xKittyRiku: So many truths and dares coming in! But this one chapter here is dedicated to the one, the only, Kitty O!
Merlin: (:3) My Kitty O! Is she here, right now?
xKittyRiku: Maybe she is. I'm waiting for her to return my email, but the service down here in Camelot is awful.
Uther: I'll be having none of those jabs at our Kingdom, Riku.
xKittyRiku: xKittyRiku to you. And it's true!
Uther: I'll have you know that our servants are the best in the land, certainly nowhere near "awful."
xKittyRiku: Oh don't be silly, Uther. I meant the email and web services. I have surprisingly low bars here.
Merlin: Bars? Email? Web services?
xKittyRiku: Never mind what they are, I'm just saying that it might take a while for Kitty O to reply!
Merlin: Really? She doesn't seem the type to take ages to reply… she always has her scrolls delivered weekly, on the dot!
Arthur: What scrolls, Merlin?
Merlin: The… oh, you wouldn't want to know.
Arthur: Not… those scrolls?
xKittyRiku: Yup, those scrolls.
Arthur: (Backing away into the corner.) Oh.
xKittyRiku: So, first things first- even though I'm per-rity sure I've used that expression before- Merlin, come here.
Merlin: (Looking around) You mean me?
Morgana: No-one else in this room is called Merlin, are they?
Merlin: …They might be.
Arthur: (Raises eyebrows) Really now, Merlin?
Merlin: Maybe.
Morgana: Just go, Merlin.
Merlin: (Side steps up to xKittyRiku) What is it? A dare? Truth? (With half-hearted sarcasm) Oh, let it be a dare! Let you embarrass me further!
xKittyRiku: Oh, we haven't even started yet.
Merlin: (o.O)
xKittyRiku: Right, so- (whispering so no-one overhears) You have to kiss Gwen.
Merlin: (Wiggling eyebrows) Why?
xKittyRiku: Because Kitty O says so. Hey, that rhymed!
Merlin: Kitty… O?
xKittyRiku: We've been through this.
Merlin: Ah. Well… when do I have to do this?
xKittyRiku: Now. Off you tot.
Merlin: Now?
xKittyRiku: Okay, you can try and sneak it in. But you have to make Arthur jealous.
Merlin: Oh… (Eyes open very wide) Oh. OH!
xKittyRiku: (Shuffles awkwardly.) Yeah, now stop making those… sounds.
Merlin: Okay! But that means- (As if it was possible, eyes open wider.)
xKittyRiku: What now, Merlin?
Merlin: T-Tongues…
xKittyRiku: Er, whatever pleases you. I don't need to know any of this.
Merlin: Right!
xKittyRiku: (Pushes him back towards the Cast of Merlin.)
Gaius: Is everything alright, Merlin? You look awfully pale!
Merlin: Yes, Gaius. I'm fine.
Uther: (Raises eyebrows.)
xKittyRiku: (To readers) There seems to be quite a lot of eyebrow raising going on doesn't there? Do you think Gwen will raise her eyebrows? Read on to find out!
Arthur: Er, Riku?
xKittyRiku: Hmm?
Arthur: Who are you talking to?
xKittyRiku: Oh, no-one…
Gwen: If you can pardon my asking, why did you mention my eyebrows?
xKittyRiku: Oh come on, drop it. You'll find out soon enough, anyway. So, while we're waiting, (shoots daggers at Merlin) Morgana. Read this. (Hands Morgana a slip of paper that reads, Kitty O dares you to 'try' and tell someone that Merlin killed you.)
Morgana: I can't do this!
xKittyRiku: Why not?
Morgana: Because he didn't!
Arthur: Didn't what, Morgana?
xKittyRiku: (Sing-song voice) Here's your chance to tell him~!
Morgana: Fine! Arthur, this is certainly not the truth, but-
Arthur: Morgana, I can tell when you're lying.
Morgana: I'm not lying! Merlin-
Merlin: Yes, Morgana?
Morgana: Don't you dare get snarky, Merlin.
Merlin: I think she's trying to tell you that I-
xKittyRiku: Arthur?
Arthur: Shut up, Merlin.
Morgana: Yes. You see, at the end of Season Three, Merlin… he…
(Silence echoes around the cell)
Morgana: Oh don't worry about it, it's a lot of idiocy, that's what it is. I did the dare, alright? I tried and it doesn't matter that I… I-
Gwen: MMMPH! (Raising eyebrows.)
(Everything that follows is in slow motion.)
Merlin: (Launches himself at Gwen and plants a heavy kiss on her lips.)
Arthur: (Shocked, tries to break them up and fails.)
Gwen: (Secretly enjoying a change from Arthur, even though she is smitten with the prince.)
Arthur: Merlin!
(Back to full speed)
Merlin: (Breaks away, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, and rubs the moisture from his hand onto the bottom of his shirt.) Yes, Sire?
Arthur: H-H-How dare you! Guinevere is mine! I.. love her.
Uther: (Gasps loudly) How could you say you love that girl, Arthur? That serving girl. She has absolutely no worth in our community.
Gwen: (Still shocked.) Thanks I think.
Arthur: Merlin will be punished father, and I don't talk about her like that! We'll get married. We'll show you how happy we can be. I'm sick and fed up of you always talking down at Gwen, like she's lower than you, lower than me!
Morgana: She is lower than us, we, are royalty.
xKittyRiku: I'm not quite sure you are royalty, Morgana. (Turns to audience) But if I am wrong, please leave a message. I'm not that sure of Morgana's back-story.
Arthur: Merlin, you will be punished, you will be in the stocks for many days, no, weeks. You will be excused from your position as my servant, and you will be relieved of your dwellings. You will be banished from the castle, and pushed to the outskirts of Camelot Merlin!
Merlin: But, Arthur-
Arthur: There will be absolutely no excuses. I never thought you of all people would betray me. Leave me, alone now.
Merlin: (Begins to leave the room, looking down sadly.)
xKittyRiku: (Whispers something to Arthur, who whispers back and the pair of them converse using hushed angry whispers, their voices gradually raising.)
Arthur: Oh for goodness' sakes. Merlin, maybe I acted a bit harshly. You can stay in the castle, but you will be subjected to two weeks in the stocks, nevertheless.
Merlin: Oh, Sire! (Goofy grin)
Arthur: And when you come back, you will get to keep your job.
Merlin: (Looking smugly at Morgana) Thank you, Sire!
Arthur: But I'm warning you, I don't want to hear that you've ever done anything like this again.
xKittyRiku: Thank you, Arthur. (Massive grin)
Arthur: Uh… (Goes and puts his arms around Gwen, and the pair begin whispering in the corner.
Gaius: (Smacking lips) Mhm, a nice little bit of young love…
Uther: (Watching with eagle eyes.)
xKittyRiku: I have to hurry the story along, as Abigal Satoshi xx -from the earlier chapter- is bugging me about it. So Morgana, you SOOO find Merlin attractive, right? Kitty O asks.
Morgana: (Raising eyebrows so high they nearly break away from her head.) Find that attractive? Have you seen how much his ears stick out? His breath smells of rat droppings and pig remains, and his eyes are the same shade as mud.
Gwen: Actually, Morgana, they're a really beautiful blue colour.
Arthur: Really, Gwen-
Gwen: I mean… Yeah, horrible eye colour.
Merlin: Oh, thank you Gwen.
xKittyRiku: So you don't find him attractive?
Morgana: I'd rather play indecent games with the common peasants.
xKittyRiku: Okay dohkay! Moving on. Merlin, Kitty O asks your feelings on that hat Arthur made you wear.
Arthur: I didn't make him wear it, I-
xKittyRiku: Shut up.
Uther: Riku! (Growling.)
xKittyRiku: Heh, sorry Sire. Wait, what am I saying? I'm in charge here. Merlin?
Merlin: Well. It was… (glancing at Arthur, who is glaring at Merlin.) interesting. Certainly interesting. (Reluctant to say more.)
xKittyRiku: Is that it? Is that all you are going to say?
Merlin: (Whispering) I'll tell you later.
xKittyRiku: (Winks.) Well, that's all for this chapter, but be warned! Lots more will be happening to these hooligans, don't worry about that! And that's for putting up with my slopping writing, I had a desperation to get this chapter up ASAP. I've got three stories on the go at once, so I'm really sorry! It'll be better next time! (Crawls on her knees, begging the readers not to stop reading.)
Arthur: What are you doing, Riku?
xKittyRiku: Oh, nothing… The next chapter will be held outside, in the courtyard. Merlin will be in the stocks, remember!