Chapter 2: The New Old Dress

The Hill of Tara, Ireland, Present Day

Only a few hours later and the wood in which the demon warlock Qwayoc's body lay had been completely cordoned off and secured. Not that you would have known it though; a human walking past the copse would not have noticed anything out of the ordinary and by the next morning, should a Mud Man happen to stroll through the wood itself, not so much as a burnt twig would remain to suggest that anything untoward had taken place there the night before. Cleaning up potentially disastrous fairy related messes was, after all, one of LEPRecon's specialities. It had also only taken an hour for the LEP to dispatch to the crime scene the fairies (and the one Mud Man) who were currently investigating the string of ugly murders which had thus far taken place in the close vicinity of six shuttle ports around the world. These included Foaly, Captain Holly Short, Qwan and Artemis Fowl. The latter two had not been involved with the investigation from the beginning; Artemis had only been called in after the first three deaths (much to Commander Kelp's chagrin) and for Qwan this was his first involvement in the case, as it concerned one of his students. This was the first serial killer that the People had faced in over a century and consequently the Council was putting a lot of pressure on the police department to produce results.

"Here he is" said Captain Chix Verbil, as he pulled back a black plastic sheet that someone had considerately decided to use to conceal the warlock's unsightly remains from view. "Not a pretty sight is it?"

Artemis's pursed his lips with distaste and Holly winced; no matter how many times you saw these bodies you couldn't get used to them. Not shot or stabbed, but hideously drained and shrunken; reduced to a state of near mummification. Qwan knelt down beside the body and shook his head sadly. "My poor, poor Qwayoc. He was a good student, when he wanted to be. He could have been a great warlock given time. I saw that he was not in class this morning and, despairing of his truancy, I decided that I would not trouble myself to look for him. It was his education, I reasoned, if he wished to squander it so be it. I...I shall never forgive myself".

"It wasn't your fault Qwan" said Holly quickly "you can't blame yourself for what happened".

Qwan smiled wanly "thank you captain, it is kind of you to say so".

"So..." said Foaly, casting his eyes around the clearing and pouring the ground with one of his front hooves pensively "the body's the same as the others, but all this destructions a new one. Did the killer celebrate this murder by torching the place with a flamethrower or something?"

"I doubt it Foaly" replied Artemis, sniffing the air in a thoughtful manner.

"I can't smell anything" said Chix, a moment later, sounding confused.

"My point exactly, Captain Verbil. Although I am no expert when it comes to matters concerning ordnance, I seem to remember my bodyguard Butler informing me that a flamethrower leaves behind a strong smell of petrol. As you have so meticulously observed, there is no such trace".

"That's true" mused Holly "so that means it was probably a goblin letting off a few fireballs then. Maybe the B'wa Kell is up to its old tricks again".

"I said it might be goblins to one of my men earlier!" piped up Chix eagerly. "Oh that reminds me, Corporal Sapling wants to speak with you four".

Corporal Sapling, the elfin officer who had accompanied Captain Verbil to the site of the murder of Qwayoc and discovered his body, approached Artemis, Holly, Foaly and Qwan, and saluted respectfully. "What is it corporal?" asked Holly with interest.

"Err well captain, it's like this, I think I may have seen that demon earlier this evening" said the elf uncertainly.

"Where, when?" asked Foaly eagerly.

"Well I was off duty, just spending a little quite time by myself you understand" at this Chix coughed, possibly masking a snort of disbelief. "And I was in this bar see, and I saw the deceased sitting a few tables from mine. I didn't pay him much attention at first you see, I was...um distracted. Anyway suddenly I saw this pixie girl go over and start talking to him, and a few minutes later they left together. I remember thinking that it was a bit odd at the time, I mean a little smasher like her chatting up a demon warlock?" Suddenly a look of horror passed across his face, as he remembered that his audience included the headmaster of the Demon Warlock Academy, and he added hurriedly "oh no offence meant to you sir of course, I just meant..."

"Think nothing of it Corporal Sapling, I quite agree that it sounds highly suspicious" reassured Qwan. Turning to the others he asked "so it would seem that a pixie is involved in this case. Surely goblins and pixies working together is unusual?"

Foaly, Artemis and Holly exchanged worried looks. "Unusual perhaps, but not unheard off. I can think of one prime example" said Artemis darkly.

"This pixie, what did she look like?" Holly asked Sapling urgently.

The corporal considered for a few moments and then said "well let me see now; red hair I think and...well I can't think how to describe. Pretty nice looking girl, I thought, if you don't mind me saying so. But captain" he grinned "if you're thinking what I think you are, then no, it defiantly wasn't Opal Kobi. I'd have recognized the Lower Elements most wanted if I saw her".

As if on cue one of the Recon officers examining the area for evidence suddenly shouted "over here, I've found something!" A moment later a sprite buzzed over to the group, like an overgrown wasp, and handed Foaly what appeared to be a handful of skin-coloured rubber. The centaur examined the officer's find for a few seconds and then held up to the light what was, unmistakably, an artificial fairy nose.

The colour drained from Corporal Sapling's face, leaving the elf looking almost grey. "Oh dear" was all he could manage.

"Oh dear indeed" replied Artemis coldly.

Rather than dwelling on the fact that the most hunted fairy criminal since Puck had been able to waltz around Tara shuttle port without a care in the world, Foaly instead decided that there would be time for finger pointing later during the full investigation that this almighty foul-up would surely result in. Instead he said "OK then let's assume that Opal sneaked into Tara, lured Qwayoc to this location, killed him, blew half the forest apart and then...left?"

"Have you found any footprints other than those of Opal and Qwayoc?" Holly asked Chix.

Captain Verbil shook his head and answered, slightly defensively "well no, not yet, but I'm sure we will".

"I wonder..." mused Artemis slowly "when I encountered Miss Kobi beneath the Extinctionists' compound in Morocco, she had used animal brain fluids to enhance her own magic. Is it possible that she can have found a way to adapt this same technique to draining fairies of their powers; for example a goblin of his ability to produce fireballs?"

"But that's impossible!" cried Chix, in alarm.

"Captain Verbil" said Artemis sharply "in my experience, when it comes to Opal Kobi, there is no such thing. Her outlook is, and always has been, to quote Hannibal of Carthage: 'I will either find a way, or make one'".

"But if that's true and Opal now has the powers of a demon warlock, on top of her own magic and that of all her previous victims..." Holly broke off with a shudder.

"Alright then, as usual let's look at the worst case scenario, as, with our track record, we can pretty much kiss the best case scenario goodbye" said Foaly with a rather forced laugh. "So let's say that Opal now has pretty much all the magic she could ever want; what does she want it for? If I know Opal, and unfortunately I think I do, it won't just be simply for the sake of it, she'll have some grand scheme in works".

"Draining a demon warlock of his magic would grant Opal the use of the gargoyles touch, I presume, and clearly the use of their lightning and plasma bolts" Artemis hesitated and then, turning to Qwan, asked "could she create a time tunnel?"

Qwan, who had been sunk deep in thought, shook himself and said slowly "I would pray to the gods that she could not. But, from what I hear of this most unpleasant pixie, and taking into account the possible extent of her powers now...it is quite possibly". Straightening himself and looking around the clearing with renewed purpose, the old demon continued "if she has created one here I should be able to sense it, if I can get close enough to the site where it was created".

"Well then let's hope Opal showed as much patience as she usually does and cooked one up straight away then" said Foaly.

"My good centaur, one does not simply 'cook up' a time tunnel, as you put it. They are works of magical art. However I shall endeavour to discover if one was produced here...one moment if you please". So saying Qwan advanced slowly across the clearing, his arms out stretched before him like a blind man, seemingly feeling for something that the others could neither see nor sense. At last he stopped beside a small patch of grass, which appeared to be no different than any other. Qwan went down on one knee and, placing his hand upon the forest floor, closed his eyes and began to speak. "It was here. She opened a portal, it was difficult for her without the proper training and practice, but her great magical strength saved her. The tunnel stabilized and she passed through. She travelled to the 18th...no 19th century. To England and to...London I think". Standing upright once more the warlock turned and said apologetically "I'm sorry that's all I can tell you".

After a brief pause Foaly said "I think I speak for all of us when I say that was way more than we could have hoped to have learnt. Err nice going. Just one question though, how come Opal's clothes aren't lying around here somewhere? Last time we saw N°1 do the whole time tunnel thing Holly and Arty here had to strip down to their undies, and absolutely hilarious it was too".

"Simple, removing ones clothing and equipment is no longer required for risk free time travel. Like you, my good centaur, who works in the field of science, we who practice in magic also make near constant discoveries and develop new techniques. Thanks to the latest advancements in the art, due largely to the incredible skill and power of my apprentice N°1, it is now perfectly safe to travel through time tunnels without the possibility that one's atoms may become mixed with those of anything one happens to be wearing or carrying at the time" explained Qwan proudly.

Ignoring Foaly's remark about the last time Holly and himself had passed through a time tunnel, Artemis said "if Opal is allowed to run rampant through the past there is no telling what potential damage she could cause to the present or the future" A slight frown creased his young brow. "Is there any way that you could possibly pull her back to our time from here, Master Qwan?"

"Yes and no Fowl. No, I cannot draw her to me from here, although I can dimly sense her presence. But if I was to send someone after her and they were able to get into close proximity to her, then I could most certainly try".

"How close is close?" asked Holly.

"Very, I'm afraid captain. Physical contact, even if only for a second, would be essential" answered Qwan despondently.

"And she's slap bang in the middle of London? Who knows how long it might take to find Opal! We can't risk sending in a retrieval team; they couldn't possibly be expected to shield indefinitely until they found her. Sooner or later they'd run dry and then the People would be discovered...in the past, who knows what that'd mean for us here and now" said Foaly grimly.

"As to her exact location I cannot be precise in terms of how close she may or may not be to the centre of the city. However you are quite correct in your assumption that the hunt for Miss Kobi could well be a long and arduous task" replied Qwan.

"Then we need to send in a smaller team, like just me and Artemis. We've faced Opal before and we know how she thinks. Artemis can interact with the humans, if need be, and I'll take her down when we find her". Turning to her human friend Holly said very seriously "Arty I know this is a lot to ask of you, you're not LEP, but we need you on this one...I need you".

Artemis chuckled "please Holly, there is no call to be so melodramatic, of course I shall accompany you. After all Opal poses a threat to all of us, human and fairy alike, and so this venture will be just as much in my own interests as in those of the People". Artemis's face suddenly softened and he added "besides captain, when have I ever let you run off and face danger alone?"

Holly smiled warmly back "thanks Arty". Meanwhile Foaly in the background rolled his eyes and mimed throwing up. Ever since their last adventure together, during which Holly and Artemis had helped to defeat an enemy of the People that they had long believed to be dead and averted an inter species war with the humans [A/N: see Old Dogs and New Tricks], the Fowl heir and the fairy captain had...come to an understanding, as it were. Although they never appeared to be anything other than close friends in public, Foaly knew both well enough to have his suspicions.

"That would seem to address several key issues" said Qwan nodding. "However we still face the problem of how the good Captain Short may endeavour to remain undiscovered throughout this entire operation".

"I think I may have a solution to that particular problem" said Artemis, with a hint of a smile that was missed by all except Holly.

"What?" asked the elfin captain suspiciously.

Turning to Foaly and Qwan, entirely ignoring Holly's question, Artemis enquired "tell me, Master Qwan, to send Captain Short and I after Miss Kobi will you require to be in this location, or could you do it from anywhere?"

"Now that I know where and when she is, this place has served its purpose" stated Qwan simply.

"What solution?" asked Holly again, raising her voice.

Still apparently deaf to Holly's question, Artemis continued "then Foaly I suggest that we travel without delay to Fowl Manor. I believe that I have just the thing to allow Captain Short to walk amongst the people of London unseen". After a moment s thought he amended "or at the very least unnoticed.

A few years previously the centaur technical consultant would no doubt have questioned Artemis on what he intended to do, but now he simply nodded. "Right, we'll grab a shuttle from Tara and we can be there in ten minutes tops".

As the party turned and hurried away towards the shuttle port, Holly snapped angrily "Artemis! What are you up to?"

"Patience is a virtue my dear" chuckled Artemis playfully. "You wouldn't want me to spoil the surprise now would you?"

Fowl Manor, Ireland, Present Day

The Fowl's, naturally accompanied by Artemis' bodyguard and manservant Butler, had been enjoying a family holiday in Venice when the LEP had contacted Artemis and asked for his help with the shuttle port murders. Although Angeline and Artemis Senior had not at first been best pleased to learn that their son was planning on cutting short his vacation, as soon as they heard that Artemis was going to the aide of 'that charming young lady Holly', they immediately agreed. Consequently the ancient manor house currently stood quiet and empty, that is until the stillness was abruptly disrupted when a fairy shuttle fizzled into the visible spectrum on one of the main lawns and a small group disembarked. Upon entering the home of his forefathers, Artemis directed his fairy friends into a comfortable and well appointed sitting room just off the manor's main entrance hall, and then disappeared up the grand staircase. He returned a short while later carrying a large cardboard box and wearing an interesting expression. Artemis managed to look both mischievous, like a schoolboy who has put a tack on his teacher's chair, and simultaneously apprehensive, like a schoolboy who fears the fiery reprisals that his prank will no doubt result in.

Stopping before Holly, Artemis placed the box at her feet and took several hasty steps backwards. "This should allow you to blend in with the London crowds with no difficulty captain. If you remember we used a similar tactic when entering Taipei 101 in Taiwan".

With deep suspicion clearly visible on the fairy captain's face, Holly stooped and, with her back to Artemis, Foaly and Qwan, opened the lid of the box. There was a long, pregnant silence. At last Holly said, in a cool, calm voice that was infinitely more terrifying than the bellow of a rabid troll, "Artemis choose your next words carefully, because they may be your last. This is a sick joke isn't?"

"What is it?" asked Foaly, his natural curiosity getting the better of him. Using his superior height the centaur peered over Holly's shoulder and, upon seeing the contents of box, burst out laughing. "Oh brilliant! That is just brilliant! Fowl you truly are a genius. You'll look great in that Holly, it really suits you!"

"Shut up pony boy!" snarled Holly, blushing crimson. "If you think I'm putting that on then you're even crazier than you look!"

Inside the cardboard box was a slightly worn, but well preserved child's dress; intended for a girl of around seven years old. It had long sleeves, ending in white lace trim, it reached down to the ankle, had several large, white silk bows running down its front and was made of heavy, red velvet. The ensemble was completed by a large, broad brimmed straw hat, decorated by several artificial pink flowers. Artemis raised his hands defensively as Holly turned on him like an angry puma about to go for the throat of some luckless deer. "Now before you do anything rash, Holly, please let me explain. This dress originally belonged to my great, great grandmother, Alice Fowl. It is almost a hundred and seventy years old, and had been used by generations of Fowl daughters down the years in games of dressing up. Although not perhaps in its prime it has survived rather well I think, all things considered. As long as you keep the hat pulled down firmly, this disguise should conceal your true nature from any onlookers".

Qwan, who had been peering in good natured confusion from the dress to the furious Holly, now asked politely "I am afraid I do not understand. Master Fowl's plan would seem quite valid under the circumstances. Why do you argue against it Captain Short? Do you see some flaw in the disguise?" Just as with hair, demons have very little practical experience when it come to matters concerning clothing, as they generally do not wear any themselves.

"You got that right! I wouldn't wear that thing to save my pension!" Holly cried furiously.

"But would you wear it to potentially save the lives of every fairy and human on Earth, and those of countless billions as yet unborn?" asked Artemis, in the manner of a chess grand master declaring check mate.

For a moment Holly swelled visibly, as if she was about to scream, but then she subsided. "You know I want to catch Opal more than anyone. You know that I'd do anything to stop her. But...but this! Please Artemis I haven't worn a dress since my school prom, and even then it was just a plain black cocktail dress. I've never even gone near anything like that before" finished Holly, with something approaching a wail of despair, as she pointed at the offending item.

Artemis, who attempted with only partial success to put the alluring image of Holly wearing a cocktail dress out of his mind, said "you have bested trolls, goblin revolutionaries, demon warriors and human hit men before, Holly. This is just another obstacle to be overcome. Before you know it you'll be back in the present day and back in your jumpsuit. As you have said to me many times before: think of the mission".

Holly was silent for a few seconds and then she spun around, glaring at each member of the group in turn, and said in voice that dripped venom "if any of you ever tell anyone about this you're either a dead fairy or a dead Mud Boy!" With that Holly picked up the box and stalked out of the room muttering what sounded like "...ing Mud Boy... D'Arvit mission...why doesn't he wear it..."

After perhaps ten minutes Holly returned, her face almost as red as her dress. After Artemis got over the shock of seeing the feisty and battle hardened LEP captain wearing an outfit that would have looked more at home on a china doll, he realized that his plan seemed almost foolproof. Thanks to her height and the large hat, Holly's face was almost completely hidden. On top of this the dumpy, somewhat shapeless nature of the dress concealed well the fact that Holly's body had the proportions of an adult, rather than those of a child. Before Artemis or any of the others could congratulate Holly on her disguise (or scream with laughter, in Foaly's case), she held up one threatening finger and, scowling, said "no one say a gods damn word!"

Holly glared at Artemis and asked icily "well now that you've got me looking like a first class idiot, what are you going to wear?"

"If you will give me just a moment, I shall prepare" said Artemis, walking from the room.

It did not take long for Artemis to reappear and his appearance infuriated Holly still further. "But you've just put another suit on! How come you get to wear that and I'm stuck with this? Why aren't you wearing a big, stupid powdered-wig or something?"

"I fear, Holly, you may be thinking of 17th and 18th century fashions. It is an interesting fact that, although women's styles of dress have altered immensely and near constantly over the last few hundred years, since the dawn of the 19th century the style of a gentleman's suit has barely altered at all. This one, belonging to my great, great grandfather, should do admirably". Artemis was wearing a plain black suit, of a slightly less crisp cut than those he generally favoured, a dark green waistcoat beneath his jacket and a black bowtie. The only item of clothing that would have made Artemis look out of place, if he had worn the suit in public, was a black, silk top hat, which he was currently carrying under his left arm.

"Very well then, I see no reason to delay further" said Qwan looking from Holly to Artemis. "If you will both hold hands, as you did before, I shall send you back. I am afraid that, although I should be able to put you in exactly the same time as Opal, you shall not appear in quite the same place. I will endeavour to get you as close as possible to her, but you will have to hunt for her yourselves. Good luck". So saying the demon warlock drew upon his deep internal wells of power and, without further ado, sent the human genius and the fairy captain hurtling back down the decades. The act was not particularly impressive, very different from the great time tunnel which had transported Hybras back from Limbo or the time tunnel that Opal herself had created so recently. There were no flashing lights, sparkling portals, glowing clouds of energy or anything else that a magical layman might suspect that creating a rift in time would necessarily create. However, as any great warlock knows, the above phenomena are generally the result of a showy amateur. True masters can change the very nature of the universe and the time stream without causing any needless fuss.

Foaly glanced across at the warlock and asked "there's just one thing I want to know Qwan. If you're now able to send people through time tunnels with their clothes and equipment safely, how come they've still got to hold hands? I mean, as you've made all these other advancements, that can hardly be the sort of problem that's all that hard to solve".

For the first time that night Qwan chuckled "oh it's not necessary at all. I just thought they might enjoy it".

Author's Note: A rather more light-hearted chapter that one I think. I decided to use Qwan, rather than N°1, as the stories principal demon because you don't see all that much of him in the books. I have made several small changes to the way in which time tunnels and time travel in general operates in the Artemis Fowl universe because it was necessary for the sake of the plot. Sorry about that, hope you didn't mind.