arcturus, "Lord Black?"
He sighed, "Yes Lord Black?"
She smiled up at him angelically, "What the literal fuck was that?"
He sighed, "My son...sons really, were not good men."
"Uh huh," she stated as steam began roiling off the woman on the bed before them, "To the point that his own daughter would drink an unknown potion that supposedly replaced his status as her father with someone else without fucking questioning what was actually in the damned vial?"
"So it would appear."
She remained silent for a moment before spitting out an incredulous, "By the Morrigan your family sucks!"
He glared at her while sniffing disdainfully, "You're a member of that family too girl, don't forget."
She snorted while rolling her eyes, "And I'm bat shit insane, not saying much on our family's part now is it?"
There was nothing but the sound of silence for a time, until, that is, Arcturus sighed and shook his head, "It is such a pain in the side to insult someone who fully owns up to all their faults."
Harry unwrapped a sucker and stuck it into her mouth before gently patting the older man on his back, "There there, some day you'll grow up and be able to play with the big boys."
"I hate you," he seethed out.
"I know," she replied with a grin.
This was, after all, why they became such quick friends.
"I feel awful," Bellatrix groaned as she rolled over in her sweat soaked bed, a girls giggle gained her attention and she twisted her head to view Harriet sitting beside her in a reclining chair.
"You had your entire genetic code rewritten over a twenty four hours period so yeah, I'm not surprised, and no I'm not going to explain genetics to a pure-blood right now. Your name is Belladonna Trisha Black, the daughter of Alphard Black and Monique Delacour, who happens to be a French squib who was rather fond of your 'father' before her untimely death thanks to a car accident."
Tossing a stack of documents on the table Harriet grinned viciously as she leaned forward, her smile resembling a highly satisfied cat more than anything, "You're a free woman Bella, now what are you going to do with that freedom?"
Bellatrix whimpered a bit in the face of this little girl, and that only made said girls smile widen in anticipation.
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