Horatio, Pipistrella, and Yosef were travelling to the beach, just next to the city on the wagon that The Emperor had gifted them. Along the way, Horatio and his group discussed the plans for what to do next after this.
"I want to find Helmitor and kill him," Pipistrella said coldly.
"I want to go home, maybe fight some stuff, I dunno," Yosef added, leading back into his seat in the wagon with his axes.
"I want to…" Horatio was saying before droning off, remembering that Hansel was gone. "... help Pipistrella with her revenge."
"Sounds good. We go beat up the choglites, come back home, then we go Helmitor's castle and smash the place up. Easy peasy."
"Yeah.. say, how close are we to the beach?" Pipistrella asked, looking out the wagon.
"About 10 minutes ago," Yosef lazily replied.
"What? We could have finished this job 10 minutes ago?"
"Yeah, but I thought we were having fun bonding here…"
"We got a job to do, Yosef. Tell you what, after this we can talk as much as you want," Horatio said.
"Only if you call me honey," Yosef remarked with a smile.
"No."
"Just do it!" The voice yelled from the sky.
"Ok, ok! Jeez, ok, honey."
Everyone hopped out of the wagon and noted that they were just out of the beach's perimeter. To the shore, 3 lowriders were parked, about 5 men in helmets made of bone, and corpses scattered all over the beach. Walking closer, a woman with blonde hair was talking to one of the choglites, who was leaning against one of the lowriders and wore a pair of sunglasses with his helmet.
"You know, this was a pretty sweet party, Eddy," the lady commented to the choglite.
"Yeah, we choglites know the party life, with Chog and all, it's like a natural blessing," Eddy said with a surfer's accent.
"Up until you killed everyone at the party!" the lady added with an annoyed tone.
"Psh, they were all lame anyways, non-Chog worshippers and all. C'mon babe, let's get you sacrificed already! You'll thank me later."
Eddy grabbed the lady and threw her in the car, the entire time the lady not even flinching. Ignoring that, Horatio yelled from across the beach to intervene.
"Hey, you leave her alone!" He yelled, raising his sword.
"And what're you gonna do about it? Fellas, take care of grandpa, grandma, and their cool demi-clops for me, will ya?" Mark shouted before hopping in the lowrider and driving off the surface of the ocean.
"What in the ever loving blueberries?" Horatio murmured.
"I know what you're thinkin', where can I buy one," Yosef whispered to him with a chuckle. 3 of the choglites, 2 humans and a cyclops with a tall hat, proceeded toward the group, with the exception of one, who was an archer and stayed back.
"Donny gonna smash you!" The cyclops said in a primitive tone, brandishing the massive piece of driftwood in his hand.
"Uh, will Donny please not smash us?" Pipistrella asked politely.
"No, Donny kill you with funny stick!"
"Well, can't say we didn't try."
Horatio ran forward with everyone in his group, taking a stab at Donny while Yosef threw both of his axes at one of the choglites next to him. Pipistrella chose to attack Donny with Horatio, swinging at the giant's kneecaps. One of the choglites fell, but one other with a short sword and Donny were still left.
"Take some of this!" The choglite with the sword said, swinging it at Pipistrella. She just barely managed to block it with her shield before making a counter attack on the man. With one swipe of the scepter, the man's days were down to zero. Donny chose to run up to Yosef and take a mighty swing of his stick, which gave enough force to send Yosef flying back several dozen yards.
"Ow! That hurt!" Yosef yelled from the other side of the beach. Horatio ran up to Donny and stabbed with his sword, leaving a sizeable mark in the cyclops. From the sky, a couple arrows fashioned out of bones flew down on Horatio and Pipistrella, catching them off guard and all landing into them. Pipistrella swung her mace to the cyclops and hit him in between the kiwis (ouch!) and Donny was sent to the floor, not getting back up.
"Donny's donny hurt…" Donny groaned, rolling over in pain.
"That was uncomfortable and totally unnecessary," The voice from the sky commented.
"For once, I agree with that voice," Horatio added with disgust in his voice. From behind them, Yosef got up back to his feet and ran over to his friends, a wide grin on his face.
"Now that was fun! Is Don still alive, 'cause I wanna do it again!"
"Uh, no, Pip made sure he wouldn't get back up…"
"Aw, Pip! Oh well, let's just go finish that archer and get our gold already."
The group ran over to the very shore of the beach to encounter the archer, who was standing lone by the lowriders. He cowered with his bow made of bones, attempting to nock an arrow before the unexpected happened next: A boat crashed into the beach, smashing the lowrider and the archer. To the boat's crow nest, it had the Spanish flag waving proudly. From the ship, a woman dropped down, who had red hair flowing to her shoulders, small signs of freckles, and a crusador helmet on. In her hand was the flag of Spain.
"The new world, I have made it!" The woman exclaimed, putting down the flag to the beach turf. Noticing the surprised group before her, she added," Natives, gente amable, will you be my guides to this new world for the nation of Spain?"
Yosef and Horatio looked to each other, both thinking mentally why not?
"Wait, we can speak telepathically?" Horatio asked to Yosef, via minds.
"Well yeah! We're soulmates!" Yosef replied, making an image of him shrugging to Horatio.
"That's… actually pretty cool…"
"I know, right?"
"We accept to be your guides, Ms..?" Horatio said.
"Sofia, most trusted recruitador of her majesty, the queen of Spain. You?" Sofia replied.
"Horatio, the demi-clops here is Yosef, lady with the cool scepter is Pipistrella."
"Excellente! Well, we must get going, my friends!"
Horatio led everyone back to the wagon, and they set off back to the city. However, mid-way there, Sofia stopped him, pointing to something out of the wagon.
"Do you see what I see, handsome man?" Sofia asked.
"Uh, no. What are we looking at?" He inquired, squinting to where Sofia pointed. Over in that direction, there was a bridge that went over a small river, and on it was several men with a single cupcake. Not a edible cupcake, mind you, a living, breathing cupcake. They were pretty common sight after the bear fell. It had vanilla frosting, and bore a catapult-like mechanism attached to it's back.
"We must recruit the cupcake!" Sofia exclaimed, pulling a net out of seemingly nowhere.
"Are you sure? That little dude over there seems to be havin' fun, chilling on his own," Yosef pointed out.
"The cupcake could be in trouble with those men, though. They don't look too friendly," Pipistrella countered.
"Ehh, why not? It's like my mom said, save a cupcake a day and something will happen to you!"
"What would happen to you?"
"Hell if I know all I know is that we're gonna go save the cupcake. Follow me, lads!"
Yosef jumped out of the wagon and ran toward the bridge, soon followed by the eager Sofia, and then by the hesitant Horatio and slightly more positive Pipistrella. Once they had gotten to the bridge, one of the men on the bridge stepped forward to Yosef, issuing a command.
"Put 'yer stuff in the box and move along, geeks! This is our bridge!" The man said, brandishing a small twig he had in his hand.
"Ah, bridge bandits," Yosef noted. "Say, you wouldn't mind if we just took that cupcake right there, would you?"
"Someone talking about me?" The cupcake squeaked from the middle of the bridge.
"Oi, I'm robbing you, not the other way around! Get 'em!" The bridge bandit yelled. The man stabbed with his stick to Yosef, but had failed to realize that sticks do relatively little to demi-clop abs. It broke upon impact.
"Dude, that was weak," Yosef said, shaking his head in disappointment before cleaving his axes into the bandit's head. To the middle of the bridge, two more men remained, one with a short bow, and another with a heavy sword fashioned out of a tree trunk. Unlike the other bandit's twig, this new bandit's weapon was actually sharpened, and was far more likely to penetrate skin.
"Incoming!" Horatio yelled, raising his shield as the enemy archer fired off a volley of 6 arrows. Around him, his friends ducked behind him to the safety of his shield. All arrows were blocked, and the heavy sword bandit came forward and brung down his weapon upon Horatio's right arm, marking a long, nasty cut from his shoulder to his hand. "Yeouch!"
"Ha ha, I bet that'll sting in the mornin'!" The bandit remarked with a smug grin. Pipistrella and Sofia stepped forward with their weapons then, advancing upon the swordsmen while Yosef proceeded to the archer.
"Hutah!" Sofia grunted as she thrusted her thin saber into the bandit's shoulder. The man reflexed in pain, swinging his sword involuntarily and hitting Sofia with the butt of the blade. Unfortunately for the man, Pipistrella came up from behind and crushed his skull with her scepter, ending his days.
"Slightly better, I give it a 7.3, minimum," The voice commented half-heartedly.
"How about this, Mr. Narrator?" Yosef called, throwing both of his axes at the archer from several distances away. They landed on their target, both hitting the archer with such force that he fell of the bridge into the deep river.
"Better, an 8."
"Pshh, that was like a 1,000 better, bro!"
"Don't listen to him, I thought it was epic, a 10 at the least," Horatio reassured telepathically.
"Thanks, soul-mate," Yosef replied, sending a mental image of him grinning with one of his thumbs up.
"Not so fast, quiche!" A rough voice called from the other side of the bridge. The group looked over to see a towering cyclops wearing a executioner's hood, and carrying a massive mallet fashioned out of a bone lumber forward.
"For Espania!" Sofia yelled, charging the gargantuan with her saber. Alongside her followed Yosef and Horatio, while Pipistrella sneaked around to attempt to flank the cyclops. Yosef and Sofia got to the cyclop first, taking stabs at its feet and knees. Unfortunately, they didn't detect the massive mallet swinging down to meet them in time, and they were sent flying to the other side of the bridge.
"Ha ha, your tiny weapons do nothing!" The cyclops shouted, laughing maniacally. Pipistrella ignored his words and continued running, taking a swing at one of his knees and sounding a nasty crunch. "Ow!"
"I bet that did something," Horatio commented, running up and taking a stab. From the other side of the bridge, his friends were limping back. The cupcake noticed this and pulled the string attached to the catapult on his back, firing a thick glob of his frosting at them. As soon as it made contact, their wounds disappeared.
"The little cupcake can mend wounds?" Sofia asked, looking at her now closed wounds in amazement.
"Yeah, science is a doozy, eh?" Yosef commented with a chuckle as he ran forward to help Horatio and Pipistrella with the cyclops. He threw his axes, both landing in the giant's kneecaps, and crippling the cyclops.
"No no no!" The cyclop stammered as he fell to the river, sinking to it's depths.
"My friends, we have beaten the monster!" Sofia announced, pulling a flag seemingly out of nowhere and shoving it into the bridge. "I do claim this bridge for Spain, and her majesty!"
"Yay, I'm free now, freeeeee!" The cupcake said in excitement, raising his hands in the air.
"And I claim the cupcake, too."
Sofia threw a net around the cupcake, encasing them completely.
"Rats… well, at least I can hang out with you guys," The cupcake commented, crossing his arms.
"Man with one eye, handsome man! Please bring the cupcake to the wagon, I must note this in my journal!"
Yosef and Horatio nodded, helping the cupcake walk over to the cart while Sofia and Pipistrella checked the leftover loot.
Yet again, the moron prevails, and that lady, what was her name? Molia I think, is obviously flirting with him. Him!
Ew, that's gross!
I know, right? At least we agree on something here. Oh well, let's just hope that Horatio keels over eventually, I'm getting more angry by the minute…
Mr?
I have a name
What is it?
None of your business. For all intensive purposes, address me as 'cool abs man.'
Ok cool abs man, do you need a hug?
W-what?
A hug. You look angry, just like when dad is mad. Whenever he's mad, I give him a hug, and he's all better after.
I don't need hugs, I'm a powerful being that defies logic for god's sake! I don't need you to nurture me!
Ok, suit yourself…
...maybe later...