Jazen didn't sigh the next time he had a day off. Daemon had sent him to see Annalie three times. She was getting better. He still couldn't get close, but they could talk about quiet, easy things. In truth, he found that he liked spending time with her. She was very sassy, and he couldn't help but be reminded of the Queens who used to spend their time in the Hall, friends of Lady Angelline's. She reminded him of them, but not in the same way either, just the rightness of her. She belonged in Kaeleer, it was obvious to him.
And she was so sharp. It had surprised him a bit, because of how meek she seemed at first. He'd assumed she would be like Marian, who had strength, buti t was much more subtle. Finally, Jazen had asked Annalie about it.
"I hate it," she said. "It's like when I'm around a male my whole self is locked up. I am unable to just be myself. I'm so constricted. It's this fear, fear that if I open my mouth again that it will happen again… and then I'm reliving it, and I can't speak to anyone. I just… panic," she said lamely, looking to him for understanding.
"I understand," he said, and he did. They left it alone after that.
That had been the last time he'd been there. Now it was his day off, and he was heading to Terry's. He would have breakfast and then he would head to town. That wasn't unnormal for him, but today it was special. Annalie had been working for Terry and Birdie for a while, and so she'd racked up plenty of marks but didn't really have the things she needed for herself. To that end, she hadn't gone out because Birdie hadn't had a free day, and she didn't feel like she could help her is she had an attack out in public, and she didn't want to go without a male escort. Jazen understood, which was why he had offered to take Annalie.
He was happy to go. Annalie had relaxed around him. She understood that something at happened to him, something that had caused him a lot of pain, but she didn't push and she didn't judge. She knew exactly what Terrielle was like, and when he mentioned that he'd lived in Draega before he'd escaped to Kaeleer she'd understood that he'd experienced terrible brutality. No judgements, no questions. They both preferred it that way.
"So," Annalie said, adjusting her hat. She'd braided back her hair. It looked very messy. Her hat and clothing were not flattering. He knew the symptoms. Sometimes when a girl got hurt she would wear the most unflattering things, like armor. Lady Karla had even cut her hair very short. The only time he'd seen her with longer hair was when she'd finally found a lover. She'd grow it out a little before cutting it again when she decided that she liked the ease of short hair. Besides that, the spikes just fit her personality better.
"So?" he asked in a level tone.
"Where are you taking me?" she asked.
"The hair salon," Jazen said. He watched as she eyed him suspiciously and tugged her brade over her shoulder, running her fingers over it in a way that made it even more messy. "Your hair's lovely but a short hair cut might be more conducive to the kitchen, especially since you seem to hate putting it up," he explained.
She seemed to consider that. "Isn't it not allowed for women to have short hair here?" she asked. Most, if not all women wore their hair long in Terrielle and always had. Girl's didn't have short hair. It just wasn't done.
"There have been many women who decided on short cuts," Jazen said. "I know of three very prominent Queens who had very short cuts at least once in their life. I also know a young Eryien woman who has a very short cut, calls it a pixie, it's short like a man's hair cut," he said.
He forced his lips from a smile as he saw Annalie's eyes widen. "Why would she do that?"
"She's training as an Eryien warrior. She told me that hair that short keeps another warrior from having an extra hand hold," he said. He watched Annaline consider these words. For certain there would never have been an Eryien woman training as a warrior in Terrielle, but it was more than that. Jazen had specifically mentioned Jillian for a reason.
"How does the cut look?" she asked.
Jazen shrugged. "It suits her. Not every many likes that kind of cut, but I think it looks good on her," he said.
Annalie went quiet again, thinking. "Do you think they'd know how to cut hair like that here?" she asked.
"Definitely," Jazen said, opening the salon door from Annalie, following her once she'd entered.
"My head feels so light," Annalie said as they left the store. Her fingers could stop petting the short hairs on her head, as if surprised that there wasn't hair there any longer.
"You must have lost about twenty pounds of hair during that cut," Jazen teased. Her hair had been down to her waist when they'd walked in. Now that they walked out there seemed to be barely anything there, but she wasn't wearing that ugly hat anymore. There seemed to be a lightness to the way she walked, and he knew it came from the top of her head. She was safer now, there was no hand hold and many, many less men would be interested in her in her hair was short… or so she saw it.
Jazen was surprised. She looked adorable with her hair so short. He'd carefully suggested the cut because he thought it would help her feel better, but it actually looked very good on her. Such a style suited Jillian because it had to, but it just suited Annalie.
"Tease," she said. "For that, you can carry my hat," she said.
Like he wasn't already. "Of course," he said, trying not to smile.
"So, now where?" she asked.
"Birdie told me that you needed to buy lingerie," he said.
Annalie froze. She'd been starting to walk down the path, admittedly nearer to the walls, keeping Jazen between her and the other people (the other males) on the street. Now she was frozen, staring at him with her mouth open.
"What?" he asked with a smile like he had no idea what was wrong.
"How can you just say that?" she asked.
"What? It's not a big deal," he said, forcing himself not to smile.
"But you're a man!" she declared.
"I'm in personal service," he said, fighting very hard not to smile.
"To a man," she said.
"To a man who had no problem dealing with such things," Jazen said. She still had no idea who he worked for, and he intended to keep it that way.
"I can't believe that," she snorted, starting to walk again.
"His wife used to work in a red moon house," he said.
"Did he meet her there?" she asked.
Jazen laughed a bit and shook his head. "No, they met when they were younger," he said, fudging a lot of the details, though nothing he said was untrue.
"How can that be?" she asked.
"My employer is a self made man," he said. "He did it under the worst of circumstances too," he said.
"You really admire him, don't you?" Annalie asked.
"He saved my life," he said. "I could not admire him more," he said.
"I think maybe I'd like to meet him," she said. Jazen suddenly felt a bit of panic in his stomach.
"How come?" he asked, forcing himself to sound nonchalant.
"He must be something incredible if you like him that much," she said.
Jazen was silent, considering for a few minutes. "Then I'll let you meet him one day, but only after you've gotten better," he said.
"What do you mean by that?" she asked.
"When you can stand at a reasonable distance and shake his hand, as a stranger, then I'll take you to meet him," Jazen said.
"Is that okay?" she asked.
"It's more than okay," he told her. He knew she was probably a greater education on that one day on what Kaeleer was like than she had in the past months since she'd arrived. "Anyway, we're here," he said. They'd walked right to the lingerie store.
"Are you really going in with me?" she asked, sounding grumpy.
"Of course? How else am I going to offer you suggestions if I'm not in there to see the selection?" He actually did laugh this time when he saw her mouth drop open.
"You're not a man!" she declared, and he felt like he'd been stabbed in an old wound. His face must have shown it too, for her tone changed completely. "I'm sorry," she said.
He shook his head. "I know what you mean, don't worry," he said. "But, now, you can't argue about me making suggestions," he said, opening the door for her to go in.
Annalie laughed. "You're such a mess."
"At your service," he said, following her inside.
Annalie was surprised at all Jazen knew. She didn't know that not only had he attended Daemon SaDiablo in the past into such stores (normally for Winsol shopping), but he'd also gone with some of the female servants who worked in the Hall, especially if they were uncomfortable with going alone. He's also been dragged to such stores by his sisters, and the lady's of some of his past employers. He didn't get embarrassed anymore.
"There's nothing like what I normally wear here," she finally admitted after a few moments.
"What do you normally wear?" he asked, watching her blush. "Oh stop it," he said. "If you're going to bring it up then what else can I do but ask?" he pointed out.
"Well," she said, understanding that he was talking about business. It wasn't personal. "Normally a lot thicker," she admitted.
"Ah, old lady underwear," he said.
"What?" she spluttered over a peel of laughter.
"What my little sister used to call what I think you're describing," he said.
"Well, you have a very interesting sister," Annalie said, smiling and no longer worried.
"Yes, she was quiet… spunky," he said, since it was the nicest thing he could say, and it earned another little laugh from Annalie.
"I bet she dragged you out shopping too," she said.
"I could either be embarrassed or learn something," he said. "And I chose to learn something," he said. He guided her over to a particular rack. "Here, start here," he said.
"I don't know," she said, picking up a pair and eyeing the bows like they would bite her.
"You should just try," he told her. "My mother used to say that lingerie isn't for a man, well, only for a special man on special occasions," he added, seeing Annalie look disbelieving. "But men don't have to wear these things. They're what you wear. It's something pretty and nice that you can wear even under the more covering and unflattering outfit. It's like a secret, and because of that it's special," he explained.
Annalie looked at him like he was crazy for a moment before looking down at what she held in her hand. "Will they let me try things on?"
"Of course!" he said, waving over a saleswoman. "Here, they'll help you with size and fittings," he explained before turning her over to the woman.
"Okay," Annalie said in a small voice.
She hadn't expected shopping for underwear would take so long. She needed to go, but she'd planned to just grab a few things in her size and go, but she quickly discovered that the saleswomen and Jazen were both very opinionate. Not that he got to see her in her underwear; he just sent back things for her to try on. She did try them on, as embarrassing as it was, and she left the store with plenty of undergarments. Jazen even carried the bag for her.
Jazen was nice, kind. She felt like he wouldn't hurt her. He was hurt like her, that she knew. Sometimes hurt people were actually the most terrifying, most likely to hurt others. But Jazen wasn't like that. He knew exactly what to say to her to make her feel comfortable and safe. It was actually kind of scary, or it would be if she wasn't sure that he was afraid of hurting her. He'd back off the second he pushed to far, but he kept pushing, like he wanted her to heal.
She reached up, stroking her short hair self consciously. She wasn't stupid, after getting the cut, actually while she was trying on undergarments, she'd figured out that he'd actually been manipulating her. But it wasn't a bad kind, she knew the bad kind… but she knew the good too. The good kind was what someone would use to get people what they wanted. She'd wanted to feel safe, to feel like her appearance wasn't going to be able to be used against her. He found a way to do that, and made her safer in the process.
"Now what are we going to do?" Annalie found herself asked, glancing at Jazen's empty hands. He'd vanished both her hat and the bags.
"I figured we could find you some new clothes and then lunch," he said.
"Clothes shopping could take a while," she said.
"Are you hinting that you want food now?" he asked. She smiled a small bit.
"Maybe…" she crooned. "Jazen… thank you for helping me today. I know it's your day off and all…" he said.
"No, it's my pleasure, lady," Jazen said. "Besides, my day offs are normally just me trying to find something to do," he said.
"Really?" she asked. "I'm sure you have friends… or your family?" she asked.
"My friends are the people I work with, or the people at the store I frequent. My family… well…" he shrugged.
"Your family?" she asked.
"I don't know where they are," he admitted.
"How can that be?" she asked.
"I left them a long time ago, and then the purge," he shrugged. "Please, I don't want to talk about this," he said.
"Jazen," she said.
"Annalie, please, just drop it," he said. It hurt, but he didn't know where they were, or if they were even still alive. His family had tried… well, some of them had tried. His father, and his sister and a couple of aunts and uncles… but… he shook his head to clear his thoughts.
"You know…" Annalie started, changing the subject. "I have one day off a week too," she said. "Maybe… we could line days up and… I don't know," she shrugged.
"We can't go shopping every time," Jazen said.
"I know!" Annalie said. "Smart ass."
"Guilty," he said with a smile and she returned his smile. "But, I think I would like to spend my day off with you," he said.
"Brilliant!" Annalia said, reaching out and grabbing his hand, squeezing it. It was such a natural movement that he had to wonder whose hand she'd held like that. And for just a moment he felt insanely jealous of that person, whoever they were. "Oh, sorry!" she said, pulling her hand away.
"No, it's okay, whatever you're comfortable with," he said.
"Maybe I don't want to be comfortable," she said softly. "Comfortable is safe but…"
"But safe isn't living," he supplied.
"Yeah," she said softly. "Jazen, I think you understand me better than just about anyone," she said. "And I hate that more than anything."
"I understand," he said. "I hate it too, on your side," he added. "So, can I ask you a question?"
"What is it?"
"The bastard who hurt you, if he dead?" he asked.
"Yes," she said.
"Can I ask how?"
"My mother cut it off him," she said. "And then she set up a web so that no one could get to him until he bled himself dead," she said, smiling at that. "And then they executed her for being a black widow," she said, looking so, so sad.
"I'm sorry," Jazen said. "That you had to be hurt like that… twice like that because of someone not worth the blood that was in his veins and the air he breathed," he said.
"Thanks," she said. "So, can I ask you a question?" she asked.
"Yes," he said.
"The person who hurt you… are they dead?" she asked.
"Yes, she is," he said with such finality that she didn't dare ask more.
"You're a good man, Jazen. I think how ever she died wasn't bad enough for her… whatever she did," Annalie said.
"Thank you… but I assure you, it was just payment," he said. The purge was more than enough just payment.
"Mmmkay," she said.
"Your mother was a black widow?" he asked.
"Yeah," she said, stiffening a bit.
"Are you one too?" he asked. She didn't need to answer, the way she stiffened. "That's why you were broken, isn't it?" he asked.
"Yes," she whispered.
"Then that bastard deserved far, far more than he got," Jazen said.
"Jazen," she said softly. "Is it true that black widows can practice openly here?" she asked.
"Yes, it's true," he said. He paused in his walking, realizing she'd stopped as well, a soft sob climbing up her throat. He called in a handkerchief, carefully starting to wipe away her tears, but being careful not to touch her skin. "Annalie?"
"Damn," she said softly, taking the handkerchief with her shaking hand, trying to dry her own tears, but they just kept coming. "Damn, damn, damn," she said. "Damn," she said belatedly.
"It's okay," Jazen said, guiding her over to the side of the path so they'd be out of the way and she could lean against a building, which she did. "It's okay to cry," he said.
"If I'd come here sooner, I'd have been safe, wouldn't I have been?" she asked.
"Yes," Jazen said.
"Damn… damn Dorothea to the bowels of hell!" she shouted. "I hate her, I hate that bitch so much. It's all her fault!" she screamed.
"Yes, yes it is," he said so coldly that it shocked her.
"Did you ever meet her?" she asked, after a moment of silence as she furious wiped at her eyes.
"I wouldn't call meeting what we did," he said blankly. At that moment she looked up and she understood exactly who's hurt Jazen and she hated the woman even more.
"Okay," she said softly.
"Come on… maybe we should have lunch first," he said. "You can go to the powder room and wash your face," he said. "And we can eat something and try to think of other things," he said.
"You didn't deserve it, Jazen, I know you didn't," she said. His breath caught in his throat no one, no one but Daemon SaDiablo had ever assumed that… though he wondered if she still would once she found out what he'd lost.
"Thank you," he said softly.
"You're welcome," she said softly. "So… lunch?" she asked.
Jazen nodded, happy to be changing the subject. "Yeah, lunch sounds good."
A/N:
Yeah! You guys totally should thank me for this Christmas present! I wrote two fanfiction chapters during a ten hour car trip. The other chapter is the second chapter of my other BJT story: Kermilla's second chance. I think I like this story better… but I have a hard time writing bad guys. I'm excited for when I get to introduce the main male for that story… also, isn't Jazen sweet? I love him so much. Annalie's shaping up well too. She's actually very sassy, but it'll show up more later.
Thanks for reading! Give me tons of reviews!