Now that the respirator had been removed, the room was even quieter than before. Clint didn't last long before he started talking again. "Doctors say since you've made it this long, you're gonna live. They're still thinkin' you might be…your brain might be…" he took a deep breath. "Well, you're gonna be fine. They know medicine, but I know you. You're gonna be fine."
He sat in a silence for another moment, then spoke again.
"Okay, so there was this clown named Ron. And he had this act with cats, a bunch of them. So he'd be all dressed up in his makeup, and this one cat would climb up him and stand on his head. So he'd stand there, lookin' all surprised, and then another cat would climb up him and stand on his shoulder. And then he'd bend over and this third cat would jump up on his back. And then the fourth cat and the fifth one would jump up, but the others were jumpin' down while the new ones were jumpin' up.
"So then it would turn into this whole almost acrobatic thing, with cats jumpin' all over the place, and standin' on their hind legs, and climbing up him. And fer the grand finale, all five of 'em would jump or climb up him, and he just stood there, smilin' and bowin', and all five cats was just as calm as could be."
"So, I needed to learn how to juggle, 'cause I needed some more money to pay back Victor. And I figure, Ron trains cats. This guy's gotta be the most patient guy in the whole circus, right? And he really likes his cats; they live with him in his trailer, but it never smells like cat piss, 'cause he cleans it twice a day. And he's got this whole screened in porch contraption that he's built, so the cats can come in or out whenever they want."
"So I'm thinkin', if there's one guy in this whole circus who's probably not gonna end up yellin' or hittin' me when I fuck up, it's Ron. So I go ask him if he can teach me to juggle."
"Now, the first thing he says is, if I need money he'll lend me some. But then I'd end up owin' him, and no matter how many times people say they don't care, they do. Nothin' good ever came of owin' someone."
"It's different with you, so don't think I mean that. You and me…"
"Well anyway, so Ron says he'll teach me. And he goes in the trailer and comes out, 'cause I'm still standin' outside his screen porch, of course, and he hands me this little bean bag, and says throw it from one hand into the other. So I do."
"He goes into this whole discussion about how I had to look to catch the bag, and you can't do that, right? You gotta be able to throw the bag the same way every time, so it ends up in the same place every time, so you don't gotta look for it or move your hand for it. Your catchin' hand just opens up, and the bag lands in it. So he sends me off to practice until I can do that."
"Well I spent somethin' like three hours that day, practicin' until I could do it perfect like. Then I come back to him the next day and I tell him I'm ready for the next part. He ain't believin' me, I can tell, so I show him."
"He just blinks, then smiles and tells me 'That's really good!'. I ain't heard that in...well I don't even know. Since Gary told me that for not messin' up once holdin' stakes for him when we were puttin' up the big tent. And he only said that once, you know? Once you get somethin' right, from then on you gotta keep gettin' it right every single time, or then you get yelled at. But Ron was never like that. He always told me 'Good job,' every single time."
"So every day Ron would teach me somethin' new, and I'd go off to practice. And a week later, he says I'm good enough to do some buskin', only I'm gonna need a costume. He takes me to the clown trailer, and digs through this box and pulls out all the costumes that're too worn out and stuff. And I ain't told no one at the circus how I don't see colors like they do, 'cause I'm still thinkin', well never mind what I thought. So I see this purple shirt with sequins, and it's the brightest thing I ever seen, and I love it."
"He works with Madame Zanzibar, and they get this shirt and a pair of pants to fit me, and Ron buys me a brand new pair of purple and white shoes. I cleaned the litter boxes in his trailer for a month to pay him back for those, but it was worth it. I felt like one of the stars, all dressed up in spangles."
"I went out that afternoon buskin', and it was the first time in I don't know how long that I was lookin' fer attention. I found this place where people used to hang out, in front of the big tent, right before we opened it up for performances, and I did this little jugglin' act."
Clint laughed. "That first time, I think I got mebbe a dollar. So fer the whole next week Ron comes out with me and shows me how to work the crowd, get them laughin', and how to get them to give you some money. You gotta kinda convince them that they're payin' for somethin', that there's some reason for them to give you the money. We ain't thinkin' the real reason is gonna go over so well, so we come up with this story about how I wanna buy a bike, and my daddy says I gotta learn the value of money, so I gotta earn it."
"We split the money we earned, then I was on my own. First night, I got $10 bucks, and I was hooked. I started learnin' every trick I could, started watchin' the other clowns and practicin' their tricks. Ron got me some books, and I never told him I couldn't read 'em, but I studied those pictures and figured stuff out."
"Then one day Ron took a bunch of the circus kids to go see a movie, about some girl tryin' to rescue her kid brother from a goblin king. And there was this scene where this guy moves this crystal ball around, making it float and roll over his hands and arms. And I was hooked. Ron found me this rubber ball so I could try the moves he'd done in the movie. I snuck into that theater so many times while we were in that town, so I could see that scene, and I'd practice for hours until I figured it out. And it's so much more than a physical skill."
"I learned sleight of hand, and misdirection, and how to keep their eyes where I wanted 'em. I learned how to make people think what I wanted 'em to think, and how to react how I wanted 'em to react. I learned who I could talk to, and joke with, and which stories made people laugh, and which ones made 'em uncomfortable."
"Contact jugglin' is how I learned people, and learnin' people let me perform. I was lookin' fer new props for my jugglin' that day I ended up with Trickshot's bow, and that was, well we both know where what that led to."
"But it started with some cats, and a guy who was crazy enough to think he could train them, and patient enough to do it."
Clint took out an old rubber ball, and started practicing some tricks he hadn't worked on for years. There was no crowd to practice his patter for, and no need to be perfect. The only audience he had was someone who had rarely judged him.
He practiced for hours, until it was time for him to go for the night. He smoothed her hair back from her face, and tucked the ball under her lax hand. He turned the light off as he left the room.
In the glow from the machines, some faint lines could be seen on the ball. They spelled out the letters R-N.