Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember
-Gotye "Somebody That I Used to Know"
Blair's thankful when she opens her door later that night to reveal a small group standing behind Nick. She's not ready for anything with a title quite yet so it's nice to see actual people for once.
Lindsay from Los Angeles gives her a perky smile and slight hug when she walks in. She wonders if all people from the West Coast are this friendly, but she remembers watching Kristin Cavalleri on Laguna Beach. She shudders involuntarily. Lacrosse-playing Parker is at the door as well and she welcomes him in with a hug.
"Where's mine?" Nick playfully asks, before Blair pulls him in for one.
He introduces her to Tim, the boy who has sat in front of her in biology for nearly two months now. He smiles at her like it's okay that they've never officially met.
They're two movies and five bottles of wine in when Lindsay mentions that everyone should come home with her for spring break.
"I don't know," Blair says.
"Please," Lindsay insists, "My friends would love you."
She's very drunk at this point, but she looks like she weighs about as much as Nicole Richie.
Parker's in even though he's supposed to be practicing for pre-season, Tim wants to go home and visit his brothers, and Nick looks at Blair before nodding his answer.
"But I always go to Europe with Serena," Blair whines.
Lindsay rolls her eyes when she responds, "Sorry we're not as refined as you, but take a normal spring break, okay? We'll go to Les Deux."
"Will we run into Brody Jenner?" Blair asks.
Lindsay replies, "Probably."
"Hm," Blair ponders, "Maybe."
"You guys could stay with me! It'll be so fun," Lindsay insists, with a toss of her ultra light blonde hair.
Blair shakes her hair around her head, "I could probably stay with Nate."
Nick looks disappointed.
"Who's Nate?" Parker asks.
Alex is walking through the door when she responds, "Her incredibly sexy ex. Go B!"
The girls — Alex, Cara, and Madisyn specifically — had taken to calling Blair B after hearing Serena do it all weekend. Blair finds she kind of likes it.
Blair is oblivious when Nick's face falls, but Alex notices and something in her heart goes out to him.
Blair is drunk in Los Angeles perched atop Nate's lap at La Velvet Margarita Cantina when she gives in and texts Carter a quick 'I miss you.' She doesn't even spell check before she hits send and before she knows it, he's replied, 'I miss you, too.' She doesn't quite know what to do with this information so she orders another $30 Platinum Velvet margarita and sucks it down greedily.
Lindsay's across the table downing shots with her friends from high school when she pushes one Blair's way.
"Nuh uh," Blair insists.
When Nate laughs at her, she wriggles around in his lap until he squirms. He's not laughing anymore when he pulls down the hem of her white eyelet dress. She'd always been a vision in white. He eyes Nick warily when he stares at Blair for a little too long and takes the shot intended for Blair.
"Hey," she shoves him, but her small hands have never hurt him, "That was mine!"
"I thought you didn't want it," Nate teases.
The bartender seems to hear her dilemma and brings another round to their table. He winks at Blair when he hands her shot glass directly to her.
"It's a double," he mentions offhand.
"Thank you, Mr. Bartender," she says quite sincerely, and neither Nate nor Nick are laughing now.
It's three in the morning before they return to Nate's apartment for a post-party of sorts and everybody's wasted and loud and dancing crazily. Lindsay's spinning in the arms of one of her old schoolmate's, Nick's being rowdy, and Nate's having a deep conversation about the antics of lacrosse with Parker, all while clutching Blair to his side.
Her phone rings. It's Carter.
"I have to take this," she says, kissing Nate lightly on the cheek.
He pulls her in to kiss the top of her forehead, but it's more comforting than anything else.
She takes her phone to the balcony when she answers breathily, "Hi."
He's chuckling, "We haven't spoken in two and a half months and all you say is hi?"
She's frowning when she responds, "It's six in New York. Are you in New York? Where are you?"
He's stopped chuckling, but he still seems to be inwardly laughing at her when he says, "Yes, I'm in New York. It may be spring break, but I'm a second semester senior, so no break for me."
"Oh," is all she manages, before she utters, "Okay then."
He laughs again, "Blair, are you drunk?" which hurts her a little — not because she's not drunk, because she is — but because she actually likes it when he used to call her baby.
So her response is curt, "Yes."
"You're quite the talkative one this morning," Carter mentions.
"Yes, well, I apparently had three too many really, really big margaritas."
Carter quips, "I wasn't aware you drank tequila."
Blair responds, "I thought I'd try something new."
"Where are you?" he wonders, repeating her question from before.
"L.A.," she responds, "My friend Lindsay's from Beverly Hills and she invited some of us to stay with her. Alex didn't go because she's with Julian who didn't want to go home and Cara's in Lisbon. I think Mad went with her."
"Nate lives in L.A. now," Carter comments, but he doesn't sound completely bitter about it.
"I'm with him now," Blair offers.
He raises his voice at this, "At three?"
"Everyone else is here, too," Blair retorts, "Not that I owe you any explanations."
There's a pause before he speaks, "No, I guess you don't."
When she yawns too noticeably to be graceful, he lets her go to sleep. There are no promises of future phone calls or anything of stature, so she blinks back tears when she walks back inside.
"Blair," Nick asks, "What's wrong?"
She's in his strong arms before she knows it and she has to wriggle her way out. She doesn't want to answer any of their impending questions and she does her best to avoid Nate's cerulean eyes when she makes her way to his bedroom.
She borrows an old t-shirt and climbs into her side — the left — of the bed she's never slept in and tries to fall asleep. The tears flow freely and she can do nothing to stop them. Perhaps this is her punishment, but she isn't even quite sure what she did wrong.
Nate makes sure everyone is asleep before he quietly sneaks into his room. He wonders why he feels like he is fifteen, sneaking into Blair's room in the Waldorf penthouse, but this is what this feels like to him. It sends a strangely familiar quiver down his spine and he thinks it might be nice.
It's nearly five in the morning, but Blair's still awake. He knows she's absolutely still as she sleeps, but she makes light movements to let him know she's awake. He walks toward her and puts a hand on her back to let her know he's there anyway. She doesn't bother to turn around when she asks if he'll lie with her. Like he'd ever refuse her. He learned his lesson the hard way.
He strips down to his boxers and climbs into the right side of the bed. He hasn't slept on this side in a long time and he'd be lying if he said it wasn't because of her. There's a space in his heart that feels empty since she hasn't been there and he wants to believe it can be whole again.
She settles into her favorite part of his shoulder and it's comforting to have her here again. When she looks up at him with shy eyes and long lashes, he completely loses it and kisses her. Their eyes are open and she's looking at him with pure shock, but then he sinks his tongue into her mouth—her sweet, sweet mouth—which he hasn't tasted in too many months. She'd always been the best kisser—never sloppy, always exquisitely perfect—and then he closes his eyes to remember their good times.
It can't go on forever because she unexpectedly halts his actions by removing her lips from his.
He thinks she just ripped another piece of his heart out when she whispers, "Nate, I can't. I'm sorry." She shakes her head, "I don't think I'm ready."
And it hurts him more than anyone but her can know — but he's stronger than this, he swears — so he lets her settle back into his shoulder until she cries herself to sleep.
Blair leaves sunny Los Angeles the next day. Nate wakes up alone to find her gone. He notices his arm's not numb like it used to be like those nights she used to spend with him at his parents' townhouse on Park Avenue.
There's a note on the pillow she slept on that reads, 'Sorry for just leaving, Natie. I'm still not feeling quite like myself. Hope you don't hate me for it tomorrow! I took a cab to the airport because I didn't want to bother you. Lindsay and her friends are still sleeping in the living room. You can kick them out if you want. I'll call you when I get back to NJ. B.'
He crumples the note in his hands and rolls over to toss it. There's a knock on his bedroom door and Nick looks in, asking where Blair is.
"She left," Nate mentions, throwing a hand over his eyes to shield the glare of the sun.
Nick asks, "What happened? What did you do?"
Nate laughs, "I didn't do anything. She must miss Carter."
Neither of them are smiling when Nick closes the door behind him.
She's still at LAX when Rory calls her.
"You could have told me," is the only greeting Blair gets.
Blair replies, "It's kind of embarrassing."
"Carter's an idiot," Rory tells her honestly, and it's strange because this girl is never rude, "But I would know, because Tristan's exactly the same way."
"How do you put up with it?" Blair asks honestly. "I always seem to date the same type of guy."
Rory only says, "Come to New Haven. I'll tell you about it."
Blair knows the Yale campus almost as well as she knows her mother's New York penthouse and she sighs as she walks through it. Rory's new apartment isn't far from the Sterling Memorial Library, which doesn't surprise Blair because of Rory's love for books. It's nice to have friends that are pretty and smart. She loves college much more than she somewhat liked high school.
The apartment is twenty times nicer than the one she shared with Paris (who failed to scare her) and Rory grins sheepishly as she answers the door, "Francine and Straub insisted on paying for this one."
Blair must look puzzled because Rory adds, "My other grandparents," with a roll of her eyes.
Blair still hasn't said anything so Rory just leads her in and picks up several movies so she can choose one.
"Can we watch them all?" Blair asks.
Rory smiles, "The Gilmore way. My mom would love you."
They're on their third movie before Rory questions, "So, what happened? Not that I haven't had my fair share of breakups with Tristan, because I have, but I thought you and Carter were doing well."
"We were," Blair insists, "Until everyone I know kept telling me horror stories from his past. I knew he was someone else before I dated him, but it's hard to keep everyone's opinions from affecting you."
Rory nods knowingly, "I'm not saying Tris is perfect. He's definitely not." She laughs, "Before him, I dated someone kind of similar. His name was Logan Huntzberger."
"The newspaper heir?" Blair asks.
Rory nods, "The very one. Anyway, everyone told me he was this womanizing guy with no morals and not my type, but I still went for him. You just have to see what he's like for yourself. Only you can make judgments."
Blair admits, "Yes, but Carter's exactly my type. He's the perfect blend of my two previous boyfriends. I don't know. I think I have bad taste. Don't tell anyone I said that."
"Never," Rory promises. "Do you think you can work it out?"
Blair only shrugs, digging into the pile of candy sitting on Rory's coffee table. She'd never seen anyone so skinny eat so much without an eating disorder. It was slightly unnerving.
The trips prove to be enlightening. Blair still spends the vast majority of her time in her dorm room, but she comes out to get her own food instead of relying on Alex to bring it to her.
She reads The Notebook instead of watching it — she's always secretly enjoyed Nicholas Sparks's books — one day when her roommate comes in and asks how she is doing.
"A little better," Blair says honestly, even taking the time to crack a small smile.
Alex beams, "Good, then do you want to go home with me for Easter?"
"What?" Blair asks.
"I mean, unless you have to be at the Passover thing with Cyrus. You don't have to."
"No, it'd be nice. I've never been to Texas," Blair mentions, "I'm sure it'll be great."
"Okay good!" Alex seems excited when she mentions, "I know it's a couple of weeks away, but I thought you would like the heads up."
It's been two weeks since the drunken conversation she had with Carter when she reluctantly pulls out her phone during microeconomics and stares at it. It vibrates once, signaling a text message.
'Hey, beautiful. Just wanted to see what's up,' and it's just so Carter that she blinks back unnecessary tears when her professor asks her about supply and demand.
She quickly explains something about a nonlinear curve before wiping her eyes carefully. She's thankful for Dior's superior waterproof mascara.
She texts back, 'Nm, in micro right now. Sorry about the L.A. convo,' because it seems safe and safe seems like a good place to be.
She fidgets in her seat when he doesn't reply for forty minutes. There's a buzz after her class that reads, 'Sorry. Prof told me to get off phone. Don't worry about convo. How's Nathaniel?'
Blair bites at her freshly manicured nails as she pauses to ponder this message. Does he really want to know? She asks.
She can't see his shrug, but his text reads all his nonchalance when it says, 'If he's friends with you, I can care a little, right?'
Friends. That's what they were. Blair nods to herself when she thinks about Nate and what he means to her now. It was nothing more. That she was sure of.
'Right,' she sends, 'Nate's good. L.A. really agrees with him. How are you? Graduating soon. Hope you're not too stressed.'
'I'll call you later and tell you about it,' is the reply she gets, and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't a little giddy inside.
They talk on the phone that night. It's not long — ten minutes at most — and they don't really talk about anything in particular, but Blair hangs up the phone with a warm, tingly sensation in her stomach that hasn't been there since before the wedding.
He calls her again at the end of the week. They still discuss harmless topics — school, roommates, family — but the warm sensation only starts to build. She feels like she wants to burst.
The next week, she takes the initiative and calls him. He sounds surprised when he picks up the phone, but quickly hides it. They converse about the usual safe topics before he asks what she is doing over the weekend. She tells him she's spending Easter with Alex's family and he says he'll miss her in New York. The tears return when she hangs up this time, but she's less sad than she was before.
They talk every other day before the holiday and when she returns, they begin speaking every day.
Alex eyes Blair quizzically when she wonders aloud, "This can't be healthy."
Blair shrugs, "I don't care. I miss him."
Alex asks, "If you forgive him, why can't you be together?"
Blair can't answer her roommate's question so she digs out another romance novel to spend her night with. She's barely one third of the way in before she calls Carter. He answers on the first ring.
"Blair?" he asks sleepily.
"Sorry," she begins, "I didn't mean to wake you."
It's four in the morning and he has finals the next week along with graduation preparation, but he rubs his eyes and presses the phone tighter against his ear.
"No," he insists, "It's fine. What's up, baby?"
And it's the first time in months that he's called her baby and she kind of wants to cry — but she's been doing lots of that lately — but she holds back and responds, "I forgive you."
He's not sure what the hell she's talking about because it's so goddamn early so he groans into the phone, "For what?"
He feels a little dense when she answers, "Nate. The poker game. I'm sorry I judged you."
He shrugs. He knows she can't see.
She continues, "Carter?"
He sighs, "I'm here," as he ruffles his fingers in his hair, wishing for hers instead, "You knew when we got together that I wasn't a saint. I'm not trying to excuse my actions, but you ought not to have been surprised."
"I know," she whispers, her voice barely audible, "I'm not a saint, either," she adds.
He chooses to ignore the latter part of her comment.
He's still playing with his hair when he wonders, "So where does this leave us?"
This time it's Blair that shrugs and the tears are definitely threatening to fall, "Where do you want to leave us?"
Carter laughs, fully awake now, "I never wanted to leave us anywhere, Blair. Listen, my last final ends Wednesday. Come up if you can manage it. We should talk in person."
"I'll be there," she promises.
She falls asleep content the first time in a very long time and Alex wakes up to see her roommate curled into a ball with a smile on her face.
Blair wears a newly bought David Meister dress when she visits Carter in New York. She's oddly nervous, but excited at the same time. It feels completely right this time and she doesn't want to ruin anything by being doubtful.
He's tired when she meets him at the Starbucks on W. 86th and Columbus. She's early, so he doesn't look up when she walks over to him. He's hunched over a business law book sipping what is most likely a quad venti hazelnut latte. When she's reached him, she gently touches his shoulder.
He looks up and smiles at her before greeting her, "Blair, hi," which sends a tingle down her spine.
"Hi," she responds, before he asks if she'd like anything.
She shakes her head in response before settling down in the seat across from him.
They talk for the next hour before trying to figure out everything with themselves, but it's loud during this time as college students gather to cram last minute for their finals. He asks if she wants to continue the discussion at his apartment, but there is no wiggling of his eyebrows. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't disappointed, but when he puts his hand on the small of her back on their walk to his place, she smiles despite herself.
It's not much of a talk when he throws her against the door of his living room in a hurry to get her clothes off. He undoes the zipper of her dress in no time at all and Blair pants as he tugs at her matching lingerie set. She's ferociously trying to pull his olive button down over his head and undo the clasp on his chinos when he gets impatient and throws them off himself.
"We should talk," she mentions, in between pants.
He lets her lick his fingers before he puts them inside of her when he responds, "Yeah, I was getting to that."
He's as good at this as he is at sex and she moans against his living room wall. It's another minute until he puts himself inside her and bounces her up and down. Her arms are around his neck as she's crying out his name, but he's not done with her yet.
He carries her to his bedroom and they continue on his bed.
It's four in the morning before they're done (finally) and she's lying on her side (the left) against his shoulder as he tangles his fingers in her hair. It's as soothing to her as it is to him and when she looks up at him she knows everything will be okay. But, she needs reassurance.
"Are we okay?" she asks.
He nods, kissing her on top of her forehead. It's a simple gesture that's not lost on her. One hand is still playing with her long brown hair as the other is languidly rubbing circles into her forearm.
She's still looking at him expectantly so he responds, "We're okay if you say we're okay."
He pauses his meticulous kisses until she says, "I guess we're okay," with a giant smile that warms his heart.
They wake with limbs entwined. It's almost noon and they both have many things to get through, but it's easier now because they can get through them together again.
Blair doesn't want to be the bad one, but someone has to so she casually mentions, "We still haven't really talked."
Carter shrugs, "I used to be a different person and now you know," like it's nothing at all and she really shouldn't be worried.
She's baffled by how easily he can let this go and he's bemused to find her so put off about this.
He says, "Look, baby," all the while grasping a chunk of her hair and delightedly sliding it through his fingers, "I never wanted to be a better person until I met you. Now can you let this go before I turn into the freaking Notebook dude?"
Blair smiles because this information pleases her and breathes, "Fine," and then she kisses the top of his forehead even though she has to stretch to reach.
Carter is graduating in three days and Blair has finals to return to, but they spend their last afternoon together doing couple-y things like eating frozen yogurt in Central Park. It's something simple, but she knows what she likes (finally) and she really hopes it works out this time.
Before it truly can, she gets something off her chest, "Nate kissed me."
Carter looks quizzical, so she adds, "In L.A."
He still hasn't said anything so she continues, "With tongue," before he stops her right there and slides his into her mouth.
They hear whistles around them from unbridled high school and middle school students let out early from school (or maybe they left of their own accord), but it does nothing to deter Carter's fierceness. He's making her his again and she smiles against him, despite herself.
When they're done (for now), she looks up at him because it's honestly unsettling that he hasn't said anything yet, so he finally lets out a sheepish grin and says, "I'm not happy about this, but we weren't together."
He looks directly at her when he adds, "Baby, look at you. Who wouldn't kiss you?"
Blair is back at Princeton and trying her best to study for her multiple finals when the Holder Howl goes off and interrupts her studies. It's midnight and the Vivans she bought from a classmate are starting to make her crazy, so she shuts her art history book in the midst of rereading it and glares through her window at her ridiculous peers.
Alex returns five minutes later laughing, long hair tangled around her shoulders, "Blair, you should've been there. It was great!"
"What's so great about screaming nonsense?" Blair wonders, "You made me do it last semester and I didn't really enjoy it then."
Alex sighs, "You know, if I didn't already love you, I would probably hate you."
Blair smiles brightly, "I know."
Blair goes to New York a few hours early to buy a graduation present for her boyfriend when she suddenly finds herself in front of Bass Industries. It's a towering skyscraper that falls high above her head and she's not sure what she's doing when she walks inside, but she makes her way to the top floor.
Chuck's corner office comprises much of the top floor. The secretary eyes Blair warily as she walks up to the desk.
"May I help you?" the secretary asks, quite indifferent to the matter.
"Yes," Blair answers, "I'm here to see Chuck Bass."
The secretary all but rolls her eyes when she replies, "Do you have an appointment?"
"No," Blair responds, "But if you tell Chuck that Blair Waldorf is here, he'll see me."
The secretary dumbly tells her, "You have to have an appointment."
"I'm Blair Waldorf," Blair insists, pulling a slight 'I'm Chuck Bass' on the girl, before sighing, "Never mind, I'll just text him."
Chuck comes out thirty seconds later and reprimands the secretary for not letting Blair in before welcoming her into his office.
"Waldorf," he greets her, "Long time no talk."
"Yes, well, I decided it's time we made amends," Blair replies, "Since I'm friends with Nate now and all, I decided we could be too."
"Thoughtful," Chuck replies sarcastically, "To what do I owe this pleasure?"
"My kindhearted soul," Blair tells him, with a tone rivaling his.
They spend the next two hours just talking and catching up, which leaves Blair missing the fun times they used to have scheming and plotting. Chuck was a good friend to her once upon a time and it would be nice to have him back in her life.
Carter's graduation day is hectic with the ceremony and several parties, so Blair starts her day off getting ready at his apartment. She dons a new Alice + Olivia dress for the occasion, paired with her favorite tan Christian Louboutin patent pumps.
"You're beautiful," Carter mentions, before tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear.
"Thank you," she smiles at him, "You don't look so bad yourself."
He's wearing a new Prada suit (that will soon be hidden underneath his baby blue graduation gown) that's a replica of the one Hugh Dancy wears in Confessions of a Shopaholic. Blair picked it out like she picks everything out and she's rather pleased with the results.
It's been three months since Carter's Columbia graduation and things have slowly started settling in again. It's different than before – she's less reserved, he's more open to change – but they're finding themselves together rather than finding themselves apart.
Blair's pretty sure that's the important part, anyway.
She sighs against his chest one Monday morning in August. They have one more week playing the happy couple before she has to return to New Jersey.
She's sad, but happy. She's sad to leave Carter, but excited to see her friends.
Her BMW is neatly parked next to Alex's at the townhouse they now share with Madisyn and Cara. Nick and Parker conveniently live down the street in the new high rise and Blair thinks it will be nice to be back with her second family.
Alex makes Blair spend the first weekend with her, assuring her they can visit their boys the next.
"It'll be fun," she promises, her excitement infectious.
Blair reluctantly agrees, "Sure, sure."
Alex giggles, "You sound like Jacob Black."
Blair asks, "Do I know him?"
Alex raises an eyebrow, "From Twilight."
"Not Edward," Blair offers.
Alex nods, "Not Edward."
Blair laughs, "Then I don't remember."
Blair makes sure her course load is heavier for the semester because she knows Carter will have less time to spend with her while he's working forty hour weeks. It makes her giggle slightly that he's in a menial desk job working under his father as he waits to work his way up the corporate chain.
He doesn't giggle as she tells him this over the phone, not that she expected him to.
He changes the subject swiftly, "So when are you coming up anyway?"
"Why?" she asks, "Hiding your second girlfriend from me?"
He snorts, "As if I could handle another girlfriend after you. I need sleep too, baby."
"Oh, right," she mentions, "In that case, I'll leave Thursday after class. I should be there by two."
"Come up to the office," he casually answers, "I'll have a key ready for you."
This is a big deal, she realizes, but she doesn't know what to say, so she doesn't say anything at all.
Carter makes it less awkward for her by continuing, "I have to get back to work. Love you, baby."
"Love you, too," she responds, after she finds the will to speak.
There are three floors to the girls' townhouse. Blair and Alex have rooms on the second floor which also houses the kitchen and living area, Cara lives in the room on the third floor, and Madisyn has converted the guest room downstairs into her living space.
Madisyn's the only roommate home at the moment, so Blair goes to visit with her.
She knocks.
"Come in," Madisyn's sweet voice answers.
Once Blair walks in, Madisyn chastises her, "You don't have to knock, you know."
"It's rude," Blair protests.
Madisyn rolls her eyes, asking, "What's wrong?"
Blair shrugs, "I was just on the phone with Carter."
"And?"
Blair sighs, "I told him I was coming up Thursday after class. He said he'd have a key ready."
"Oh, Blair!" Madisyn throws her arms around her roommate, "That's great! Isn't it?"
Blair sighs again, "It is, I know it is, I just, ugh I can't even formulate a sentence."
"Too much too soon? It's not, you know."
"I know," Blair breathes, "Do you suppose I have commitment issues?"
This time Madisyn scoffs, "Didn't you date Nate for a century?"
"Yes," Blair responds, "But I had no one else to compare to him."
"Carter's not the best?" Madisyn looks wary.
"No, no, that came out wrong," Blair replies, "I love him. He's definitely the best boyfriend I've ever had. And yes, that's the best as well."
She takes in Madisyn's smirk.
"Stop that, you look like Chuck. Ugh, I don't know. I've never been offered a key before. I guess it's not that big of a deal, right?"
Cara's head pops through the door, "What's not that big of a deal?"
Madisyn answers in a sing song voice, "Carter's giving Blair a key to his apartment."
Cara beams, "That's a huge deal, Blair," throwing her arms around Blair's neck.
"So I hear," Blair responds, "I'll call him back. I don't think I responded appropriately before."
Blair never ends up calling due to her own nervousness. As she stands on the busy sidewalk in front of Carter's office building, she fidgets with her Dior satchel to relieve some of her stress.
"Stop it," she tells herself, but some tourists overhear her and surely think she's crazy.
It wouldn't be the first time.
Blair is about to bolt – she honestly doesn't know why she's being so damn flaky and so Serena of all people – when she hears the hearty chuckle of one Tristan DuGrey.
"You look awful, Blair."
"Thanks," Blair manages.
"No eye roll?"
Blair insists, "I'll manage without the childishness."
Tristan pouts, "You're no fun."
Blair sighs, her hands on her hips, "What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same question, sweetheart. I'm here to see my best friend."
"I'm here to see my boyfriend."
"So go see him."
"You first," Blair mentions, her hands pointing to the door.
"Oh no," Tristan argues, "I know why you're hesitating. You go right on in."
Blair sighs again, "I hate when Rory tells you things."
"She can't help herself. I seduce them out of her."
"Carter?" Blair pokes her head through his office after the secretary buzzed her in.
There is no sound until his office chair flips around and she's graced with a jovial smile that she's pretty sure she doesn't deserve.
"Hey, baby."
"Hi," she replies back shyly, "Listen, I wanted to apologize."
"What for?"
She frowns, "You were trying to take our relationship to the next level. Clearly, I failed that test."
Carter laughs gaily, "It wasn't a test."
"I still failed," Blair insists, "And I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Carter exclaims, standing up and walking over to her, "Here's your key. Don't freak out, okay?"
She nods once in response.
He leaves a kiss on her forehead to tie her over until dinner.
To break her awkward silence, Blair wonders, "What are we doing tonight?"
Carter shrugs. She hates when he's so nonchalant.
"Well?"
"Whatever you want to, it honestly doesn't matter to me."
Blair is about to complain to get her way like how she used to with Nate, but she stops herself, reminding herself that this isn't Nate. He's better.
She nods again, smiling, "I'll think of something back at the apartment and I'll text you once I know. How does that sound?"
"That sounds perfect," Carter smiles back, lightly capturing her lips with his own, "You're going to have to leave or I won't get any work done, baby."
It's been two hours and Blair can't decide what the hell she wants to do and Carter gets off in an hour so she's at a loss for plans.
Clearly, God has heard her when Tristan calls her.
"How'd everything go?"
Blair answers, "Better than I thought it would, to be honest. He's so laidback it's almost unnerving."
Tristan laughs, "Would you want him to be high maintenance and on your ass about everything?"
Blair laughs in return, "I have you for that. Anyway, I have no idea what to do tonight."
He sarcastically replies, "You're in New York. I'm sure you'll find something."
"I know that, genius. I just want to try something new."
"Sex wise? I suggest—"
"There is no way I am letting you finish that sentence, you dog."
Silence.
Blair groans, "I can hear you pouting, Tristan."
He pipes up, "I'm not pouting."
"You're such a liar. Could you be a helpful liar?"
Tristan suggests, "You could always go downtown."
Blair wrinkles her nose at the thought.
"Look, I know you're probably doing that nose wrinkly thing you do, but downtown's cool as shit. Carter and I go all the time."
"So how is that new to him?"
"It's not. It's new to you."
Blair sighs rather loudly, "I suppose I could give it a try."
"It's really not that bad. You might even like it."
"I doubt it."
"You'll like West Village. Save the Meatpacking District for another night."
This time the silence is coming from her.
Tristan ignores it and suggests, "Try Casa La Femme. The interior's trendy. Even you will appreciate that."
"I'll call them now. Thank you."
"Anytime, sweetheart."
Alex and Julian meet them at Casa La Femme, which is actually pretty decent, if Blair is honest with herself. She'll thank Tristan tomorrow.
The architecture is amazing, with arches in the white walls and Egyptian ornamentation everywhere. The crystal chandeliers hang high overhead and the floor to ceiling windows are open to the night air.
The girls grab two very full glasses of merlot as the guys chat about the terrors of work.
When the hummus arrives, Julian turns his attention to Blair, "So, I hear this is your first time out in West Village. How do you like it?"
Blair hates being scrutinized, but she answers all the same, "It's adequately better than Brooklyn."
Alex sticks up for her friend, "Blair's an uptown girl. You're downtown. Don't make her feel like shit."
"I wasn't—" Julian begins, but Alex hushes him with her lips.
Carter laughs, "You two are too much."
Alex turns to look at him incredulously, "Us two? Watching you two is like watching expensive porn."
Blair wonders, "What's the difference between cheap and expensive porn?"
Alex shrugs, "I have brothers. I've seen both."
This time it's Julian that's laughing, "I don't even know what to say, babe."
Alex isn't even embarrassed when she answers, "I'm one of a kind."
Blair makes it through Princeton relatively unscathed.
She is done a year before her roommates because all those AP courses at Constance apparently count for something. She supposes those summers taking twelve hours counted for something as well. Either way, her roommates are jealous and it takes all the Waldorf blood in her to not smirk out of smugness.
Her graduation party is a thrilling affair, a lavish ball-type party thrown in the nicest ballroom at the Palace Hotel. It is Chuck's gift to her. She thanks him with a peck on the cheek as she waltzes around the room to greet people.
She rolls her eyes when she hears her father brag to his ex-associates about her summa cum laude status.
"Daddy," she cries, "You're embarrassing me."
He's insistent when he responds, "I just want these fine young men to know where you got your brain."
"As if they didn't already know," Blair points out, before she heads out, noticing more guests have arrived.
It's a breath of fresh air when she witnesses the arrival of Nate. There's a tight hug and a warm kiss against his cheek that makes him grab hold of her waist, but this is all they have to share with each other, and she stops him before he continues.
He hides his wince, but not before she notices. She chooses to ignore it, because she's hurt this boy enough.
There is a crowd of people surrounding her, but Blair still feels as if some people are missing. As usual, she is correct.
"Rory," she calls out, "I'm so glad you could make it. You look wonderful."
She gestures at Rory's stomach. She's nearing her third trimester.
Tristan looks slightly put off, so Blair throws in, "You, too," as an afterthought.
"I'm glad to see I'm so loved around here," Tristan comments, before Blair throws her arms around both of them.
Rory hands Blair a box, but all Blair can notice is the rather recognizable DuGrey family diamond on her left hand. She's used to it, of course. Rory and Tristan were married over a year ago, but she enjoys looking at it all the same.
There is just something about a family diamond that makes her feel wistful and this thought immediately makes her turn to look at Nate.
Big mistake.
His eyes are on hers well before she notices him and there's a hunger in his eyes that she is sure was never there when they dated. She sighs, wondering about the what could've beens.
She doesn't get to dwell on it for too long when her mother ushers her over to greet some more guests. She can honestly say she's never seen them before, but she puts on a polite smile and goes to greet them anyway.
They have family names like Bassett, Kennedy, and Wayne, and she knows it should probably be an honor to meet them, but she can't bring herself to care. It seems life has already taken a toll on her and she's not even twenty two.
When Blair does turn twenty two, Carter throws her a lavish party on his parents' yacht as they coast along the Côte d'Azur. Her closest friends are aboard, along with her father, Roman, and their two new Vietnamese babies.
She's not sure sailing the high seas is the best for newborn twins, but she's pretty sure this was more Roman's idea than her father's anyway. She rolls her eyes nevertheless.
Blair wears a satin dress – somewhere between coral and salmon – against her newly sun kissed skin and throws her head back in laughter when Serena's hair gets stuck in the lapel of some guy's jacket. It takes another moment for her beautiful best friend to untangle herself from this random European's hold, but she manages it magnificently as only van der Woodsen women do.
She's glad Serena could make it to her birthday, one of the reasons she chose to celebrate it in Europe. The polar opposite of Blair, Serena seems to enjoy lengthening her time in school in favor of getting out early. She is already lagging a semester behind schedule, but this doesn't seem to deter her.
At the moment, she is taking six hours studying art history in the artistic city of Florence. Blair shakes her head, because Serena will never learn. She would never wish to.
It is spring again when Carter's parents invite them to Nantucket to celebrate their twenty fifth wedding anniversary. They live in a quaint, but large summer home on the island of Tuckernuck. Their house is one of about thirty five and everybody knows everybody.
It's a different atmosphere than the Hamptons. For this, Blair appreciates the Baizens.
They're settling in for a crab dinner one night when Christian brazenly asks, "So, son, when are you going to make this official?"
Blair looks at Carter as he chokes on a leg. Victoria calmly hands him a glass of water, but instead he reaches for his beer. He looks at it steadily until Blair sighs against the cool air. She excuses herself from the table to pour him a glass of scotch.
She's never been much for scotch, but she pours herself a tiny glass as well. This one she finishes before she returns to the table. No one's the wiser.
Carter doesn't appear as purple as he did a minute ago, so Blair settles his glass down in front of him. He merely nods at her in appreciation, but doesn't say anything.
Christian is chuckling. Victoria scolds him, reminding him they have guests.
This time it is Blair that laughs before she replies, "It's only me. Please, don't worry."
"Oh, now look," Victoria sighs, staring at her son, "Now you've upset Blair."
Blair swallows thickly before responding, "I'm not upset," in the flattest voice imaginable.
Dinner was left sufficiently awkward and Blair washes up before she tries to find Carter. She knows he needs time to think, because she knows him better than she knows herself at this point, but enough is enough and she needs to know now, too.
They've been together for nearly three years this time and that's about time for some form of commitment, right? But maybe she thinks too much on the traditional and she should focus on the nontraditional, because this is Carter Baizen she is talking about.
No, the other side of her argues. She was the one that got Carter to settle down. She kept him committed. He comes to her for love and affection.
Her thoughts are thrown to Chuck and she quickly dismisses this train of thought before it goes further.
She's ready for this, whatever this is, and damn it, he better be too.
She leaves to find him.
Blair finds Carter deep in thought as he walks around Whale Shoal. He's barefoot and ruggedly handsome as she walks up behind him to kiss the back of his shoulder.
He turns around with a smile and apologizes for his behavior at dinner. It's like Jekyll and Hyde and she doesn't know who she gets to deal with ever.
"I wasn't expecting an ambush," he admits, "I truly am sorry for that."
"Don't be sorry," Blair quips, "It was going to come eventually."
"I wanted to talk to you about that," he replies honestly.
Blair gives him her famous look before responding, "Did you?"
"On our own terms," he says, as he looks into the distant sunset, "But yes, I did."
She raises a hand gently to his cheek and brings it closer to her. His eyes are greener against the coastal heathland and it takes all of her to not jump him right here. He apparently has different ideas as he wraps an arm around the small of her back and presses his lips against hers.
They kiss for several moments, wrestling for power, before Blair realizes she must come up for air because air is a necessity to breathe. Funny, she hadn't cared a minute ago.
Carter takes both her hands in his and holds them up to his face, kissing them reverently. There's a fluttering in her heart that Blair hasn't felt since the very first time she watched Breakfast at Tiffany's and fell in love with old black and white love stories.
The feeling has not left her. It has just grown dormant with time. With Nate, she dreamed of a Prince Charming. With Chuck, she knew better. Here, she has Carter, and Carter is all this and more.
This is the moment that will change everything.
He repeats, "On our own terms, I wanted to do this for you, but now seems as good a time as any."
The fluttering hasn't ceased. In fact, Blair thinks it only grows more rapidly in pace. If it's possible to die from a heart attack when your boyfriend is discussing eternal love, she thinks she might have to preorder a gravestone.
Apparently he's saying something that she's missing, because Carter asks, "Blair? Are you listening, baby?"
"Yes," she breathes, "Continue."
He nods, rushed. He runs a hand through his messy locks before digging in his pocket for that telltale blue box.
Blair is pretty sure her heart is about to spontaneously combust.
"Blair?" Carter asks, just to be sure.
"Yes," she cries, perhaps a little too fast.
He chuckles, this revelation making it slightly easier on him.
"Let me finish," he fake frowns at her.
She can't stop saying it, "Yes, yes, yes."
"Blair," he ignores her, getting down on one knee – and it's more romantic than anything she's ever watched in a movie or dreamt about with any guy, ever – and saying, "You're the first girl I ever loved and the only one I want to be with. Will you marry me?"
Her heart finally seems to stop moving and for once, her mouth catches up with it.
"Blair?" he wonders, "Now you choose to be silent?"
"Oh," she muses, finally finding her voice, "Yes. Yes, I would love to marry you. Yes, I want to be Mrs. Carter Baizen."
He grins, muttering, "I love you, I love you, I love you," into her hair seemingly a million times.