I'm so upset and hurt...somebody said he/she was gonna report me...does that mean I won't be able to write anymore?...I cried like the whole night and in the whole morning...I couldn't figure out what to do after that...I know it's cheesy but I thought my heart was breaking or something like that...I'm still sad until now...like what am I gonna do?

Psalms and Protection

"Mister, are you awake?" the words barely above a whisper. I rumbled, slowly lifting my heavy eyelids and sitting up on the creaky bed. I raised my arms, stretching and yawned, becoming conscious quickly. My eyes shot to the bars again, where the light was shining the cell. The jailer stood peering through the bars, it seemed that he was going to try to fit his head through them just to get a better look at me. The thought was amusing enough to make a small smile grace my face. Pressing a palm on my right eye, I shook my head slightly, the smile disappearing as abruptly as it surfaced. I felt strange this night, my head, it felt light and dizzy, to put it simply.

I turned to view the weather outside through the small square of a window. Dark and dim, good, although I would have preferred some rain and more clouds.

"Good evening" the familiar quiet voice was even quieter today, if that was possible, "I've brought you dinner." Nodding once in acknowledgement, I stood up slowly, heading towards the bars. "Thanks" I breathed, taking the plate of rice and potatoes, and also the cup of water. I sat down close to the bars, and hastily stuffed the food down my throat since I'm asleep throughout the day, I only take one meal. The food wasn't exactly very tasty I must admit, and what I would do for some meat, but who am I to complain. I cleaned my plate and emptied the cup of water, wiping my mouth with my sleeve.

Taking a relief breath, I shuffled and made myself comfortable on the dirty ground, waiting for the jailer to start rambling soon after as he usually did. After a long pause of nothing but silence, I finally pulled my face up. The small white boy sat horizontally in front of me, his knees bent in a very lady-like manner, staring at the dust blankly as if lost in some alternate universe. I cleared my mind and tried to use my senses to understand his emotions at the moment, they were a bunch of mixed up feelings, confusion, sadness and even fear, but that was all I could get out of him. It felt like he wanted to cry for some reason.

I opened my eyes, not wanting to pry anymore into his personal space, surprised to meet two deep grey eyes staring back at me. I instantly looked the other way, breaking the eye contact, not liking to see straight into another's eyes, it just made me feel difficult and on edge. "I'm done" I said flatly.

"That was fast. Did you have enough?" 'Hardly' I wanted to say, but decided against it and simply gave a small nod. This would be his cue to start prattling, but again, he fell silent, sinking into his own form of solitude. And as for myself, strange as it was, I was actually getting worried over this kid.

"Are you alright?" I couldn't keep this silence, especially with all the emotions I was reading off him. "Yes, I'm fine" A weak smile forms on his pale lips, obviously not a happy one. I sighed, incapable of doing much.

"Answer when I call, O God, my justice. When I was in distress, you gave me solace. Have compassion on me and hear my plea." I said the evening prayer, both for the jailer's behalf and myself.

"Can you tell me about God?" I was interrupted. I blinked at the sudden question, he had never asked me something like that before, nor has anyone else for that matter. God? How can I explain someone, something like that? God was so many things, so many words, so many persons, he was the most abstract thing in the course of humanity, God was everything, God is everything. I've read much about Him in the scriptures throughout my years and of what people spoke of Him. He was the person I had turned to in my greatest times of need and had not reached out, I chased to be under His holy light and was rejected, I was turned down many a times, and yet I kept coming back to Him. He made me be born a monster, a killer, an outcast and a runaway, but I would go as far as the ends of worlds to seek him out. One might say that my faith was foolish, blind, because for all I believed…

"I don't know"

Another thick silence fell, swallowing the entire atmosphere.

"Mello" I spoke out randomly. The jailer made a small inquiring sound, leaning in closer to the bars, head slightly tilted to the side. "My name is Mello." I repeated.

"Mello?" Things were lightening up already. "Mello!" I don't think I've ever seen someone grinned so wide before. "Mello, it's so nice to meet you." The jailer spoke after he had seemed to collect some of his composure, "So where's your hometown? I've been a resident here all my life, you know, never really got a chance to travel. I bet you're an adventurer, you've probably traveled all round the world. Have you ever been on a ship? I've never been on a ship, but I really want to" I smiled inwardly. The way he speaks to me, sometimes I think he doesn't remember where I am or what I am, and for a moment, sometimes I forget as well, and the bars that separate us doesn't exist.

'Lord, I put my trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your redeeming grace. I will sing to Yahweh, for He has been good to me'

"The priest will come tomorrow night" His words cut my trail of thoughts, "and the execution will proceed at dawn the next day"

"I see" Is that why he was feeling those things before? Slowly, I faced him, seeing his dark eyes practically a wall of black, and the sorrow they held. Why did he care so much?

Carefully, I reached out the steel rods, my calloused hands laid gently on his hair, running my fingers through his unbelievably soft curls. "You didn't-" I paused, realizing my hands was on his cheek, and how his eyes were glassy, "They're wrong. You didn't do those things, I know you didn't" His voice became like those of a child. "You're not a murderer" he whispers softly.

"You don't know me" I am a murderer, no worst, I'm a monster.

His pale lips parted to speak when someone said loudly, almost shouting, "What are you doing?" I retracted my hand, turning to see who it was.

"Henry" Near said, his voice uneasy.

"Near, what were you doing just then?" The brunette took an intimidating step forward. I found myself glaring dangerously at the newcomer. "We were just talking" The pale child got up slowly, dusting his clothes.

Henry seemed a little shock with his hazel eyes widening a moment before narrowing them, "You know we're not suppose to associate with the prisoners" Near stared at the other guard, his eyes blank, not wanting to give anything away that could make the whole situation get any more compromising. I remained silent, merely observing from the sidelines, but not liking what I was seeing.

The brunette stepped closer and pulled Near to the side, away from my cell to the one opposite of mine which was empty, whispering something to the child. As if I wouldn't hear just because he was now a little over five feet away, even if they were all across the other side of the hallway, I would still hear. "You rejected my offer, but here you are getting intimate with a murderer of all people" Each whispered word was clearer than a scream on top of a mountain. "Do you know the punishment for such misconduct?" An aggravating smirked form on the brunette's lips. It was an absolute blood boil watching those disgusting fingers danced up and down Near's arm in a circular motion.

All of my limbs started to hurt, shaking with rage, my knuckles turning white as they gripped the bars harder. I could almost taste some blood in my mouth, perhaps from biting my tongue or lips, my teeth clenched tightly until my jaw started to ache.

"The question is, what are you going to do for me to keep quiet?" It doesn't take much smarts to hear the implications behind those words.

I was going to say something, but then the two turned to face me with a shock look on their faces. I wonder what I looked like? Did blood and saliva dangle off my lips, did my eyes reflect my murderous intentions? Could they sense the monstrous predator I was becoming? Some low noise like a growl echoed throughout the place, I realized afterwards that it was coming from me. The ground beneath me started to shake as I clutched tighter to the bars, suddenly the steel didn't feel as strong or as rigid, I knew I could have brought them down and escaped.

The only thoughts running through my head at the moment was how I wanted to bite the fool's throat out and break that head off his shoulders for even thinking Near in that way. My vision started to go red as louder growls were emitted.

'Touch him again and you're finished' I warned mentally since it was obvious I've lost the capacity to speak. That expression on his face showed that he got the message and the brunette knew as well as I that these bars will do nothing to hold me back if he didn't do as told.

"Well, d-don't let me catching you doing that again" I glowered at the man until he walked away, noting how his heart beat rapidly in fear, good.

"Mello?" I snapped my attention back at the sound of Near's sweet voice. He was already standing at the bars, trying to reach in to me, his eyes fearful and worried. My feet moved on their own account, creeping my way back into the darkest part on the cell where I could cause the least harm.

"Are you alright?" I didn't answer, my voice had left me completely. As I detached myself from the treacherous moonlight, some of my rationality returning and the world wasn't a blur of red where I would inhale the smell of Near's body that made my mouth water. The jailer slid down the bars, on his knees now, the moonlight which invaded the small space through the square on the wall never leaving his porcelain face.

"You're not hurt, are you?" My eyes met his weakly, he was shaking and eyes watery. Care and concern, he was pushing many affectionate emotions for me, almost like he was afraid for me and not of me. Something I cannot come close to understanding its reasons.

"Please, Mello" The whisper went straight to my soul. Carefully, I moved towards the bars on my hands and the balls of my feet, a very animalistic manner until I was just a step from getting under the light again. "It's alright" Near said in a soothing voice, and somehow I trusted him. 'I'm sorry' I wanted to say, especially for scaring him and causing him trouble in the first place, but it just came out as weak whines, such as what a newborn pup would make.

Hesitantly I step closer until the tip of his fingers touched my golden locks. "Don't be afraid, I won't hurt you" I was truly taken aback by those words, those were the things I was suppose to say to him and not the other way around. But I nodded nonetheless and moved forward until I was in his reach then allowed myself to collapse, feeling all my strength drained out and seep into the soil.

I've never felt so vulnerable and exposed, sleeping right under the bright sun of the night, and yet keeping so much of myself under control. It must've been the smooth hands that gently caress my face and stroke my hair almost lovingly and his voice singing me to sleep. I knew I was protected from everything else and with this, I wasn't going to hurt anyone anymore, I was less of a beast and more of a human.

Thank you.

"You're welcome" I imagined him saying and fell into a peaceful slumber.

Sorry if this wasn't up to standard...but it's hard to write well when I feel like dirt...I'm really sorry...