In The Shadows - Part Three
Summary: the situation within the team has reached breaking point. General Hammond is anxious and Dr Frasier has been ordered to find out what's going on. Jack is considering his resignation from the Force as a possible solution and Sam is desperately unhappy. A strange message appears through the Stargate and, whilst nobody else is any the wiser as to it's meaning, Sam and Jack both realise that they want to repair their broken relationship...but Colonel O'Neill has drastic action in mind to ensure that they will never be apart again...
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters nor make any profit from my writing.
Part three…
Previously…Jack sat in his car staring at the letter in front of him without seeing it, he didn't't need to read it again, the words were graven in his mind, he had written it and re-written it numerous times over the past few days and now he considered once more over whether or not today would be the day. It was his letter of resignation from the Air Force. He shook his head in disbelief that things had gone this far but the rift had grown wider and wider and he was well aware of how badly this was affecting the team. He couldn't let the team suffer…he thought again, he couldn't let Sam suffer in this way and apologising, even if it worked, would only serve to somehow lend approval to their feelings which would lead them back, eventually, to this same situation…or worse, he thought unhappily to himself.
Jack re-folder the pristine paper and slid the document into his inside pocket as he slid out of the drivers seat and slammed the door behind him. The hours without her had seemed bad, he was wracked with guilt and shame; the days had been unbearable as his stupid brain allowed his stupid mouth to say stupid things which hurt her even more. The weeks had descended into utter agony as the situation had spiralled out of control. He had been cruel, cold and businesslike, completely unlike his usual self and she had responded in kind.
Briefings had become a battleground for the two of them, where she refused to humour his desire for simplicity, allowing her explanations to become ever more complex and intellectual and he had resolutely pleaded complete ignorance to everything she tried to say.
Work had become a place of dread and he no longer took the pleasure he once did in going off-world on their missions of discovery. He had realised, too late, that sharing a love unrequited was far more sweet that denying its existence completely and that denial, had caused the very rift he had been afraid of in the first place.
Carter pulled up slowly into the parking lot, unwilling to turn her engine off and make her way into the SGC, dreading another day of torment as she faced her commanding officer once more. Frat regs were there for a reason, she thought grimly, to stop something like this happening and yet they had blithely carried on down their path of self-destruction, joyously courting the very situation that would lead to their downfall. Even her dreams were no longer sanctuary; where once she had enjoyed laying herself down to rest, allowing her mind to conjure up scenarios with Jack to send her off into a peaceful and pleasurable sleep, imagining his touch, his kiss, his lips upon her skin, now she fell into the same dreams and then woke with the agony of knowing that they were forever unobtainable and that the man she imagined in her wildest fantasies had changed beyond recognition into the object of her despair.
She had even considered resignation, but re-assignment or resignation would do nothing to help her and would take her prematurely from the place she had learned to call home, destroying her career and removing her from the wonders and undiscovered secrets of a continued life at the SGC. Sighing, she unbuckled her seatbelt, switched off her engine and locked her car.
For the first time in a long while, had it been weeks? Months? Both the Colonel and the Captain found themselves arriving at the lift together. They didn't even try to hide their unease anymore as they stood in silence waiting for the doors to open.
Jack noticed her walking in on his heel and his mood darkened once more, he remembered all those times when he had hung about, secretly waiting those extra few moments to press the button, knowing that she would be there and engineering the chance to share the lift together - idly chatting about inconsequential things and taking pleasure in the shared moments together. He cursed himself, once again, for destroying their friendship and reached up inside his coat to finger the sharp creases of the letter concealed within.
The lift arrived, door opening smoothly and they stepped inside, standing on opposite sides without speaking. When they reached their destination they turned in separate directions and walked off, visibly relaxing as they parted company from the terrible awkwardness once more.
There was a knock on the door and jack sat up straight, calling out for the visitor to enter. He looked up in surprise as Janet walked in and flashed her a dazzling, self-deprecating grin.
"What's up Doc?", he said cheekily. "Take a seat", he gestured to the chair opposite as she closed the door behind her.
"Please don't tell me I'm due for another prostate exam already?", he gestured at the closed door to emphasise his point.
"No", Janet smiled warmly in spite of herself at his roguish irreverence.
"Actually, it's a personal matter Jack", she seated herself comfortably, fussing with the tails of her white jacket as she spoke.
"Well you can't get more personal than a prostate exam Doc!", he grinned broadly, pouring a coffee from his jug as he spoke and placing it before her.
"I'm here to find out what's going on with SG1", she said, descending into seriousness.
Jack smiled and looked up disarmingly at her, he shrugged his ignorance, "I have absolutely no idea what you mean Doctor", he lied, his false smile crystallising as he realised that the moment had finally arrived.
"Jack". "You can talk to me or you can talk to general Hammond, it's your choice". I hate to do this to you but I will find out what's going on, one way or another…I'm under orders", she finished quietly.
Jack rubbed a palm over his eyes and down his face, reaching 'round to the back of his neck as if stretching out a kink from sitting too long in one position. Janet took the opportunity from his moment of distraction to asses his features, far more critically than she had in along while. The Colonel had lost weight and his eyes were rimmed with black circles despite the fact that they had had a relatively easy workload recently as the General assigned missions to other teams in the hopes that SG1 would snap out of whatever mood they were in with a little R & R.
She cursed herself inwardly for not seeing it before, for not noticing the obvious signs of stress on such an important member of the SGC.
The only thing she could think of to ease her guilt was that it had been such a gradual decline, with no complaints from him on the way down that seeing him in this state had become the norm, but still she berated herself for not picking it up before, the Doctor in her worrying what was wrong, her military training wanting to follow up on her explicit orders and the friend in her wanting him to open up and tell her the cause of his obvious distress and discomfort.
Jack looked across the table at his old friend, considering whether or not to tell her the truth or whether to go straight to General Hammond and hand in the letter he had, so painstakingly agonised over, wishing he could run headlong to Carter's lab and kiss her again, the way he had kissed her on that fateful night so many months ago.
He lost himself for a moment in reverie, thinking of how he would beg on bended knee, on hands and knees - if necessary - for forgiveness for everything he had said and done since that morning. How he would hold her close again in a fierce embrace, the way they had done so many times before and make everything right again…
"Colonel?", the Doctor bought him back to the present and he glanced once, in spite of himself, toward the direction of carter's lab before bringing his focus back to her.
A familiar siren rang out suddenly, lights flashed under the door from the corridor outside and all conversation was abandoned where it lay as a the loud message permeated the compound. "Unscheduled, off-world activation".
Janet and Jack stood up simultaneously at the intrusion and made there way quickly towards the control room. "Later Janet", Jack called over his shoulder as he began to jog steadily ahead of her.
"People, we have a situation here", Hammond began, addressing SG1 in the briefing room.
"As you no doubt heard, there was an unscheduled off-world activation a short while ago from a person or persons, using an SG19 activation code. As SG19 are currently off-world we immediately opened the iris and this came through". General Hammond lifted a single, crumpled piece of paper from the table in front of him.
"radio contact with SG19 has confirmed that it was not sent by any of them and they are not in any trouble whatsoever. Frankly people, I am flummoxed". The General handed the note over to Colonel O'Neill.
"Does this mean anything to you Captain Carter?"
Sam took the proffered article and scrutinised it briefly. "No Sir." she said immediately, glancing up at him before reading it aloud to the rest of the team.
"In the shadows, underneath the trees…" she began, and then she faltered with the sudden realisation, her mouth dried up and she looked up guiltily at Colonel O'Neill.
"Does it say nothing more Captain Carter?" Teal'c intoned in his usual, quiet rumble.
Sam cleared her throat and looked back at the note, waiting for realisation to strike for the rest of them as she helplessly condemned herself and Colonel O'Neill.
"In the shadows, underneath the trees…I am more sorry than I can ever say.
I cannot change what I have done. Please forgive me, I didn't mean it". Carter finished speaking, her voice felt hoarse despite the few syllables that she had been required to speak and she reached out in front of her for a glass of water.
Colonel O'Neill got there first and poured a measure of the clear liquid into a tumbler, handing it to her silently his eyes looking into hers searchingly, deeply and without hurt for the first time she could remember since the awful events of that mission so long ago.
Her fingers brushed against his as she accepted the glass from him and the touch sent involuntary shivers down her spine. She sat down once more and took a gulp of the cool water before daring to look back at the General again.
"Well Carter? Does that mean anything to you?", he enquired impatiently.
"Nothing at all Sir," she lied. "It's a bit spooky to tell you the truth Sir", she claimed suddenly, trying to find a way to explain her reaction, praying that he would accept the untruth and move on.
"And the rest of you?" he studied each member of the team in turn, receiving the same negative and puzzled responses from everyone.
"OK. I'm going to recall SG19 right now and see what they have to say about it - I don't recognise the handwriting and it appears that none of you do either so there nothing else I can do for now. Stand down SG1, but I want you ready to move at a moments notice, something about this smells bad and I want you ready to act when I find out just what it is.", the General stood and nodded at them all in dismissal as they trooped in file from the room. He picked up a telephone and mad an internal call to the control centre.
"I want SG19 recalled this instant", he said with authority, replacing the receiver in its cradle before making his way to the gate room to receive them.
Jack nearly stumbled as he walked down the stairs, he couldn't begin to imagine how she'd managed it but somehow she'd worked out a way to get this note through the stargate - to apologise to him, when it was him that was at fault - the sweet agony of it nearly stole his breath away. He knew she was smart, but this was amazing, to go to all that trouble, all that risk of exposure, just to make peace between them!
Jack's heart melted and the feelings he'd had earlier - of belting into her lab and throwing himself on her mercy - returned hundred-fold, the guilt was even worse than before as he realised that she was blaming herself but knowing that she wanted a reconciliation made the pain bearable, bought hope to a heart that had long since given up. He watched Daniel and Teal'c walking towards the mess and felt Carter behind him turning away towards her room. He spun and followed her, unsure of what to say but determined not to waste this chance he had been given.
Carter walked blindly toward her room, she couldn't imagine who in SG19 he had convinced to help him pull this stunt off. She only hoped that he hadn't told anyone what the note meant, or that no-one else had managed to work it out. It was cryptic enough, she told herself, but questions would be asked and how long before the answers were discovered?
Still, she was touched deeply, despite the danger of discovery. He had really gone to some extreme lengths in order to let her know that he was sorry. He could simply have said it to me, she thought, but she acknowledged that secretly she was crowing inside that he had forgone the obvious and mundane in order to do something risky and spectacular, to prove that he meant what he said and that he meant it with such fervour that he would risk everything to tell her in such a way that she was unable to ignore.
She smiled inwardly as a warm feeling stole over her body and eased away some of the tightness in her shoulders.
Jack watched her disappear into her room, he paused for a moment on the corner before marching up boldly and rapping hard on it without hesitation.
"Come in", she called.
Jack opened the door and popped his head around the edge, looking for approval from the captain before he came in. Sam nodded in ascent and the Colonel took a chair facing her, door left open, not near enough to arouse suspicion and yet close enough to talk quietly together so that no-one passing would hear their words.
Jack's eyes sought her out hungrily, drinking her in after the months apart. Sam's own eyes roved ceaselessly over the Colonel, noting for the first time the weight-loss and dark circles that mirrored her own. It was a balm to simply sit in each others presence, the silence between them an easy one once more. The urge to snipe and wound each other drained slowly away and the trust that had been eroded by their own hands began to rise once more.
"Carter, I was wrong, I'm sorry". "You know I'm no good at things like this. Please"…his voice faltered and dropped to a whisper. "I miss you, I need you", his iron hard will finally dissolved and his voice broke, cracking around the admission as his eyes welled with unshed tears. He could no longer meet her gaze and sat with one hand cupped lightly over his eyes, his elbow supported on his knee, hiding the shaming grief that unmanned him before her as he awaited her response.
Sam leaned forward, uncaring of anyone that might glance in and spot them she placed her hand along the side of his face. He looked up immediately, shocked by her touch, eyes welling again as she brushed the dampness from his cheek with her thumb, stroking him, soothing him. They stood together, no more than a space apart and he opened his arms wide in a gesture he had so often used before in happier days. It felt like coming home as she stepped under his reach and placed her own arms around his body, pressing her cheek into his chest, moulding herself to him fiercely. In return, his strong arms wrapped her completely, the force of his embrace was equally fierce but calculated carefully, coming back to him so easily after all this time so as not to crush her too hard against him. He buried his head into her neck and inhaled the scent of her hair, she was intoxicating, he wanted her near him always, he was asphyxiated by the realisation that he needed her so much - he needed her more than anything else, he promised himself that he would never let them grow apart in this way again.
They released each other eventually, stepping away from the embrace but still resting their hands upon each other, needing to re-affirm their bond with shared contact. Jack felt his mind whirring crazily, he saw what he was going to do, he knew it was wrong in some way, yet he could not prevent himself from doing it. He'd heard about this, military types, too highly trained, under too much pressure, maybe suffering the effects of one tough mission too many - doing things - unable to stop themselves, watching from the recesses of their mind as something else took control of their actions.
"Sam?" his voice was calm and quiet.
"Sam I will never let us be apart again. Its not going to happen. Understand?", the louder his subconscious screamed its defiance the quieter his spoken voice became until the final word was uttered in a deep, rich, whisper.
Sam looked puzzled, wondering what he was going to say next. She smiled up at him, encouraging him to continue, knowing how hard it was for him to talk like this, so honestly about his most private feelings.
The Colonel turned her around gently by her shoulders, he placed one long arm about her waist and leaned his forehead onto her shoulder. He reached into his jacket, caressing her abdomen all the while, nuzzling at her pale neck. She leaned into his body, enjoying the contact and closeness, closing her eyes and waiting - knowing he was trying to summon up the courage to finish what he had started.
Jack's questing hand touched cold metal and he eased the small pistol from his underarm holster, he pulled it delicately from the confines of his clothing and wrapped his fingers into position around the loaded weapon.
"This is the way it has to be Sam. For us, I'm doing it for us". He kissed her shoulder, pressing his lips to the warm material of her shirt.
General Hammond stood in shocked silence before the two, lifeless bodies in the infirmary. He'd lost troops before but never like this. Since the Stargate program had started there had never been a murder perpetrated by one of his own troops against one of his comrades. At least, he thought grimly to himself, never by someone in control of their own mind and actions. Goa'uld hosts and plots had killed many members of his teams but murder, plain murder, without any alien cause and suicide on top of that as-well…he shook his head once more, shock and grief written plainly upon his features.
Janet stood by his side "I'm sorry Sir. I had no idea. Even the rest of the team weren't aware there was any problem between these two". She look up at the General apologetically. " I do my best to keep an eye on them all Sir", she began quietly.
Hammond shook himself from his reverie and looked down at Dr Frasier. "I know you do Doctor, and a damn fine job of it you do too. Nobody could have seen this coming, none of us."
Janet nodded, thankful at his words and took one last lingering look at the people she would forever feel that she had failed, then she turned and went back to her duties, there were people waiting to be seen and she sensed that General Hammond wanted some time alone to say his Goodbyes.
His spoke softly, a lump pushing painfully at his throat and a futile anger burning uselessly within him.
"Why Jonathan?"
"You could have come to me"
He looked on in silence once more and then slowly walked forward to lift the pristine white sheets and cover their faces back over.
To be continued…