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Chapter 3: Consciousness

"She's in room 212, third door on the right" The doctor said as I rushed to leave the room. It wasn't a large area, just a few rooms on either side. Each room contained bedding for at least two patients and just enough room for a visitor each. At the end of the hall there was two doors, one held a black and white portrait of a man in a tuxedo, the other door held a portrait of a woman in a stunning evening gown that probably would have been worn in the 1800's. These were probably the only washrooms in the vicinity. In the center of the room contained a little nursing station where one nurse was currently sitting working hard on something on a computer, nearby a nurse was consulting a doctor about some paperwork. I found myself slowing my walking pace. I had been in a huge rush to get to her room only now I was frightened. What if I couldn't hold it together when I saw her, what if she didn't want to see me, what if...

My though process was interrupted by a loud piercing siren that started sounding from one of the rooms. The doctor, followed by the two nurses, rushed by me to get into one of the rooms. That's when my breath caught in my throat, they were rushing into room 212. I prayed it wasn't her, and that it was for whoever was sharing the room with her. It was a horrible thing to wish and I didn't care if I had to go to hell for it, all I cared was that Kate had been through enough this past week. I tried to see in the room, I managed to get a quick glimpse before I got shooed out. She lay there as still as a statue, as white as a ghost, but still just as beautiful as an angel. That's when I saw that her machine had flat lined. The doctor had the paddles out and was trying his best to resuscitate her. Then everything went blank.

The next thing I remember is hearing someone yelling my name, a female voice, while feeling a rough tapping on my face. Then suddenly something cool struck my face. I opened my eyes and saw Esposito standing in front of me with an empty pitcher of water. I looked around trying to see where I was. I felt so disoriented. I was back in the ICU waiting room covered in ice water. I looked at everyone in confusion. "You passed out in the hallway, cold water is usually the quickest way at revival". Esposito stated while trying to hold back a laugh. Lanie was seated next to me with a worried look on her face. I looked around and couldn't see Jim anywhere, that's when it came back to me, "Kate...something happened...everyone rushed in...alarms going off", I tried to explain but I was short of breath.

"Calm down, her father is in there now finding out what happened", Lanie seemed to stay so calm in any situation. Even under all her calmness I could see she was hurting inside. Beckett was her best friend, and having to see her best friend being shot down in front of her was taking its toll on her. I could see the bags forming under her eyes. Like me she was stubborn. She had refused to go home and rest. She wanted to be here until she knew everything was going to be okay.

As I had left the room apparently Esposito had shown up. Ryan had gone home to be with his fiancé, while Esposito wanted to be by Lanie's side and be here to support Beckett when she woke up. The two guys had searched the grave site for anything that could lead us to Kate's shooter, but they had come up empty handed. They had to call it a night as it was too dark to see anything, they had planned to pick up in the morning once the sun had risen. They had already called in some reinforcements to help search. They wanted every inch of that site covered.

"You fainted probably because you haven't had much to eat today have you? Eat this." Esposito said as he handed me a sandwich he had brought. He had already given one to Lanie which was half eaten. He had picked them up on the way over here. I thought back to before the funeral. Everything that had happened before the funeral was a blur. I remember grabbing only a scone on the way out the door as I had planned to eat after the funeral and wanted to save my appetite. We were supposed to go out for a celebratory lunch for Captain Montgomery and praise the life he had led and all the great accomplishments he had met.

"Thanks" I muttered. I was grateful for the sandwich but didn't have any appetite whatsoever. I felt nauseous at the thought and sight of food. Its weird how actions that we repeat daily get forgotten when you're going through a traumatic event. Eating, showering, changing, brushing teeth...all standard things we do day to day, but when you are waiting in a hospital for news, they all get forgotten. Each night I always fought with Alexis over brushing her teeth before bed, why she shouldn't wear the same clothes five days in a row including sleeping in them, and the importance of showering, because without it you won't keep many friends. The major thing I always stressed with her was the importance of eating. I always tried to make sure she had three substantial meals each day with a healthy snack in between. I was the lucky father who had an incredible child who actually enjoyed her fruits and vegetables.

I didn't want to be a hypocrite or have to argue with Esposito over this so I took a few bites to please everyone, mostly myself. Before we could talk about food anymore Jim came out. Kate had suffered a mild heart attack. Her body had been under so much stress with everything it had gone through in the past 24 hours and her heart just couldn't take it anymore. She was stabilized now and that's what mattered. Jim said I could go in now to see her if I wanted. He had gone in but she wasn't conscious yet.

I left the waiting area and started towards her door again. The fear was already beginning to build up inside of me. I had told her I loved her, was she going to remember? Was she going to say it back? When I approached her room I could see the bed she was at had the curtain drawn partway. As I got closer I could hear her starting to stir, she must be waking up finally. "I lo...I love...Love you...I love you too", I heard her trying to say, it was raspy but I could hear it. That's when my fear went away. She did remember, and she said it back. She was awake, she was going to be fine, I wanted to pull the curtain back, I had to let her know I heard her and that everything was going to be okay now. As I went closer I could see in, I saw her facing the opposite side, I figured she was looking out the window while she came to. She was just as beautiful as ever even with no makeup on. Just as I was about to say something to get her attention I heard, "I love you too Katie". Josh was seated on the other side of the bed.