Me: Another month...and this is all I have. I'm pathetic. So heres my explanation for lateness, 1: I'm lazy. 2: August has been hectic for me. Preparing for school and crap. 3: I'M SORRY!

Viktor: You said that last time.

Me: But, I am! ...Wait...Rebeka, Zoltan, Viktor, Kobey, Leon...WHERE'S LEXI?

Leon: WE THOUGHT YOU KNEW!

Me: ...and where's...ONILEE! *Runs out of room to find Onilee holding a gun to Lexi's head* NO! *tackles Onilee and grabs gun* THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?

Onilee: You didn't make this chapter about the little pervert! This is revenge!

Lexi: Pheonixette! *runs into my arms*

Me: *picks up Lexi and balances her on hip while she buries face in my shoulder* HAVE YOU COMPLETELY LOST YOUR MIND? You are NOT to kill off the kids, ESPECIALLY LEXI!

Onilee: Why? Cause she's your "favorite'!

Me: SHUT UP! *turns to readers* Look, I'm really sorry about her behavior, she's normally above murder. Sorry for late update...again, and I apologize for the shortness of this chapter.

Onilee: Which is NOT about the pervert!

Me: HIS NAME IS LEON, GOD DAMMIT! And Onilee's right, this chapter is about Kobey! Enjoy!

Hetalia Kids Chap. 3

Japan's Question and Kobey's First Word

It all started out as a perfectly normal day: little one-year-old Kobey woke the household up at 5:30 in the morning...that is, he woke Japan at 5:30 in the morning. America would sleep right through this as Japan would get out of bed, slip on a robe, and go to get Kobey so he wouldn't wake the whole block.

Japan was used to waking up this early, so he didn't mind too much. He only minded on the rare occasion that Kobey was so fussy that he would wake America, who could sleep through a hurricane and wonder what the hell happened to the house. If Kobey was loud enough to wake America, it usually meant complaining neighbors at the doorstep. Today, thankfully, was not one of those days.

Once Kobey had quieted down, Japan took him downstairs for breakfast. Kobey would be placed in his high chair and watch Japan cook. For some reason, he found it extremely interesting. Maybe it was the way Japan did everything so quickly and effortlessly.

Breakfast was usually scrambled eggs-which Kobey was now able to eat instead of formula and baby food—and toast and coffee for Japan and America.

By 7:30 both had finished breakfast and America was still asleep. Still a perfectly normal day. After breakfast, Japan put Kobey in his playpen where he would mess around while Japan cleaned the kitchen.

Finally, 8:30. America had woken up, come downstairs, had begun to eat cold eggs and toast, and of course started complaining. "Why can't breakfast ever be warm when I eat it?"

"Maybe you should wake up earlier," Japan pointed out.

"Meh," America replied, which in American terms meant: "Not gonna happen."

This is how most mornings would begin, and the rest of the day could've gone just as perfectly normal, if Japan just hadn't asked one simple question.

"Alfred?"

"Yeah?"

"This may sound off topic, but why did you choose 'Kobey' for his name?"

"Oh, THAT." America laughed. "Easy: remember about two months before Kobey was born and we went out to dinner and you wanted to discuss names?"

"Of course…that's when you first mentioned the name 'Kobey'," Japan replied.

"Well, I hadn't really thought about names at that point so I was looking through the menu and I found the Kobe Burger."

Japan froze for a moment, thinking over what America had just said. Was he serious? Did he really name their son after a burger he saw on a menu?

"Actually," America continued, "I think that's what I ordered that night too!"

"You named him after a burger?"

"Yup! Except, I added the 'y' at the end. It made it look cooler!"

"Strangely, I'm not surprised," Japan sighed. "That really sounds just like you to name our son after a burger."

"After a damn good burger!" America pointed out.

Kobey just sat in his playpen, quietly listening to his parents' conversation. They didn't know it, but he knew what they we're saying. Just because he couldn't talk didn't mean he couldn't understand.

'Named after a burger,' he thought. 'That's pretty...AWESOME!"

America turned to see Kobey smiling at him. "Hey there, little buddy!" America picked Kobey up and put him on his knee. "How's it going?"

Kobey wanted to say something, but he couldn't seem to form the words. America only smiled and continued talking. Kobey was frustrated that he couldn't talk-he wanted to join in on his parents' conversations, be able to talk to them when he was hungry or tired instead of resorting to wailing. But he couldn't.

Soon, Kobey became thirsty. He tried first to get his dad's attention without crying, but America wasn't picking up the signs. Kobey did not want to cry. 'It's undignified,' he thought. When getting America's attention didn't work, he slid off his lap and crawled over to Japan, tugging lightly on his robe. Japan looked down at Kobey.

"M-Mom?" A small voice rang out. Japan stared down at his son in disbelief.

America leapt up out of his chair. "Kobey! Little buddy, your first word!" He scooped up Kobey and hugged him…or, in Kobey's opinion, attempted to smother him.

"Mom!" Kobey called, reaching for Japan.

"H-He...just called me 'm-mom'," Japan muttered, horrified. America apparently had drilled it into Kobey's head that Japan was the 'mom' and he was the 'dad', much to Japan's protests.

"Say it again, little buddy! One more time!" America exclaimed.

Kobey pointed at Japan and repeated, "Mom." Feeling proud he could talk, he showed it off. "Mom, mom, mom!"

"Aw, isn't that cute?" America beamed, "He called you 'mom'."

"B-B-B-But, I'm the father too!" Japan argued.

"Yes, whatever you say dear." America winked at Japan. "C'mon Kobey, let's celebrate!" America went into the fridge to get Kobey a bottle, then took him into the playroom. Japan, still in shock, just stood at the kitchen counter, wondering if he could undo what had been done.

Kobey was glad words were as effective as they were. Especially in getting what you want, as well as effecting people…such as America's smothers him and Japan's look of complete denial.

'Finally,' he thought, 'I don't have to cry incessantly anymore.'

The next morning, at 5:30, a new perfectly normal day routine had started. The household (Japan) being woken up by a little voice calling "Moooom!" and America sleeping right through it.

Me: I'm sorry it's so short, but there really wasn't much to be said. I do pray you enjoyed it, nonetheless.

Onilee: *tied up in corner* I still think that the pervert would have been a better choice.

Me: Will you shut up!

Onilee: Why did you tie my up anyway?

Me: Oh, I don't know. Maybe it was because YOU NEARLY BLEW LEXI'S BRAINS OUT!

Onilee: Ah, the key word her is 'nearly'. I didn't actually kill her.

Me: Well, you are going to stay there until I see fit! *turns to readers* Okay, readers, PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE review! Give a suggestion, a comment, a correction, a simple WORD would suffice! I just want some reviews...T_T

Kids: *get down on knees and make puppy dog eyes* Please?

Me: Obey the puppy dog eyes! REVIEW! Until next time!