A/N:
Thank you to everyone who keeps coming back. You make it enjoyable to do this. You are the only reason I continue on ;)
Disclaimer:
I don't own Mai Hime/Otome or Dallas.
Chapter 3:
"All I'm saying is I bet The Shiz has HDTV..." Yukino trailed off.
The Wicked Witch's jealousy towards THAT person soon got the better of her.
"What? That Bubuzuke Shiz? Well I can't be seen falling behind her. Yukino call our local cable provider at once!" she commanded.
"Yes!" grinned Yukino, silently patting herself on the back. Her dreams would soon be coming true, as they would be receiving their HDTV before the brand new season of her favorite show, Dog The Bounty Hunter.
Yukino got caught up in thinking about how great Beth's larger than life boobs------er personality would look in high definition. Yeah personality was what she was definitely thinking of. Keep telling yourself that Yukino. Keep telling yourself that.
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Back at South Fork, J.R. was planning a diabolical scheme involving Cliff Barnes. Sue Ellen was having second, third, fourth and fifth thoughts about her marriage, causing her to start drinking again. Pamela had gone off the deep end because she couldn't get pregnant, while Bobby was standing around shirtless, looking confused. He was obviously shirtless for no other reason than smex appeal.
Through it all Miss Ellie, clad only in a very unfashionable one piece outfit, which resembled pajamas accompanied by what looked like a bib down the front, watched on, worried for her family.
Wait—this isn't DALLAS, it's OZ!
Sorry about that folks, wrong fic.
"Ahem."
Back in Oz, Mai and her friends had been walking, laughing and talking for about an hour, before they decided to take a break. The Tinman needed to be lubed up again, and everyone else was hungry. Robin Nao used her wonderful archery skills to shoot some apples down from a nearby tree, and now the group was feasting on the fruit.
They didn't have much time to enjoy though, before they were suddenly attacked by the leader of the Flying Monkeys. What the Monkey seemed to lack in size, she made up for in sheer strength and agility. She immediately began to attack the Scarecrow.
"Ouch! Ouch!" Tate cried out, as the Monkey jumped on him and began to pull the hay out of his head, until he fell, beaten to the ground.
Next she assaulted the Tinman, punching him in the nose. He fell to the ground, as his nose began to leak all over his body.
"Aww crap." he sighed, before his body stiffened and he became immobile.
The Monkey then focused on the Lion. She looked at him and then bared her Monkey teeth, complete with bad Monkey breath, scaring the Lion. Takeda took off running towards the forest in fright.
She then cast her eyes towards Robin Nao, who had her arrow poised to shoot. The Monkey snorted, as if unimpressed, before looking at Mai.
The Monkey's eyes then popped out of her head, as her gaze settled upon Mai's chest.
"Awesome!" yelled the Monkey, running towards Mai, as she latched onto the redhead's large bosom.
"Hey!" yelped Mai, shocked.
Robin Nao just snickered.
The Monkey continued her assault of Mai, grabbing and touching feverishly. "So soft!" she exclaimed, burying her head into the pillows.
By this time the Lion had wandered back from the forest, and the Scarecrow finally had his head on straight. Robin Nao was once again attending to the poor rusted Tinman.
"I love you!" yelled the now seemingly harmless Monkey.
"Um—I don't even know you." stuttered Mai.
"I'm sorry." the Monkey said, letting go of Mai's chest. "I'm Mikoto the Flying Monkey." she grinned, taking Mai's hand.
"Hi Mikoto." Mai said shyly. She was a bit overwhelmed by all the attention. "I'm Mai." she stated.
At the mention of her name, Mikoto's eyes went wide. "The Ramen stealer?" she asked, immediately concerned.
"What? Ramen? No!" Mai answered. "I'm just trying to get back home from Oz." she explained to the Monkey.
The rest of the group had gathered behind Mai and Mikoto, and were now listening to the conversation.
"Mikoto these are my friends Robin Nao, Tate, Takeda and Kazuya." Mai introduced everyone and in turn the others waved. "We are on a journey to find The Shiz so she can grant us our requests." Mai finished.
Mikoto looked at the group and then back at Mai. She then looked again at Mai's wondrous chest.
"Guns of Steel!" she exclaimed again, happily.
Everyone including Mai sweatdropped.
"I will help Mai get home!" Mikoto shouted enthusiastically. "I will guard Mai's chest!" the little Monkey looked quite pleased with herself.
Mai couldn't help but find the Monkey girl cute. Mikoto was also a force to be reckoned with. She would come in handy if they were to encounter any danger on their journey.
"Mikoto, do you know how far it is to The Shiz's Castle?" Mai asked the Monkey.
"Mmmhmmm" the Monkey said, nodding and pointing over the hill.
"Were almost there?" Robin Nao asked.
"Just over the hill. Should take about 30 minutes of so." Mikoto responded.
Everyone broke out into cheers and high-fives, except Robin Nao and Mikoto.
"High-fives are gay." Robin Nao deadpanned.
"Too early to celebrate." warned Mikoto.
"How come?" asked Mai.
"Have to get by the hired muscle first." said Mikoto, her eyes darting from side to side.
"Guards?" asked Mai.
"Worse!" whispered Mikoto. "Fangirls! Rabid Shiz-luvin Fangirls!" Mikoto shuddered as she said this.
"Noooooooooooooooo! I can't do it! It's too much!" yelled Takeda the Lion, as Robin Nao held his tail so he couldn't run off.
"Calm down." sneered Robin Nao, as she pulled on the tail.
"Girls! Girls are the worst! So scary and mean! Always rejecting me! Oh the pain! The agony!" he continued to rant and rave.
"How many are we talking about?" asked Robin Nao, wondering what exactly they were up against.
"Hundreds, maybe even thousands." replied Mikoto seriously.
"The Shiz is well loved." said Mai in awe.
"We will never be able to take them by force." observed Kazuya.
"If we can't use force then maybe we can use our brains." Robin Nao said, before thinking.
The Scarecrow cursed.
"Oh sorry. I forgot." said Robin Nao apologetically.
The Scarecrow folded his arms and turned away. Robin Nao ignored him and moved over beside the Lion. She then proceeded to take out a pair of small scissors and cut a piece of the Lion's fur from his mane.
"Owwww my precious hair!" yelped Takeda.
"Suck it up princess." snapped Tate.
Everyone looked at the Scarecrow in surprise.
"What? I may not have a brain, but I do have ears and his whining is beginning to hurt." Tate explained.
"What is this in my hand?" asked Robin Nao, holding up the Lion's hair.
"It's Takeda's hair. Duh." replied the Scarecrow.
"Wrong! It's a lock of hair from The Shiz!" exclaimed Robin Nao excitedly.
Everyone except Robin Nao looked extremely confused.
"And this?" Robin Nao continued holding up a half-eaten apple.
"A half-eaten apple core?" asked Mai.
"Nope! It's a half-eaten apple core FROM THE SHIZ'S TRASH COMPOST." Robin Nao declared, seemingly satisfied with herself.
Everyone else was still not getting it.
"Check this out." Robin Nao said, as she grabbed the purse Mai was using for Takumi. "It's a genuine SHIZIFIED hand bag from last fall's Paris Collection. The Shiz grew tired of it and tossed it aside." Robin Nao was grinning from ear to ear.
"Ok explain please?" Mai asked, exasperated.
"It's simple. We can't fight them off, so we will trick them. I will pretend to be a traveling sales person, selling genuine articles from The Shiz's castle at very low, low, affordable prices. When the fangirls come running to my booth to get their very own piece of the precious Shiz, the rest of you will sneak unseen into the castle. The fangirls will be so busy getting psyched about The Shiz, they won't even notice you." Nao finished, feeling quite clever.
"It seems good in theory." Mai said, skeptical of the plan. "But what if they don't fall for it?" Mai questioned.
"That's why I have this." Robin Nao said, pulling out her Insta-Disguise kit. She then proceeded to put on her famous fake nose and mustache with glasses.
"Oh my gawsh who are you? Where's Robin Nao?" cried Tate.
"That is Robin Nao stupid." replied Kazuya.
"No no my friends." Nao corrected them. "I am now Shifty Nao, the world's number one seller of genuine Shizified articles." Robin Nao grinned through her mustache.
"I'll take two!" yelled Tate.
"Dumbass." grunted Kazuya under his breath.
"Wow this idea is so crazy it just might work." said Mai, breaking out into a smile.
"Alright, let's find some more genuinely fake items that we can trick the fangirls with." said Robin Nao.
So everyone began to scurry around, looking for anything at all that Shifty Nao could sell. Once they had gathered enough items to sell, they put their plan into action.
"What about you Robin Nao?" asked Mai concerned. "How will you get into the castle?"
"Don't worry about me little lady. I have my ways." Robin Nao assured her.
Robin Nao then proceeded to take the items and begin to set up her Shiz-stand on the hill. It didn't take long before hordes and hordes of Shiz-luvin fangirls crowded the booth. Each girl was desperate to get her hands on some Shiz memorabilia of her very own.
Carnage. Pure and simple. That was the only way to describe it, as they fought amongst themselves over each precious article they believed to be taken from The Shiz's castle. As the girls fought, Mai and her group proceeded to the entrance of the castle. Mai looked back to the hillside and silently prayed that Robin Nao would be alright. She really had no need to worry, as Robin Nao could take care of herself.
"This is the way I make a buck, make a buck, make a buck. This is the way I make a buck, all by exploiting The Shiz." Robin Nao sang happily, as she continued to watch the cash flow in, only vaguely caring if Mai and the others made it or not.
End Chapter 3
Next Chapter: Enter The Shiz! Finally!
Thanx to all for reading and reviewing. Next chapter is where it's gonna get good.
ShotgunNeko