Title: Off to see the moon and stars
Pairings/Characters: James Potter, Lily Evans
Theme/Prompt: Moon
A/N: inspired by apollo 13 (but they don't make it home in this one which is making me cry ok) and lily's dream to be the first female astronaut to go to the moon...
The mission started out perfectly. She kissed him goodbye, off to make history, and he cheered along with the rest of world, trying not to be bitter that he couldn't go with them.
And then everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong. The pipes, the oxygen, the power, everything.
Now, he's standing outside the command room, his brain reeling over trying to find some kind of solution. But it's too late. All he can do is stand there, waiting and waiting and waiting to say goodbye to his fiancé.
"It's your turn, Prongs." Sirius engulfs him in a hug as soon as he steps out of the command room, while Remus and Peter continue to apologize over and over and over and over again for everything. His head hurts.
The first thing he notices when he steps into the empty command room is that she isn't crying.
A small part of him wishes she would. Maybe then he can cry, too.
She's watching him. Her emerald eyes blown up to moon size proportions on the screen and her smile over exaggerated. Seeing her face makes him so fucking elated and it hurts.
She opens her mouth to speak, but he cuts her off.
"You aren't supposed to be up there alone." His voice echoes and it makes him realize just how empty he feels.
"The crew is still here, James. I'm not alone." She reassures him, her voice crackling softly from the static. She's trying to make him feel better. She's thousands of miles away from where he is, she's leaving, yet she continues to try and comfort him. He wants to punch something.
"You aren't supposed to be up there alone!" He repeats, louder, angrier. He's punching things, breaking things, and he can't stop. "I…you…" He's sobbing now. Painful, shattering sobs, and he can't breathe. He's breaking in half and he can't even see her through the curtain of tears. He wishes they would stop, so he can see her until the very last second. He wishes.
"I love you, you know." She tells him, interrupting him. "I love you more than anything and I'm glad, James. I'm glad you're not up here, too. I'm glad that you're safe, even if that means I'm not." She's smiling again, and he can see the potential breakdown looming just beyond the edge.
"I should be up there with you. All of you. I trained for it." His voice cracks, and he punches the desk again and again. "I had the fucking measles for two days. I should have…I would have…this wasn't supposed to happen, Lily. You're not supposed to be alone. You're not supposed to be stuck up there."
She just lets him cry. She lets him kick and scream and break everything he touches. He can feel her gaze on him, her eyes gradually growing shinier and her smile growing tighter.
"Those are probably really important." She points out after a long while.
"Nothing is important anymore."
She makes a face. "I never pegged you to be such a dramatic, Potter." He laughs, half because he knows she wants him to and half because he needs to, but it quickly turns into a heaving sob.
"It hurts to think about you all alone up there." He stares at her, ignoring the tears streaming down his face.
"And it hurts to think of you all alone down there. But we're here now. Together. There's just a screen between us, that's all." She laughs her tinkling laugh and fuck, he loves her so, so much.
He doesn't want to think about it. He doesn't want to think about the seconds, minutes, days, years ahead of him. After everything he knows will happen sooner or later, he doesn't want to think.
"What's it like up there?" He decides to ask after a moment. He knows she has always wanted to be the first female to reach the moon. She glances behind her and he can see the wonder and awe in her eyes, in every plane of her face.
"It's beautiful, James. I may not be on the moon but it's everything I've ever imagined and more." She smiles, sadly, "It's fitting, isn't it? The last thing I'll ever see is the first thing I've ever dreamt of."
She looks away, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand and he can't let her go. He can't.
"I love you." He wants to say it over and over and over and over and over again.
She reaches behind her and pulls out a little yellow capsule. She holds on to it like a lifeline. "They want us to take these…so it'll be quicker." He wants to say 'I know' because he knows. He knows. But he thinks she needs this. "Frank and Benjy both agreed to wait a little longer. They want to see a little more, you know. Enjoy the view. Memorize the stars."
He wipes his face of tears, "I'm going to miss you, Lily."
"I know. Don't worry, okay?" She reached out towards him, her fingers visibly shaking and her voice hitching. "Next time I see you I'll tell you about this." She grins and twirls her hands indicating everything around her. "I'll tell you about the stars."
Remus pokes his head into the command room, apologies dripping from his every movement as he tells James that he needs to finish up. The world is waiting. And it hits him, how little time they have left.
He manages to keep the tears at bay. "I love you so, so much, Lily Evans. I always will."
"You may be a total idiot at times, but I love you, too, James Potter." She hesitates and he can see her struggle with her emotions. "Promise me you'll be okay."
"I can't." She glares at him, and he smiles. "But I'll try. For you." She nods in satisfaction.
"I'm scared." She whispers, a moment later.
"I know. Me, too."
"But I'm ready, I think." She has her arms wrapped around herself. "Live a good life for me, James. I'm counting on you." The silence is deafening, the faint static serene.
"I've got to go now, Lily." He smiles, but it feels as if his heart is about to burst. "The president is waiting for you." She laughs quietly.
"Bye, James. I love you."
"I love you, too."
And he doesn't want to think about how this is the last time he'll ever say that to her. He doesn't want to think.
They meet a mere three years after the screen goes black, when he signs up for the next mission. She's there in the stars, in the moon, in the craters. She's closer than ever and he's happy again. When he steps onto the moon, her moon, he can finally let her go.
When he departs and heads home, he leaves his pain and sadness behind, billions and billions of miles away from him and billions and billions of miles closer to her.
He can start anew.
It takes another seventeen years for them to finally reunite. She shouts at him for coming back to her too early, but it quickly morphs into a fit of laughter that soon dissolves into tears.
She tells him all about the stars and he tells her all about the moon.
They're together again.
A/N: reviews are holy shit jily death anniversary this month crying pls no
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