The response I have been getting from you all is incredible! I am so happy you all like what I have been doing so far. Please keep reviewing because it means the world to me! MWAH to all of you!

I need to address a couple of things. I should have mentioned as I began this that a slight change to the story. Before I even started this story, I knew I wanted to write a story where Tara found out she was pregnant after she caught Jax and Ima…so Tara doesn't know she is pregnant at this point in the story…I address this in this chapter…so hang onto your hair ladies and gentleman (? I always wonder if guys read this stuff).

Also, because I am deviating from the show, the timeline won't exactly match up anymore, so be warned those SOA fans out there who try and map out my story and the show accurately! Sorry, I am just not as familiar with the show…or a skilled enough writer to pull that off. Hope it doesn't mean you will stop reading.

Okay, so on with the story. Enjoy!

And Then What?

Chapter 3

Tara

Tara arrived back to Chicago, exhausted and sore from the trip. After partially moving in with Jax, she had let go of her old apartment in Chicago and had her things moved into a storage unit. She would need to a temporary place to stay until she found a job and a place to live...

Because Tara was in the worst possible shape she had ever been in, she decided to treat herself to a stay in a suite at the Ritz Carlton. It was extravagant, but she needed to pamper herself. She would work on getting a job and figuring out what her next move was.

Jax-Two Weeks Later

Jax was really fucking sick of Belfast, but he bid his time and finally he was given his son back. He never knew such relief. Nothing would ever happen to him again. Jackson held him on the plane in his lap. His mother and Clay were in the seats across from him.

Abel was wide awake, despite the late hour. Jackson rested his lips against Abel's soft blond hair, inhaling his scent, reassuring himself that he was here in his arms. His son.

Jax never thought he would see Abel again. It had been the worst kind of pain. He didn't understand how parents who lost children lived through it.

Jax looked down into his boy's blue eyes and bounced his baby boy on his lap.

"Abel," he cooed gently to him, "I will never let you go again."

Abel gave him a big gummy smile, waving his chubby little arms up at Jax, who smiled affectionately down at him. Jax watched Abel in fascination and when Abel looked to the empty seat next to Jax, it was as if Jax could hear his thoughts.

Where is Tara? his son's eyes seemed to ask him.

Jax hugged Abel closer to him and whispered, "We are going to go get your mommy now."

Because that's what Tara had been to Abel. She had delivered Abel into this world, saved him from almost certain death due to his complication at birth, cared for him when Jax couldn't. She protected Abel as her own. Abel was Tara's son. And he had pushed her away and said they weren't family. Cheated on her. Stayed when most women would have bailed...he shuddered and Abel let out a mewl at Jax's distress.

Jax didn't know what he could do to get her back for him and Abel, but he would do anything. He had just gotten her back. He couldn't fuck this up.

Jax hugged Abel close to him and eventually, he felt Abel calm and fall asleep against his chest, cradling him in his arms. Jax used his sweatshirt as a blanket for him as Abel slept.

The flight attendant smiled flirtatiously his way when Abel calmed and Jax just looked back down at his son.

As he looked down at Abel, safe in his arms and heading back to Charming, he couldn't help think, One crisis down, another to go.

Tara

"And I could start when?" Tara asked, taking notes on a pad at the hotel desk in her room.

"No, that would be wonderful," she said, beaming down at the pad in front of her listing all the salary information, benefits packages, tuition reimbursements, and moving stipends being offered to her by Providence Health System in Portland, Oregon.

This offer….it was too good to be true. It was with one of the preeminent pediatric surgeons in the country, so academically, Tara would grow as a surgeon in leaps and bounds. It would pay off outstanding balances on her undergraduate and medical loans, and even pay for the move to Portland.

She would start next week. As she hung up with the program coordinator, Tara squealed in excitement and happiness. This was the first break she had gotten in so long. She didn't believe in signs, or fate because she was a woman of science, but she had to admit this seemed like kismet.

Tara had her heart broken and when she finds out she needs a job, a major hospital in her field begins actively wooing her for their surgical program...it was surreal. Tara flopped on the feather bed in the suite she had been staying in and looked at the ceiling in absolute relief and happiness even.

Well, goodbye Chicago, she thought to herself. She wasn't really torn up about leaving Chicago because this city also held bad memories...Josh. She shuddered as she remembered how quickly that had turned south.

A fresh start in a new city was exactly what she needed. Tara called the realtor company the hospital recruitment staff recommended for future surgeons and called them, arranging for a one bedroom apartment close to the hospital. She needed to wait for a call back once they found something for her, but until then they would put her up in a hotel close to the hospital.

Tara also called a moving company arranging for a move to Portland. Tara didn't have much stuff in storage, but what little she had she could move because of the stipend. She checked everything off her list and she wondered what else she was missing.

Maybe she should enjoy her favorite spots in Chicago. She was thinking about all the places she wanted when an idea popped in her head.

She picked up the phone and made a call.

"Hi, Dr. Benson," Tara said once the line picked up, "Dr. Knowles, I assisted you on...right, the cleft palate case. I was hoping you could do me a favor."

Tara explained what she wanted done and he told her he would be more than happy to help her. She hung up and glanced at the clock. He told her to come by the office in two hours. She needed to take a shower and get ready.

Tara stood and shed her clothes quickly. As she walked to the shower she looked herself in the mirror, turning so she could look at the last bit of evidence of Jax Teller she had in her life. She lightly fingered the tattoo. When she had gotten the crow, she had been so...sure. She had been sure Jax was it for her.

An image of him pumping into Ima flashed through her head and she shuddered as the pain rippled through her fresh. Apparently I wasn't it for him though, she thought sadly as her hand dropped away from the tattoo.

Tara climbed in the shower and quickly dressed. She planned to go and get a bite to eat before her appointment and make visits to one of her favorite spots.

Tara grabbed a Chicago chili dog, with 'the works' and made her way to the Loyola medical library. Because of the chili dog, she sat on the steps outside, people watching. When she had first come here, she was terrified. She had never been off the west coast and didn't know if she could pull it off...but she had. And now Tara was getting ready for another big chapter in her life.

"Tara?"

Tara spun and spotted her academic advisor smiling kindly down at her.

"Dr. Prentiss! So good to see you," she said, crumpling up her hot dog wrapper and standing to embrace the kind woman.

"I thought that was you, how are you?" she asked, her kind eyes warm and full of genuine interest.

"I am…" Tara trailed off. Fucking terrible, she thought, My heart is broken and there is no cure...no surgery to fix that. "I am great. I just got a job in Portland with-"

"Dr. Bloom?" she asked in shock, "I heard he was looking for a fellow. Congratulations! How wonderful for you."

Tara nodded and her old advisors praise was like a confirmation that she was doing the right thing.

"Well, I have to dash to a student advisee meeting, but good luck Tara. Keep in touch to let me know how it's going," she said, hugging Tara and walking away.

Tara watched her go and felt that was all the goodbye she needed from Chicago. She pitched her hotdog wrapper and made her way to her appointment.

Jax

Jax stepped off the plane, carrying a sleeping Abel in his arms. He was exhausted. Since Abel had been kidnapped, he hadn't slept worth a shit and when he had he was having nightmares.

Juice was there to pick them all up in a van.

"Baby, I can take Abel home," Gemma offered as they neared the Charming city limits, extending her arms out for him.

"I can," Jax said, planning on going to Tara's.

"We need to get back to the club," Clay said in a gruff voice, "We have too much shit to sort through."

Jax sighed and said, "I just got back. I want to go and settle Abel and let Tara know he is okay."

Gemma pursed her lips, but Clay nodded and said, "Meet at the club in two hours."

Jax nodded and told Juice to take them to Tara's house.

Jax got more and more nervous for Tara's reaction to them all showing up in her driveway. She had been pissed when he had left. And hurt. A bad combination when dealing with a woman. Jax couldn't blame her either. He just hoped that the time apart had calmed her fury and soothed her hurt.

As they approached the house, he looked at the house, noting a difference, but he couldn't tell what it was. Then Jax figured it out. It looked...cleaner. Fixed up. A fresh coat of paint on it. The shutter that had fallen off years ago was affixed to the side of the window where it belonged, no longer leaning against the side of the house. The shrubs were trimmed, the grass cut. It had never looked better.

Gemma nudged his shoulder and Jax looked to her in confusion. Her face...it held a look of pity and worry. He wrinkled his brow in confusion and followed her gaze and pointed finger to something posted in the yard.

FOR SALE: Buzz Banowitz Realty, Charming, CA- SALE PENDING

Jax jerked in shock, jostling Abel awake who began to cry. Gemma took Abel from Jax, who rushed to the house, knocking...more like pounding on the door.

Please be home, please be home, he thought desperately to himself. She couldn't be gone. He peered inside the house and noted it was empty, waiting for its new family. His heart felt as empty as the house.

"She's gone, baby," his mother said gently behind him.

Jax turned and looked at her, shaking his head in disbelief.

Jax looked back at the house as if it had been a mind fuck. A trick. She would come out the door in a second...angry, happy, relieved, sad...he would take her anyway he could.

"Come on," Gemma said softly, as if he was a wounded animal needing care.

"She has to be at my house," he said, knowing it sounded desperate but not caring.

Gemma gave him a pitying look, but nodded and said, "Sure, let's...let's go check. I think Abel needs to be fed too."

Jax nodded absentmindedly. Tara wouldn't just leave. And if she had, one of the guys would have said something. He had told them all to check on her daily. He never got a word about her from them in the three weeks he had been gone.

As Juice drove them to his house, he called the club.

When Piney's booming voice answered, Jax immediately asked, "Where's Tara?"

Silence fell on the line in a way that wasn't comforting to Jax.

"Piney! Where the hell is Tara?" he shouted, causing Abel to cry out in distress, as if he knew what was happening.

"No one's seen her in two weeks. Tig checked her house and found a cleaning crew. He went to the hospital, but they said that she wasn't working there anymore. Wouldn't say where she was going," Piney said in a sympathetic voice.

Jax closed his eyes and sighed. "I asked you to look out for her while I was gone," he seethed, "I thought I could depend on my brothers to do that."

He snapped the phone shut as Juice pulled up to his house. Jax bounded out of the car and headed inside. Nothing had changed. The key still sat on the counter. He made his way to the bedroom, which was exactly as he had left it. Her empty drawers were still flung open.

Jax sighed in anger and frustration and kicked the drawer and the splintered and busted under his assault.

"Jesus Christ, Jax," his mother scolded, holding Abel in her arms as she fed him a bottle.

"She's gone," he said, mostly to himself in disbelief, "She left."

"It's what she does, baby," Gemma said gently.

Jax spun, furious, "I did this. Tara left because of me."

You know it would kill me if I knew you were sleeping with other women…her words echoed in his head.

If Gemma had a rebuttal she was smart to keep it to herself. She walked out of the room, probably to put Abel down for a nap.

Jax sunk down onto the bed and buried his face in his hands, running his fingers through his hair. She left...she had promised she wouldn't.

Cheating...it's a deal breaker for me…..Tara had said. He didn't take her seriously then because he couldn't imagine ever wanting someone that way if he had her in his bed. If he had known how seriously she felt...how radical she would have reacted, would he have fucked that porn slut to push her away?

What am I supposed to do? he asked himself.

He needed her. When Tara came back, Jax promised himself that he wouldn't get lost in her like he had when he was a kid. Jax knew he wouldn't be able to help himself to Tara if she let him close again. Despite Jax's promise, she had managed to ingrain herself in him so deeply, his promise to himself meant fuck all. And what was worse, Jax knew Abel needed Tara almost as bad as he did.

Find her...his head and heart screamed at him.

Jax thought about that. Finding Tara would be simple. She probably went back to Chicago. But did he really want to pursue that? Go there, try to convince her that she should come back? The likelihood that she would return to Charming was slim.

Playing house...it isn't going to be enough, Tara had told him, her eyes nervous and vulnerable, telling him she wanted his babies. Besides his cut and a bike, that was all Jax had ever wanted since he was sixteen. Tara...a family with her. Father to her babies.

For eleven years, after she had left him, he wondered what would have happened if he had followed her. He wondered about what would have happened if she stayed. Or if she had come back later...or earlier. Would they have been happy?

Jax knew if he didn't go to her, didn't find her, then he would be spending the rest of his life wondering what would be different if he had tried. Jax realized he never had the courage to choose himself above the club. Tara was a part of him. If he went after her, it would be him putting himself above the club.

He needed her. Abel needed her. He would do anything to make that work. Because if he didn't...Tara would find someone else to give her the things she wanted from life.

I am going to want a baby or two…and Jax was not going to let anyone else give that to her. Tara was his. And so were her babies.

Tara

Tara sat in Dr. Benson's office waiting area filling out the paperwork she needed to before her visit with Benson. She quickly filled everything in, but was stopped short on a question:

Are you pregnant? Circle: Yes or No

Tara began to circle no, but then wondered...when the hell her last period was. Her heart fluttered when she realized she couldn't remember when she had it last. She grabbed into her purse and snatched her calendar out.

She flipped through the pages, frantically searching for the red star she had used since junior high. Shit shit shit! Two months...maybe more! No, fuck, shit, crap, son of a bitch!

Tara gasped as she tried to calm herself down. She inhaled deeply, trying to calm her racing heart.

Slowly, her head told her. Tara nodded, slowly exhaling the breath she was holding in and began to slowly go through the pages...Two and a half months...she had no star for that long. She...she could be pregnant.

"Dr. Knowles?" a nurse called out.

Tara looked up at the waiting nurse and then back down to the paperwork. She decided since she couldn't say either yes or no to the question, she had to leave it blank.

"Tara!" Dr. Benson said, shaking her hand, "Nice to see you!"

Tara nodded, trying to give him a smile, but it came out as a grimace.

"Are you nervous?" he asked, chuckling, "I swear it doesn't hurt that bad."

Tara shook her head and said, "Oh, no, it's...it's not that."

Dr. Benson smiled encouragingly and showed her into one of the exam rooms.

"It will hurt about as much as it did to get it," he told her, sitting on the round stool, looking over her paperwork.

"Dr. Benson," Tara said, "I wasn't able to finish that. I think I might be pregnant. I...didn't know until today. Can I still get the procedure?"

He looked up at her and said, "Of course. Creams and other methods for tattoo removal can be harmful to the mother and child in utero because of the chemical processes. But laser removal has zero risk for the child. I understand if you want to postpone to do research."

Tara thought about his advice and then shook her head, looking down at her stomach. Could she really have a kid in there?

"No," she said in a small voice, "No, I still want it done."

"Okay," Dr. Benson said, snapping gloves on, "Let's see what we got."

Tara removed her shirt, leaving her bra on and turned her back to him.

"Oh, this shouldn't be a problem," he said, lightly tracing his fingers over the ink embedded in her skin.

Tara nodded and he instructed her to lie down on her stomach. He called a nurse in to assist as he fired up the laser and began to take it away. It hurt...like...snaps on her lower back hundreds of times over. Dr. Benson worked quickly though and his hands were skilled.

"Did it have any meaning to you?" he asked as he worked, in an attempt to take her mind off of what he was doing.

Tara thought about it. This tattoo, when she had gotten it, meant everything...to her and to Jax. She bit her lip as another assault of snaps plagued the skin of her lower back.

"It did at the time," Tara answered. When he wasn't shoving his dick in other women, she thought angrily. When she got it, she thought that it would show him and his world that not only was she his, but that he was hers as well. When he slept with Ima, the ink might as well have been faded to nothing.

"I don't do many of these, but most patients say that," Dr. Benson said conversationally. He proceeded to tell her about all the ridiculous tattoos people had.

When he was finished, he left for his next appointment. As the nurse rubbed the cream over sore skin, she asked, "Does it hurt?"

Tara glanced up at her and noted a look of concern. She realized then that she was crying.

She touched her fingers to her cheek and pulled it away in shock. Tara looked back up at the nurse who handed her some pain pills and a cup of water. Tara took it and sat on the table until she was thoroughly lathered in antibacterial cream and topical anesthetic. The nurse wrapped her up in gauze and sent her on her way.

On her way back to her hotel, she stopped at a drugstore. She bought a few boxes of home pregnancy tests, praying that all the stress, anxiety and heartbreak were causing her to have a delayed period.

She drank a big bottle of water on the way back to the hotel and as she peed in her hotel room over the sticks, she closed her eyes in prayer.

Please, please, please don't let me be pregnant...how was she supposed to move on from Jax if she was pregnant with his child?

She waited the agonizing minutes it took to tell her what she needed to know. If she was pregnant, what was she going to do? Keep it?

Yes...the answer was automatic in her head and her heart. She could never abort this baby.

Would she tell Jax….? Her head and heart were painfully silent when she asked this question.

Would she go to Portland?

Yes, you need a job...a legit job...to support you and the baby...her head answered. Tara nodded in agreement.

Would she tell Jax…? she asked again. Damn it all to hell, they were so opinionated, why would they not answer her.

If Tara told Jax she was pregnant, what good would it do? He would never leave Charming. And she sure as shit wouldn't go back to Charming to raise her son or daughter in that environment. She almost died of a broken heart when Abel was taken, she couldn't handle it again. Not with Abel, not with….

Tara looked down and her heart dropped to her stomach as she reeled...

A little pink plus sign stared back at her from three different tests. You are pregnant. Fuck.

Thoughts? Should Tara tell Jax? Let me know what you all are thinking! Thanks for reading!