Hullo,
I apologies for the lateness of this chapter, things have been mad with school work and things, but I won't keep you long. So here is the next chapter, as promised

Ten Weeks Later ...

And life goes on, without me.
Yet I'm still stuck on that day, ten weeks ago, the day my blood ran cold and my heart stopped beating. I'm still turning my last words to my children, my husband, my friends in my head ; over and over again. It was never going to be enough; nothing I said would ever be enough.
I watched the tears dry on their faces.
Sarah cried, howled and wept at the unfairness of it all.
Dave didn't, not at first, he stayed strong for the kid's sake, but as soon as he could feel, the tears began to pour and all I could do was hold him and watch his tears dry on his jacket.
Paul and Ewan are quiet and reserved; they say nothing and try to forget. As much as the idea of my own children forgetting me hurts, I can't blame them.
Lucy doesn't say much either. She goes to school, eats little, comes home and sits in her room, listening to music, talking to friends. I know she worries him, he's scared to lose her and she's all too willing to break away from him and find her real father.
But my little ray of sunshine still shines, despite everything. She walked into Dave's room yesterday, to ask him where her things were and found him weeping. As soon as he noticed he brushed the tears away and his guard came up.
Evie made him smile, she said it was okay for him to cry, it showed that he cared.
She held his hand as he cradled her in his arms.
My sister came in while they were there, crying to eachother, letting out the pain.
"For god's sake Dave pull yourself together!" she barked, storming out in a fuss.
"I think she's jealous" Evie said as Dave walked out with her to find her things
"Of what?" Dave asked and Evie smiled
"Well she doesn't get nice cuddles like you do" and that's when I saw it, his smile, his chuckle his laugh and I in turn laughed with him.
There's hope for them yet.

I've been dead for ten weeks and now I stand in the hallway of what used to be my home. The place I used to sleep, now I just go into a strange blacked out state. I don't know where on when, but when you're a ghost I don't think it matters. It's not as if you can be killed again.

" Where's my swimming trunks ? "

I sigh, I used to remind them, when I was around to remind them, of the things they needed to do.
Show dad your permission slip for the trip next week so he can sign it
Have you got your swimming trunks in your bag for tomorrow ?
Lucy, make sure you have enough money for the bus tomorrow
Lucy walks downstairs in her school uniform, she asked Dave for some money last night, so I know she has enough. Dave's given up on making them sandwiches, which anyone who's seen Dave frantically rushing around in the morning to get everyone out on time can understand.

"Where are you going? You haven't eaten anything "

Dave asks as Lucy grabs her bag from the corridor.
Lucy has always been a mystery, even to me and we're related by blood and not marriage, unlike her and Dave. She, unlike Dave who's face is like an open book, is reserved, quiet and her intentions far from clear.
I like to think that she wants to stay out of his way, not cause him anymore fuss, but she must know how much he worries, how much he cares.
She turns to him now, briefly as she walks out of the door

" Oh I'm fine "

I feel a pang of regret as she walks out of the door. I never did tell Dave who her father was, it would only have made him suspicious, I would have told him years ago, but as soon as I recognised that the dates I had met Stewart matched up with a few dates I avoided the conversation like the plague.
Not because I had done anything immoral or cheated on Dave at all, but simply because the suspicion would be there and I couldn't bear the thought of him not trusting me completely. Now I regret that decision. Lucy has no one and I cannot think of any way to remedy the situation.
I have long since given up speaking, any attempt to be noticed by the living has failed me.

" I told you to watch the toast "

" WHAT ! "

I don't understand, I can't understand. I watch her leave the house everyday with money for the bus and something to eat at lunch. She's not here during breakfast, just to get out of Dave's way, she's a thoughtful young girl she's not like this. My daughter is nothing like the image this demon woman has painted of her.
"What are you talking about, she goes to school everyday "
That's when the penny drops for both of us.
She's deceived us both.
You'd think I'd be mad, with everything that's been happening the last thing Dave needs is this, but the only thing I feel, as this woman walks out of our house, the door slamming behind her, is dread.
Where has she been if she's not been at school?
With friends?
Friends who don't go to lesson are bound to be doing other things as well and that's what I fear most.
My sister stands in the kitchen, looking at Dave's worried and furious face as he marches towards a cupboard, looking for something he left there this morning.
I have never been close to my sister. The sibling rivalry of our youth never really died and although we treat one another like adults I feel like if she were just a person on the street, we would be no more than strangers.
Although I cannot fault her, ever since my death she's been round walking the dog (they have a dog now, which I cannot say I'm too happy about, but they need a substitute for a mother. A dog is as good as any) she's cleaned the house as much as possible and she's been a life saver for Dave.
" Shouldn't have shouted at her "
my sister tells him as he continues to pace around the kitchen. We look at him from the same angle yet we both see different things. I know as Anna looks at him, with worry tattooed on her face . She sees his fury at being lied to and deceived, it's not what he needs right now. Anna never looks closely at people's emotions, especially not Dave's. His emotions are a permanent feature of his face.
He would be a rubbish actor.
When I look at him I see the deeper emotion, the one that scares him, the one he doesn't want to say and the ones he makes an effort to hide.

I don't want to lose her.
I know she's not mine but I don't want to lose her, she's all I have left of Rita.
I don't want to lose her to a social worker.

The kitchen cupboards snap shut as Dave's calm resolve snaps and his fear and frustration are taken out on my innocent sister.
" You don't need to pop round anymore "
Me and Anna stand in shock, he needs someone and we both know it. He cannot cope on his own, he managed to get the kids to school on time this morning, but only by the skin of their teeth and Lucy will not let him get away lightly when he questions her about her truancy. He needs help so why is he pushing it all away ?
My sister leaves, knowing that she's needed but unwilling to outstay her welcome as Dave walks upstairs and sits on Lucy's bed.

What am I going to do ?

He walks across the corridor and stops at a picture of my face.
I smile back at him, looking on this miserable scene from happier times as the half living half dead creature that I have become stands behind him, looking at the picture, remembering my own smile, reflected in the picture frame. Two weeks after that picture I announced that I was pregnant with Evie.
" Wanna give us a clue? "he asks and I know it's pointless answering as he looks for answers to my children in the empty air. I wonder if he knows where I am, if he knows that I follow him and the kids every day. I wonder if he knows that I stand behind him now, whispering in his ear.

I'm here.

Thank you as ever for your patience with my slow chapter updates and thank you, as always, to anyone who has or is going to review. I value your praise and opinions very much.