Love, Pain And The Whole Crazy Thing
Chapter 3 – Anger, Cheating And Unsaid Apologies
A few minutes later Theresa Shepherd reached her son and daughter-in-law's house, knocking on the door furiously. Derek raised his head from the table, getting up and going to the door. He opened the door, not caring who it was. He was numb. When the door opened she stood eye in eye with someone who only looked like her son at the outside.
"Mother." He said in a cold way, not caring about anything at the moment.
''Derek are you drunk?''
"No." He said, walking towards the living room.
''Derek.'' She sighed, following him.
"Mother." He said again, sitting down on the couch, waiting for her to start talking.
''You cheated...'' She started.
"I didn't sleep with anybody. It was just a kiss, kiss that lasted for 5 seconds."
''It's not about one stupid kiss. It's about the fact that you wanted to kiss someone else.''
"I don't want anybody else, I love Addison. I love my wife."
''Then why are you paying more attention to some random slut than to your wife?''
"I don't, I pulled back from her. I didn't even start the kiss!"
''But you kissed her, you would have just told Addison the moment after it happened if you were innocent in this.''
"I was going to, I really was..."
''But why didn't you?''
"I couldn't bring myself to do it, to confess that I just had cheated on the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with."
''But than why did you decide to tell her now? After all those months?''
"I've felt so guilty about it for months, I've wanted to tell her..."
''So you didn't really cheat?'' She asked softly, suddenly feeling guilt wash over her for accusing him.
"I didn't sleep with Nicole if you're asking that."
''No I knew that...''
"Okay..."
''I'm sorry for accusing you, I thought there was more going on.'' She apologized.
"Well there's nothing going on."
''But why did you neglect her so bad?''
"I don't know mom." He shook his head. "Is she at your house?" He asked quickly.
''Yeah she is.''
"Okay." He nodded. "Did you give her anything warm to drink or a blanket? It's cold out there."
''I don't know, she's with your dad.''
"Oh god what did I do?" He whispered.
''You can still make it up sweetheart.''
"How? It's unforgivable."
''It's not, you just...you told it wrong so she took it the wrong way.''
"Oh god oh god oh god..." He ran a hand though his hair. "I didn't even go after her."
''Why didn't you?''
"Kids." He simply answered.
''Kids?'' She gave him a confused look.
"I possibly couldn't leave them alone in the house..."
''You still should have gone after her...''
"I know." Derek sighed shaking his head.
''Now she thinks you just didn't care.''
"I know that damn it." He hit his head.
''No swearing.''
He shot her a look.
''Honey...''
"Mom."
''You need to make this right, you won't EVER find someone like her again.''
"I know, she's the love of my life..." Derek shook his head, how could he be so stupid?
''She is.'' Theresa smiled.
"What am I gonna do?" He turned to look at his mother.
"I can't sleep without her, never really could." He confessed, slightly embarrassed.
''Just try honey, you need some sleep.''
"Okay." He nodded, getting up from the couch he was sitting on.
''It'll all be okay sweetie.''
"I know, it has to." He walked towards the stairs.
''Night.'' She called after him.
"Night." He said over his shoulder, not sure if she had heard it, not actually caring if she didn't. He sighed and walked up the stairs into their bedroom, laying on his wife's side of the bed and burying his head in her pillow, not managing to sleep.
After 30 minutes Theresa made her way upstairs, deciding to check on the children.
Hailey woke up at the sound that door made. "Mamma?" She asked in a whisper.
''No it's grandma.'' Theresa whispered, walking into their room.
"Oh." Hailey said and turned to look at the direction of the sound.
''Hey sweetie.'' She said on her bed, softly stroking her soft curls.
"Hey Nana." She yawned, giving her grandma a sparkling smile afterwards.
''We're you sleeping sweetheart?''
"Yeah." She looked at her grandma, not feeling tired anymore.
''Sorry.'' She pecked the top of Hailey's head.
"It's okay Nana." Hailey smiled and stretched up her arms as to be picked up. Theresa smiled, picking her up to sit in her lap.
"What are you doing here?" She asked after few seconds.
''I'm going to baby sit you and Jus in the morning for a little bit.''
"Oh." Hailey yawned again. "Why?"
''Because your mommy is at my and grandpa's house and daddy is going there too tomorrow.''
"Why?" Hailey tilted her head innocently.
''Because they need to talk.'' She looked at Hailey, she was the perfect combination of Derek and Addison.
"Okay." Hailey nodded at the answer.
''So you're going back to sleep now?'' Theresa was glad Hailey didn't understand what was going on.
"Okay." Hailey yawned, feeling tired once again.
''Night sweetheart.''
"Night Nana." She smiled, hugging her grandma.
''I love you.'' She cuddled the girl against her.
"I love you too Nana." Hailey whispered, starting to fall asleep on her grandma's lap. Theresa smiled at her, gently shifting her off her lap and back onto the mattress, tucking her in. Hailey's thumb went into her mouth as she tugged her in.
''Night Bug.'' She whispered, kissing the top of the little one's head before moving to Justin's little bed. Justin stayed peacefully asleep.
''Hey little boy.'' She whispered softly, stroking his black curls. ''Sweet dreams.''
Justin rolled onto his side, opening his eyes slowly.
''Hey baby.'' She whispered. ''Go back to sleep.''
"Night Nana." He closed his eyes again.
''Night.'' She smiled, walking towards the door, leaving it open a little.
The morning after Derek was pacing in front of the house he had spent his childhood in, the house he loved and used to call home. He rang the door bell, waiting for somebody to open the door for him. A few seconds later Gabriel, his father, opened the door, clearly surprised at the sight of Derek. ''Son.''
"Father." He said. "Can I come in?"
''Yeah...of course.'' He stepped aside.
"Thank you." Derek said and stepped into the house. "Is she still sleeping?"
''Yeah. Where's your mom?''
"With the kids." He ran a hand through his hair.
''Of course she is.'' Gabriel chuckled lightly. ''Do you want something to drink? Or eat? I don't suppose you have had breakfast yet.''
"No, I can't eat but I could take coffee if you don't mind." He gave his father a small smile.
''Of course not.'' He walked into the kitchen.
"Good." Derek followed him.
''So...how are you?'' Gabriel poured him some coffee in a mug, making one for himself too.
"How do you think I am?" He raised an eyebrow.
''You're right.'' He nodded. ''Black right?'' He mentioned the coffee.
"Yeah, black." Derek made a small smile. "Is Addison okay, did you give her something warm? It was so cold last night and-" He started rambling.
''She just went to bed.'' He shrugged.
"Shit, I hope she didn't catch anything." Derek ran a hand through his hair again.
''Derek don't worry about that right now okay, she came here like that herself, she could have grabbed a coat and put on shoes.''
"Dad, I had just confessed the woman that I had kissed someone else... it's my fault."
''You're a fool you know.'' He shook his head unbelievably.
"I know." He shook his head as well.
''There are hundreds of men who would take your position in a heartbeat.''
"I love Addison, I really love her."
''I know you do Der, you shouldn't tell me that.''
"Okay." He looked down, not sure what to do or say when he'd meet his wife.
''So what are you going to tell her?'' He raised his eyebrow, taking a sip off his coffee. Derek took his coffee. "The truth, that the kiss lasted for 5 seconds and I didn't even start it." He shrugged.
''You think she'll believe that?''
"I don't know. I hope so..." Derek took a sip of his coffee.
''Me too...me too.''
"Yeah." Derek took another sip. "You think she can forgive me?"
''I- I don't know.'' Gabriel wasn't sure if it was his place to tell his son what his wife had said mere hours ago to him.
"What?" Derek looked up to his father, furrowing his eyebrows together.
''Nothing. But Derek, prepared for the option that she won't forgive you.''
"Yeah..." Derek looked down to his coffee, seeing his reflection, not liking what he was seeing.
''Are you going to wait until she wakes up?''
"Yeah, she needs her sleep. If she doesn't get to sleep she gets cranky and drinks at least two mugs off coffee." Derek chuckled shaking his head.
''Okay.'' Gabriel chuckled a little too. His and Derek's relationship has never been good.
"So... how you been?" He asked, taking another sip of his coffee.
''Good, good.''
"Great." Derek managed to make small smile before an awkward silence fell over them.
''What about the kids?''
"They're good kids, you should drop by some day."
''Yeah I should.'' Gabriel nodded, the last time he saw them the twins couldn't even walk yet.
"Yeah." Derek gave him another smile, starting to relax in his company.
''They're two right or three now?''
"Two, turning three in few moths." He chuckled.
''Wow...''
"Yeah, they're growing way too fast."
''Yeah feels like yesterday you almost gave your mother a heart attack, announcing you were expecting a baby.''
Derek laughed rather loudly at that. " She really wasn't into the idea. Or remember when we told that it was twins?"
''Yeah she just looked at you for five minutes.'' Gabriel laughed, although they were so young and busy they had still turned to be amazing parents.
"Yeah." Derek smiled, trying to stop the laughing.
''So what are the kids like?''
"They're amazing, Hailey is just adorable, yesterday she tried to roll her eyes, she's so outgoing and all..." Derek could have gone on about this for hours or even days.
''She sounds like Addison.'' He laughed.
"Yeah, she's just like her mother." Derek let out a laugh.
''And what about Justin?''
"Justin is the opposite of Hailey, he's quieter but still when he starts talking there's no end of it."
''Can you already have real conversations with them?'' Last time he had seen them they would only brabble out a few words and some baby babble.
"Yeah, we can actually talk with them." He said, feeling quite damn proud.
''That's pretty cool.'' Gabriel smiled at his son.
"Yeah it is." He smiled widely back at his father.
''Well enjoy it while it lasts.''
Derek looked up to his father. "Yeah..."
''Because before you know, she's going on dates with guys and you'll walk in on him having sex with someone who is apparently his girlfriend.'' Gabriel smirked.
"Oh my god no!" Derek spilled out his coffee that he was currently drinking.
''Hey happened to me as a father.'' He shrugged.
"Right." Derek laughed. "I should have locked the door."
''Yes.'' He grunted.
"Sorry." He smirked.
''Just be glad I didn't tell your mother. Sex at 16, she would've died if she knew.''
"Yeah, I can almost hear the screaming." He let another laugh escape.
''Yep.'' He laughed. ''Addison couldn't look me in the eye for months.''
Derek laughed again. "True, it was kinda embarrassing to be caught having sex up against a wall, at the age of 16."
''And so inappropriate.'' He shook his head, remembering the speech he had giving Derek about learning to respect women.
"And mind blowingly good." He grinned, knowing how his father would react to him saying that.
''Tell me about it. But you'll think differently if it would be your own son or daughter.''
Derek laughed shaking his head at the same time. "Yeah, I just hope they'll be unsocial teenagers."
Gabriel laughed, rolling his eyes. Derek smiled and started sipping his coffee quietly.
''So you better wake up your wife.''
"Oh god she's going to freak out." He finished his coffee.
''Just stay calm.''
"Oh god." Derek ran a hand through his hair, getting nervous again.
''Derek, relax. You said it yourself, nothing happened.''
"Yeah but she thinks something did happen."
''Well then explain that it didn't.''
"Where is she?" Derek asked.
''Upstairs, in your old room.''
"Okay." He closed is eyes for a moment.
''Good luck son.''
"Thanks dad." He made a nervous smile before putting down his coffee and waking up the stairs and into his old room.
Addison was still asleep under the thin covers, mascara streaks over her face and the pillow. He looked at the sight, it made his heart die little by little. He closed the door as silently as he could, oh how he just wanted all this to be over and just hold her in his arms, take the pain away. She stirred lightly but didn't wake up, crawling into a tighter ball. He walked even closer, when he reached her he started calling her name quietly, trying to wake her up. She didn't wake up, hugging the pillow in her arms tighter.
He sighed, calling her name a little louder. "Addie..."
''Hmm?'' She stirred lightly.
"Addie, it's me don't freak out please..." He continued talking with the same calm voice.
''Derek.'' She mumbled, still sleep drunk.
"We need to talk sweetie..." He continued. She rubbed her nose, slowly opening her eyes as she looked at him for several seconds. ''Derek...''
"Let me talk. Yes, I kissed her, actually no, she kissed me. And the kiss lasted for 5 seconds before I understood and pulled back from her, the kiss was left alone and never ever discussed about until yesterday." He started rambling and talked way too fast for her to understand him. Addison just looked at him silently. "Addison please say something." He begged.
''How do I know you're not lying?''
"Because you're supposed to trust me but I'm not worth trusting for so I guess you should just... trust me." He was nervous and he had a habit of rambling.
''Why didn't you tell me?''
"I chickened out, I couldn't say it, make it real..."
''Make it what?''
"Make it official, that I had just cheated on you." He looked away from her for a while before turning to look at her again. Addison didn't reply, fumbling with the bedding. "I'm sorry Addison." He sighed.
''We were already over long before yesterday.'' She suddenly said.
"What?" He asked quietly.
''We already ended a long time ago, we just didn't want to admit it.''
"Addison please don't say that." He begged.
''It's true, you know that it is.''
"It can't be." He shook is head. "I love you Addison."
''But you're not in love with me anymore.''
"What makes you think so?" He tilted his head slightly, not believing this was over.
''We stopped doing things together, taking the time for each other, stopped having sex...we stopped being a couple.''
"We didn't stop being a couple, we could fix this..."
''We can't.'' She shook her head and looked back up to him. ''I want a divorce.''
He gasped and just looked at her in shock.
''I'm tired of trying to fight for your attention, changing myself to just get disappointed every time.''
"Addison, I'm sorry I was absent. Please we can make it."
''We can't, I'm done.''
"Addison please, I need you."
''You don't, you've been fine without me.''
"Last night, I couldn't sleep because I'm used to you sleeping next to me. I need you."
''So I should just stay to warm your bed?''
"No, that's not my point. My point is that I need you to be with me." Derek looked into her eyes.
''Stop being so goddamn selfish!'' Tears welled up in her eyes.
"Addison, please." His eyes started tearing as well.
''No.'' She shook her head. ''I'm done.''
"I'm sorry I didn't see you Addison." Derek tried once more.
''It's too late to apologize.''
"It's never too late." He shook his head and a tear fell down his cheek.
''It is now.'' She said sadly.
"Addison don't say that... it's never too late."
''It is Derek, goddamn it!''
"Addison please! I'm in love with you, you're my oxygen, I need you!"
''You didn't realise what you got until it's gone, it's not my fault.''
"It can't be over." He shook his head.
''It is.''
"Addison please, lets try again, make things right." Derek shook his head and more tears fell on his cheeks.
''Derek I'm giving you an out, a chance to start your life over.''
"I don't want to start it over... certainly not with Nicole."
''You can with someone else.''
"I don't want to be with somebody else." He ran a hand though his hair.
''You don't want to be with me either. You're just in shock Derek.''
"I'm in a shock that has lasted for 10 years huh?" He asked.
''I meant you were in shock for me asking the divorce.'' She sighed. ''I know you're trying to make it up now just because you are in shock, things won't go back to were they were 10 years ago.''
"Addison, please. Just one more chance..." He begged, not believing her words.
''I don't know...'' She sighed, rubbing her forehead.
"Last night, when I didn't come after you. It was because of the kids." He said before getting up from the floor where he had sank during the conversation. Addison let out a snort, not believing him. "Imagine what could have happened with two of them alone in the house." Derek tried to make her understand.
''You're just making up excuses.''
"I'm not." He shook his head. She just looked at him, not sure of anything anymore.
"I love you Addison, no matter what." He shook his head, starting to back out of the room.
''Walk away...that's what you do best.''
"So now you want me to stay?" He raised his eyebrows.
''Just go.'' She threw her hands up in the air as a sign she had given up completely. Derek sighed. "Do you or do you not want me to stay?"
''Go.''
He sighed, backing out of the room.
As he left she started to sob uncontrollably. It was over and it was all her fault...