I got bored because my girlfriend is working and I've been reading so much my eyes hurt so I thought I would take a break to post another chapter before going back to reading again. Heh...so there is a song in this and its called Knights In White Satin by The Moody Blues and I really love it and thought it would be a different choice of song to have them share.
Chapter Three
''So when do I get to hear this mysterious song you were talking about?''
Quinn wondered playfully as she pushed into Rachel as the brunette tried to negotiate the keys that she had managed to snatch away from the blonde as the taller woman had been messing around in the hallway. Rachel had her own keys to Quinn's apartment they were in her pocket with her own but she had wanted to make a point by refusing to play the blonde's game to trade kisses for entrance inside.
Only now Quinn was pressing against her back and was smugly leaning her face in close her hands brushing her hair out of the way to expose her neck which she promptly began kissing. The contact made Rachel's eyes flutter closed as she let out a soft sigh. Quinn's other hand slipped around to her front sprawling out across her stomach as she pulled her back.
''Behave.''
Rachel tried to order but it came out as more of a breathless sigh. Quinn smiled against her skin before pressing her teeth into it lightly.
''Maybe I can't. Maybe you turn me on so much I lose my mind.''
Rachel's hands stilled in her efforts to try and fit the key into the lock and slowly turned around to lean her back up against the door. Quinn looked at her oddly with confusion and a little concern written across her face. Rachel didn't say a word for a second but her hand lifted up to cup the side of the actresses face.
Things had changed so drastically in the last 3 months. They had shifted into a high gear of the likes that neither of them had experienced before. As close as they were as best friends as much as they had started with trust and knowledge and an air of openness this was still new. It wasn't awkward but it was unprecedented. They had told one another everything over the years but there had only been superficial conversations of exactly what they were doing.
It was fine Rachel hadn't expected the deep and meaningful ones so soon not even when they were used to having them. But after 3 months of spending pretty much every day with Quinn after constantly waking up wrapped up together and falling asleep holding one another, exploring skin and passion...it was time. She had decided it was time because she had always been the decisive one in any relationship. Quinn would open up but you had to know how to get her to. The blonde would come straight to her best friend when issues arose with her girlfriends but Rachel was now one in the same so maybe it had thrown the taller woman a little.
''Do you really feel like that? About me?''
Quinn frowned slowly reaching up to let her fingers trace Rachel's beautiful face. Her hazel eyes studied every feature burning into her memory and for a moment she lost herself. She had looked at Rachel a million times before but it was different now. She always felt like she was looking for the first time noticing different things.
''Of course I do.''
She whispered earnestly as her eyes went back to the smaller woman's.
''When did it change between us, Quinn?''
The singer asked not being able to properly pinpoint the answer herself. Before that afternoon at that party Quinn was her best friend. Rachel knew she was beautiful and talented she knew she was kind and intelligent and sensitive. She knew that part of her was broken inside but the rest of her remained intact and strong and caring. Quinn had had so many reasons to crumble but she had stood strong and Rachel had always admired that.
She had watched her with various women from college until her last relationship but she couldn't remember feeling jealousy. Or maybe she had but she hadn't really known what it was. She had liked some of Quinn's girlfriends she really had and she had even advised a couple of them on what Quinn's moods meant. They had quickly worked out that Rachel Berry was like a walking talking encyclopaedia on Quinn Fabray and while some of them had gladly accepted that under the heading of friendship most had been perturbed and used it against the blonde.
Rachel had never understood why they had perceived her as a threat. Now? Now maybe they had seen something all along that they apparently hadn't been able to.
''I don't know, Rachel. I just know that it happened, and I wouldn't change it for the world. When I'm with you, I just feel...''
Quinn searched for a word that could capture everything inside of it her mouth ajar a little as she shrugged lightly.
''What?''
''Home. I feel home.''
Rachel felt her heart leap into her throat as tears began to sting the backs of her eyes. She leant up and drew Quinn into a connective deep kiss and poured in all her feelings for Quinn that had slammed into her in the past months. The blonde was taken off guard but kissed her back just as strongly and Rachel could feel the truth in the words Quinn had just spoken.
And just as quickly as Rachel had initiated it she stopped it making Quinn almost lose her balance as she blinked when Rachel spun back around and shoved the key into the lock opening the door so they practically fell through it.
As Quinn turned Rachel around by the hips leaning in for another kiss Rachel stopped her actions. Quinn found herself with a finger pressed up against her mouth as Rachel stood in front of her with a determined look on her face. Actually it kind of reminded Quinn of retro-Rachel when she had one of her schemes in her head in high school.
She frowned and narrowed her eyes in question.
''Sit down.''
Quinn nodded slipping out of her jacket as she walked across the distance of her apartment. She decided to sit in her favoured armchair the very one she had been sat in when she realised that she was in love with Rachel. She didn't turn any lights on; the early evening light was enough to shade the apartment well enough for them to see. Keeping it darkened seemed to be the best thing to keep the mood how it was. Even as the rain that had just started began to make patterns that the glass of her windows.
Quinn's apartment was a pretty cool set up. When you entered through the door the kitchen was to the right; it was open and quite spacious for a New York loft. To the left there was a large space where a big dining table sat along with Quinn's personal affects pictures on the wall and ornaments in the middle of the table. Back to the right, just down from the end of the kitchen, there were stairs that lead up to a second level. It was where Quinn had her entertainment system with a two seat couch with a coffee table. There were a couple of DVD and CD shelves against the wall and in front of them sat a baby piano and three differently styled guitars one of which was electric.
The master bedroom guest bedroom and bathroom were all down along the hallway at the back of the 'second lounge' as Rachel called the upper level. Back down in the living room area that Quinn sat in it was a sprawling space colourful and classic all at the same time. There was a fireplace with an armchair at either side of it one of which was her favourite place to sit and read in. There was a long couch with a coffee table on a huge rug a couple of plants and a stereo too. Outside on the terrace there was outdoor furniture besides her beloved armchair one of her favourite places to sit was outside.
Rachel was pretty sure that the large terrace feature was the thing that sold Quinn on the apartment. The place could have been a fall down wreck for all she would have noticed because all she had seen was that terrace. In college they had rented this crappy but wonderful studio together it was very 'struggling artist' themed and they had loved it. Rachel had secretly bypassed the alarm on the door to the roof no one else lived on the floor and no one not even the super had gone up there.
She had done it because when Quinn was struggling when she had bad dreams and woke in the middle of the night she could go and watch the night safely. That was one of her favourite things to do when she couldn't sleep just watch the world go by as she smelt the night air. Sometimes they would just sleep up there in the summer or star gaze for hours. They were some of Rachel's fondest memories.
Carrying the guitar down the stairs Rachel managed a nervous and even shy smile as she pulled a big footstool nearer Quinn's chair as the blonde brought her knees up to her chest. She watched curiously as Rachel sat down and pulled the strap of the guitar over it it made Quinn smile lightly because Rachel was so little it was just the easiest way for her to keep her grip on guitars.
Flipping her long hair back a little with a flick of her head Rachel looked down as she began to strum. She was nervous because despite the fact that everything had changed between them already it was definitely about to be voiced and labelled and made very very real. It wasn't Quinn that particularly scared her it was the simple terror that all of this wasn't ever going to be real. If it turned out not to be Rachel honestly thought it would break her heart to the point of death.
She pushed that out of her mind though and let her feelings take over let the emotion she felt take over the song looking up to see that Quinn had sat forward as she heard the tune that began to emerge from the guitar and starting the process of realisation.
''Nights in white satin, never reaching the end,
Letters I've written, never meaning to send.
Beauty I'd always missed, with these eyes before.
Just what the truth is, I can't say anymore.
'Cos I love you, yes I love you, oh how I love you.
Gazing at people, some hand in hand,
Just what I'm going through they can't understand.
Some try to tell me, thoughts they cannot defend,
Just what you want to be, you will be in the end.
And I love you, yes I love you,
Oh how I love you, oh how I love you.''
Rachel sung out the words with all of her heart periodically closing her eyes as she hit the more intense notes as she tended to do. As she strummed the mid instrumental though she looked straight at Quinn not breaking away as she saw the tears running along Quinn's face an overwhelmed but happy and touched look written across her beautiful face and rooted deep in her eyes.
Rachel smiled lovingly as she played happy that Quinn understood what she was telling her.
''Nights in white satin, never reaching the end,
Letters I've written, never meaning to send.
Beauty I've always missed, with these eyes before,
Just what the truth is, I can't say anymore.
'Cos I love you, yes I love you,
Oh how I love you, oh how I love you.
'Cos I love you, yes I love you,
Oh how I love you, oh how I love you.''
Rachel watched Quinn as her voice dropped to a more musical talk given that the next part was more of a poem than anything else. She also knew that Quinn loved it.
''Breathe deep, the gathering gloom,
Watch lights fade, from every room.
Bedsitter people, look back and lament,
Another day's useless, energy spent.
Impassioned lovers, wrestle as one,
Lonely girl cries for love, and has none.
New Mother picks up, and suckles her son.
Senior citizens, wish they were young.''
Quinn laughed gently at Rachel having swapped boy for girl in the lyrics sniffling lightly as she thumbed away the damp on her cheeks.
''Cold hearted orb, that rules the night,
Removes the colours, from our sight.
Red is gray and, yellow is white.
But we decide, which is right.
And which is an illusion.''
She sped up her guitar once more going for the end that she had added on.
'''Cos I love you, yes I love you,
Oh how I love you, oh how I love you.
'Cos I love you, yes I love you,
Oh how I love you, oh how I love you.''
Rachel panted lightly as she finished her hand halting on the strings of the guitar and the silence was almost deafening after the melody of the instrument. The rain fell outside bouncing off of the windows as a roll of distant thunder echoed loudly across the night air followed by a quick flash of lightening. The calmness in the room seemed to contrast the storm outside but what was happening in this calmness was a much fiercer storm in itself.
''I love you.''
Rachel was still a little out of breath due to the sheer emotion that she had poured into the song but also her voice succumbed to the truth of the statement. She had said those words a thousand times but never like this. It had never meant that she had been in love with Quinn before. It had never meant that she suddenly felt whole that the missing jigsaw puzzle piece of her life had been found and fit into place.
Sometimes she found herself waking in the middle of the night and just lying there and watching the blonde sleep. It honestly wasn't creepy or stalker like it was sweet and romantic. She got so enthralled by the way Quinn breathed the way her face would twitch sweetly or she would mumble something in her sleep. One night she had been talking about gold stars frogs and slapping Santana, which Rachel had found hilarious.
She liked how if she stroked Quinn's back when she was muttering in a way that Rachel knew meant she was having a bad dream or a nightmare it would settle her down again and she would become peaceful once again. It made her heart swell knowing that her simple touch could soothe the other woman even in sleep. It was like Quinn knew she was there watching over her.
And that's one of the many reasons why she thought that this could easily be the most wonderful thing in the entire world. It's why she could see a future stretched out before them in front of her eyes.
Quinn put her feet on the floor and stood up fluently and Rachel sat up straight and smiled as she thought the blonde was coming to her. She didn't. Instead Quinn veered off and Rachel opened her mouth to say something but found herself at a loss for words. With a held breath and a lot of apprehension she watched as the taller woman opened a small draw at her antic wooden table and pulled out a box. Then, after closing the draw she made her way to Rachel again and knelt in front of her.
Delicately she leant up to take hold of the guitar and eased it up over the brunette before placing it gently on the ground. She knelt between the singers legs sniffling again lightly as another crack of thunder sounded a little closer this time and another bright flash of lighting lit up the apartment for a moment.
Quinn lifted up the box and opened it toward Rachel. The brunette looked at her hesitatively for a second but with a nod of permission she cleared her throat and looked back at the box as her fingers sheepishly pulled out what was inside.
It was a bracelet. It was silver or maybe white gold, and it was quite simple in nature which made it breathtakingly elegant. It truly was beautiful and again Rachel looked at Quinn questioningly. The blonde discarded the box and took hold of the piece of jewellery turning it so that Rachel could see that there was an inscription on the underside.
''Rachel, I love you with all my heart, Quinn.''
Rachel laughed gently as she read out the words and her own tears fell out of her eyes. It seemed that she hadn't been the only one with the idea of a romantic gesture to get the sentiment across. She leant her head forward to rest against Quinn's as the actress's hands cupped her face thumbs wiping away her tears.
''I love you, Rachel. I'm hopelessly head over heels in love with you.''
Quinn spoke for the first time since they had entered the apartment her voice hushed and cracked with emotion. She laughed a little too feeling the grin coming from Rachel even though more tears fell at the same time.
''I love you too Quinn.''
The brunette felt that last click that last piece truly fitting in. She felt a little dizzy because it was like she was able to breathe properly for the first time. If she thought she had been in love before and she really had then this was one of those movie moments when you realised that there were types of love that just overshadowed everything else. Maybe it was because Quinn was her best friend too she wasn't sure but it felt damn good. It felt right and she felt unstoppable and strong because of it.
Quinn was having very much the same thoughts running through her head. She had been holding onto that bracelet for a month a fact that Rachel would probably find out eventually. Right now it didn't need to be said because it no longer mattered why she hadn't been able to give it to her until now. The most important thing was that this had happened they had cemented what they had and they were stepping into a new world hand in hand. They knew one another inside out but it was time to learn each other on a whole new level. It was time to find out how they worked together and how new dynamics affected them and changed them.
Like just now. Rachel had never ever been the first one to say those three little words to any lover. Quinn knew that for a fact. Rachel liked the big dramatic gestures she liked the attention of them and knowing that she was special enough for someone to do that for. It seemed shallow but it wasn't. It was her way of being known and overcoming her insecurities that few people knew that she actually had. Quinn was ready to make her feel as special as she could but she also took heart in the fact that it had been Rachel to pull out her stops to show her she was special too and first. Rachel Berry was many things but she had never been selfish.
''Quinn?''
''Yeah?''
''Take me to bed.''
GGG GGG GGG
''Do you think we should start telling people?''
Rachel asked lightly as she trailed her fingertips in absent patterns along Quinn's back lightly just savouring the feel of her skin as the blonde draped across her. It was late...or early depending on how you wanted to look at it. Both had lost count just how many times they had made love tonight but it didn't really matter all that much.
The bedroom was quiet with only the thin sound of light rain pattering down against the windows. The storm had passed outside and now the night was just left with a soft wind and gentle raindrops. They were cleansing the streets, starting afresh for a brand new day. They had barely noticed the storm though, too entangled with one another. The room had been full of sound as passion took over and full of silences in restful moments like this. It felt like a never ending night and it was perfection.
''I guess, I mean, do you think we should start telling people?''
Quinn put the question back to her lover as she rolled off of Rachel and onto her side to face her instead. The question had been lingering for a while and though a handful of people knew the people in their lives at large still did not.
''Well, I have to admit that I have enjoyed a certain amount of privacy these last couple of months. We have prying eyes all around us every day, it just felt good to enjoy getting to know this aspect between us without being watched, you know?''
Rachel admitted as her hand found its way to Quinn's hair. She really couldn't bear not touching her in some way right now.
''Yeah I know what you mean. I love our friends and all, but it's been nice to discover this by ourselves first without them interfering or asking questions all the time.''
She really did love their friends but she also knew them. Not out of spite or anything remotely bad they would just ask question after question that maybe they weren't ready to answer for themselves yet or had only just begun to answer. It took time to build a foundation sometimes or to simply enjoy it. She was sure they would be happy for them and excited for them and Quinn had a sneaking feeling that Santana had been waiting for something to happen between them because when it came to attraction she was practically clairvoyant. Their other friends around New York and in the business they would probably feel the same and just generally be happy if they were happy enough.
Over the years Quinn had gotten to know Rachel's Dad's very well. They had become like her family too, but yet now she found herself nervous as to their reaction. Just because they had accepted her as their daughter's best friend it did not mean that they would think she was good enough to be her girlfriend. In fact there were many reasons for them not to think that.
''However, the idea of telling everyone that we're in love, being able to kiss you and hold your hand in public? It makes me giddy. I know that we're photographed all the time together doing much of that, but it does excite me thinking that everyone would look at you and know you're mine and I'm yours.''
That was a very big appeal too to not have to hide the extra attraction behind their already touchy feely behaviour. They both just wanted to live as normally as possible in the lives they had which usually turned out to be not overly normal most of the time.
''I like that thought too.''
Quinn agreed quietly as she stared across at her girlfriend. Rachel bit down on her bottom lip for a moment debating with herself whether to say what was on her mind now. Eventually given her honest nature she took in a breath and narrowed her eyes softly.
''There may be some negative consequences too, Quinn.''
Quinn nodded as she swallowed the lump in her throat briefly looking across the room to the rain running down the windows. She had thought about those consequences a lot these last couple of months. And in truth she had thought a lot about how eventually one day her secrets would be revealed. It was simply a matter of time given the nature of doing what she did. Being in the public eye especially as your career grew and grew meant that people were interested. Interested enough for reporters to dig things up and boy did she have a lot of skeletons in her closet.
''I'm prepared for that.''
''Are you?''
Quinn looked back at Rachel again.
''With you right by my side, I'd be prepared for anything. It's bound to come out at some point Rachel, and if I can control the tiniest bit of how it does, it would make it so much easier to deal with. I don't want to hide. So maybe things should come out.''
Rachel studied Quinn's eyes and face picking up on the air of confidence but also picking up on the air of vulnerability. If it was up to her no one would find out anything unless it was 100% Quinn's choice to divulge it but that was definitely not the business that they worked in. She was right it would surface eventually.
''Still, it would be a lot sooner rather than later when they find out about us. I don't know how we've managed to get this far without too many problems but that won't be the case if they find out we're together.''
Quinn nodded fixing the worried brunette with a steely look.
''Well I'm not prepared to hide us so let them do what they will. I'm ready for them.''
''I'll be there for you.''
''I know you will.''
The blonde lurched forward and took Rachel's mouth with the slowest sweetest kiss that conveyed both her love and her thanks. Rachel had always been there for her she had never felt truly alone because of her.
''Who knows already?''
The taller woman asked as she licked her lips and pulled back again. Rachel sighed as she thought.
''A couple of the guys from the show, I couldn't keep it in and doing one to two shows a day with them every day made it far too tempting. That and the fact you constantly had flowers sent to my dressing room with signed cards. Which was very sweet and romantic, by the way.''
Rachel leaned across to place a kiss on Quinn's nose still very thankful for all the flowers and little gifts that Quinn had sent to show her support and show her that she was thinking of her.
''Well I have a drama obsessed star on my hands, I can't have you going without your Tinkerbelle applause, can I?''
Rachel laughed at the charmingly cocky answer the blonde's playful grin making her roll her eyes. Quinn had always teased her about that analogy; she had never let it go. They were both highly aware that Rachel could get carried away with being the little diva that she could be but it wasn't half as bad as it had been in high school before they had made friends.
Rachel still had her moments and she did expect a certain amount of attention and lavish gestures. She still made her feelings very well known and she was still painfully honest. However now she had learnt how to deal with those things a little bit more delicately and she had learnt that the world wasn't as simple or as theatrical as she had once thought it was.
''Most certainly not! I'm high maintenance all the way baby, get used to it. Who have you told?''
The singer teased before bringing the conversation back on topic again. Quinn made a thoughtful noise.
''It's not so much who I've told than who have either seen or heard us at work. So pretty much the crew and cast!''
''Quinn!''
Rachel slapped her girlfriend on the arm causing her to drop her jaw.
''Ow! What? It's not my fault; they have eyes and ears you know. It's not like we're discrete around them is it?''
She defended herself as she rubbed her arm although she was unable to get made at Rachel for smacking her.
''I suppose not. How do that many people know and it hasn't been leaked yet?''
Quinn shrugged.
''They rock. Do you think that reporter boy will squeal?''
''No, I think he has too much of a crush on you to break his promise.''
Quinn snickered and rolled her eyes a little. Why guys continually got crushes on her she couldn't work out in the first place but why they did knowing that she was gay that really confused her! She supposed it wasn't exactly within their control; she had a couple of crushes on straight women from time to time after all. But still it was weird because it was her.
''Then I guess we can start telling people when we feel it's the right time. We don't have to rush anything, we can still enjoy the peace that comes with limited knowledge, but know if we feel we've hit a good moment that we're free to say.''
The blonde summed up liking the thought of weaving between the state they were in now and telling some of their nearest and dearest when opportunity knocked. She wasn't about to run off and create a phone tree over it, that wasn't either of their styles. It had to be a comfort thing.
Quinn lifted her head to look over Rachel's shoulder and grunted.
''I have to get up in 3 hours. I have an early shoot.''
Her hand found its way to Rachel's side and began to stroke patterns along her skin her eyes watching the effects the touch caused.
''You're going to be exhausted baby.''
Quinn shrugged.
''Nah, I'll be fine. Besides, staying up all night with you is always worth it.''
Rachel lifted an eyebrow suspiciously.
''Because of the sex or the conversation?''
Quinn gave her a charming grin.
''Both, of course!''
They both laughed gently and Rachel lurched forward to push Quinn onto her back as her mouth drew hers into a deep and hungry kiss. It didn't seem to matter how many times they kissed or touched or fucked it never seemed to be enough and it always felt like the first time.
In the end Quinn got a 2 hour power nap having sacrificed the other hour to give Rachel's body the attention it deserved. If she was tired because of it then so be it she would rather have the memories of the first night she and Rachel confessed their love be how it had ended up over just going to bed and sleeping. She was used to a lack of sleep given the work she was in so she could handle it.
Quinn had been quiet as she had crept about getting ready jumping in the shower to help wake herself up before getting dressed and writing Rachel a quick note. She had decided to let her sleep instead of waking her. The brunette had been sprawled across the bed and she had looked so peaceful that Quinn just hadn't had the heart. She knew that Rachel would be tired from the jet lag, which she never dealt with well and then with the late night she kind of deserved a sleep in. Normally the brunette would be up and busying around and doing her morning routines and workout but sometimes those did falter to how tired she was.
The blonde knew that Rachel had an afternoon interview and she also had a meeting with her agent afterward so sleeping in would help her to be refresh and awake for those. So with a kiss to the back of the head Quinn had left her lover asleep in her bed and moved through her apartment before locking up and leaving to go to work.