My God, its a long time since I've updated this story. My huge apologies. If you've read ETBKS... then you know my reasons. If not, it doesn't matter, I've just had a lot on my plate.

To be honest, its been so long that I've attempted to write this story so I don't really have a direction as such just yet. I do know that this will be a much shorter story than any of my other ones, mostly because I feel its all been covered, done and dusted with season 4 and 5. I will write this, and it will have the same ending as in the show, its just the stops in between that I'm going to flesh out.

Disclaimer: I own zilch. Nada. Nichts. Nothing. And all mistakes are my own XD

Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. You know who you are :D

Danny groaned as he heard the loud banging on his door. He put his head under his pillow, hoping that the banging would stop. It didn't.

"Danny, I know you're in there. Open the damn door!"

The voice sifted through the walls, and to Danny it sounded like Lindsay. He scoffed at himself - of course it wouldn't be Lindsay. He doubted she'd ever come near him again after what he'd done to her. And he couldn't say he blamed her. But the banging was doing his head, so he dragged himself out of bed, almost tripping over the blanket that had fallen to the floor during the night, and moved to open the front door.

When he swung the door open, he was greeted with a blurry image, and he squinted, trying to clear the image. Damn it, he'd left his glasses on the dresser again.

"It's about bloody time Messer. Do you know how long I've been standing here?" The voice was definitely female, and sounded angry.

"Lindsay?"

"Of course it's me. Who else would it be? You gonna let me in or not?" Without waiting for an answer, she pushed past the still startled and half asleep Danny and went into the living room, fighting with herself not to look towards his bedroom. Where the whole mess had started.

She wasn't angry at the moment, not really, but she acted as if she was. Her anger had been what had gotten her through to Danny the night before. He'd responded to her hurtful words with the unadulterated truth, and that was what she needed right now. But how much harder to actually do it. How much harder to stand there and keep up her angry façade when deep down she wanted to sit down and cry all the tears or frustration and confusion that were pent up inside of her.

The small bit of anger inside of her that had flared up when he'd taken forever to open the door flickered out when she saw the state of his place. No wonder he hadn't wanted to let her in the night before. The blinds were closed, giving the room a feeling of being a dingy cave. Empty bottles littered the floor, the couch. Takeaway boxes were piled up haphazardly on the kitchen counter. Clothes left randomly around the room. Yet what caught her eye the most was the coffee table. In comparison to the rest of the room, the table was clear, clear from the rubbish and the strewn clothes. Instead, only one thing took up residence on the small surface: a small framed photo. A photo of Ruben.

Danny stood awkwardly near the front door, as if he was unsure she was a mirage or whether she was actually here, in his living room. Shaking his head to clear the fuzziness and the edges of his brain, a combination of alcohol and lack of sleep for the last few consecutive nights in a row, he went into the bedroom to retrieve his glasses. When he came back, he was greeted with the sight of Lindsay collecting the empty bottles and putting them in a cardboard box she must have found under the sink. The embarrassment of the state she'd found him in rose to the surface, and he bowed his head in shame. She shouldn't have had to see this. Shouldn't have had to see him like this.

Maybe if he'd let her in before, it wouldn't be like this now.

"You don't gotta do that." His voice was quiet, and when Lindsay turned around, he was shuffling on his feet, his head bowed. He looked like a reprimanded school-child, but the tips of his ears were visibly red, a clear sign of embarrassment. Lindsay knew Danny hated people to see him in his weakest moments, but she didn't care at that moment. She'd had enough of trying to get him to talk on his terms. So now she was going to make him talk on her own terms. Even if that meant she had to embarrass him to do it.

"Go and take a shower." Her voice was firm and should have left no room for argument. But Danny never had been the best at realising when there is no point in fighting.

"But you shouldn't have…"

Lindsay held up a hand and he shut up. At any other time, she would have been amazed at her power over The Danny Messer, but she was too tired to care. "Just go. Take a shower and then we'll talk." Danny opened his mouth to argue, then shut it again. Maybe Lindsay was right. He wasn't used to this side of Lindsay, but it was what he deserved. Hell, he didn't deserve to even be in the same room as her right now, so he was just going to take what he could get. Nodding sheepishly, he walked towards the bathroom, fetching a few clean towels and a spare pair of clothes out of the cupboard on his way past.

***

Half an hour later, he came back out of the bathroom, his hair sticking up in all directions, the top of his wife beater around his neck slightly damp. He felt a little bit better than he had done before, standing in the shower until he washed away all of the extra guilt and anger he still had inside. He tried to get rid of the guilty feeling that emerged every time he thought of Ruben, but he couldn't. He just couldn't forgive himself for that yet.

When he walked back into the living room, he almost did a double take. In such a short space of time, Lindsay had almost performed a miracle. The bottles had been all stored in the cardboard box, all the takeout rubbish had been put into bags and had been left, with the box, by the door, ready to be taken out. The blinds had been opened and light flooded into the small space, illuminating how much Danny really needed to clean the place properly. The clothes had all been piled up and put in the laundry hamper, waiting to be washed.

Yet all Danny could feel was embarrassment. He should never have let himself get into such a mess.

Lindsay herself was stood by the bay window, light bouncing off of her short brown hair. Danny had to force himself not to comment on how beautiful she looked just stood there. He didn't have that right anymore.

Lindsay knew he was there. She knew she was staring. But she couldn't summon the energy to turn around and face him. She didn't know why she'd felt possessed to clean up his apartment. By rights, he should have done it himself. Or just not let it get into the state that it had been in before she'd arrived. She'd known that Danny had bee broken up about Ruben's death, but she hadn't known that it had got that bad.

But that, she reminded herself, was not her fault. She'd tried to be there for him, but he'd shut the world out, thinking that he could cope with the grief on his own. Although not totally on his own, a small voice whispered in the back of her mind. She pushed this voice away, determined not to let it make her angry. That would get them nowhere.

"I was in college at the time. And I was dating this guy. Jim. I thought we were perfect for each other. He bought me things, he made me feel special. Made me feel like I was the only one in his world. Was nice to my friends. Even my dad approved of the guy. We even talked about getting married. What I didn't know at the time, was that he was screwing around with one of the girls on my course. I only found out after I heard a phone message which he'd forgotten to delete. I confronted him about it. And he swore it was a mistake. Swore that it wouldn't happen again. And I forgave him, let him back into my life. Even after everyone told me not to. Once a cheater, always a cheater, they told me. But I didn't listen. And three months later, I caught him screwing around with the same girl. After that, I swore that I would never date a cheater ever again."

Danny looked down at his feet, his heart feeling the weight of loss once again. She wouldn't give him another chance. But what else had he ever really expected?

Lindsay turned around to face him, her face carefully expressionless. "You see my problem Danny?" Her eyes were what gave her away. She'd never truly been able to control the emotions visible in her eyes. There was anger there now. Sadness. Possibly even a hint of regret.

"The problem is Danny, that I fell in love with you. I fell for you hard and fast. Too hard. Too fast. Which is why I'm stuck. Because I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you for what you did. But at the same time, I don't want to let this go. Maybe I was wrong to assume there was something between us, maybe I wasn't. I just don't know anymore."

"Lindsay, I…" She waited patiently, having said what she needed to for the time being. It was up to him now. "I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."

"Why did you do it Danny?" There was a tinge of sadness in her voice as well as genuine curiosity.

"I told you why Lindsay. Last night. I didn't want you to see me like that. You didn't need to see me like that."

"Maybe not. But you should have given me the chance to decide that for myself rather than you making my decisions for me. You can't protect me from you just like you can't fight the grief you're feeling."

"I was trying to protect you!"

"You can't make that choice for me." Her voice was gentle, insistent. "We're going in circles here Danny. What you're saying, what I'm saying. It's a vicious circle."

"Then what do you want from me Lindsay?"

"What do I want? I want you to forgive yourself for Ruben's death Danny. I want you to accept that it was not your fault. Because that's what got us into this mess. Your misplaced guilt. I know how guilt can mess someone up, I know probably better than anyone. But the guilt will destroy you. Until you forgive yourself, there will never be another chance for us."

Danny looked at her in disbelief. Lindsay saw this and sighed. "I'm still angry Danny. So so angry. And hurt. And I don't honestly know if I will ever be able to forgive you. But that doesn't mean I don't want to try."

Danny looked up at her, hope flickering in his chest. "You want to try?"

"Eventually." Danny wasn't sure what the expression on his face portrayed, but Lindsay interpreted it anyway. "I won't lie to you Danny. This isn't something that is just going to go away. It hurts. A lot. And I know that we have to take time to get over this. So, right now, I can't be with you. Its too hard." Lindsay turned back towards the window, hiding the conflicted emotions on her face, as Danny hung his head in shame behind her. She could see his reflection in the window, could see the blatant guilt and remorse of his face, and she was glad he couldn't see how she was truly feeling. She'd said what she needed to, done all that was within her power to do. It had been much harder than she'd expected, and multiple times, when she'd seen the crushing grief flying through his eyes, she'd had to fight with the urge to run over to him and pull him into a hug, to forgive everything that he'd done.

But she'd known that she couldn't. She wanted to. Even after everything that had happened, she wanted to. But she had to stand her ground, had to make him see what he'd done to her, to them. Had to believe in herself, in her ability to keep herself together no matter what.

Knowing that she had nothing left to say, she walked towards the door, careful to avoid Danny's gaze as she knew that her emotions would be visible though her eyes. An open book. She grabbed her bag, and moved towards the door. Danny stayed silent until she opened the door, and when he spoke, his voice was quiet, subdued, as if weighed down by his emotions.

"I'm sorry Lindsay."

She turned slightly, still refusing to meet his gaze. "I know."

"I'll earn your trust back. I swear to you I will." At his words, Lindsay felt the corners of her lips turn upwards in a small smile, no matter how tried she hard to fight it, before leaving and closing the door behind her with a soft bang. If he was willing to try, then that was all she was asking for.

Bleurgh, not my best, but its about as good as this chapters ever going to get. I already have part of the next chapter fleshed out so hopefully if all goes to plan, it will be out shortly. As I said before, I started university last month and my timetable is crazy so please have patience with me :)

Please review!