September, 1998

"Put this on. Meet me at 216 Orchard St. at 8:00 tonight.

-Leo"

I picked up the bag that had that note attached, pulling the material out of it. I dropped the bag onto my bed and held the material up to my body to look in the mirror. It was a damn costume, one like I saw many of the neighborhood kids wear from time to time growing up. It had blue stockings with a red garter, a skimpy pair of red panties, and a blue corset with a yellow S in the middle of the chest, complete with goggles and gloves, too. Even after a month of being there, he still made me sleep with him. I still never enjoyed it. I didn't understand how Melanie (now my best friend and only refuge) stood him, and stood to act like she actually liked to have sex with this wrinkly old man. It was disgusting.

I still knew only the basics. Lie there, look pretty, don't say anything, and wait until they finish. Then, you take a pill. I didn't know what the pill did, but Leo gave it to me and Melanie told me I should always take it. I wouldn't have trusted it if it weren't for her saying so.

I heard a knock on the door, and it was Melanie's special knock so I went ahead and opened it. "Hi." I said, my voice still soft and shy after all this time of knowing her.

She pushed in like always, sitting down on the bed. "She's pregnant, Regina. Pregnant." She said, holding her stomach. I got a glance at her face, and it seemed to be red and tear stained. I didn't know who she was talking about, nor was I sure if I wanted to ask or not.

"Who?" I mutter out, confused and dazed at how upset Melanie was over this.

She shook her head, "Ava. One of the girls here, Regina." She said and looked up. "She was one of my best friends until Leo sent her away for a long time, then she came back and he knocked her up. The baby is his..." She said sadly. "Ava knows because he's kept her as his personal slave..." She said, almost coming out as a whimper.

I sat down on the bed beside her, doing what she's done for me many times and holding her to me close. "Shhh..." I whispered, rubbing her arm and closing my eyes. "She'll be okay. Isn't that what you always tell me to remember? It'll all be okay. Just close your eyes and breathe, Mel." I whispered, swallowing thickly. What if this happens to me? After a few moments of silence, I cleared my throat. "Does Leo let the girls keep their babies?"

Mel shrugged and shook her head. "Not usually, no. He beats them – us – until we lose it." She said, and the way she said it with such pain made my heart break.

I may have been a naive, stupid, eighteen year old girl, but I knew a heartbreak when I saw one. "Were you…?" I asked sheepishly, afraid to set her off again.

She looked at me, tears filling her eyes again. "Yes, I was." She said. "And I saw first hand what happens when you forget to take the pill after. The baby – I don't even know who the father was." She said and swallowed hard. "But Leo made sure I'd never get to see my baby's face."

I held onto her even tighter, "Shhh." I whispered again, rocking her back and forth like I used to do for Zelena. "I'm here...it's okay." I said.

Was it really okay? I shook that thought from my head. I didn't know what I'd do if I ever became pregnant. I couldn't live with knowing Leo was going to beat it out of me. I was determined if that ever happened, I'd be a way better mother than mine ever was.

After moments of rocking her back and forth, Mel sat up and sniffled. "You want something to eat?" She asked quietly.

I shrugged. "That's fine. Leo summoned me to be there at 8:00 tonight, so I guess I better eat something." I said sadly, my stomach growling but I didn't feel hungry. I felt sick, and I just wanted to go home still. But this was home, now.

*.*.*.*

.*.*.*.

"Talk to me." He said, tugging my hair as he thrust into me from behind. He wasn't rough for once, he was soft and gentle. Was this his way of rewarding me for bringing him an expensive client last night? A gentle night?

I swallowed hard and cleared my throat, shutting my eyes. "Oh, Leo..." I said sensually, trying to do it the way Mel had taught me. "Please, please..." I didn't know what I was saying please for, but I knew he liked it. I could feel that he liked it, because I could feel his cock twitching inside me. That's always something that happened when he seemed to like it. Suddenly, he let go all of that white stuff in me. Sometimes it felt good, but I was still so disgusted by him that I couldn't begin to like it. He pulled out when he heard his phone ringing.

Grumbling, he hobbled over to it and answered, Leo. He then listened, and I quietly laid there, feeling that white, sticky stuff drip down me. I didn't want to move, I was afraid he'd be mad. I shut my eyes for two seconds, then suddenly heard something crashing. I looked over, moving to see what happened. He had thrown the phone across the room, but the cord tugged back on it and made it hit the vase of dying flowers. He was still grumbling all the way to the closet, getting dressed in a black suit and tie to match it. "You're done." He said, and I sat up quickly to begin getting dressed.

When he was done with me, he was done with me. I had to get out as quickly as possible.

He looked at me and frowned, almost as though he wanted to tell me something. He never did, but his brow furrowed and he finally said, "You're just a piece of trash." He said, shaking his head. "You'll never be much of anything else."

I looked down, ashamed of myself. I quickly put on my shirt, feeling tears gather. He kept on in that same grouchy voice, murmuring something to himself that sounded like, the things I do for this damn state.

*.*.*.*

.*.*.*.

October, 1998

Leo let us out some nights, giving us nice clothes for the night and a one hundred dollar bill each. Mel said it was because he wanted us to attract more business, because he'd only let us go to the shady parts of town. She said to always obey him, because he would find out if we didn't. She was always so scared of him. I never understood...there were people out there to help.

This was one of those nights he let us out on the town, just me and Mel. We went to a pretty decent restaurant – decent to me, at least.

Mel scooped up some spaghetti onto her fork, rolling it around the prongs like she'd tried to teach me to do before. I always just stuck to macaroni or ziti, stuff you didn't have to roll like that. "What would be your dream job?" She asked out of the blue, politely putting her spaghetti in her mouth. It was like she was trained so well to be a perfect lady around Leo (even though what he made us do felt less than ladylike), that even when she wasn't with him, she was still acting like she was.

"My dream job?" I asked innocently.

She nodded, "You know, like a singer, or president, or-"

"Oh, I..." I shrugged softly, looking down at my food. Did I really seem educated enough to be president or something decent? Or was she making fun? "I...I like to entertain people." I said.

It was becoming a part of me, too, after almost two months. I liked the way the men's faces lit up when I'd do certain things, I liked the way I made them seem to feel. I liked to entertain them.

She frowned a little, "Like what would you do?" She asked. "Be in movies?"

"What's a movie?" I asked, furrowing my brows.

She gasped and let her fork fall on the plate, causing a racket that made a few people turn their heads toward us. She quickly gathered herself, "You've never seen a movie?" She asked, and I shook my head nervously. I was kind of worried about her sometimes, the way she was so jumpy. "Oh gosh, Regina. We're going to a movie theater tonight, okay?" She said, picking her fork back up and continuing to eat now.

She seemed so shocked, but I'd never even heard of any movies after I dropped out of school. "I grew up in a shack." I explained for the first time, never having told anyone that. It got her attention, and she quietly chewed but didn't pick anymore up. I suspected that meant she wanted to hear more. "My papa, he ran off. My mother was a horrible – is...was..." I wasn't sure how sick she was, if she'd even died or not yet. The horrible thing is, I haven't hardly thought of Mother since I'd thought she was my visitor – hoped she was saving me.

Mel must've caught my twisting mouth, or the twisting brows, and spoke up, "Which is it, honey? Is or was?"

I looked down. "I have no idea if she's alive or not." I said sadly, feeling tears come to the surface. After everything she did, I should not feel any sadness over whether I knew if she was dead or not. I shouldn't cry for her, or about her, or feel sad, even. Not after everything she's done to me. "She's horrible." I stated, trying to keep moving on with my point. "But not before he got her pregnant. I have a little sister – and I'm not even sure if she's actually my Papa's baby or not." I said. "Her name is Zelena, and she was going to starve to death if I didn't take this job. Leo and my mother made a deal, and he'd send her part of the money I made to help out with Zelena." I said, and just then my voice finally broke, and I couldn't hold my sob in anymore.

She got up and scooted her chair around to my side of the table, holding me in a side hug. I buried my face in my hands, I was embarrassed people were seeing me crying. "Shh..." She whispered. We comforted each other so much. She was my best friend.

I picked my head up a bit, wiping my tears and taking a shaky breath. "I'm okay now." I whispered, wiping the sauce from my face with my hand.

She handed me a napkin and gestured for me to wipe my mouth. "Please don't ever let him see you doing that."

"Crying?" I asked.

"Crying, or wiping your mouth without a napkin." She said seriously. To anyone else, it may have sounded like a joke. To me, I knew better. I knew that he'd given me a bruise on my hip for accidentally leaving my underwear on when he'd instructed me to come to his door without them. I knew he'd given Mel a black eye for being late to his place. I knew he'd hurt Ava, and hurt the baby once he found out she was pregnant. I should've been more scared of him than I really was.

I nodded and wiped my whole face with the napkin, and she quickly took me to the bathroom and re-did my makeup. "We're going to go to the movies now. Okay?" She said, finishing my lip gloss for me. I looked in the mirror and smiled shyly – I looked like someone my age would look. I didn't look like a woman right now, I didn't look like a kid. I looked somewhere in between there, but I actually felt pretty for once.

She smiled when she backed away, "There." She said, putting her lid on her lip gloss and sticking it back into her makeup bag.

I nodded a little, still admiring myself in the mirror. She chuckled when she caught me, then playfully pulled me out of the bathroom and to go pay the check. I still felt pretty.

*.*.*.*

.*.*.*.

"Is Leo someone important?" I asked Mel on the way to the houses from the movies. We'd spent the night watching what she called a comedy, eating candy, and drinking sugary soda. It was the best night of my life.

She looked at me, her face was alarmed as she suddenly stopped and yanked me behind a dumpster. I tried to not shriek or squeal, but it startled me so badly that a noise did come out. "You must never say that in front of anyone, okay? Never say that." She said nervously, looking around. "You know he's always watching us."

"But at dinner, we were talking-"

"Because I know the people at the restaurant. I know they'll keep us safe." She said, so much warning in her voice. "Don't ever say anything else about him being someone important, okay? Don't even mention anything to me unless we're inside that restaurant." She said, pushing my hair away from my face.

I looked down, nodding sadly. I just wanted to know. "Sorry." I said sheepishly.

She kissed the top of my head, sighing a little. "You're so innocent, Regina. People can use that against you. Please never let that innocence harm you, please." She said, looking at me like I was the most important thing to her in the world.

I think that's how a mother looks at her child, or how she's supposed to. It made me feel loved and okay. It made me feel better. "Why do you care so much?" I asked.

She looked down and still rubbed my back a little. "Remember how I told you I was..." She looked down at her stomach and gestured a large, round bulge. I guessed she was talking about when she had told me she'd been pregnant before. I nodded, "You are almost the age of what my baby would be now." She explained.

My face fell, "How old were you?" I asked.

She looked around again, making sure no one was near. "I was sixteen. Leo was the father." She whispered quietly. "That was almost eighteen years ago. The baby was just a little younger than you." She whimpered and bit her lip. "I just...I feel like since I couldn't help that baby, I can help you." She said.

I let out a shaky breath, looking at her lovingly. It's no wonder she looked at me like I was important. She thought of me like her child. It made me swell with joy, and my tears came up again. "Thank you." I whispered. "You're a better mom to me than I've ever had."

*.*.*.*

.*.*.*.

August 2016, current day.

I walk inside, trying to not breathe too deeply, in fear of catching something deathly. Dead mice, dead roaches...everything was dead in this shack but me. I walk around slowly, looking at everything. The picture of papa that I had hidden underneath my dresser...I tuck that in my purse and kept it close to my side.

I turn around to see myself in the mold and mildew covered mirror, having to take a shaky and deep breath to stop myself from getting choked up. "Thank you, Mel." I whisper, placing my hand on my stomach and giving a gentle rub. Without her, I never would've gotten the life I have now.

I look down at the swell of my stomach, smiling a little. Sometimes it's the only thing that reminded me to keep going in this world. Sometimes I just needed a push to get out of bed, and sometimes this little baby growing inside of me was the push that was needed.