Chapter 3: The boy who was Nott so bad
'Life's not fair' – Theodore Nott thought grudgingly watching Kate Marr , 5th year Slytherin, sneaking out of the Common Room with Gregory Goyle. Gregory Goyle! Although almost everyone agreed that he probably had as much as two brain cells- which was twice as much as Vincent Crabbe had- but it didn't mean he was clever or anything, now did it? But yet, he DID have a girlfriend, or at least it looked like this. After all they went out holding hands, and Kate was actually similing at Gregory!
In Theodore's eyes it was the most appalling ungratefullness, since he spent two of his afternoons he usually devoted to solitary study of Dark Arts and other fascinating stuff with her, helping her understood and master the finer points of human transfiguration, which knowledge, it turned out, she used to diminish her ears so as they didn't turned out so much. Actually it wasn't that bad before either, as they were covered by her loose curls which Theodore found rather pretty, though he thought they could be less reddish. If he were to make any changes he would definitely darken her hair...
Yet it was unimportant now, as she, ignoring the fact that he had helped her, blatantly turned down his suggestion that they went to Hogsmeade together the next free weekend (and it cost him a lot of nerves to ask, really!), and on the very same day, agreed to go with Gregory Goyle. Now they were both leaving the Slytherin Common Room with their eyes sparkling ('How come, someone as dumb as Goyle can ever muster a spark in the eye?'), no doubt for a snog session in a broom closet or some other equally dim and little frequented section of the dungeons.
He shot one more deadly glare towards the now closed door to the Common Room, and, with a feeling of vengefullness, turned back to his copy of „Foolproof Curses for Beginners and Other Ways to Make Your Enemy's Life Hell". 'Hmm'- Theodore skimmed through the pages. He had already known the book by heart. He got it previous summer from his great aunt Emnilda, and was actually irritated that she'd presented him with a children's book. Of course some curses could be useful, for example the one that made the head itch all over ,so that the person who got cursed would scratch their scalp until there wasn't a single hair left...-despite himself Theodore had to smile as he imagined casting it at Kate-, but come on. He irked to learn something serious, yet it seemed he would have to wait at least until Christmas break, when he would be at home and have the whole Nott library available.
Thinking about home, however, brought also the unpleasant realisation, that he would be returning to an empty house, as his father was still in Azkaban. 'Unless he goes out by then...' Chances for it were small though. The ministry was not likely to release a confirmed Death Eater. The only realistic option was that the Dark Lord would somehow organize a breakout for his followers, and Theodore had mixed feelings about it. Of course he wanted his father back, but he didn't want him to do the Dark Lord's bidding. 'If he's so powerful, cannot he win this whole war by himself, kill the Saint Potter and reign happily ever after?' Not that he wanted him to reign, and especially not ever after... He sighed.
'Why can't everything be as it was before his return? Hmm, does thinking like this means I'm a conservative? I guess so...'- he mused, still bowed over the black leather bound book, looking as if he were reading.
-She's left You high and dry, hasn't she? - the smooth voice of Blaise Zabini interrupted his train of thoughts. He looked up at him narrowing his eyes. Theodore didn't like Blaise Zabini. Truth be told, he didn't most of people, or at least didn't find their company satisfactory.
Take Draco Malfoy, for instance. Their fathers insisted they should meet each other since before they went to Hogwarts, because both of them came from wealthy pureblood families and their fathers had...common interests, to put it this way, but they had never really come along. It wasn't even that they misliked each other. At least Theodore didn't mislike Draco. He simply found young Malfoy irritating. Draco talked too much, especially quoted his dad too much, laughed of the things that Theodore didn't find funny, he liked to fool around with those two dim-wits Crabbe and Goyle...And when he was irritated or displeased he made a face which Theodore found plainly annoying. Nah. Well, on the other hand he was intelligent enough to have an interesting conversation with him from time to time. The problem was, Malfoy usually didn't want to discuss anything academic, but new ways and means to kill/maim/humiliate (choose the right option) Harry Potter, which was by far anything of interest to young Nott.
From time to time he kept thinking that if he were set on doing away with Potter, he would have had it done long ago, but mostly he had no intention of doing any harm either to Potter or anyone else. 'Well'- he thought about the treacherous Kate Marr, making out with Gregory Goyle, and for a second or two considered living up to everyone's expectations, that is being a big, bad Slytherin or/and Death Eater-to-be, but he quickly discarded those ideas. Slytherins didn't go against their own (usually), plus he had to laugh when he thought about himself as being big and bad. Ok, the 'bad' part he could perhaps manage, but the 'big' part was a problem, and a BIG problem at that.
Unfortunately Theodore was rather thin and scrawny, sometimes he was even described as being weedy, which really angered him. He wasn't of ill health or anything. It was only that he had always been the smallest of all the Slytherin boys from the same year. This summer, however, he began to grow rapidly, now he could see most of his classmates right into the eye, and he knew he would be growing even taller. After all his own father was a very tall man, and he had always kept telling Theodore, when the boy was worrying about being dwarfish, that he also used to be pretty small as a kid, and first shot up during his 2 last years at Hogwarts.
This was some comfort, but one thing hadn't changed. Theodore was still very slim, even skinny, and he didn't like being like this at all. When he saw his own body while taking a shower, he couldn't help feeling a certain distaste. 'I look like a personification of Famine' he thought dismally 'or I could represent the Death itself, I only lack a scythe...' The image was disturbing though, as the boy started instantly to picture himself not only with the said scythe, but in a black, hooded robe as well, and it always made him shudder. He knew, of course, about the Death Eaters, his father being one, and knew he needen't be afraid of them as the majority of his fellow students were, but nevertheless... They were scary.
'Does closer knowledge of the evil makes it less evil? Or less scary?'- he mused sometimes. 'Evil...' He always stopped there, not wanting to dig too deep into that notion, knowing that he weren't describing nameless and faceless creatures other people perceived the Death Eaters as, but at least one person he knew well, a person whom he loved, and who loved him too.
On the farthest verge of his mind he feared that were he to give in to those thoughts, he might end up dreaming nightmares about his father doing all those things which he knew he did, but which he didn't want to absorb or realise that he did.
Whenever he came that far in his musings, he would see the dead face og Cedric Diggory, the way it looked like almost one and a half year before, when Potter came back with him from a place, from a place he knew his father were at, together with the other Death Eaters, with their master.
The thought that only seconds before his father looked at the very same Cedric Diggory's lifeless face from under the black hood of a Death Eater's robe was sickening. He knew at least that his father didn't kill Diggory. He and the others were summoned when the Hufflepuff was already dead, and they witnessed the duel between the Dark Lord and Potter. Sometimes he cursed his damned curiosity that made him question his father about the events of that night. He could never resist the urge to know, to learn everything he could, but this... Of course, Nott senior hadn't told him everything, nor did he confide in him about the rest of the Death Eaters business, but he knew enough to... enough to what exactly? He wasn't sure.
He wondered whether his other housemates who had Death Eater parents ever analyzed it, or gave it any thoughts at all. He was fairly sure neither Crabbe nor Goyle did. He wondered about Malfoy, though. Draco seemed always very proud of his father and his doings. Of course he never boasted aloud of anything connected to the Dark Lord (well, except the train ride to Hogwarts this year, which was rather strange and reckless in Theodore's opinion. He will have to give it some thoughts later.). This would be too dangerous. Contrary to what some people ( meaning- especially Gryffindors) thought, not all Slytherins were young Death Eaters in training, or even supporters of the Dark Lord, so one had better keep their mouth shut about certain things, unless surrounded by people one knew one could trust. This was a strange kind of trust, however. Theodore doubted that under normal circumstances Draco would be discussing (though Theodore would be rather listening to, than discussing himself) such serious matters with him, when they weren't even friends, or with Gregory and Vincent who were too dumb to understand anything a little more complicated, and unable to made a simple connection except the one which involved their fist connecting with a jaw of somebody Malfoy wanted them to punch. Yet, in a situation as it was, they shared this strange connection. They were totally different, but thay had this thing in common, and for Theodore it made the other three boys kind of familiar, and usually predictable.
The boy, who now stood before him snickering, Blaise Zabini, was somewhat of an unknown. He was... different. He was the only one Slytherin boy in their year, whose father wasn't a Death Eater. Moreover, Zabini's father was dead, and the boy had been raised by his mother and 5 different wizards, who were all in turn married to his mother after his father's demise and died. All this clearly set him apart, the first thing more than the other, and the fact that he looked different, with his meditterranean features and colours inherited from the deceased italian father, added only slightly to the general picture of a stranger. Well, of sorts. Blaise Zabini was evidently much more popular and liked than Theodore Nott, especially when it came to the opposite sex.
Theodore always tried to convince himself that he was more digusted by, than envious of the other boy's doings. To make long story short, Blaise was dating to the right and to the left, going out with girls both in their year, and the year above and below, not only Slytherins, but also Ravenclaws, and, as the word said, even a few Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs. The word said also that it happened once or twice that he was dating more than one girl at the same time, and hiding the fact from both of them. Theodore couldn't understand why girls wanted to go out with Blaise at all, when practically everyone knew he was a manwhore and even called him that behind his back (well, Theodore himself actually didn't, since he was raised not to use such terms). If that wasn't disgusting, than he didn't know... And all because Zabini looked good. 'As if looks were everything!'
The worst thing, however, was that Zabini knew all this, and was very proud of himself. 'Stupid buffoon'. And now he seemed eager to share some precious bits of experience with Theodore. 'Just wonderful!'.
-It's none of Your business Zabini- he answered flatly, when Blaise repeated his question. Why couldn't he just leave him alone and go pick up some long-legged Ravenclaw or something?
-Why Theodore- he said mockingly -I believe You could use some friendly advice. You see, You do it all wrong. -he seated himself on the couch across from Nott leisurely, and continued with amused voice.- Helping a girl with her homework? Come on! It's so lame. Maybe Hufflepuffs do that...
-What about Your favourite Ravenclaws?- Theodore seethed angrily. He hated being lectured, and Blaise's patronizing tone made him think about testing some curses from the book on his lap. -Aren't they enjoying studying together?
-Oh, it's only a popular, albeit incorrect, belief. Why, do you think, would I be so successfull at picking up Ravenclaw girls? The guys there think as You do, they are nice and all, do homeworks together, while what the girls really want is someone wild, mysterious, and bad . Yeah, all girls love bad boys, You know? So I am bad. -He laughed leecherously.-Maybe You should try it yourself.
-You disgust me.
-Are You jealous, Theodore? -the dark skinned boy snickered, challenging him to deny.
-Of You? Hardly.- He answered, painfully aware of the fact that he was lying. Blaise was aware of it too, and he laughed. Theodore's dark eyes drilled the even darker ones of the other boy furiously. Finally he stood up, gathered his books and headed for the boys' dormitory.
-Poor, little Theo. He's going to sleep with Millicent's cat again.-Zabini scoffed at his retreating back. -Poor animal...
Theodore whipped around like a viper, wand raised, and before Zabini could react in any way, cast a spell that sent the other one crashing into the wall, and then sliding limply to the ground.
He regretted it almost instantly. He was fairly sure that he hadn't caused Zabini any permanent damage, he simply hated losing control. But he was provoked... He felt his cheeks burn with anger at the thought of what Zabini might have been implying. Why couldn't he just mind his own business like Theodore did?
He neared Zabini who was lying on the floor, unconsious. There was a trace of crimson on the wall, where his head had connected with it. Theodore flinched slightly. He hadn't meant it. The impact was stronger than he had intended... 'So much for self control..'
-Rennervate!- with a flick of his wand, life returned to the dark skinned Slytherin. He groaned, then his eyes fluttered open and settled on Theodore, who was hovering over him with his wand still at the ready.
-Holy crap, Nott! Are You insane?!- his tone was offensive, but the eyes betrayed him. There was fear in them. - What have I done?!
'I'm not insane, I'm not insane, I've been provoked.' - Get up Zabini and stop playing hurt! -he snapped, his eyes trailing away from the crimson spot on the wall. ' He's not seriously hurt. I haven't done anything.' Zabini's eyes followed warily movements of his wand, and Theodore realised he still clutched it in attack position. It seemed the other boy wouldn't move from the floor until he took it away. A strange feeling spread throughout Theodore. Zabini was afraid of him. Of him, weedy and aloof Theodore Nott. Sure, younger kids, especially from the other houses often looked at him this way (if they noticed him at all, that is), but Blaise was his classmate, and was always considered stronger...He felt pricking shot up his spine. The sensation wasn't at all unpleasant, somehow he even got a feeling he might enjoy it. Oh yes... Was that what his father and the likes of him felt when they looked down into the eyes of their victims? Could he become like this too? 'Definitely...no...' he gulped, still not moving, looking at Blaise and basking in the feeling of power. 'Oh yes...You could' , the usually dormant part of his brain whispered seductively. 'You could make Gregory Goyle and that Marr girl wither in pain before You too...'
He shuddered again. Was it really what he wanted? 'No...' Despite the excitement he felt now, standing over Blaise like that, he realised that he didn't want him or anyone to look up to him with fear. He wanted...he wanted Kate Marr to smile at him like she did three days before when she asked „Could You be so nice and help me with that Theodore, You're so clever?", and she wanted her to take his hand and sneak out from the common room to the grounds together...
He lowered his wand, and turned abruptly.
-Stand up Blaise. I...I'm sorry...'
From behind he heard the other boy cautiously climb up to his feet.
-It's okay, I guess- he said awkwardly. - And she wasn't even pretty, You know. Not worth fighting for... or over. - Apparently he wasn't able to just let the subject go. Theodore slowly counted to three before he faced him again. Zabini was smoothing his robes and tentatively checking up the small injury on the back of his head.
-Do You need to go to the hospital wing?
-No, no, it's okay. -he assured quickly. - Shall we go to the Great Hall? I'm getting hungry.
Theodore suspected it had more to do with the fact that Zabini didn't want to stay alone with him any longer, than with the actual need for food, but he didn't say anything and they both left for the Great Hall.
xxx
The Great Hall was as loud and noisy as usually, and as more and more students swarmed inside to get their meals it only became louder and noisier. Blaise seemed to find it comforting after the incident with Theodore, and quickly got sucked up in a chatter with his friends. Theodore, on the other hand, sat quietly at his usual spot and pisked on his food only occasionally looking at his housemates or other people in the hall. Although he normally disliked noise, in the Great Hall it was bearable, since it let him get lost in the crowd more easily. The other Slytherins were chatting and laughing- mostly at Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs. He overheard Pansy Parkinson describe an encounter with seamus Finnigan, the irish Gryffindor.
-He likes it when a girl chew at his bottom lip – she drawled mockingly, pursing her lips and pretending she was chewing at something,- many girls and boys sniggered. Theodore didn't. He thought that he would like it too. - and then the things going more hot. Maybe we should arrange him to kiss a blast ended skrewt? A female blast ended skrewt, of course!
-That would undoubtedly get hot. – Malfoy admitted sneeringly, and Pansy erupted into a fit of giggles.
Right then a bunch of noisy Gryffindors, the unfortunate Finnigan bloke among them, entered and made their way towards their table, which somehow always managed to make more fuss than four the other together. 'As if they couldn't just speak...No, they have to scream to each other... ' They seemed to have some kind of a problem this time though, cause they were shouting louder and gesticulating more wildly than usually, but Theodore was sitting too far away to be able to tell what that was about anyway.
The meal was halfway through, and most of the people were too busy with eating to speak, when suddenly a girl rose from the Gryffindor table and, in the sudden silence, announced that she liked to sleep naked. It evoked all kinds of reaction, from laugh, to shock, disgusted snorts (girls), wolf-whistling (boys), and jaw-dropping and salivating (Blaise), while the girl herself (Theodore recognised her as the one having a twin in Ravenclaw, one of the Patil sisters) blushed profusely and tried to duck under the table. Then the Finnigan bloke rose too, called for silence and declared that anyone who might try to insult the Patil girl,(her name was Parvati it occured) or make fun of her because of it, would be meeting his wrath. Or something like that. Anyway it included being on the receiving end of Finnigan's wand or fists.
-Gryffindors, always playing knights in shining armours.- He heard Draco drawl sarcastically, but apparently even Malfoy wasn't brave (or foolish) enough to say something more offensive in the teachers' presence.
The rest of the dinner went in peace, save for some laughs and comments here and there. After the dessert the Slytherins, Theodore included, started to leave. On the way to the hall's door he randomly caught the eye of Hermione Granger, Gryffindor know-it-all. He flinched. She wasn't looking at him, she was glaring, trying to burn him down with her sight. He had know idea why, he only knew that if the sight could kill, he would have been a small pile of ashes on the floor of the Great Hall.