Five days later, Sebastian found himself back at Dalton Academy, stumbling into the now dimly lit hallway.
He was the last person to arrive on campus, just in time before the gates were closed shut. There were a couple of students still wandering about, ready to call it a night and return to their respective beds. Sebastian didn't even register their greetings as he dragged himself, a pained step after another, to the familiarity that was his own room.
He could hardly breathe.
It felt as if shards of glass were running down his throat, down to his lungs, embedding themselves at his very core.
Sebastian tried so hard to fight back the tears. He refused to break down, even if there was no one to see him fall apart. The last shred of dignity and pride left in him wouldn't let him bastard win. He was trembling violently, his fingers grasping the fabric of his blazer until his knuckles turned white.
Even within the walls of the school, he didn't feel safe anymore. He realized that it was only a delusion. He was never safe. He'd never be completely safe. He was only buying time until it'd eventually destroy him.
Sebastian didn't know how long he had sat on the floor. All he knew was that he didn't have enough energy left in him to stand up. He wanted to curl up on the floor and just fall into a dreamless slumber. Maybe he'd get lucky enough to not see the light of a new day.
Willing himself to move again, Sebastian shrugged his coat off gingerly. He slowly made his way to the mirror and unbuttoned his shirt, needing to know how much damage had been done. Once the shirt was on the floor, Sebastian inhaled sharply as he stared at his reflection. He immediately regretted his decision.
He was a ghastly sight, a creature from a nightmare. Dried blood, his own, was speckled across the skin beneath his collar bones. Angry purple bruises were covering his entire upper torso, with distinct nail marks running down his sides and trailing down to his protruding hipbones.
The ugly marks were everywhere, until they came to an abrupt halt just above the collar bone.
Of course, Sebastian thought bitterly.
He would never have made it obvious. He always attacked neck-down. Left marks where the Dalton uniform could cover up perfectly. It was always so meticulously planned. It was sickening how shrewd and organized such a monster could be.
All of a sudden, he felt bitter. It soon escalated into full-scale anger that even he wasn't sure he could contain anymore. He wanted to break everything, scream at someone, punch a wall or do anything equally violent to release some of the overwhelming emotions. His hands were now shaking uncontrollable by his sides.
It hurt. Every part of him hurt. Every inch of his body and his very soul ached with pain he didn't know possible. And all he could do was crawl into his bed, pull the covers up to his neck and hope to all things holy that he be able to fall asleep.
And hopefully never wake up again.
0
Hunter was feeling exceptionally agitated as he swung around idly in his chair. Sebastian was nowhere to be seen during dinner, when everyone else had been present. He didn't make an appearance throughout the rest of the evening and hadn't returned a single call or text from Nick or Jeff. He had intended to call the other teen as well but refrained from doing so. It just didn't feel like the right thing to do at the time.
And now he was sort of regretting his decision.
For one thing, he wasn't sure why he was making such a big deal out of calling up or texting a fellow Warbler. They had already exchanged numbers and had made calls and texts, albeit always strictly prefessional and Warblers related, so it shouldn't have been an issue for him to just casually ask where the other was. Yet, he didn't, and knowing that Sebastian hadn't made his whereabouts known to anyone was making him antsy. And he didn't like it.
Especially when Sebastian's tortured eyes kept popping up in his head just about every other minute.
Hunter's history book was opened on his desk, long abandoned.
The captain of the Warblers made a sound of utter frustration before pushing himself off the chair. He was going to have to check up on Sebastian if he was going to get any sleep tonight. And plus, wasn't it the captain's duty to make sure that all members were safe and present?
Hunter didn't even register that his steps were becoming increasingly quicker as he neared Sebastian's door. After straightening himself, he knocked ad waited impatiently for a reply. None came. He tried again, yet still nothing.
Never the type to give up so easily, Hunter turned the handle with frustrated grunt, and to his surprise found that it was unlocked.
Typical.
The lights were on, but there was no visible movement. Where the hell was he?
Hunter's eyes scanned the room quickly before landing on the bed. The only sign of Sebastian was the mop of familiar hair peeking from the blanket. The captain of the Warblers rolled his eyes, annoyed that the other teen had let him think that something horrible had happened to him. He was just about to turn the lights off and leave the room when he heard a distinct whimpering followed by labored breathing.
Was that...?
Hunter froze and turned around slowly, trying to tune his ears to focus on the sound. It was coming from Sebastian. Carefully, he approached the bed, despite his inner voice telling him to mind his own business and just walk out.
"Sebastian?" Hunter tried, his voice barely above a whisper. Yet the figure on the bed remained unresponsive. Then there was another whimper, this time much louder and even more heartbreaking. Something was definitely wrong.
Hunter leaned over the bed and placed a tentative hand on the other teen's shoulder, and as soon as he tried to shake the other awake, Sebastian jerked violently. And the events that followed happened so quickly, that Hunter hardly registered anything. His ears could hear the strained, yet piercing scream. He could feel the stinging on his arm, where Sebastian's fingernails had drawn blood as he lashed out violently. He knew that his hands he had instinctively grabbed the other teen's wrists in efforts to prevent further attacks. He could see the angry scars and bruises covering the exposed skin. Yet he couldn't wrap his head around what was going on.
Sebastian threshed violently against the hold, his eyes shut tightly, pitiful noises escaping the tightly closed lips. And for the first time in Hunter's life, he was completely lost as to how to handle the situation.
After a moment of stunned silence, Hunter called out the other teen's name, hoping that Sebastian would snap awake from whatever horrendous nightmare he was having. Then as if nothing had happened, Sebastian came to a complete halt, his eyes wide open.
And Hunter immediately knew that the look in Sebastian's eyes would haunt him until his dying day.
There was so much raw pain and uninhibited agony in those heavily diluted, green eye. The emotions flared angrily around the pupils and lashed out at him, screamed at him in that haunted voice and broke something inside him. There was just so much and so little in them. They were full of overwhelming emotions yet so devastatingly empty.
"Sebastian," Hunter called out again, slowly this time, his voice leveled despite the violent turmoil inside him. He loosened his hold on the wo trembling wrists, applying just enough pressure to appear as if he was gently cradling the limbs. "Sebastian, look at me. It's me, Hunter. Look at me."
Sebastian blinked rapidly, his lashes heavy with unshed tears.
"...Hun...ter?" His voice came out a shaky whisper, not void of the residual confusion and panic from the nightmare. When the other Warbler nodded silently and slowly let go of his wrists, Sebastian's eyes roamed to the trail of fresh blood on Hunter's arm. He then looked down at his own hands.
"I'm-"
"Don't worry about it. It's just a cut," Hunter cut the other teen off. "Are you OK?"
Sebastian swallowed visibly, still shaken up. It seemed that he was having a difficult time getting his trembling under control. Hunter waited patiently for a reply, giving the other teen time to gain some semblance of composure.
Then Sebastian's eyes widened in shock when realized that he had fallen asleep without putting a shirt on. That Hunter now had a clear view of what he had become. The ugly reminders of how broken his life really was. And the powerful surge of emotions that immediately followed the realization drove Sebastian to near hysteria.
"You need to leave," Sebastian breathed, his voice trembling violently. He felt sick. He was only a moment away from emptying his already empty stomach.
"I'm not going anywhere," Hunter replied quietly, sitting on a corner of the other's bed.
"I said, leave," Sebastian hissed between clenched teeth, pulling the blanket up to hide the scars and bruises. His eyes stung, and his chest was heavy with pain as he tried to fight back the angry tears. How could Hunter do this to him?
"I'm not going to ask any questions. You don't have to say anything, but I'm not leaving," Hunter announced, his face fixed into a controlled blank expression. "Do you want some water?"
Sebastian fixed a hard stare at his own hands, now lying entwined on his laps. He had been careless, and now Hunter knew. It was all over. Now everyone was going to know what he really was. How pitifully weak and disgusting he was. There will be mocking sneers, degrading comments and pointed fingers tomorrow. There was nowhere he could turn to now. Nowhere to keep him safe.
He felt sick. And light-headed.
It felt as if he was floating with zero gravity. Everything in his head was blurred in white fog. It was as if he had detached himself from reality, watching himself as a bystander from a different world. There was heavy thumping in his head, but he couldn't hear anything else.
It was over.
Sebastian lulled his head back with a bitter smile.
"Sebastian," Hunter broke the silence, trying to maintain his voice under control. The expression on Sebastian face was almost jarring, and even he knew that it was not a good sign. "I said I wouldn't ask any questions, but you can still talk to me."
"What's there to know, Clarington? You've already seen everything," Sebastian replied, his lips pulled into a dark smile. "You just couldn't stay out of my life, could you," he continued in a bitter and mocking tone. "Are you happy now? Is this what you wanted to see?"
"No-"
"Tell me. Do you like what you see?" the other teen questioned, dropping the sheets and exposing his body again. "They're just so pretty, aren't they?"
"Sebastian, stop."
"Oh, so all of a sudden you're not interested?" Sebastian continued, an acutely dangerous tone apparent in his voice. Hunter flinched involuntarily and stiffened at the bitter undertone.
"Stop," Hunter tried again, more firmly this time. He slowly got up from the bed, ready to either defend himself or stop Sebastian from doing something they would both regret. He could sense that Sebastian was near the brink of insanity, and it would require next to nothing to push him over the tipping point.
"Sebastian, listen to me. You don't owe me any explanation, and I get that. And I'm sorry that this had to happen. I won't tell anyone anything, and you have my word." Hunter ventured, gauging for any sign of sudden change in the other's demeanor. "But let me help you."
"Help me?"Sebastian chuckled lowly, and the sound he made sent shivers goosebumps down Hunter's arms. "How could you possibly help me. You've only managed to ruin everything. I mean, isn't this what you wanted? To see what a fuck-up Sebastian Smythe actually is?"
"You know that's not true."
"Get out."
The demand was definitive, yet Hunter remained defiant. He instinctively knew that Sebastian shouldn't be left alone.
"I'm not leaving."
"Get. Out." Sebastian's tone held more obvious signs of hysteria now. The other Warbler had no idea of knowing if he had made the right decision or not, but he stood his ground.
"No."
"Get out! Get the fuck out of my room!" Sebastian was practically yelling now, his face flushed with uncontrollable anger. His shoulders were tense and trembling again, his eyes flashing threateningly.
"Sebastian..." Hunter took a step forward, but that had been a big mistake.
Sebastian backed into the headboard, shaking violently, his eyes jumping from one point of focus to another in rapid succession. The sheets now lied abandoned into a tangled heap at the bottom of the bed.
"Why can't you just leave me alone..." Sebastian whispered defeatedly, pulling his knees towards his chest. The sudden change in his demeanor gave Hunter a whiplash. There wasn't even a trace of the anger that had taken over the room only a moment again. All emotions that had radiated from the taller man had now dissipated into thin air. Only his lifeless voice filled the void.
"Why are you doing this to me...I haven't done anything to you," the voice continued, and at this point, Hunter wasn't sure if Sebastian was even aware of his presence. "I don't understand..."
The two remained still in deafening silence, neither of them even looking at each other. There just weren't right words to be spoken, no right actions to be taken.
And just when Hunter was about to open his mouth again, Sebastian had fallen asleep, his face buried in his arms. The captain of the Warblers watched the other teen warily, waiting for any sign of consciousness. When he heard Sebastian's even breathing, he relaxed visibly.
Hunter approached the bed quietly and cradled Sebastian's limp body. He carefully placed the sleeping Warbler flat on the bed, not forgetting to tuck him in.
Whatever needed to happen could happen later. For now, he could only wish that Sebastian would sleep in peace.
He kept the lights on before leaving the room. He didn't want to risk Sebastian waking up to darkness.
0
When Sebastian opened his eyes again, it was morning. He groaned at the blinding light, wondering why on Earth he had fallen asleep without turning them off. Then he began to slowly remember.
He had a nightmare. Someone had called out for him. Then...
Hunter.
Sebastian felt his blood drain when fragments of last night came back to him. Hunter had seen him. Now he knew everything. Yet he couldn't remember for the life of him what had happened after the angry yelling.
He was so confused.
The Warbler reached for his alarm clock and read that he had already missed his first class. He had clearly forgotten to set the alarm. Of course. But at least he would be in time for second period.
As much as he wanted to stay within the confines of the walls of his room, Sebastian was more wary of raising any suspicion from frequent absences. But then again, why did it matter anymore? Surely the entire school knew by now.
Sebastian decided that he was going to maintain the last remaining shred of dignity left in him by marching out the door with his head held up high. Because in a few moments of time, everything would be ripped away from him. What was left in him anyway.
However, contrary to his prediction, nothing had changed. Once he entered the main building, classes had gone out. And just like any other day, other students threw him casual greetings here and there.
He made his way into his second class, still waiting for someone to make a snide comment or give him a disproving look. But nothing. When lunchtime came, he found himself at the usual table, surrounding fellow Warbler members. Nick and Jeff were engaged in a heated debate about some movie, Thad was talking about some girl he met, and Trent was, well being Trent, smiling and eating. The routine normalcy of the situation was strangely unnerving to Sebastian.
He continued to pretend to be partaking in the conversation and forced himself to chew and swallow, just enough to not draw attention. His facade only faltered when Hunter joined them. The few seconds felt like hours to Sebastian, as he watched the captain of the Warblers sit down with his food in his hands.
"Hey," Hunter greeted everyone at the table vaguely, in the same manner that he had done for the past weeks he had been at the school. Sebastian didn't even know that he was holding his breath until Nick elbowed him gently.
"You OK?" Nick asked, concern obvious in his voice.
"Yeah, was just thinking about something."
"Care to share?"
"It's nothing," Sebastian murmured as he picked up another forkful. He really, really didn't feel like eating right now and wasn't even sure that he'd be able to keep the food down.
"Are you still sick?" Trent asked after swallowing quickly. Everyone had heard the "news" from Hunter that Sebastian was down with something horrendous last week, so they just assumed that the Warbler hadn't made a full recovery. "Hunter told us you were really ill."
Sebastian shot a quick glance at Hunter and then shrugged. "I guess so. Should be OK in a day or two."
"That's good. We all need you ready for Sectionals!" Jeff exclaimed over the table. Sebastian grimaced inwardly. How the hell as he going to practice in the condition he was in?
"You should take a couple of days off, just in case."
All heads turned to look at Hunter. They all knew that their current captain was a drill sergeant, almost relentless in his lack of compassion for the weak. So to hear those words coming out of Hunter's mouth was like entering the twilight zone.
"We don't want you slowing us down, Smythe."
Andddd he's back.
Everyone relaxed visibly at the usual smirk and demeanor. Everyone except Sebastian. He was just lost. He couldn't understand what was happening. Why was Hunter acting like nothing had happened? Had he imagined the whole thing? Was it just a really vivid dream and that was why he couldn't remember most of it? It was improbable, but impossible, and the desperate side of Sebastian began to believe that it was all just a horrendous dream.
Hunter pretended to be enjoying his lunch, when in reality, he wasn't even sure what he was stuffing into his mouth. He couldn't even remember waiting in line to pick his food up. All events following the jarring incident a few hours ago was just a giant blur to the captain of the Warblers. He spent the rest of the night without sleep, clearly disturbed by what had happened, forced himself to move and get ready for classes, attended them without registering a single word of the teachers and was now here.
He hadn't expected to Sebastian to make an appearance. In fact, he was ready to pay him a visit once the Warblers practice was over.
But Sebastian was only a few inches away from him, looking impeccable as always, save the paler complexion and smiles which were so obviously fake to him. It almost seemed as if the other Warbler had lost a considerable amount of weight over the past few days. Hell, within the last few hours.
Hunter wasn't sure how to play the card he was dealt with. He could've talked to Sebastian, asked him if he was OK. He could've acted the part of the caring friend always there to be of service. Instead, he settled for pretending as if nothing had happened. Perhaps he was being a coward, but he told himself that it would be the best for Sebastian. At least then Sebastian could go back to what he was before whatever the hell that was last night.
Hunter still wasn't entirely sure what had happened. For all he knew, he could've dreamt the whole thing. All in all, it was all becoming one overwhelming mindfuck of questions that kept piling on without being answered.
But was he ready to ask them? Not yet. Was he ready for the answers? Not even close.
Sebastian had taken his advice and had sat out, retreating to his room for the duration, and Hunter found himself standing in the cafeteria with one of the most intense internal debates of his lifetime. Should he get food for Sebastian or not?
He glanced at his watch. Dinner time was almost over and Sebastian was nowhere to be seen. And as much as he wanted to avoid facing the other Warbler so soon, the supposedly more compassionate part of him couldn't let Sebastian skip on another meal. He persuaded himself yet again that it was his duty as the captain to ensure the safety and wellbeing of all members. He blamed it on the teachings of his former military academy.
And it was a good thing that he was so charming with the cafeteria ladies. They were more than willing to make him another sandwich.
With the ziplock bag in his hands, alongside a plastic bottle of water and a cookie (he figured that some sugar might help), Hunter meandered his way through the hallways of the dormitory. There were a few students walking about, shooting him curious glances but not saying anything. Hunter knocked on Sebastian's door and waited patiently for a response. He figured it wouldn't be a good idea to just waltz in again.
After a moment of shuffling and aggravated grunts, the door swung open, revealing a still much haggard looking Sebastian Smythe.
"What are you doing here?" Sebastian asked, his voice subdued.
"You skipped dinner," Hunter answered, lifting up the items he was holding.
"Look, you don't have to do this every time I skip a meal. I'm not hungry," Sebastian grumbled in return, ready to shut the door on the other teen's face. Hunter brushed past and entered the room anyway, and cursed at himself for doing it again. Why did he never learn?
"What the hell, Clarington," Sebastian hissed, now clearly annoyed.
"Just eat, alright? You look like hell," Hunter countered, but regretted it immediately when he saw a flash of hurt on the other Warbler's face. It was instantaneous, but he didn't miss it. Afterall, how could he? He had become hyperaware of anything related to Sebastian now. "You need to eat if you're going to get better," he added quickly.
Sebastian didn't point out that it was Hunter who had come up with the lie about his being ill in the first place. It was a strange game they were playing.
"I don't feel like eating. Now get out."
"Stop being stubborn. Eat."
"I said I'm not hungry."
"You hardly touched your lunch."
Sebastian stared at the other in surprise. Had Hunter actually been paying attention to him during lunch? He couldn't decide if he liked the idea or not.
"Just eat, alright? I brought it all the way here," Hunter sighed, his shoulders slumped in defeat. He had to control his temper if there was going to be any eating on Sebastian's part. "I even brought a cookie," he added, reverting to the more good-natured and playful Hunter Clarington. He just hoped that Sebastian would react better to this side of him.
"...fine," the other Warbler answered as he sat down on his bed. Hunter smiled softly and handed him the simple dinner.
"I won't throw bottles at you this time."
"Ha."
Sebastian began eating in silence, taking his time chewing every bite. Hunter sat around, equally quietly, forcing his eyes to wander around idly instead of just watching the other teen eat.
Sebastian wanted so badly to ask if the events of last night had been real or not. He wanted and needed to know, but he was afraid of the answer. And plus, how would he even ask? And Hunter was sending so many mixed signals, switching back and forth between walking on eggshells around him and treating him in the same apathetic demeanor that was so Hunter Clarington.
Sebastian was just about to open the bottle of water, when Hunter made the mistake of his taking his blazer off and rolling his sleeves. The action had been done all subconsciously, all as a natural response to Hunter's sense of discomfort. Yet, it had revealed to Sebastian the answer he had been dreading all along.
There was a fresh nail mark trailing along Hunter's forearm.
Angst much? Yes indeed. Don't hate me.
I just opened a Tumblr account at jkaso. Check it out, ask questions, leave prompts and all that good stuff! I'll try to add update schedules and whatnot :) I'd love to hear from you all.
More importantly, I wanted to say thank you VERY MUCH for all the support you guys have shown for the last chapter. They made my day. Your reviews and alerts always encourage me to write more :) So I hope you enjoyed this one and don't forget to leave your questions, thoughts and wishes!