Author's Note: So, a little information I should probably have shared: Texts From Last Night, or TFLN, is a blog that reposts wild texts that real people have sent or received. I highly recommend reading it, but with the warning that some of it is very raunchy and there is a lot of bad language. This story will be just drunk and silly texts. Texts From Crystal Tokyo is a blog on tumblr that takes quotes from TFLN and puts them to screenshots of Sailor Moon, which doubles the giggles.
Thanks: Special thanks this time goes out to a guest reviewer (the prince arrives, I hope you like his scenes), SailorMoon489 (I laughed when I was writing this so I'm glad other people are laughing with me), Isis Aurora Tomoe (I totally want to use "sweet baby Saturn" now, that's awesome), The Rising Phoenix (thank you for reminding me that I should have explained where I actually got these texts from, I hope that helps), Moon Bunny (I'm glad I can live up to expectations, let alone exceed them), and Mallon Schwarz (the reasoning behind the sword throw was…complicated). And as always, thanks to everyone reading!
Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, Texts From Last Night, or Texts From Crystal Tokyo. I am making no profit from this story, except hopefully a few laughs.
There were several long moments where Haruka's lips moved without sound as she tried to grasp at an answer. At last she turned to Minako to ask, "What was his name again?"
"Can't remember," the younger woman admitted. "It was Keiko's boyfriend's car, but he wasn't in it. It was the other guy."
"Who's Keiko?" Michiru and Setsuna demanded together.
"The girl whose party we were at," Minako replied with a look of exasperation. "Are you even listening to the story?"
"Are we—?"
Only Setsuna gripping her arm tightly kept Michiru from completely unloading her frustration on the errant three. She closed her lips tightly over the rush of words she wanted to say, let them run rampant around her head until she thought she could control them, and tried to focus on the important issue.
"Why did you throw a sword through the windshield of Keiko's boyfriend's car?"
"You have to understand, he started it," Haruka pointed out. "He got so worked up over such a little thing. Everybody was drinking, and these drinks were unbelievable, and someone was playing music so people were dancing, the lights were shining in different colors and you know how that makes things seem kind of like a dream, just like that place with the blue and green lights that made it feel like we were under the ocean and you wore that little white—"
Even with the alcohol still stumbling around in their veins Minako and Rei joined in with Setsuna's shouts of protest. Haruka blinked at them, seeming surprised to notice they were still present, and then smirked across the table at Michiru. The memories of that particular night club, and that lingerie set, burned brightly in Michiru's mind and, under different circumstances, might have led to a sudden departure of herself and her lover. While she felt her face warm slightly, her ire did not wane.
"Alright, while she takes a moment," Setsuna said as she looked to Rei and Minako, "can either of you tell us why Haruka threw a sword through…whoever's windshield?"
"She didn't," they chorused back.
This time Michiru's hold on her anger finally gave way. She lunged up from her chair, both hands slamming down on the kitchen table, and opened her mouth for a long diatribe against intoxication, lying, and the mishandling of Sailor Senshi talismans.
The doorbell rang.
"Maybe you should get that," Setsuna said gently. "I'll try and figure out…whatever this is."
Michiru closed her mouth and shot a fiery glare at Haruka, then Minako, and finally Rei. For the first time she felt it made some impact, as all three tried to sit up a little straighter and blink some sobriety into their eyes. They failed at both attempts and received nothing more from her than a huff of annoyance.
As she disappeared from the kitchen she heard Minako whisper, "Setsuna, is she mad about something?"
A pang of guilt hit Michiru as she made her way into the foyer and realized they had forgotten something. The future queen of Crystal Tokyo lay curled in a pile of shoes and slippers, a red high heel on one foot, a black boot on the other, and Haruka's slippers being used as a pillow. She knelt down for a moment beside Usagi but was greeted only with a surprisingly contented smile and the slow, even breathing of peaceful sleep. With a quick pat on her sleeping head Michiru stood and made her way to the front door.
It did not surprise her in the least to find Mamoru standing at her door looking a little worse for wear. Black hair stood out in wild curls and spikes, having not met a comb that morning, and he wore his old green jacket over jeans and a t-shirt that was frayed at nearly every hem. His blue eyes looked slightly dazed. One hand held a motorcycle helmet and the other a slim black object.
Nodding to the phone, Michiru said, "I take it they started texting you last night, too."
"What the hell happened?" Mamoru burst out. "I was working on my dissertation and when Rei called I told her to drag Usako to that party if she had to. There's no reason she can't go out because I'm busy, right? It must have been going well, I thought, because Rei sent me a message that they had her in the car. I turned my phone off, I needed to concentrate and Luna can get ahold of me in an emergency, and I woke up this morning to find this!"
He thrust the phone into Michiru's hand and she saw, not to her surprise, that Usagi had sent him nearly twenty texts. What did surprise her were the five from Rei, the five from Minako, one with the paperclip symbol of an attachment, and the three from Haruka. Her finger hovered for a moment over her partner's name as she wondered what Haruka could possibly have wanted to tell Mamoru while drunk.
"You can read those later," Mamoru promised her. "Especially that last one. I'm fairly certain that one is meant for you. It's not exactly appropriate for me, and I don't own a white lace thong, or some of the anatomical parts mentioned."
"Oh, Mamoru, I am so sorry."
"It's fine. Awkward, but fine. But look at the last one Usako sent me."
Michiru tapped on the picture of a smiling Usagi and skimmed down to the last text. Her eyebrows went up as she understood Mamoru's look of mild panic.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Stepping back, Michiru gestured for Mamoru to come into the house. He moved past her and followed her gaze down to the young woman nesting amongst the footwear in the hall. A startled gasp escaped him as he went to one knee beside her and reached out to touch her face. When he had confirmed to himself she was, in fact, merely sleeping he looked up to Michiru once more.
"I don't find this as reassuring as I think I should."
"If you come into the kitchen you will be even less reassured," she told him. "Maybe Setsuna will have sorted that all out by now, though, and anyway there's coffee in there."
Mamoru hesitated beside Usagi.
"You can move her to the couch if you want," Michiru offered, "but you'll probably just wake her up, at which point she may start to…bring back last night."
That encouraged him to leave his future wife curled on the floor and instead follow Michiru further into the house. She knew that Mamoru had already dealt with the aftermath of Usagi and alcohol and he would be in no hurry to return to that messy place.
"It's not that I mind holding her hair back," he told her quietly, "it's just that she has so much hair! How no one else on Earth can notice how unnatural her hair is has surprised—oh, in Gaia's name, what happened in here?"