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"Ouch!" Jack slipped landing on his backside. Crap that hurt! Opening his eyes, he found himself on Thor's ship. Dripping wet, naked, and . . .
"Jack!"
Not alone. His hot, nude wife huddled a few feet away, trying to coverup with the blue washcloth she'd claimed just before Thor beamed them aboard.
"Oy! Sorry, Sam." He got to his feet and glanced about for clothing. A second later, two bundles appeared before them, including their terrycloth robes. Sam snatched up a robe shoved her arms into its sleeves and secured the sash at her waist.
Jack opened his mouth but she hissed, "Don't!"
"Sure. Oka—ay." He was so dead. He tugged on his robe and squeezed water from his hair. Sam sat making a puddle with her shoulder length drenched curls. Glancing about he wondered where Thor had gone. "Maybe the Asgards' aren't supposed to get wet." He wondered out loud, "You know like that horror flick where the cute fuzzy creatures turn into gremlins."
"Serve him right." She snapped.
"Hey, don't want that. Those gremlins are nasty dudes." He thumped his palms against his plugged ears. He hated when that happened.
"I can be nastier," she said with deadly calm.
Oh! This was so not his Sam, well, except for --. "Hey, it's not PMS time is it?"
"I'm glad you find this amusing, Colonel." Sam marched over and glared up at him.
Do-oh! Now she'd demoted him to Colonel.
"Look, babe, I'm sure Thor wouldn't pop in unannounced, let alone beam us up for no reason."
"You wish."
"Excuse me?"
"Oh man, have you got selective memory, sir?"
Sir! Yep, she was more than pissed. She was bonkers, wacko, over the edge. "Your point, Carter!" Two could play this name game.
"We haven't seen or heard from Thor since he came to the cabin last summer and caught more fish than you."
"You would have to remind me," he groused.
"And the time before that was when we saved the Asgard from another Replicator invasion when I was pregnant with Grace. Not to mention a run in with those warped Ancients the Ori."
"Yeah, but I still don't . . . Oh. Ah." He held up a digit and scrunched his face.
Sam nodded.
"You think he needs our help?" He jammed his hands into the robe's deep pockets and rocked on his bare heels.
"Do pigs fly?" She sighed and gave him her beseeching look that turned his heart to mush. "Jack, You have to tell Thor we are no longer SG-1. He must send us home, now!" She walked to the observation deck, crossed her arms and stared down at their home—Earth.
Jack ambled over and slipped his arms about her. She was trembling. For a moment he stared at the amazing planet they called home. It'd been years since they'd been able to see her from this view. Mother Earth remained beautiful as ever. Big bang theory my eye! The universe was no accident by chance, nor was mankind the by-product of the egotistic Ancients.
"I refuse to stay, Jack." Sam leaned into him, her fingers digging into his forearms.
"Hey, Dorothy, we'll be home in a few. Promise." He nuzzled her damp cheek.
She hugged him back. "I'm sorry for losing it. I just want to go home to our kids and — well, we have things to talk about."
"I know." He turned her to face him and brushed her wet blonde bangs aside. Meeting her eyes, they smiled in understanding.
"Soon as I find Thor we're off this flying circus." He sniffed.
"I do not think that wise, O'Neill. It is imperative you both come with me."
Sam and Jack turned as one to find Thor standing before them.
"Now I'm ticked!" Jack charged forward. "Look Thor, glad as we are to see you, Sam and I are no longer part of the SGC."
"Does not Samantha still manage the Astrophysics Department?"
"Yes. But she's a paper pusher, Thor, as in she no longer goes off world and fights evil, manic depressed aliens. Despite our altered genetics, we're an average, boring, married couple with two kids living normal lives, of which, we'd like to return to ASAP, Pronto! Get my drift?"
"I regret to interrupt your average, boring, normal lives, General O'Neill, Doctor O'Neill, but I'm afraid that is not an option."
Sam stomped over to the Asgard, hunkered down and shook her fist in his small gray face. "Enough, Thor! I have no intention to hyper-jump around the universe with you or anyone else. Nor does, Jack. We did our bit saving the world, the galaxy and the Asgards' scrawny asses. Now send us home or so help me, I'll send you into orbit!"
Jack stared at his fired-up wife. Sure brought back Carter kick butt memories. Meanwhile, Thor's large eyes blinked a lot. He even appeared to wheeze. Sam had never gone off on the sweet little guy before. Thor was clearly taken back by her ranting, but didn't budge. The little guy had balls. Well, okay so that wasn't the best analogy.
"He has your youngest daughter and son," Thor said regretfully.
"Huh?" Jack and Sam said in unison.
"Who?" Jack gulped.
"Senator Kinsey."
Sam stepped back beside Jack, who was downloading this outrageous news.
"Kinsey's died years ago, when he tried to wipe out the U.N. delegates and the president."
"Do-oh!" Jack nodded. "Yep, I zatted the smarmy bastard myself."
"Indeed," said a familiar voice from behind them.
Jack and Sam swung about toward the familiar voice.
"T?" Jack asked, "Murray!"
Sam ran toward the Jaffa, who hugged her like a lost friend.
"Hey, aren't you off world in negotiations all week?" Jack walked over and hugged him, although they'd be seeing each other this weekend at Daniel's.
"I was." He motioned to Thor. "Until he transported me onboard."
Jack frowned at Thor. "Okay, little buddy, this is getting out of hand. Next you're going to tell me that you beamed up Doctor Jackson."
"Sure did." Daniel ambled from another doorway wearing his tan bandana, digger shorts, gloves, and covered in red wet clay.
"Daniel." Jack was cold.
"Jack." Daniel was cautious.
"Daniel!" Sam hurled herself at him and then recoiled at his muddy condition. "Still at your dig, on PX1-499 huh?"
"Was, is the operative word." Daniel glared at Thor as he removed his dirty glasses and shook water from his ears.
"Glad to see we're not the only ones caught off guard." Sam giggled.
Daniel glanced at her robe and then Jack. "Playing in that new shower again, kids?"
Sam jabbed Daniel in the ribs and blushed.
"Ow!" He gasped with a grin.
Teal'c smirked broadly without the raised eyebrow. Eleven years after the fact, Jack still was adjusting to T with hair let alone shoulder length dreadlocks. Jack figured Teal'c was going through a phase making up for all those years of being bald.
"Give us a break, hey." Jack knocked water from his ears -- again. "We're still making up for lost time."
Thor walked forward. "SG-1, I apologize for my actions. But found it essential as Jack would say, to shove out the big gun." Thor gestured at the four people before him.
"It's, get out the big guns," Jack corrected with a sniff.
"Whatever," Thor replied flatly.
The four humans gaped.
"I believe Thor has obtained some of your colloquial humor, O'Neill."
"Ya think." Jack groused, running his palms across his face in frustration. He turned to Sam who tilted her blonde head with a pleading look that made his heart ache. For an instant the force field on Anubis' ship stood between them. He felt helpless.
'Please Jack,' she asked inside his mind. 'Do something?'
Jack shut his eyes and then glanced back at the Asgard military leader. "Thor, you're serious about Kinsey?"
"I would never make heavy of such a staid situation."
Jack lifted his hand to correct Thor's cliché abuse, but Sam interrupted. "So you're telling us that he's alive and has abducted our children?" Her shoulders slumped and her gray-blue eyes teared-up.
"Correct, Colonel." Thor walked to his command station.
Daniel ambled over leaving mud chunks and water in his wake. "But we all saw Kinsey die. Jack shot him twice."
"He has a sarcophagi, Doctor Jackson." Thor explained as he moved shells around the control panel.
"Dang, knew I should have vaporized that dung heap." Jack groused.
Sam blanched. "We suspected but we never found one."
"A dung heap?" Jack looked wide-eyed at her.
"No, a sarcophagi," she corrected, sniffing.
'Oh,' he mouthed.
"That's because it was not on Earth. He had a mother ship. In fact, he is now Goa'uld," stated Thor.
"Ah, hate to correct you, Thor, but Kinsey was Goa'uld when I fried him. Now which one?" Jack muttered, "I mean we killed all the stinking head honchos, including Baal."
Sam cleared her throat.
"Fine. At least we haven't seen any more of Baal since we cleaned out his clones."
"Tanith." Thor informed.
"That cannot be!" Teal'c argued angrily, "I brought down his ship. It crashed into the Stargate and exploded almost twenty years ago."
"Oh, please! T's right. Tanith's old news."
"I only know what information has been presented me. Yes, Tanith's host died, but Tanith was rescued. Having similar goals, Kinsey and Tanith were joined over nine of your Earth years back. Since then, they have built a fleet to not only destroy Earth, but rule the minor systems lords."
"Minor, being the major word." Daniel sighed. "I'd really hoped we wouldn't see any Goa'uld activity for another century or more."
"Which brings the matter of why our kids?" Jack wanted to hit something or someone. "I mean what do Grace and JJ have to do with being a King Snakehead?" He stalked toward the wall panels beside Daniel.
Daniel instinctively took a step back from his irate friend. "You mean besides the fact, that Kinsey loathes your guts, Jack?"
"Well there's that." He conceded.
"No doubt it's yours and Sam's genetic makeup. We know there were some changes from the first Ancient download, but after you received the last one your DNA permanently altered. And both your DNA changed when you branded and bonded as life mates, which resulted in Sam obtaining your DNA makeup—"
"Yeah, yeah, we know our ancient history, Daniel. We were there, remember?" He kicked a wall panel hard. It glowed red. He'd stubbed his big toe. "Ouch! Shit!" He hobbled back to Sam.
Sam rolled her eyes at his antics. Her fists balled at her sides. Jack knew she wanted to hit something too. He took a step back. Darn if it would to be him.
Meanwhile Daniel got that goofy look on his face. Like when he just discovered a new dead language. "Hey guys, remember what Oma showed me when I was still an Ancient about you two being the chosen hearts and the future of mankind?"
"Gosh, no, Daniel," Jack snorted sarcastically, "Maybe you should refresh my Ancient memory? But wait, I forgot, you're also Ancient. Older than dirt and jumping my daughter!"
"You just can't let go, can you?" Daniel pulled himself up and took a threatening step toward Jack. "Cass and I have history. We relate in ways that neither of us can with normal people. Why, if you had your way she'd be married to Bart Simpson instead of me!"
"Married? Crap! You're not engaged. You and Cass are hitched!" Jack prepared to let his right fist kiss Daniel's face.
"Guys!" Sam yelled. "As much as I'd like to see you idiots air out our family differences, now isn't the time!"
"O'Neill. Doctor Jackson," Teal'c said calmly stepping between the two feuding men. "Samantha is correct. We have the life-threatening matter of my god children's abduction."
"Jack?" Sam sent him a beseeching look and reaching out, cupped his balled fist and eased it down to his side. "Please?"
Jack nodded and but glared across at Daniel. "I so own you, four-eyes!"
"Anytime, Dad!" Daniel countered. "Hope your health insurrance is paid."
Surprised at Daniel's challenge, Jack's brows hitched up into his hairline. He drew a loud breath and let it out slowly as he turned his attention to that of his younger children.
Thor blinked and looked at Samantha for guidance.
"Therefore," she said with a shaking voice, "Grace and JJ have the enhanced Ancients DNA in their genetic makeup like Jack and me. But then so does Cassandra."
Jack flinched. He hoped Kinsey hadn't figured that out too. He glanced at Daniel whose concerned expression heightened at hearing Cassie's name. Jack sighed. Space Monkey was crazy for the girl. Jack's girl! Crap!
"Correct." Thor nodded. "And combined with Samantha's DNA which also includes Naquadra, Cassandra is as special as Grace and Jonathon. Jack and Samantha you were long ago chosen by the Keeper of the Stars. Your children are the future of this world and galaxy."
"Thor, we know how our genes are those of future generations, yadda, yadda." Jack rubbed his tensed neck muscles. "And I so don't wanna talk about that. I just want to get my kids back, now!"
"Jack?" Sam moved toward him but he angrily avoided her and gave her a sharp look. They agreed on most issues, but this remained a sore subject between them. Yes, they knew that one day they'd have to face the reality their children were unique, and even face a greater evil than the Goa'uld, Replicators, Wrath and Ori. Jack preferred not to think about that. He had insisted it not affect their kid's innocence or childhood. He'd gotten his way until now.
"Sorry, Sam, but my feelings remain firm. After what Cass went through with Nirrti, our kids will not be guinea pigs ever again! Crap, that's it?" He glanced back at Thor.
"I am afraid so, O'Neill. Apparently Nirrti is also alive."
"Naw! I lit her fire years ago. Rodney McKay and Teal'c saw me kill her."
Teal'c nodded in confirmation.
"All I know is what I've been told, O'Neill. Nirrti escaped the dead host's body and has been collaborating with Kinsey/Tanith to harvest genes to produce a hybrid Goa'uld that is Tau'ri, Ancient and Goa'uld. This species will surpass Anubis. Apparently an Earth scientist developed a female Tau'ri and Goa'uld hybrid."
Daniel nodded. "Yeah his name was Keffler, worked for the rogue NID. You remember, Sam?"
"How could I forget?" She shuddered.
"Teal'c?" asked Daniel.
"Indeed. I helped defuse the Goa'uld bomb."
Jack scratched his head. "Ah, kids, I'm having a memory fart."
"Because," Sam explained, "you weren't there, Hon. It happened right after you got shot by that staff weapon when Janet died." Sam's mouth dipped low. "You were still recovering."
"Ah."
"It was in the memo, Jack." Daniel smeared dirt from his face.
"What memo?"
They gaped at him, smiled and shook their heads. Thor mimicked their gesture.
"What?"
They continued to stare.
"Um, oh." He blushed. "Okay, fill me in." He looked to Daniel. Yeah, wanting to knock his lights out had been put on hold -- for now.
"Jack, we don't even know if it has anything to do with this."
"Enlighten me, Danny Boy!" Jack barked.
"Okay. Don't bite my head off."
Sam began to wobble. "Guys, I don't feel so good—"
Jack rushed over and caught her to him. "Sam, stay with me. We'll get them back. Right, kids?"
"Sure thing." Daniel straightened and smiled with as much confidence as he could muster especially if his theory was even remotely correct.
Teal'c went to Sam's side. "We will take whatever measures necessary to locate Grace and JJ O'Neill. We will bring them home, Samantha." He smiled down at her.
"Hey, we've been in this situation before." Jack reassured her.
"We have not." Teal'c corrected.
Jack delivered his, what look. "Um, go along with me here, wilya T?"
"As you wish, O'Neill." Teal'c looked at Sam and said with confidence. "This will be a cakewalk, Samantha."
"Sweet." Jack embraced his shaken wife and glanced over at his friends, revealing his true concern. The others turned grim and nodded. Including Thor. The odds were not in their favor, But Jack would rather burn in Ne'tu than tell his Sam.
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
"Grace?"
"What, JJ?"
"I'm scared."
"Me too."
"They'll come get us, right?"
"Of course, Rockhead. Mom'll build a huge Naquadah generated bomb to blow them to kingdom come and Dad will kick their smarmy Goa'uld assholes into the next galaxy."
"Grace!"
"What?"
"You swore."
"I know. Dad would be proud."
"Yeah sure yabetcha."