Manda's Note: I don't think i've ever been more relieved that it's summer time. With that crazy final I have to say I don't think I'm as upset as most people are, I think they left perfect opertunities to change a lot of things. Anyway that's enough of that. sorry this chapter took to long and I thiink now they'll come faster. Hope you enjoy it, leave me your thoughts and comments!

"Mommy come build a snowy man with me!"

Jamie's shrieked as he came running closer to her, Puppy, and auntie Jenny trailing behind him. Puppy was the name of the small golden cockapoo trailing at his little feet. The dog was nearly two years old, two years of being Jamie's closest friend. The animal had been a gift from Aunt Vanessa and Uncle Nate that the then three year old's mother had nearly killed the pair for. Now, Serena was more then grateful to see the little boy and puppy scampering side by side, she'd missed them all day. After the other night she'd needed a break from it all, something she hadn't needed all that much since the beginning of their ordeal. She'd just needed a while to reflect. A haircut and a day spa, or a morning one cut short by the thoughts of her son at the park with Jenny. Overprotective mother was her new fortay.

After Jamie was born Serena had sufferer a great deal every time she looked at her newborn son. His face made her feel guilty and hate the situation more. Lily had hired a nanny so that Serena was able to go and clear her head every few hours. She just couldn't be around Jamie for more than a few hours at a time unless someone wanted to hear the baby scream and Serena's silent tears. Without him she didn't have it in her. Things hadn't been like that in years, so much had changed. Now, she hated being away from him for more than a few moments let alone hours. Regardless if she knew it was good for the both of them to have some space.

"Jame, are you driving Auntie Jenny crazy?"

She asked as she opened her arms wide and picked up the four and a half year old squeezing him to her chest. Something that the child was quite used to in the past years, bear hugs were something that Jamie could hardly get away from. Between his mother, grandmother, and the rest of his relatives Jamie was showed in tainted hugs.

"Hey S"

Jenny's quiet smile told Serena how upset she still was over the whole ordeal and Serena had known it and she didn't blame her. Dan was her protector and because of Serena he wasn't there to watch over her every move anymore. Thinking about it only made Serena feel guiltier, Dan meant so much to so many people and because of Serena and Jamie he wasn't around for anyone. Those were the facts that hung over her shoulders every day. With confidences fading that things were eventually going to be alright Serena was beginning to feel like for the rest of her life the impromptu goodbye would forever haunt every move that she made.

"Hi Jen, how's school going, the internship in Paris is going really well Rufus told me."

She did her best to make small talk and not let Jamie know about any of the hostility between the two. Jamie always loved it when Jenny was around. Jenny had seen little Dan in him from the beginning too. Regardless if herself and Jenny hadn't gotten along since the accident Jenny had always been there for her nephew. He was the one thing that mattered the most to everyone. The last remaining hope for the Humphrey name, the last part of Dan that seemed to remain other then photos and stories, that in its self was hard to think about.

Jamie's frozen red face looked back over to Jenny as he put his arms out to her and the transfer was made passing the little boy from one blonde to another. Serena took a step back and watched as his tiny arms wrapped around the younger blonde's slender neck. She'd been unexpectedly good with him from day one. Taking him on long walks, yet shading him from the angsty clicks of cell phones by gossip girl stalkers. Serena had no choice but to give her credit for that one. She'd hardly been able to do that in the days that passed early on. It had taken nearly the whole four and a half years for gossip girl to stop caring and clicking private shots. She was like Serena's own personal form of paparazzi.

Serena could see Jenny's jaw clenched in reaction to her question. She hadn't actually expected a neutral conversation when it came to the question regarding Paris. She'd run there as an escape from everything. From her brother's coma, from her sister like figure continuing to fall head over heels for the guy she too had fallen for. In alls end it seemed as though Jenny never got a break, and, it all made Serena feel like she should have tried harder to do something for her. To in some way help her to see that there were things that could have been done to move on slightly from the mess that had been made. They all needed to come to terms with the mistakes that surrounded their now messy lives. She'd learned to reliaze that it wasn't just her own life that had been effected by Dan'[s death. There were plenty that felt just the same way she did.

"Sorry"

She apologized quietly before noticing that Jenny had moved on to not paying attention. She had already tipped Jamie upside down so that his head was touching the snowy white ground and happy giggles were erupting from his Dan like mouth. It was a sound that Serena loved to hear, one that didn't happen too often when he was pretending to be the adult himself to take care of her. Poor Jamie had it rough and it was her fault. That was something that haunted her every move during the day. What was she doing to her son? Exactly what she'd been afraid to do to him in the very beginning of it all, she'd turned into everything she didn't want to be. Everything that she didn't want Jamie to know a moment of.

"Mom, I can't do this. I don't want to do this anymore. Can I wake up from my dream? I've learned my lesson. I don't want to do this mommy. Please make it all end… please mom. I can't handle him. I don't want to do this. None of this is fair. I don't want to do it."

Serena cried as she sat against Jamie's white wooded crib as the toddler boy who was now a little over nine months old sat up in his crib rubbing his eyes and reaching for his mother's hair through the bars. His chubby cheeks were in a warm, happy, bouncy smile as he reached his round arms out to Serena who had no interest in reaching back for him. the tiny child's touch seemed as if it were making Serena's tears come faster. Though Lily should have been used to it, Serena had been good for a little while. This made things reverse and take one hundred steps backward.

"Serena what are you doing? Jamie wants you to pick him up, why are you just sitting there? He needs to be fed, he needs to be changed. Get up Serena. You're his mother and you need to start acting like it today. He clearly wants your attention. You asked me not to hire a nanny because you wanted to do this your way. Now Serena I don't see you doing this any way at all, how is that fair to him. I've heard him yelling at you for almost an hour."

Lily stepped of a pile of her grandson's clothes that Serena had pulled out and dumped right in the middle of the door way. She'd been good at making a mess of her own room she was way better at completely destroying her own son's room. The light blue and yellow room that was accented with different types of teddy bears hand painted on the walls and stuffed animals hanging from spots on the ceiling. It was exactly the way Serena had decided it should have been before he was released from the hospital. it was the room Serena had slept on the floor of every night after it was done and before her son had been released off of the machines.

"Serena come on, you have to get up and take care of him. You at least need to tell me what's wrong. Serena please stop acting like a child yourself. I told you I didn't want to play this silent game after he was born. Wasn't it bad enough before?"

Picking up some of the clothes she began to fold them and put them in draws as she turned around to look at her eighteen year old daughter who was sitting in still in inconsolable tears. Her eyes turned over to her chubby grandson who'd pulled himself to stand up by the bars of his crib. For a preemie who'd started out so delayed he'd caught up quite well to the rest of his age bracket. The doctors believed it was due to all of the positive attention around him. all the peopled who already cared for the little guy and loved him without the slightest bit of worry. People who loved him as if he were a little incarnation of Dan himself, in so many ways Jamie seemed to be just exactly that.

"Dada!"

Lily's head turned to catch her grandson's angelic little face lit up in a bright proud smile as he clapped his hands together and giggled his sweet little giggle. With every little syllable and every little giggle she could see her daughter's heart breaking more than it was already broken. Lily walked to the crib and picked up the happy bubbly little boy who kept on his constant muttering of dada. It had to have been all of the photos that Rufus showed to him. Rufus trying to keep the spirit of his son alive and not confined to a coma in a hospital bed. Rufus always tried to mask his pain but being the pro she was at seeing beyond Rufus's fake smiles she could tell that seeing and talking to the boy hurt him just as much as it did to Serena. What had taken place was a tragedy on all accounts and in everyone's eyes. There was just no getting around the pain that had occurred.

"Serena, go for a walk ok?"

Nodding her head simply she stood up regaining as much of her composure as she could have walked out the door. Without him it was easy for anyone to see that Serena was completely crumbling to pieces, if the stress of being a teenage mother wasn't enough doing it alone with a boyfriend who was bedridden in silence only added to the harsh reality of it all. Lily watched her eldest child walk out the door and she held Jamie up to her face as he proceeded to giggle and be the happy child he was. Just like Serena herself as a child. Lilly couldn't help but hope that Jamie didn't turn out to be like his parents, or like his grandparents. Love sick to the point of not caring till it destroyed you. At least there couldn't be anymore Van der Woodsen/Humphrey debacles. Jamie stood as an end to all of that.

"Looks like it's just you and Grammy Jamie. Maybe we'll take a walk and see Pop's."

Though Rufus would have been a little hurt of the word, knowing that his grandson recognized his father without even knowing him, he'd still be trilled to know that Jamie was trying. Trying to figure out the mess that he'd been born into, the mess that would continue on in his life until the day Dan Humphrey either opened his eyes or went completely brain-dead. For the sake of everyone she loved Lilly hoped it was him waking up that would bring everyone out of their depressions. Because, she wasn't sure her daughter could handle anything other then that without losing all control of the life she had left.

"Dad said you took Jame to visit him the other day. That's good, I think hearing Jamie will be good for him. The doctors believe he can hear everything we say. They said his brain activity jumps up when people are there. I bet some of us help more than others though."

Serena knew she was trying her best to be bitchy and suddle at the same time. She knew all of Jenny's tactics by now, all things that Serena couldn't blame her for. For the past five years she'd listened to them. she'd listened to all of the guesses and the false accusations. It had actually surprised Serena that Jenny hadn't accused her of someone else being Jamie's father., she'd accused her of just about everything else in the book. Then again all you had to do was look into the little boy's eyes to know that he was defiantly Daniel Humphrey's blood. Whenever Jamie opened his mouth his words sounded almost just like Dan. Far to intelligent for his age. That was without hardly knowing Dan, she wondered what it would have been like with him there as a prime influence day in and day out. Some of the things that came out of Jamie's mouth were scary enough without Dan being added to it. she would have been at a complete loss for any brains.

"Jamie and I go visit him every week once or twice a week. With work and pre school it's difficult. But I know Dan would understand that. I'm doing the best I can. But, I think it's good for Jamie to see him. to know he's there even if he can't talk just yet. He just needs a little more time and he'll be back to new. At least, I still believe that. "

Letting her son go to his aunt she wanted to take him back and walk the other way. Maybe Blair had been right about Jenny all those years ago when they'd fought over Queen Bee at constance. No, she couldn't think that way, she'd caused Jenny enough pain she had every right to be bitter and cruel. Jenny had lost Dan just as much as Serena and Jamie had, sometimes it seemed as if it affected her even harder. Her brother had been the one person in life she'd had to turn to unconditionally and now he was just gone without any other warning. It was a hard and pressing issue to wrap her head around. Serena stood back and watched Jenny swing Jamie around and pretended like the bitter exchange she'd tried to start hadn't ever happened. If there was anything about Jenny that Serena ever noticed it was the fact that she was so good with him. at the little boy who every bit deserved some of Jenny's harsh words she loved him without cause or reason.

"You believe that Serena but I'm not sure many other people do, it's just been to long now. Dad's starting to think that we're better off letting him go then everyone hanging on in the same place we've been for the past years. What's the use in hoping for something that isn't ever going to happen? Dad won't admit it but listen the next time he talks to you. It's in his voice that he's sick of seeing his son suffer. You have Jamie, you should be able to understand that by now."

She didn't want to listen to Jenny's words and she didn't want Jamie to hear them either but she didn't have any other choices. In some ways the way things were at the same constant not changing movement it didn't seem like anything would change any time soon. Though it killed her to admit. But, she did believe that it would all end soon. That he'd open his eyes and look at her to tell her she was doing a good job. Tell her she hadn't failed at being a mother like she'd failed at being pregnant and taking care of him then. Like she'd failed at taking care of Dan enough to keep him awake and alive after the accident. Who was she kidding? With everyday that passed the same as the day before it hurt everyone around him more. That included Jenny, Jenny who never received the things she was after in the first place.

"You think you can handle him for a few more hours like you wanted to?"

She bit her lip and rocked back and forth in her Uggs. She needed to go somewhere for a while, somewhere for herself. Without Jamie attached to her hip like he was every other time she went. She needed to say things and words she couldn't say with him there. Her word restraint over the past few years had been great. She'd learned exactly what her mother had meant all the times she'd been in trouble and somewhere along the way she'd actually learned to respect Lilly and the decisions that Lilly made throughout the years. Who would have ever seen that coming.

"I wasn't willing to let my little buddy go yet anyway."

Serena glanced over at them seeing she and Jamie both now laying in the white snow making snow angels. She watched through clouded eyes as her son wrote the word 'daddy' to the right of his. Though he was young and couldn't spell even simple words he'd known how to spell daddy since the day he turned four. It had been the thing he'd wished for on his birthday candle at Butter. To learn how to be able to spell the word daddy. Aunt V had been the one to teach him of course. Over and over in one night it had actually stuck and he'd announced it over and over again out loud through the hospital on the way to Dan's hospital bed the day after. She'd never seen her son so proud of himself as he was that day.

CJ – I'm so sorry the ending of Remembering Sunday was so rushed. I wasn't planning on finishing it to be honest. I didn't have any inspiration when it came to DS and I have to be honest some of me still doesn't but I'll keep trying. Maybe they'll redeem Serena next season. In my writing I like to work a lot with empathy, make it easy to relate to and feel what even the worst people are going through. Thanks for reading :) and I hope you continue to.

VivitheDSaddict – though we're still a little off from happy endings, How could anyone be mad when there's someone like Jamie involved? I won't say anymore but, he gets even more adorable.

jeda09 – Jamie is just like Dan :D bet you're quite happy with the turns most of the final took, I have to say I quite agree. It'll be nice to see the two of them together again eventually.

PB4ever - sorry it took so long, they'll come faster now :)