The knowledge of Hank's girlfriend being pregnant left a pinching pain in Sara's heart and a frozen chill lodged in her spine. She walked out of the bathroom with a new sense of loneliness that seemed to be brinking on self destruction. And there was something else. Some question not being answered in the back of her head. Some tiny little worry that didn't seem significant enough to think about at the moment. She could divulge in it later. Think it over and see what she would do about it if it were true.
She searched the dark dining area for Grissom, but her eyes deceived her as they also sought out Hank. His blonde head stood out above the others in the dim interior and she found herself staring. His girlfriend was just seating herself, a small smile on her lips.
Sara shook her head lightly to clear away anything that might have been brewing there. All the little sweet things he had said seemed to be perminantely burned into her brain.
Ripping her eyes from the back of Hank's head she let them linger over a few other booth's until she recognized the salt and pepper locks of Grissom's hair. As if he represented a life boat in the middle of the ocean, she sought him out quickly. Seating herself before he had a chance to look up at her.
"You okay?" was the question that fell from those impossibly attractive lips.
She pinched a smile his way, "Yeah." she flicked a glance Hank's way, just catching him looking her way, "Did you order?"
"Waiting on you." he eyed her, "You know what you want to order?"
"Uh huh." she said quietly, her eyes looking toward Hank again.
Grissom's gaze followed, "Sara," he said softly as he pushed a menu into her hands, "we can go elsewhere if you like."
"No." she straightened up her reclining posture and looked at the menu, "I'm fine."
"For some reason I always think you say that word when you aren't fine." he shut his menu and handed it to the waiting waitress, "I'll have the steak burger."
Sara winced inside at the fleshy meal he had just ordered, "I'll have the veggie burger."
The table was quiet for a moment; Sara sipping at the water that sat in front of her, her eyes trying desperately not to stray.
"You're going to eat, right?" he said finally breaking the silence, "I'm not waisting my time and money on you, am I?"
Sara shook her head lightly, her hair lazily hitting the bottom of her chin as she did so, "I'll eat." she said as she leaned back into the comfort of the booth seat, "I promise."
His blue eyes roved her face, "Quit looking at him, Sara."
Sara found herself doing just that. Her eyes trained solely on Hank's long frame poised at the booth across the room, "I just wonder what kind of lies he's selling her."
She breathed in deeply, her eyes coming to rest upon Grissom's gaze, "He has a lot of pretty words he uses." She halted a sad smile, trying to turn it up at the ends of her lip glossed mouth, "I fell for them all."
"You're only human." he said.
The meal came quickly. Grissom eyeing her like a hawk as she took small bites from her burger.
When they were both finished eating, Grissom ordered her another veggie burger to take back to the lab. He insisted upon it telling her that she needed to gain some weight. She was getting much too thin for her frame. He wasn't going to see her wither away to nothing just because some jerk threw her away.
She had silently cherished the concern he was showing her and only offered him one word.
"Thanks." she said as they got into his car for the drive back to the lab.
They had driven in silence until he told her he needed to stop for a few things at the store. Did she want to come in or stay outside in the car?
She choose the car. And, as he disappeared into the store, sleep choose her.
Hours later Sara woke to the straining sound of metal peeling away from joints and the overwhelming smell of engine oils. Where the hell was she?
She opened her fluttering lids, only to be met with the realization that she was still seat belted into Grissom's passenger seat, her body reclined at a relaxing angle. No wonder she was sleeping. She looked down at her watch and was utterly surprised to see that she had been asleep for about three hours.
Getting out of the car seemed to be a chore for her as she opened the door, throwing her long legs out; her feet hitting the cold cement of the hard garage floor. Now she recognized where she was and it occured to her that she had purposefully been left in such a place.
She looked about, finally settling her eyes on the back of Nick who was bent over the doorframe of a large Buick. He was drilling into a large peice of black metal.
Hesitant, but determined, she walked over to him and gently poked his shoulder. He turned, flipping the power drill off, "Hey sleeping beauty." he grinned softly, his eyes showing some sort of concern, "You feeling better?"
Sara smiled, but pinched it off before it showed to much, "Why didn't anyone wake me?" she let her voice hinge on irritated.
Nick held up his hands as if in retreat, "Boss man told me to let you sleep."
"Did he?" she said, her heart fluttering in her chest, "For three hours?"
"He said he'd come and get ya if he needed you." Nick pulled his safety glasses back over his eyes, "Just doing what I am told."
Sara moved back from him as he started up the drill again. She shook out some nervous tension from her long arms and made her way into the lab.
Warrick came bustling around the corner, his hand reaching for Sara as soon as he crashed into her, "Hey!" he said as he steadied her, "Woah..."
She stumbled, but his hand kept her on her feet, "Have you seen Grissom?" she asked as she pulled away from Warrick's tight grip.
"Autopsy." he said as he moved on down the hallway.
Sara moved toward the autopsy room, her head filled with words to say to Grissom, but not knowing exactly how she should approach it. Should she be angry with him for letting her sleep away precious hours of work time?
Upon walking into the room, she noticed two things; Grissom and Doc Robbins discussing a large group of x-rays on the lighted surface on the wall and a small tinge of unmistakable tension.
She quietly stood in the doorway; not able to move.
They had said her name. It had fallen from Grissom's lips and now she was paralyzed by the fear that he and Robbins were having a private talk about her.
Finally, as if a force beyond her own pushed her to speak, she moved from the doorway on into the room, "Do we have a child DB now?" she asked upon seeing a small childlike skull x-ray on the wall before the two men.
Both men turned; Doc Robbin's looking blank, but Grissom looking concerned.
"I'll...uh..." Doc Robbins said with a quite look toward Grissom, "let you two have a moment."
Sara watched in confussion as the older man hobbled out of the room, "What's going on?"
The room suddenly felt smaller and darker as Grissom stared at her, "I need you to take a look at something." he said as he lifted a large manilla envelope into her view.
She tucked some stray hairs behind her ears and walked over to him, her heart fluttering in her chest from the smell of coffee that was wafting off of him, "I didn't mean to sleep so long." she offered as she took the envelope from him, "You could have woken me."
"You needed your rest." he said as he leaned his hip into the metal of the autopsy table, "Tell me if the handwriting on the envelope looks familiar."
Sara eyed him and then looked down at the script, "I...um..." she bit her lip, softly chewing at it as she gazed down at the writing, "this...uh..." she looked behind her at the x-rays, "I don't get it."
Grissom studied her face for a long moment as she stared at the x-rays on the lighted wall, "Do you know the writing?"
Sara's brow fluttered between confusion and wonder as she let her eyes linger over the broken bones shown in the x-rays, "I don't get it."
"Sara." Grissom's voice was soft, yet authoritve, "Who wrote this address?"
She faultered slightly, a gentle huff of air pushing out of her mouth as she looked back at Grissom, "It looks like my mom's handwriting."
"You're sure?" he asked as he ran his hand over the envelope in order to smooth some of the edges.
"Positive." she cleared her throat of whatever lump might have been wanting to form there, "I know her 's' by heart."
"I think I get it now." he said softly, causing Sara to look at him.
"Get what?" she turned to stare at the x-rays on the wall again, "I don't get why we have a child's x-rays on the wall, but no child?"
Grissom turned so that he was now looking at her, "You don't recognize these?"
Sara raised an eyebrow, her lips forming into a word, but not saying it as she again stared at the lighted film.
And then, as if all her insides had melted, she felt a blinding welt of terror dripping down her spine, "Why would she send these here?"
She stepped closer to the wall, her eyes staring at the small skull and roving down to the larger one. All of a sudden she could feel the pain of every blow as if she were back home again; her mother desperately trying to protect her from the hands that always hurt her.
She felt the mind blowing numbness from the point at which his hand came in contact with her face; heard the ear splitting crack of her nose bone breaking; felt the searing pain of the nerves reacting; tasted the blood. It had gushed into her mouth like hot lava. Sara had thought she was going to die. And she had only been seven when it first had happened. She had been so damn young.
"I figure that your mom sent these after seeing the Jane Doe report on the news. I think she thought the nameless woman was you." his voice was soft.
Sara let her eyes rove to the bottom of each film to see that her name was on each one.
She was suddenly aware of Grissom's eyes on her, "I...um..." she crossed her arms under her breasts, trying her best to stay focused and under control.
"That must have been really horrible for you, Sara." his words were as gentle as he could possibly make them.
Again, she cleared her throat, pushing her arms deeper under her breasts, "Mom tried to protect me, but she could barely protect herself." her voice was unsteady.
She felt him move toward her, the warmth of his body invading her space, his warm shoulder so near to her's that if she just moved a tiny step, he would be pressed against her, "Your dad?"
Sara quickly tucked some hair behind her ear, her eyes going to Grissom's eyes, "She must have thought I would make the same mistake."
She could see the worry in his eyes; the strain of the knowledge of this horror edging it's way into his brows, "How did you handle it?"
Sara smiled crockedly, dipping her head down for a second in order to reclaim her calm, "I had this..." she looked back at the x-rays, "dollhouse..." her words vibrated from her mouth in tiny, high pitched twitches, "and the whole family was secure and nice." she again lifted her long fingers to slide hair behind her ear, "They never fought or hit." she gave Grissom a tight smile, "I lived there in the dollhouse with the happy family," her smile deteriorated into a frown, "not in reality with my own."
The room was silent for a moment as Grissom began to take down the x-rays. Sara stood watching him, still trying to reclaim some sense of calm. When the lighted window was all cleared, she dropped her hands to her sides and shook them out.
Grissom shut a filing cabinet somewhere in the room and then was back in front of Sara.
She had dropped her hands into the pockets of the lab coat she wore, her mind still reeling in the moments passed.
"You do know that most men don't hit, right?" he had his hands in his pockets, his hip leaned against the autopsy table, "You do know that, right Sara?"
She raised an eyebrow, her lips sliding into a nervous smile, "Yeah." she tried to look as unharmed as possible, "I know that."
Grissom stepped over to her placing his large warm hands on her arms, "Sara..." he said as his thumbs rubbed up and down against her lab coat, "honey..."
It was happening again. Twice in the same day. The mad twitch in her lip. The quiver of her pale chin. A flood of desperate, pent up tears breaking over the barrier of her eyelids.
He pulled her into his embrace just as she sputtered into an uncontrollable sob.
This one was different and seemingly unending. Everytime she thought she was done crying, a new well of tears broke free.
And his warm body pressed against her own only made her feel sadder. Why couldn't he just love her completely?
Why couldn't he just kiss away this pain that was bordering on complete and insane loneliness?
This thought gave her the strength to push him away, but he didn't go far. He stood in front of her, his large thumbs sliding up her cold cheeks to rid them of the wetness that clung to her skin damply.
She smiled and let out a nervous, repressed laugh, "I'm always crying on you."
His eyebrow quivered in response as he cleared away a few stray tears that had lingered over the back of his hand, "It's fine." he said softly.
"Do I look like a mess?" she again tried to laugh faintly.
"You always look beautiful." he said as he dropped his hands from her face, "I just need to know," he placed his hands back in his pockets, "what you need in order to make all this better."
Sara raised an eyebrow, smiling her best, "I'm fine now." she stepped away from him, her mouth quivering at the corners, "Thanks."
She left the room as quickly as she could, the feel of his warmth still invading all her senses.
Grissom bowed his head as she left the room.
A few hours later, Sara sat in her bathroom staring down at five empty boxes. The day had gone bad and now it was just brinking and overflowing into worse.
She knew she had felt something different about herself lately. Something odd and foreboding. But she knew, upon hearing of Hank's girlfriends pregnancy, that she had to do this now before it was too late. She had to know.
"We don't need one, baby." Hank had said quickly, his breath coming in warm gasps against her shoulder, "I'll take care of it."
Sara had pushed him away and gone to get dressed, "I don't need..."
"Awe, come on Sara, it's just this once." he had smiled with warm kisses against her lips, "We can be careful enough."
She had fallen back into the backseat of his car and thrown caution to the wind.
"So stupid." she said softly as she gazed down at the group of five sticks held in her shaking hand.
All the sticks held the same answer for her.
She was pregnant with Hank's child.