Anger. Shame. Guild. Exasperation. Fear. Too many emotions were hitting Daryl…the kid was killing him...
Harry was a shivering, half naked mess, beaten up and violated, because Daryl had taken too long to come back and yet the teen greeted him with relieve and concern… And not concerned for his own health… nooo, Daryl's!
Taking a deep breath; trying not to snarl at the already hurt boy.
"Yeah, ya idiot, of course I'm alright. The question is… if yer OK?"
That got him an owlish blink... and then the kid frowned, tilting his head to the side...
"I think so..., bruised; but he didn't break anything, back hurts but that to be expected since he threw me on the ground...he tore me open but nothing to bad... will be limping for a day or two... but should be OK?", his voice sounded hesitant, unsure.
"You're British!", Rick exclaimed surprised as he slowly came over.
Harry tensed and eyed him warily, suspicious. So Rick kept his distance trying to make himself as none threatening as possible...
Not an easy thing since his face and beard were still covered in blood... he looked anything but.
Harry nodded "Yes. I'm British. "
"My Name is Rick. Rick Grimes. That's my son Carl and our friend Michonne. And seems like you know Daryl already?", he looked inquiring from Daryl to Harry.
"Yes, we met a few days ago... I'm Harry.", boy seemed a little less tense, since Rick didn't try to come closer.
"We've... We've got some extra clothes, you want to dress?"
Harry flushed in embarrassment, looking to the side he nodded shyly.
"That would be great actually... But I'm... I'm dirty." The last part was barley a whisper. Kid's head dropped in shame.
"There's a small stream not much but enough ta clean yaself up. I'll take ya." Daryl said softly and Harry looked with overwhelming gratefulness for the hunter.
"That... That would be amazing. Thanks... I...Thank you.", he agreed tearfully.
Feeling uncomfortable with the kid's gratitude, Daryl groused "Naah... It's nothing! Can ya walk?"
"I think so...", carefully gathering his clothes around him to stay covered Harry tried to stand up, but his right leg gave out under him; causing him to nearly crash back to the ground if Daryl hadn't jumped in and caught him.
Cursing Daryl tentatively held him in his arms, afraid to hurt or frighten Harry who had gone rigid.
"Sorry, yer alright?"
He heard a shaky exhale released from the underfeed kid.
"Yeah... just startled...", Harry grid out, his expression pinched and eyes clenched close.
"I just need a moment. Hurts more than expected"
Breathing deeply he pulled himself together, forcing himself to uncoil a bit. He felt his legs shaking. Pain laced trough his ass and all over his back...
Damn, he felt tears swimming in his eyes; pressure behind his eyes building. He couldn't even suppress the sobs ripping themselves from his throat.
Daryl felt more and more concerned when Harry stared to shake and sniffle. The hunter felt tears wetting his shirt.
"I...I don't think I can... walk on my own.", kid sounded so sad and defeated, that Daryl felt his own eyes prickle swallowing heavy, when he replied his voice was thick with emotion.
"That's..."
Alright? Naah... nothing of this fucked up shit was alright... "I'll carry ya. If it's OK fer ya."
Another sad, sad hiccup and a tiny nod.
Rick watched from a distance how Daryl picked the small and worryingly thin teenager up, like he was afraid to break the younger male at any moment. It was a heart-breaking sight to see the usually rough man gingerly handling the sobbing boy. Michonne came over and gave Daryl the fresh clothes for the teen.
Daryl was reminded of the first time he had taken care of Harrys wound's.
++++Flashback+++
With the chocolate bar finished Daryl had cleared his throat and motioned for the kid to take his shirt off and to turn around. The kid complied with a huff and peeled himself out of his huge shirt.
Exposing his back and a pair of Celtic tattoos on frail wrists surrounded by heavy scarring to Daryl.
A string of courses left the archers mouth!
The teen cringed. Head lowered, he mumbled:
"Aww, sorry should have warned you... This wasn't my first punishment. I tried to make a run for it a few times. Len felt that a whipping or a beating wasn't enough. He wanted to make the message sink... so he... well...Did this."
Daryl wanted to punch something or better someone. That bastard... make the message sink in...motherfucking swine... yeah he could see that.
Under some new partly bleeding welts were some older ones and some other scars. The one on his shoulder looked even older and funny, like someone dragged something barbed over it.
But the scars that stood out the most were the ones that motherfucker had fucking carved into the kids skin.
D
+++++ Flashback end++++++
Down at the stream Daryl dropped the fresh clothes and went straight into the water with his precious cargo, not caring that he got his own pants soaked.
The boy was so light and small that he could hold him with one arm, while he used the other to wet some of the torn rags Harry had worn until now. Carefully he helped Harry clean himself, getting the worst of the dirt and other things off him. He decidedly turned his head when the teen started to clean his lower body, giving him a bit of privacy. The hunter's heart clenched painfully with each uncomfortable hiss or sob the boy made when the cold water would come in contact with any open wound...
The white and red scare tissue around his cuff-like tattoos gleaming now and then in the moon light.
Accenting the thin wrists and arms, protruding bones and sharp angles everywhere and at last the gruesome scars on the kids back...
He looked over the whipping wounds, most of them healing OK, but a few looked inflamed, so he cleaned them again. He could see Harry's muscles rippling and shaking under his hand with the pain of it.
When they were done, they were both exhausted physically but mostly emotionally.
None of them spoke as Daryl helped Harry into the new clothes and then carefully lifted him back into his arms.
On the way back he could feel how the tension bleed out of Harry, body getting heavier and softer, head resting against his shoulder.
"Daryl?"
"Mhhmm", a soft non-committal rumble.
"Thank you."
"Mhmm."
"You really did it! You killed them all.", he sounded awed.
"Yeah.", Glancing down on the boy the hunter marvelled at how relaxed he looked right now. Silent tears were running down his face but he didn't seem that sad anymore, there was a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
Green eyes met dark blue ones. Smile widening.
"I'm free now, aren't I?"
Daryl couldn't help himself and he smiled back.
"Yeah, Yer are.", they both bathed silently this moment of relieve and hope.
At least I managed to keep my promise to him. They both thought.
+++++Flashback+++++
Daryl had needed sometime to calm himself. The words on the boys back glaring back at him.
CLAIMED
Fuck! They had seen some serious shit... but nothing like this!
"Shit, that's messed up! That sick fuck!" grinding his teeth, Daryl growled. "I should have shot the old ass! Should go back and just do it now!" The archer paced, growling and snarling. Already grabbing his knife...
"Stop!", the kids voice was like steel!
Daryl halted and when he looked back the teen had who had him fixed with a hard stare.
"Are you insane?!", gone was the smile, the kids tone was incredulous and harsh.
Daryl was seething, didn't the brat understand? He was trying to save him... Men like that didn't stop, they would kill the boy.
"Hear the kid before. Thinks ya another dirty redneck... 'nother low life. Worthless pussy! That can't protect anything... Useless!", that voice on his head sounded suspiciously like Merle again.
"What cha say?", he growled, turning back to the still sitting shirtless boy. Vulnerable, bruised all over, beaten up. And those freaking excessive scars on his wrists that told their own story of the kid's desperation?! All of it was so messed out and Daryl was sick off watching people die.
But this was the first time Daryl saw those green eyes burning with real life.
Kid's angry...
"What I'm saying?...", green eyes narrowed "What do you think you're going to achieve going back there with one bow again six others with weapons? Besides dying I mean!", Kid glared at him.
Daryl bared his teeth at the teen, hating feeling so useless.
"So ya want ta do nothing? Just laying back like a good little bitch and take the next beatin'... the next fuckin'!", Red was clouding Daryl's vision, his mind conjuring picture after picture of what the kid was going be to suffering.
"But maybe ya like it!"
A hissing inhale.
As soon the words had left his mouth, Daryl felt ice cold... what was he saying?!
Shit! Such utter bullshit!
Glancing carefully at the kid, damn... the teen looked like he punched him, pale, wide eyes directed on the ground, tears gathering. Another hissing breath.
Shit, he's going to cry... fabulous Job, Dixon. Make the raped and beaten up kid cry... Just great! Yer an ass!
"Shit... look kid, I didn't mean it... I know ya don't..."
Just man up, and apologize, Dixon!
Kids head snapped up, glare back on.
"That, was a low blow!", voice cold, expression pinched. The kid looked determined.
"What I want is for you to keep your head!" hissed the raven.
"What I want is for you to bloody think before charging in there and get yourself killed.
Because that will not change. A. Fucking. Thing!
I will still be raped and beaten. You just won't have to see it anymore, because you will be dead then!", taking a shuddering breath the boy pulled himself together to calm down.
"What I want is for you not to throw your life away for an already half dead kid and for things that are long scared over... Fighting now won't change a thing for the better. So will you...please... calm down?"
"I know you look at me and you just see another dead girl"
Like Beth, was all Daryl could think, kid was like Beth.
The boy would probably end like Beth, lost in this fucked up world, struggling to get by until all those horrors around him would swallow him up. All anger drained out of the archer leaving only a deep sadness and endless exhaustion behind.
Yeah, running off now would achieve nothing, but he was tired of watching good people die and the scum survive.
Harry watched how the man changed, without his anger he seemed smaller somehow. He looked drained, exhausted... vulnerable...When their gazes met, Harry could see it:
"He's lost. Just as me."
Out loud he said: "Calmed down?", the wind picked up and Harry shivered...and it irritated his back, taking a sharp breath "Bloody shit!"
Daryl frowned looking guilty, he sighed.
"Yeah... yeah... I'm sorry... I should probably take care of ya back now?!", he said in soft gruff tone.
Daryl was as careful as possible as he cleaned the bleeding marks on the kids back and the kid tried to be tough about it but he couldn't help himself from crying out.
In an attempt to distract him Daryl talked to him, asked questions.
"What's ya name?" carefully dragging a wet cloth over a wound.
A small laugh and a whimper.
"Longe time since anybody asked that. My name is Harry."
"Where are ya from. Ya accent is strange."
"Ouch, Ou,... I'm from England, lived in Surrey close to London, but I went to boarding school in Scotland. So my accent may be a little bit messed up.", last part was said in such exaggerated posh English accent, that Daryl huffed a little laugh.
"If ya say so, ma Lord. What were ya doing here through? When you're from England was someone with ya?", damn was he a rich kid or what, boarding school in Scotland sounded fancy.
"Vacation...in Atlanta... arg! Bloody hell! My family is gone... Early in the apocalypse. Now I'm stranded here." Another wound cleaned. Good!
"What a shit vacation... Sorry for ya loss! I know it's hard! Were ya with a group before them?"
Shit was hard enough, but being in another country losing your family, with no way home that sucked.
"No, was mostly alone, for months… running, hiding... form walkers... and people. I just generally tried to stay clear of people... well... then came the Claimers... " Harry told him with through gritted teeth
"I didn't saw a lot of good people. I started to fear the living more than the dead. I had given up on humanity.
It's a relief to see that there are good people left in this world, they'll be necessary or the world will be truly lost to mankind. The future needs good people like you. Like the guy that killed Lou, I think he was a good person, too "
That made Daryl pause.
"Ya think? Why?" which got him the cheeky response that obviously he was the one who wanted to play 21 questions.
"Yer a brat!", Daryl huffed at him.
Harry smiled a little despite the pain.
"The man under the bed I think he contemplated how to kill me." Harry admitted with a small laugh.
"He was so tense that he was shaking all over... But not in fright, you know. But the kind of shaking when your high on adrenaline and ready to fight. Like a wounded bear backed in a corner. He looked ready to tear anyone in his way to pieces.
And at the same time he seemed conflicted about it...
A man ready to become a feral animal but hurting over it at the same time. But it was this ambivalence that made all the difference in the world... Convinced me that he's a good guy and to give him a chance to get away.
I think he wanted to help me, too. But he couldn't...
He... he was hurt, looked really beaten up. He couldn't have gotten both of us out there; too dangerous. And I think he travelled with other people he needed to warn not to come back to the house.
He... He wanted to reach out to me. Seemed real upset that he couldn't help me. So yeah, I think he's one of the good ones. I'm glad he got out, glad that I could help."
Beaten up... Daryl didn't dare to hope... but maybe it was Rick...?
"What'd he look like?", he urged the little Brit on.
"Huh, umm...brown hair I think, quite curly, and a bushy salt and pepper beard, bright blue eyes... he looked really, really tense, if you know what I mean...? The kind of tension you could normally only achieve with at least 15 espressi. You know him?" That sounded like Rick, alright.
"Yeah, I think I do..."Daryl smirked a bit, if he'd see Rick again he'd tell him he came across as high on caffeine "Ya know something about the people he travelled with?"
"Sorry, no... The others found woman's cloths in the house and one of the kid's rooms was recently used. Tony thinks he met up with a woman and a boy."
Carl! And maybe Michonne!? Daryl could suddenly breathe easier than before. Rick, Carl and Michonne might be alive.
"That's good news? Right?!" Harry regarded him curiously.
And Daryl smiled a little "Might be! They're friends. Ma family."
Harry's answering smile was nearly blinding... damn the boy was really pretty under all those bruises...and fuck it was endearing cause the kid was happy for him. Earnest happiness cause he might find his family.
"But Daryl, Joe is tracking them down for what happened with Lou. They want to kill them, I think", Harry looked suddenly worried.
"Then they don't know who they're messing with. Rick and Michonne are badass and the kid, Carl, is tough, too", and Daryl knew he would do anything to protect them.
"I'm done with ya back. Can't do more right now, sorry. Go back as long as the idiot lookout is still asleep and try ta get some shut eye, will ya. I'm gonna keep watch."
Looking at the small kid with his messed up back knowing what these bastards were doing to him, Daryl made a decision.
"Harry, ya were right 'bout not charging headless into a fight... But when we find ma friends, we will kill those scumbags. I make sure ya will be safe, alright? Just don't give up yet, try to hang on a little longer. 'Kay?"
Harry felt like he took a dive on a broom... stomach clenching painfully...tears burning in his eyes.
This was... shit this was the point... before meeting the man under the bed and Daryl Harry had started to give up. Numbing himself against the constant abuse and pain, but also closing himself off to positive thoughts and feelings... Hoping just hurt too much sometimes. And he hadn't dared to hope anymore.
Thinking more and more about dying and just giving in.
And now... now he wasn't sure if he could open himself up again for such feeling. Making himself vulnerable to disappointment and grieve.
"I...I...", his voice broke with pent up emotions, "I'll...try to...?", he managed to whisper. More a question than a real promise but Daryl seemed satisfied.
"Is all I ask!", he sounded relived, his own voice rough with unspoken feelings.
And all Harry could think was "Maybe he understands..."
On the way back Daryl had tugged him in the blanket to keep him as warm as possible. Harry felt safer than in a long time. He felt his exhaustion creeping up on him; eyelids already heavy, he murmured:
"Daryl?"
"Yeah, kiddo?"
"Just thanks, I know you don't think so but you and the bloke under the bed helped already. Just knowing people like you still exist is enough.
When we find your friends, Joe will want to hurt them... if there's any situation where you can save them or run with them... Promise me that you'll do that then. Doesn't matter if you can't take me with you... just be with good people!"
Daryl felt too stunned for a moment... Kid just told him to leave him behind if necessary, as long as he'd found his family.
When he wanted to protest, the kid had slippedaway.
Fuck all! He was so done with this day!
When the next morning came, Daryl watched Harry waking up quickly checking where Len was, making sure he kept himself out of sight and the way not to gather any kind of unwanted attention…
For a moment Daryl was quite tried to forget that he promised not to take unnecessary risks and just throw the little Brit over his shoulder and make a run for it.
But before he could say or do anything, Harry caught his gaze.
Kid's unimpressed look told him that Harry probably knew what had been going on in his head.
Daryl flushed a little at silent telling off, he hated being this transparent. The hunter scowled at the teen, but those green eyes just held his gaze until Daryl had to look away...
Harry gave him a little half smile and an awkward one shouldered shrug.
As if to say: Come on, it will be alright... somehow.
Harry squared his frail and bony shoulders; eyes determined he got ready for the day. For a moment Daryl was reminded of the day Merle went away to the military. Merle had been equally awkward and determined and Daryl had felt similar queasy about it.
+++++Flashback end+++++
When they reached the others Harry was fast asleep in Daryl's arms and he carefully put him into the car with Michonne and Carl. Carl looked still incredibly pale and shaken over the whole ordeal.
When he saw Harry he craned his neck to check the older boy over.
"Is he okay?", he whispered. Face relaxed in sleep the British boy looked incredibly young; the bruises still an ugly violet and yellow here and there.
"He might not be fer some time... but I think he will get there with some help.", he mumbled lowly.
Carl frowned in concern but nodded. There was a familiar determined expression on his face.
"Get some sleep, kiddo"
Rick sat on the outside of the car, looking shook up and still covered in blood.
Exhausted and wild at the same time.
Tense like he was high on 15 espressi, had Harry said.
Daryl pulled his red cleaning rag out and put some water on it, holding it out to his friend.
"No, we saving it to drink.", Rick sounded tired.
"Nah, ya can't see yaself...They can.", Daryl pointed to the car with the two sleeping boys.
Rick started to clean his face.
Daryl sat down beside him, resting his back against the car. He felt the need to explain.
"At first I didn't know what they were...", Rick nodded looking understanding.
"How did you wind up with them?"
"Was with Beth. We got out together... I was with her for a while...", the whole thing weighted still heavy on his conscience.
"'She dead?"
"Nah, Just gone, now... After, that's when they found me...Didn't know what they were capable of. But I knew they were bad. But they had code. It was stupid but it sounded easy... and it was some.", Daryl muttered.
"And then I found out about Harry and things they did ta him. Couldn't leave then, kid told me what happened and that they were looking for ya. Couldn't get him out and away with on ma own. So he made me agree ta do nothing stupid, ta wait till we found ya. Shouldn't have left him tanight ta hunt, kid wouldn't have gotten hurt again... if…"
Daryl looked at the ground hiding his expression behind his fringe. He was biting viciously on his thumb nail.
Rick looked pained
"That's not on you, Daryl." Rick stopped cleaning his face.
"You being back here with us that's everything! You couldn't have known.", Daryl was fighting tears back at that, those words soothed some of the boiling rage, fear, shame and guilt he felt since he understood what these bastards did to Harry.
"You're ma brother!", Daryl was deeply touched by Rick declaration.
"And at least you did right by the boy and didn't leave him completely behind with those pigs", Rick clenched his fists.
"God, Daryl! I fucking left him there, even knowing how they were hurting him. I left when I knew that they would punish him for not telling on me... feared that they killed him for it. Fuck I left a dead man to turn just one room away from him.", Rick buried his face in his hand.
"And I have seen his face; his bruises weren't that extensive the last time."
"Yeah, they did punish him. Beat, raped and whipped him for helping ya." Maybe it was cruel to tell him that and Rick flinched at the information. But it was important. Lying about it would solve nothing.
"But that's not on ya either!", Daryl said roughly.
"He knew that. Kid told me he knew ya were good folks. Saw that ya were ta hurt ta help him. Understood that ya were with others that ya had to protect. He was glad ya got away and lived. I think he was afraid they would hurt Michonne... He said ya tried to reach out for him?"
"Yeah, was shaking like a complete idiot while the kid braved through hell..." Rick cringed at the memory.
"Was happy about it." Rick head snapped up at that, looking incredulous.
"Said he didn't think there were any compassionate people left in the world... some shit like that. Told me that knowing that there are some good ones left was enough."
"Kindness like that... It seems nearly too much now a days..."
"Yeah…"