Disclaimer: I don't even know why the show is called Bleach. Therefore, I do not own it.
...
3
Flashbacks
The knocking on the door was nothing if not hasty. It seemed so urgent that Orihime rushed to open it, thinking it might be an emergency. What she found was Ichigo, in his Shinigami form, panting and wide eyed.
"Ichigo?" she wondered.
He scanned the area quickly and sighed in relief.
"Ichigo, what's going on?" Orihime asked.
Ichigo tried to think of the best way to put their situation without actually telling Orihime who was there. He saw how she reached out to that guy in Hueco Mundo. The look in her eyes. If she knew Ulquiorra was back, he was afraid that instead of avoiding him, she might actually go looking for him.
"There's…someone on the loose and I was making sure he wasn't here. He's not, but you have to be careful."
That was all the information Ichigo gave before hopping away.
"Ichigo!" Orihime called after him. "Who?"
She was left unanswered.
...
Ulquiorra found it favorable that normal humans could not see him. While he tried to stay out of towns, it was impossible for him to steer clear of every single living being. It was almost painful how dull his senses were. He blamed it on fatigue. Dying and being regenerated from nothing was tiring.
Finally, he decided he was far enough away to stop. He perched on a thick tree branch. The realization that he was feeling pain finally kicked in. He placed his hand over his collar, expecting it to give way because of the empty space behind it. It didn't.
Ulquiorra did not get surprised very often and he showed it even less. This was one of those rare occasions where both of those things happened. Slowly, he pulled down the zipper on his collar and found flat, bare skin.
If he wasn't so in control of his emotions, he would have fallen off the branch.
His fingers felt the pale skin that was suddenly so solid. His Hollow Hole was really gone. Unreal. Impossible. But true.
He felt for his helmet, satisfied when he felt the bone-hard surface. However, there were some cracks that were definitely not there before. A Hollow's mask was extremely strong, but he found that some of the material crumbled away under his touch.
Wanting some higher confirmation, the Arrancar went in search of a reflective surface. Stubbornly, he moved inward to a near-by town after coming up empty in the forest. He did not like the feeling he got when he ventured deeper into the town and was almost glad when he found a small closed-down shop with clean showcase windows. The area was unpopulated, which also calmed his nerves. So, deciding it was time to get it over with, he looked to the reflective window.
And saw a different face staring back at him.
Something must have seriously messed with his mind because Ulquiorra stumbled backward at the revelation. It took a few seconds to convince himself to look again. This time, his image appeared normal minus his missing Hollow Hole and the cracks in his helmet. Same pale skin and face markings.
Still, he found it disturbing when he recognized the face he had seen before, for it was his face. At least, it used to be his face back before his hollowfication. With that face came a name and more painful memories than he could bear.
He stalked away from the place, his coat trailing behind him. His mind refused to rid itself of the thoughts, one voicing itself above the rest.
Katashi.
Katashi.
Katashi Hitsugaya.
...
"Captain?" Rangiku Matsumoto asked tentatively.
"Hm?" Toshiro Hitsugaya responded concomitantly.
"You were acting very oddly," she stated. "With the Espada."
"You perspective must be skewed," he said. "Probably all the sake."
She didn't like the way her captain denounced her so quickly. She huffed a little and crossed her arms. He wouldn't even look at her, just kept staring at the spot where the creature vanished. "Captain…"
He was saved by his soul pager going off. "Yes?...I understand. Goodbye."
He finally turned, the dead look in his eyes alerting his subordinate. "We're staying." He walked straight past her, not sparing a glance. Matsumoto frowned.
...
That night, Ichigo lay in bed, staring at his ceiling. Ulquiorra should have been dead. Dead and gone. But that was definitely him. Closing his eyes, Ichigo tried to bring back images from that day. He thought back to the moment when he and Ulquiorra locked eyes for just that split second. It was like nothing had changed and everything had changed. Life was just so complicated.
Ichigo was distracted out of his thoughts by his door creaking open. He turned his head to see Rukia standing in the doorway. She quietly walked in.
"I don't like that look," she stated.
He blinked. "What look?"
The response was a smack to the face. "That look, you idiot!"
He sat bolt upright. "D-nit, Rukia! I was just thinking!"
"Since when does Ichigo Kurosaki think?" She scowled at him.
He flopped back down onto the bed. "Ulquiorra should be dead."
"I guess you didn't do a very good job of killing him, then. What are you so afraid of, Ichigo?"
When he didn't say anything, she sighed and stood up, closing the door softly behind her.
"Ichigo."
...
Matsumoto couldn't get to sleep that night. Orihime had been nice enough to let them stay a little longer and while it was comforting to know that the girl was close by, it did nothing to stop her from thinking of her captain. He was right next to her, frown as evident in sleep as it was when he was awake. Judging from the sudden chill in their area, he was not having very happy dreams. It reminded her a bit of when she'd met him. He was younger back then and not very polite at all, but she sensed his reiatsu and tracked him down. She'd found him asleep right by his Granny (who he nearly froze to death with his ice abilities). The way he looked then was very similar to the way he looked now.
Hitsugaya turned onto his side, pulling the blanket a bit closer. Although Matsumoto knew it was way out of line, she sat up and gently stroked the white tufts that spiked up all over his head. She felt like a mother or an older sister when she did this, but it always made him relax. This time was no different.
If she had done this while he was awake, she would have a very angry captain on her hands. Although, she still loved to ruffle his hair. Anyone close enough to him to get away with it did. He hated it because it made him feel like he was being treated like a child, but the thing was, no matter how smart and talented he was, he was a child. That was only more evident in times like this.
She felt his steady breathing on her hand, continuing to run her fingers though the mess. He took a deeper breath and shifted to get closer to her. She smiled softly, wondering what was troubling him so much.
She was pondering this for quite a while, only faintly noticing how his breathing occasionally became uneven. With a final gasp, he bolted upright. She removed her hand before he had a chance to notice that it was there. Her concerned look was lost on him.
Hitsugaya tried to catch his breath, eyes wide open. His heart was throbbing so hard that it was difficult to hear anything else. His mind was still buzzing from the images that had just plagued him. He knew they were memories now.
"Captain, you're shaking!" Matsumoto suddenly exclaimed.
It was true. He hated himself for it. He was a captain! This was not the way he should be behaving.
"What's wrong?" Orihime asked, barging into the room unexpectedly. The sudden spike in reiatsu had given her quite the awakening.
"N-Nothing," Hitsugaya assured, forcing himself to stand. The stuttering was very uncharacteristic of him and had the two women worrying. He tried to shake it off. "I'm going out."
He shed his gigai and bolted out the door before either could even think of speaking. Outside, the air held only a slight chill as it whipped across his face. Despite his best attempts, his dream still played over and over again in his head.
Toshiro opened a door, peaking in hesitantly. Katashi was sitting by the window, gazing out almost longingly. Upon hearing Toshiro, he'd turn and his eyes would look sad.
"Toshiro? What's wrong?"
Toshiro would just stand there, almost shaking. This would worry Katashi to the point where he ran over to his younger brother and knelt so that they could see eye to eye.
"Toshiro?"
Then, Toshiro would try to hold back sobs as he asked, "Katashi…you're not going to leave like father left, right?"
Katashi's eyes widened a little bit and he hugged Toshiro, who by that point had tears beginning to fall down his small face.
"Of course not, Shiro. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."
"I don't want you to die, too," the little boy sobbed.
Katashi picked Toshiro up and held him tightly. "Everyone dies eventually, Shiro, but I'm not leaving you anytime soon."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
Toshiro pulled back to look at his brother, but the next thing he knew, he was staring at a dead face in the middle of the road, red-stained snow surrounding it. Toshiro would be crying, screaming, "Katashi! Please wake up! You said you weren't going to die! You promised!"
Suddenly, he was transported to his brother's burial. It was simple and the only thing to mark his grave was a simple wooden stake with "Katashi Hitsugaya" carved roughly into it. A woman with long black hair tied back was weeping by it. Toshiro stood back, in total shock and horror.
A man behind him was saying, "Toshiro, you have to be strong for your mother. After your father died, it was Katashi's turn to be the man of the house. It's your turn now."
Toshiro wiped the tears from his eyes and shed no more after that. He thought, "Katashi never cried. I have to be strong like him." But while he thought that, he would also think of the moment when his brother died, the tears trailing down Katashi's bloody face from eyes that looked so much like his own. It made it harder.
For a second, Toshiro could have sworn he'd seen Katashi looking on from a few feet away, hands in his pockets and eyes dull. In the time it took Toshiro to blink, he would be gone.
Everything faded to black and the series of memories became an actual nightmare. He was in a tunnel and Katashi was at the end, walking away from him. Toshiro raced after him, hand outstretched, screaming his older brother's name. But when the man finally turned around, his clothes became white and half of a horned helmet was on his head. The tear tracks that Toshiro would always associate with his death had been scarred onto his face in the form of two teal lines, one dripping down from each emotionless eye.
"I swore on my heart to stay, but I no longer have a heart."
"Katashi!"
The next thing Hitsugaya knew, he was back in Orihime's apartment with Matsumoto and Orihime trying to figure out what happened.
'More nightmares, I see,' Hyorinmaru whispered to him.
Hitsugaya stayed silent.
'It does no use to let your problems simmer. Things will only get worse.'
'What do you suggest I do, then?'
'Think.'
Hyorinmaru withdrew his presence from Hitsugaya's mind, leaving him alone again. Well, that was helpful. He growled.
The world flew past him, most of the lights off because of the time. However, he did notice that Ichigo's light was on. He was about ready to give up and go back to Orihime's when he sensed a spike in reiatsu. Pulling to a stop in mid-air, he scanned his surroundings for the being.
"Goodbye, Little Shinigami Captain."