Disclaimer I don't own Inuyasha Rumiko Takahashi, and VIZ Media do. Rated R language, raw humor, Lemon
Kagome learns something surprising about inupapa something Inuyasha dreads and is hilarious. An internet dating service has surprising consequences. Tis the season and holiday war has been waged when Inuyasha's newest masterpiece sends Sesshoumaru into revenge mode, who ever knew one could ever wake up to such horror? A/N those wating for fics I promised you I haven't forgotten I'm working on them, I am sorry for the past few months I had a lot of family problems, I'm far behind and hate it. thanks lol. Complete one shot. Romance, comedy Sessh/Kag
Merry Freakin Christmas and Crappy New Year 3
By Raven-2010, Jan 1 2014
Special brownies, holiday messages, wolf lovin
Inuyasha sniffed and couldn't believe his nose "Is that what I think it is?
"What do you think it is? Kagome wisecracked, she had come to visit bringing a treat with her
"Real funny wench now gimmie, gimmie, gimmie," he nagged with one hand outstretched
"Greedy muc?" Kagome started
"Sniff. Ah yes nature's sweet gift from heaven," Sugimi exclaimed
"Gulp shit," the suddenly nervous hanyou exclaimed "Where the hell did he come from?
"What's your problem is your thong riding up on you and twisting your short hairs? Kagome needled
"Oh no," Inuyasha whimpered
"Oh no what? She asked "Does someone have a tummy ache and needs a belly rub? Annoying him was fun
"Oh positively sinful it is almost better than sex," the elder inu said "Oh there should be a law against something being this wonderful,"
"Wench, what have you done?"
"Nothing but I am about to strangle an annoying puppy eared dog hint, hint,"
"You can-can't do that with him, especially with him," the hanyou stammered pointing
"I know demons are not supposed to go to heaven but I think I am on my way," finishing off his third brownie Sugimi exclaimed
"That wench that" why did you? Inuyasha wailed "How could you do this? Now we-we're doomed"
"What stand here listening to a babbling badly in need of psych meds making no sense idiot?"
"Oh I think I'm in love," Sugimi exclaimed he had already eaten four brownies out of two dozen and was already polishing off a fifth one, Kagome smiled proudly "If it were alive I'd make it my mate forever,"
"Sesshoumaruuuuu" the hanyou called out
"What is it cretin?"
"Dad special brownies on his fifth one,"
"Shit" Sesshoumaru who Kagome had never before heard cussing cursed
"What the hell's going on here?" the unknowing miko asked
At break neck speed Sesshoumaru came flying down the stairs from the second floor as he looked into the dining room sized kitchen eyes widened with horror he gasped "Little brother,"
"Wench, Special brownies made, pop five ate," he was so panicky he couldn't form complete sentences
"Ruuuuuuun," was all Sesshoumaru said they turned to run and suddenly came to a halt
"Going somewhere boys? Suddenly in front of his pups Sugimi playfully asked with deviltry dancing in his eyes "Tsk, tsk, tsk not nice my naughty puppies,"
Two gasps were Sugimi's answer "One would think they were facing an execution squad," Kagura commented
"What's with them? Sango asked
"Oh something very special this my dear Sango is a momentous occasion and you my pet are fortunate enough to bear witness to it," Miroku replied
"Um okay,"
"You mean she doesn't know?" Kouga said Miroku nodded "Ah then you're in for a real treat,"
"Oh come on I gotta go peeeeeeee," Inuyasha whined one hand on his crotch trying to look pained
"Yes and I have to go as well but if you wish me to make chocolate here in front of others so be it,"
"Youngest pup your bladder is empty, and eldest your poop shoot is closed for renovations," Sugimi tauntingly replied "Possibly indefinitely," his evil sadistic smirk making their blood run cold
"I gotta gooooo," both whined sounding convincingly distressed
"What wuss out, cowards?" Sugimi needled "Women" he jabbed his sons two indignant growls met his ears. Miroku began telling the group about a hilarious event from the past
Flashback
"Let me out I will di-di-dis-mem-ber you when I am free," Sesshoumaru stammered as he continued spinning
"You geezer father or not I'll kill you for this," Inuyasha snapped
"I can always adopt a new father," Sesshoumaru managed to say
"I hope your nuts turn to stone and fall off followed by that sardine you call a pecker, not to worry you old geezer one claw swipe will turn ya into the wench you are," the fuming hanyou added "Then you can wear miniskirts,"
"Talk is cheap girls daddy wants action," Sugimi taunted
"Nooooooo" Sesshoumaru cried out when something sickening sweet was poured into his current place of confinement then "Wuz today is? Is I licked ah locked in the twunk um trunk of my car? Beep, beep" yes
The great and powerful Sesshoumaru was stoned and so damned cute and priceless his father thought
"What the hell? Inuyasha griped when he saw the spray bottle in his father's hand "Hey ya loony old codger," he bit after being sprayed "Daddy me dwunk me no know how but I is dwunky wunky," Inuyasha said
"Drunk pup it is drunk,"
"Dunk monk whatever I is still dwunk tee hee, hee," the hanyou responded "How's about a reefer chaser?
"That's my two drunken sots," sadistically smiling Sugimi exclaimed "Their so cute,"
Flashback ends
"So you mean Sugimi put Sesshoumaru in the dryer poured in sickening sweet perfume and got him stoned, then sprayed Inuyasha with alcohol getting him drunk after dying his hair hot pink mounting him on a piece of wood attaching a picture frame then hung him on the wall like a portrait?" Shocked Sango exclaimed
"Yep and all that after inupapa ate special brownies," Miroku explained
"Yeah special brownies aka reefer cakes as we canines lovingly call them really change a canine," Kouga laughed "Hehehe stoned Sugimi is ten times worse than prank master Inuyasha and is the mutt's worst nightmare,"
"I never knew dowsing canine demons with sickening sweet perfume made them high or being sprayed with alcohol could get a dog demon drunk," Kagome said "I must remember that,"
"Ah but that's not all kiddies not only did sweet loving inupapa spray Inuyasha with alcohol there was a little something extra added to it," Miroku paused they glared murderously at him not wanting to wait to hear the rest, he smirked evilly and continued "Sugimi added demon catnip extract he made from the fresh herb,"
"Hhehehe they don't know he keeps a really good sized stash of the stuff," Kouga added
"Yes the following day Inuyasha was chased by both every mortal and demon feline in the area lovingly nipping as they chased him," Miroku told them "Our hanyou waged war on his sire for a week after,"
"As big as Sessh is, how the hell did Sugimi get or fit him inside the dryer?" Sango asked
"Drunken dogs are capable of many and strange things," Miroku added "And it is an industrial sized machine,"
"Stop whining like a girl," Sugimi jabbed silencing the raving hanyou and allowing him to hear
"And Kagome used the Columbian gold that shit will knock you on your ass to it's the strongest one," Kouga stated
"Oh yes I'd say the twin terrors are in for a few days of fun," Miroku said "Mostly Inuyasha since he is far worse,"
"Thanks a lot wench ya had to use the Columbian gold weed to" didn't ya? Inuyasha bit "Why you I ought," he was cut off
"Inupapa" Kagome sweetly called
"Yes my dear?
"I think puppy toes needs a very cold shower he's looking a bit droopy," she smiled evilly
"Kagomeeeee," Inuyasha yelled "You get him stoned and we have to suffer,"
"Cold cycle yes that would be way less work I won't get wet that way either," Sugimi said
"Cold cycle," The others exclaimed
"Oh shit mutts going to get the washing machine," Kouga added "Don't forget fabric softener on the final rinse,"
"Thanks a lot wench, I will not forget this ever count on it," Inuyasha snapped
"Yeah, yeah, yeah don't forget your rubber ducky snookums," Kagome taunted
"And don't forget to start digging your grave out back wehchypoo,"
"Don't forget to wash behind your ears puppy toes I mean mutt," Kouga needled
"You and wench are going to be sharing a grave out back later promise," Inuyasha promised
"Do we get coffins too? Kouga was saving the punch line
"Coffin, not coffins you two will be sharing," the hanyou shot back with a faint smirk
Kouga clamped his hands together as if in prayer holding them against one cheek and with a dreamy look "Oh goody we can mate there'll be plenty of room to move, rock me baby rock me all night long baby ride my bone,"
"Kougaaaaa" Inuyasha screamed and lunged
"Ah, ah my boy we have an appointment," Sugimi reminded grabbing his hellion pup by the back of the waistband of his pants lifting and hauling him off like a suitcase "Dog grooming time,"
"Don't forget to wash your naughty bits governor," Bankotsu teased using a perfect English accent
"Bank that's creepy I thought there was a stranger in here," Ayame said
"Why thank you mi lady,"
Next day
"Pssst, anybody notice that Inupapa's smiling and unusually quiet?" Kagura whispered
"Shit" Bankotsu exclaimed
"You do realize he's still stoned right?" Jakotsu reminded "After eating them canines stay stoned for three days,"
"Well gee Jackie um I mean Jakotsu, what was your first clue?" Miroku needled
"I'm killing you later Mikakaku," Jakotsu growled
"I'm gonna kill you old man," Inuyasha yelled, swiftly followed by Sesshoumaru
"Scorched dog will leave a foul stench but I always did love a good indoor barbeque and meat roasted on high flames," Sesshoumaru added
"Uh oh," Kagome exclaimed
Sugimi who had been sitting at the kitchen table with his feet propped up on the table which he never allowed in his house with something on his lap suddenly took his feet off the table and sat straight up looking as if he'd won the lottery. He quickly set something down and wearing the sickest smile in history looked at his houseguests aka adopted children
"Laters kiddies it's time for my morning dog run," he said stretched then casually strolled out through the backdoor whistling a tune and was soon followed by two streaks aka his blood thirsty furious pups
It wasn't until the dogs chase dog fun began that they noticed a notebook computer sitting innocently on the kitchen table "Sugimi's computer, plus two pissed off sons. I call dibs on mutt faces computer," Kouga said and made a beeline straight for Inuyasha's room
"I get Sessh's room," Kagome called out
"Holy shit on a shingle Sugimi you sick bastard," Kouga exclaimed
"Hey that's Inupapa your talking about," Kagura, Ayame, and Sango scolded
"No he's right," Kagome said "Wait until you read this,"
Inuyasha's email message
I Send this message with a tear for it is a sad time of year fate has played a dirty trick Santa can't come because he fell down went boom and broke his dick. However they said some good head can resurrect him from the dead
"Oh wow Kouga's right peeps," Bankotsu announced from Inuyasha's room
Sesshoumaru's email message
Dear Misses Claus my name if fluffy and I looooove to dive sweet muffy, but first make sure not to wash for a week yes I am that kind of freak. What's say while your hubby the one they call old ST Nick is away I introduce you to some good dick? Your alone so much it's tragic but do not fret my tongue is magic
"Whoa mama Sessh is going to be making sushi," Ayame called out from Sesshoumaru's room "Hold on a sec, now listen up," she read it out loud
"Sh-sh-shit," the listeners managed to get out while laughing and gasping for air
"Ready kids, listen to this?" Jakotsu said and read aloud the message from their hanyous computer
Thump "Hehehe" Miroku, and Sango landed on their butts on the floor rolling in fits of laughter
"Inupapa is-is a sick puppy," some of the laughing group gasped
Two days later
Sesshoumaru headed to his computer to check his email, after turning it on he waited for the page to come up and made a surprising discovery he had a second and new email address. After clicking on his e mail he scrolled down the list of messages then something that stood out caught his eye , what the hell? Ran through his mind, out of sheer curiousity he decided to check it out and opened the message and as he read gasped
"What is this?
Hi my name is Sesshoumaru but call me fluffy bet your wondering why, hah? I am six two I'm beautiful and I know it, my hair is long and silver I am totally in love with myself but not to worry I have plenty of room for you two wink, wink.
Here's a little about me I like long walks on the beach, holding hands, cuddling by the fire, and lots of passion filled kisses. How do I like them well I like em tall dark and handsome, my email is
"Hanyou you will die,"
A while later
All at once the day took a really and super strange turn everyone's cell phones and computers began signaling their owners that they had new messages. All said what the hell and began opening the various messages texts emails etc, eyes widened gasps escaped mouths curved up into smiles some wicked formed on the lips of the readers as they read the messages with rapt interest
Message
Hi my lovelies I am Yashi but you can call me Yasha I have long silver hair luscious full very kissable lips I am so hot and beautiful and I know it, my cute little ass is eye catching in my tight clingy fuchsia ballet leotard warm up outfit wink, wink. My email address is , cell no is 1-horny-Bitch
"Oh my holy fucking gods," Kagura exclaimed
"Shit hell fuck and damn that's an understatement," Bankotsu added
"Dear sweet god help us, as a demon I never thought I'd ever say that," Sugimi said
"I cannot be seeing this," rubbing their eyes in disbelief Sango, Jakotsu, and Miroku stated looked again then "It is true,"
What they saw along with the message was a prancing and dancing like a stripper wearing a fuchsia spandex ballet leotard with a round derriere prominently standing out through the clingy material, with long eyelashes winking and blowing kisses Inuyasha "Holy hell you even changed his email address" how the hell? Kagura asked
"Easily done for one such as me," said Sesshoumaru then blew on his claws and rubbed them against his shirt as if polishing them
"You know how we all call Inuyasha the prank master because he is the worst prankster in town?" Sugimi asked
"Yeah" everyone there replied
"Well Sesshoumaru is the hack master,"
Next came the unexpected treat of a life time
An unexpected bonus to the fun would not only be remembered but enjoyed for centuries, oh there'd be a murder but hey ya gotta crack a few eggs to make a good omelet. It was both shocking as hell and unbelievable but damned bloody entertaining as well
"Get the hell away from me ya sick fucked up loony bastard you of all people I never would'a thought it," Fleeing Inuyasha broke the silence "groooss"
"Oh come on mutt nobody can make you feel as good as I can," Kouga replied "Come on baby give daddy some love I'll be gentle and take it slow,"
"You really want to die that badly? Hey you like girls" so what's this shit?
"Just one kiss, let me change your mind with a kiss," lips puckered Kouga continued
"And let me eviscerate you with my loving claws ya demented begging for painful death knobby kneed wolf" Inuyasha snapped "Why me? I like girls, G-I-R-L-S" he spelled it to stress the point "Jakotsu likes guys" why not give him a try?
"But he doesn't have your sent from heaven silver hair smoldering golden eyes, and all that taunting beauty. I need it I want it, I will have it, shimmering silver locks how I dream of making sweet love to you under the moonlight,"
"The fuck?" never swears Sugimi exclaimed shocking the crowd rubbed his eyes then looked again "Are you shitting me? His eyes were unbelievably wide with shock "If I dropped acid I'd swear I was tripping right now,"
"Secret love little brother how romantic" when's the mating? Sesshoumaru taunted
"Well I always wanted and hoped for a daughter in law but a wolf in law will do as well, and he is from good stalk," Sugimi could not resist this golden and rare opportunity to torture his holy terror son
"After I finish killing this mentally disturbed switch hitting wolf your next old man," Inuyasha promised "And I like the hairy hole not the splintered pole moron,"
"Oh Inuyasha you man you, I've never been so turned on in all my life," dreamy eyed Kouga added
"Oh I'm gonna puke, give it up" will you? I'm not giving up the hole for the termite infested wolf pole"
"But-but you can't mean that I-I-I love you," Kouga replied
"Ahhhhh" the hanyou shrieked "Bastard oh excuse me I mean bitchtard," he smirked and hoped it would rile and deter the amorous wolf
"Come on mate let's make it official I have two mate marking fangs with your name written on them,"
"Eeeeew, you mangy wolf that's it I'm killing you now," his family crests began to appear on his cheeks
"What's the matter mutt can't handle a little wolf lovin?" Kouga taunted
"Shit" the onlookers exclaimed
"Let's rock wolfy," red eyed with elongated fangs and claws Inuyasha said cracking his knuckles and flexing his claws a shiver ran down Kouga's spine
"Um Inupapa he means it," Kagome whispered to Sugimi
"So I see," Sugimi replied "Oh well I can always use a good workout puppy training time," he cracked his knuckles
"Oh boy raging red eyed demon dog sweet, let's go mate," feeling ill because of persistent wolf the hanyou's repulsion reversed the his transformation and he turned to run "You started the courting chase mutt face,"
"What the hell? A deep masculine voice asked as the chase began all eyes turned to him "Am I dreaming?
Their heads turned "Kouga? The group simultaneously exclaimed
"The one and only" is there any other? If so I want to meet him" the grinning wolf answered
"But if you're here, then who's that?" Sango asked
"Ayame guess she felt like screwing with Inuyasha, kind'a creepy though" hah?
"Ha-ha-hail Ayame princess of pranks," gasping for air Sesshoumaru managed to get out
"Here my favorite wolfy here's what you missed out on," Kagome said handing him her cell phone,
He nearly died after reading the message "Aw he's fetching in fuchsia" but where in hell did the ass come from? Kouga asked
"Yours truly," proud Sesshoumaru answered
"You OMG I should have known," Bankotsu commented "You demented perverted freak,"
"He is an angelic faced evil practical joker," Jakotsu added
"Aw I am so proud docile dignified never curses eldest son has used his demented brothers pranking style and surpassed him with it" do you know how many years I've waited for this? Sugimi said
"Your patience has been rewarded daddykins," Sesshoumaru teased lightly pinching his father's cheeks
"Aw shucks you'll make me blush,"
He's so rattled he hasn't yet realized it is transformed Ayame playing wanting man love Kouga chasing him," Kagome pointed out
"Is Ayame in on it too? Is that why she is posing as Kouga and hitting on Inuyasha? Cause I've got to say it is frigging hilarious" Bankotsu asked
"Nope she is a free agent on that one," Sesshoumaru answered "It is possible dear brother will be scarred for life,"
"If not wait until he sees your artwork," Miroku said "That'll do it,"
"Nah Ayame is a sick sense of humored girl always was," Kouga told them "Hey does dog breath know about the video messages yet?
"Nope "Sugimi answered
"Yes I am saving that sweet apple for him until after the fake Kouga is done with him," Sesshoumaru said "After he has calmed that is when I will personally make sure he sees it,"
"Oh boy raging puppy, round two," Sugimi exclaimed "Aw hope I don't have to tenderize his little bottom with the bread paddle,"
"So long as it is not mine go for it I care not," Sesshoumaru said smiling sadistically
"Rotten sadist," Sugimi replied gently pinching his son's cheeks grinning when Sesshoumaru growled "Growl to you to papas little man,"
After the wolf lovin, wolf dog war, poor cha, cha
The following day "Ayameeeeeee." the hanyous bellow broke the peaceful silence
"Oh man up ya wimp,"
"Oh boy seems my youngest has discovered it was our lovely Ayame who was the wolf wearing Kouga's skins so to speak," Sugimi exclaimed
"Wolf versus dog I'll bet on that," Bankotsu said
Before Sugimi knew it he was the treasurer holding the money they'd all put up placing bets "Hm, five for Inuyasha the rest on Ayame," he exclaimed holding the written list
Back with the dog wolf war
"Get back here you red haired ball breaker and die like a man, that was a dirty trick," Inuyasha yelled
"Aw is the poor wimpy baby mad because he didn't think of it first? Hmmm? Ayame taunted
"When I get my claws on you"
"You'll what scratch my back? She replied "Dig holes and plant flowers in the garden,"
"No I'm gonna make shredded wolf salad outta you,"
"Well what did you expect you thieving rodent after you swiped my three pound sirloin steak your lucky that's all I did I could have just as easily ripped that pretty face of yours off," she shot back
"I'd like to see you try ya double crossing she demon,"
"Took you long enough to figure that out dummy I am a she demon duh, old age is really wreaking havoc on you" isn't it? Ayame couldn't get enough of torturing him
"What the hell? Inuyasha exclaimed
Thump bang, Ayame came to an abrupt halt "Hah?
"Kagome let me out, I mean it when I get out I'm going to make wench burgers out of you," Inuyasha bellowed
"I'm so scared I'm shaking in my wittle booties,"
"You will be when I get out, Ka-go-me," he bellowed
Downstairs with the others
"Kagome how the hell did you get up there so fast? Because you were here like a minute ago" and what did you do to our doggie? Kagura asked
"Well I am really fast even for a human so I ran upstairs saw doggie dearest in the hall near the closet quickly opened the closet door tripped him when he went backward I pushed him into the closet and locked the door,"
"But that closet doesn't have a lock," Jakotsu said
"It does with a chair under the doorknob hehehe,"
"Prison for a steak thief seems fare," Smiling Sugimi added
"Damn he's lucky Ayame did not kill him for that," Kouga stated
"Swiping a canine's meat a deadly and foolish thing to do," Sango commented
The next morning
After having their showers everyone dressed and headed downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast all except Kagome were at the table "Hey where's Kagome she's usually the first one here?" Kouga asked
"Trimming her bush maybe, polishing her cave entrance," wiseass Inuyasha said "Ow" he yelped when a hand connected with the side of his head
"Damn mutt first thing in the morning,"
"Why jealous cause you weren't invited to do it with your fangs?" the hanyou shot back "She could'a used your tongue to buff and polish the entrance to the happy cave that'd make it nice and shiny to,"
"If I had been I wouldn't be here sitting with and wasting my time with you, I'd be doing far more than bush grooming dumb ass,"
"Whoa one dog swiftly shot down and nose diving in flames," Ayame teased
"Hey mutt go flame yourself," Kouga was an unyielding opponent and could be just as perverted as Inuyasha
"Right after you go bush yourself," Inuyasha retorted "So tell us after you groom a bush with your fangs what do ya do to get the hair out of your teeth?
"Oh that's simple,"
"Really, do tell?" the hanyou answered
"Easy I use your toothbrush,"
The milk in Inuyasha's mouth swiftly sprayed across the kitchen floor "Cough gag, what?"
"What got wax in your ears? Kouga casually replied "Oh and before I forget" you know that nice cinnamon tooth floss your so fond of?
"Gulp ah oh gods," the sour look on the poor hanyous face was totally hilarious
"Yup and I did not break off a piece used it then rolled it back onto the roller." Inuyasha nearly puked
"Wolf germs, floss contaminated, poison die," he whined and started trying to scrub his tongue with a napkin
"Inuyasha" a familiar voice bellowed
"Uh oh what did you do to our miko? Sesshoumaru asked
"Nothin," Inuyasha innocently replied
"Inupapa's about to become a one pup dog," Kagome yelled
"Oh goody I'll be the one and only favorite son around here," Sesshoumaru needled with a dreamy look
"Oh gods this is too much," the miko wailed "I am going to die, Inuyashaaaaa,"
"Talk or die pup," Sugimi warningly commanded "Papa wants details,"
"I'm innocent,"
"Leave it to me peeps I'll pound it out of him," Sango added
"Keep dreamin," Inuyasha cockily replied, Samgp was about to lunge
"There you are baby cakes," Kagome spoke as she entered the kitchen "My favorite puppy,"
"Mornin wench," Inuyasha said
"Mornin hah, you're not going to live to see lunch time,"
"Why you got plans for me? Are we going to be doing something later? Something special"
"Why you," the miko growled "I ought to,"
"What massage my log? Polish my knob? Have me plow your field?
"Does anyone notice that Inuyasha is being exceptionally perverted today? Miroku asked
"Yep clever little weasel figures he'll turn her attention away from whatever he did and she'll forget about it," Jakotsu said
Hearing that Bankotsu decided to turn the mikos attention back to Inuyasha's dirty deed "Hey Kagome what did creep face do? Inuyasha turned his head glaring murderously at him he smirked
"Oh yeah nearly forgot thanks Bank," Kagome looked at Inuyasha "He attached a thin ice pack to the crotch of my undies I put them on and what a surprise," Kagome told them
"Cough, cough you're kidding," Sugimi exclaimed
"Nope, and it nearly froze my cha, cha off, now I know how a man's nads feel after being iced,"
"Oh wow this proves he is lower than the dirt under a snake's belly," Kagura insulted
"Well she had an overheated motor so I thought I'd help by cooling it off," Inuyasha smugly told them
"Poor things probably hiding in the corner curled up shivering cold and fearing for her life," Miroku added "Poor cha, cha,"
"Who locked me in the closet? Inuyasha said
"Well at least I didn't ice your tiny little man and his two undersized shriveled up raisin buddies," Kagome retorted
"Oh shit burn," the males teased
"Yes that is an easy one shot triple burn," Sugimi needled
"Watch your back flea watch your back," Kagome said then went and poured a steaming hot cup of coffee and began drinking it to warm up
Lunch time
Inuyasha was sitting at the table with his back against the chair and nearly leaped when he felt something behind him arms wrapped around him chair and all and a chin rested on his head "You know I love you right?" the hanyou suddenly grew nervous
"Gulp, yeah I think," Inuyasha replied
"I forgive you,"
"For-forgive me," nervous Inuyasha responded
"Of course I do, I can't stay mad at my puppy toes your just too damned cute," she cooed rubbing one ear
"Um thank y-you," he slightly stammered the other males eyed one another in silent agreement "Ahhhhhhhhh," he shrieked when a large glass of ice with freezing cold water in it that was his was poured down the front of his pants he leaped up jumping around trying to get the ice to come out
"Whoa look at dog breath shakin his bacin," Kouga ragged
"Y-you, you killed the boys their gonna f-fall off," Inuyasha whined his teeth chattering from the cold
"Now we're even, hm, hm, hm," happy Kagome hummed
"Guess she cooled you're over heated motor this time" hah? Bankotsu needled
"Oh sh-sh-shut u-up," the shivering hanyou managed to get out
"See now you know how cha, cha felt when you iced her panties," Kagome reminded
"I-if I weren't s-so g-gods damned cold I'd fuckin sha-shave cha, cha," the shivering hanyou shot back
"Now, now don't take on so,"
"Son lesson learned never wage war on a female for you will never win," Sugimi informed him
"Yep you've already lost before the battle has begun," Miroku added
"Oh I'll never fuck again," the hanyou wailed "Or have puppies either,"
"Look on the bright side you ca," Jakotsu was interrupted
"There is no bright side," Inuyasha bit
"You can always rent or adopt some puppies," Inuyasha growled
"I will right after you stick your dick in a pencil sharpener and push the high speed button,"
Sesshoumaru's gift, Moko, moko
One week later
Sesshoumaru waited for a week after the Ayame posing as Kouga incident to strike "Yooooou what? Broke the lunchtime silence "You bastard you got my fuckin email changed" do you know how gods damned inconvenient this shit is? I can't even change it back"
"As bad as that vile thing you did to mine? Call me fluffy hah? Like em tall dark and handsome" Sesshoumaru reminded "So technically rat face you started it,"
"Ooooo I'll kill you," the hanyou bellowed
"Ah yes it seems the lunchtime entertainment has begun," Sugimi spoke
"Hell I am amazed Sessh waited a whole week to spring it on him," Kagura commented
"Eldest savors springing revenge like a wine lover savors fine wine," the big inu replied "He's like a cobra waiting to strike,"
Back with the brothers
"Oh boo fuckin hoo that's baby shit compared to what you did mangy rat bastard," Inuyasha barked "You put it on the internet to you prick,"
"Well now you're not only popular but known nationwide, and I did not charge you for the ad" so what else is your problem, what has your Tampex shifted? I hear that can be quite uncomfortable"
"Why I otta," the hanyou fumed
"Ought to shave your legs? Get a bikini wax? Use hair remover on little Inuyasha's two tiny shriveled tiny hairy buddies? Sesshoumaru taunted
"Hey he ain't little,"
With the others
"All of those hard core bombs Sessh just dropped on him and all he's worried about is it's not little," Jakotsu commented to the others
"Well men do treasure their life partners," Miroku added
"Geez monk you make it sound like it's your mate," Kouga wisecracked
"No merely my lifelong partner in crime,"
"Great two Miroku's God help the world and all in it, as if one wasn't perilous enough," Sango said
"Aw problem is the poor little fella can't run away when the pummeling starts," Kagura teased
"Yeah think I'll buy the poor little guy a hard hat," Ayame added
"Bet his tiny back aches from the violence his owner brings upon them," Kagome teased
"Gee thanks a lot, ladies," Miroku replied
"You're welcome Roku they," nearly sang
Back with the brothers
"So you say little brother so you say," Sesshoumaru
"And exactly what's that supposed to mean? Inuyasha snapped
"Those who are not lacking have no concern about size,"
"Really, then that means your brain must be the size of a shriveled raisin?" Inuyasha insulted
"Must you constantly remind us of your inferiority?"
"That's it tetsuseiga time," Inuyasha snapped
"Bring it bitch," Sesshoumaru taunted
Back with the others
"Oh boys," Sugimi called
"Yes father? Sesshoumaru answered
"Yeah, whaddya want?" Inuyasha replied
"Daddies having more special brownies and he's on his third one now,"
"Nooooo, oh crap," his sons responded
Sugimi grinned when he heard two thumps after they jumped out of the window landed on the ground then ran "Suckers"
"More like wimps," Kouga joked while smiling evilly
The following week
"Here have some," Inuyasha offered his brother some demon sake
"No thank you,"
"What scared it's gonna kick your great and terrible ass? Wussy" the hanyou taunted "Man up and grow or rent a pair,"
"Brother I had a pair long before you were a gleam in our father's eye,"
"Sesshy is a pansy, Sesshy is a pansy he left his balls at the door,"
"Oh boy here we go that dirty dog is up to no good," Kagome whispered to Sugimi
"I guess it would not be the holidays if they weren't trying to kill one another," Sugimi replied
"You know if they weren't related and Sesshoumaru was a girl I'd swear Inuyasha was trying to get her drunk to get in per pants," Bankotsu wisecracked
"Little brother is a woman, little brother is a woman," Sesshoumaru taunted "He secretly and frequently gets bikini waxes, oops sorry that slipped out,"
"Wimp too scared to have a drink? A full blooded demon afraid of sake unbelievable" Inuyasha continued
"Hah I could drink you under the table and back up again,"
"Pffft as if keep dreaming fluffy butt," Inuyasha shot back
"I need not dream about the truth,"
"Then prove me wrong lord Fartingham," the smirking hanyou dared
"I see you need to be taught a lesson sir comes to quick and I shall be more than happy to teach it to you,"
"Oh I shiver all over with fear," Inuyasha mocked "Somebody hold me,"
"Silence oaf and hand me the bottle,"
"Would you like it over your head, or in your hand?
"Perhaps you need an enema sake is a great treatment for hellish hanyous bend over it will only take a sec,"
"Oh here ya giant weeping Willy doll drink up,"
The night before was practically a blur as Sesshoumaru struggled to open his eyes when he did the daylight pierced his fogged over brain like a dagger, he tried to stretch but found himself confined. His mind suddenly cleared up and he was better able to focus and began looking around then growled when he discovered he was on his back buried up to his neck with a headstone. Ah but that wasn't all as he looked at the headstone something strange caught his eye there half draped over the headstone was his poor defenseless moko, moko with eyes and a mouth on one end and stripes painted all over it, now only murderous thoughts filled his mind he'd get Inuyasha for this if it were the last thing he ever did in life
"This cannot be real," Sesshoumaru said to himself as he escaped the grave when he was out he closed then opened his eyes and looked at the headstone again no it really was moko, moko "Heathen"
Sesshoumaru returned home saying nothing and acting as if nothing had happened as he entered the house silently with painted moko, moko draped over his shoulder he headed upstairs toward the bathroom, though Inuyasha would never admit it a wide cold streak of fear ran up his spine. Sugimi and the others gave each other knowing uh oh WTF looks the first to speak was Sugimi
"What have you done?
"Nothin" Inuyasha tried feighning innocence
"Really, then care to explain why your brothers clothes look as if they were buried in the ground, and why his poor moko, moko is all painted up?
"I dunno know," the hanyou feingned innocence
"You-you painted poor helpless moko, moko? Kagome said "You painted my baby" how could you?
Kouga sniffed "And buried your brother in the ground,"
"Where'd you bury Sesshoumaru? Bankotsu asked
"Dunno what your talking about," Inuyasha replied
"Oh pup of mine," Sugimi called
"Yes" inuyasha answered
"What did my little man do to his big brother?
Inuyasha began pulling at his shirt collar as if it were choking him to death "B-b-b,"
"B-b-b what, come on talk puppykins?" Sugimi called him with a reason
"Ooo I told ya to stop calling me that," he snapped "I dug a trench laid lord fartingham on his back and buried the wimp up to his neck with a headstone and prettied up his fur a little, I left it draped over the grave stone so he'd find it,"
"My how generous of you," his sire wisecracked
"I thought so,"
"Oh Yashy I'll buy you the most beautiful flowers," Jakotsu said
"What the hell are you talking miss lotus blossom? Inuyasha bit
"Flowers for your grave after the funeral silly," Miroku spoke
"What a crying shame all that good dog gone to waste," Sango teased "Sniff I lose more hanyous this way,"
"What are you talking about I ain't dead yet," the hanyou shot beck
"You will be when Sessh decides to nail you," Bankotsu added
"Yeah sure fine whatever," he bit "And feel free to get bent all of you,"
"I will purchase a coffin headstone and burial place," grinning Sugimi needled
"Good and you can keep it for yourself kamis knows ya need it," Inuyasha retorted wearing a cocky grin
"Hehehe vermin if you only knew," listening Sesshoumaru said "And the miko likes my moko moko,"
"Why do I have this feeling of impending dread and doom? Sugimi exclaimed "Hm my eldest must be schemeing,"
Unwanted surprise, safe sex, closet companion, Christmas cupid
"Hmhmhm" Sesshoumaru hummed as he continued with his task in the kitchen
"What's with you, you finally find a nice but dumb female dog willing to take pity and give you a piece?" Inuyasha jabbed
"Women not dogs give me love for free, you however have to pay for it and they make you wear a sack over your head during the act because they cannot bear the reality and sight of the horror that is you,"
"As much as you love to hump must cost you a fortune, and you wish you looked half as good as me," the hanyou shot back
"Surely I do not, if it were a contest of looks I hardly think you would win, besides I cannot be bothered competing in such trivial things," Sesshoumaru shot back
"Later lumpy got better things to do," Inuyasha replied then left the kitchen
An hour later
"What the hell is that? Eeeeeeew," Inuyasha loudly exclaimed "This is disgusting," everyone heard coming from the swimming pool "And it touched me,"
"What happened mutt see your reflection in the water and the horror of reality scared the shit out of you?" Kouga needled
"Shut up asshole I'd like to see you in the water with this, this is gross, I need bleach ammonia disinfectant and a scrub brush," Inuyasha wailed like an injured man "Worst of all it floated toward me and it-it eew hit my mouth,"
"Shall we go investigate? Kiddies" Sugimi asked
"What the hell I've got nothing better to do," Bankotsu said
"Ah Yashy honey don't you think that was the wrong place to you know do that?" Jakotsu said pointing
"Why Inuyasha did I not train you better than that? Sugimi teased
"Wow this is a first," Kagome added
"It's not mine you idiots fluffy the bastard did this," the fuming hanyou snapped
"Oh please Inuyasha Sesshoumaru is far to classy and refined to do such a vile thing," Sango said
"Well there's a first time for everything" isn't there? Scrubbing himself with a bucket of soapy water with bleach Inuyasha snapped
"Wow mutt dropped a big one," Kouga teased pointing to the very large 7 inch turd floating in the pool water
"Gross" Kagome, and Sango commented
"Well I didn't do it wenches so go thank fluffy for it," Inuyasha said
"Hey Kags," Ayame whispered nudging Kagome in the ribs with her elbow
"What's up Yame?"
"It's made of chocolate," she whispered with one hand over her mouth in Kagome's ear
"OMG, chocolate turd awesome hehehe,"
"What's so damned funny wench? Inuyasha snapped
"Your face," Kagome retorted "Look in the mirror and you'll see what I mean,"
"Bite me wenchykins,"
"Sorry I don't eat dog meat," Kagome replied
"Sesshoumaru is a very talented artist," Ayame whispered to Kagome after something else caught Inuyasha's attention
"Inuyasha what the hell did you eat that things huge," Kagura razzed
"Real funny windy your boyfriend did it,"
"Little brother? Sesshoumaru called
"Well there's your boy wenches the turd master twelve thousand,"
"You defame my name dear brother," Sesshoumaru said everyone looked at Inuyasha
"Bullshi" the hanyou started but was cut off by something "What the h-h-hel," he tried to finish but passed out cold
Everyone looked to see a horse sized white with one hind leg cocked with it's butt pointed at Inuyasha dog that transformed back into Sesshoumaru "You are very welcome little brother,"
"Oh mama death by fart," snickering Kouga joked "Sessh is better then hospital anesthesia for knocking pests out,"
"I-I love you Sesshoumaru,' the laughing females exclaimed
"Thank you ladies," he smiled evilly
"Chocolate turd dude you're the man," Bankotsu praised and high fived him
"Damn that thing looks so real," Miroku added, Jakotsu was holding his stomach laughing unable to speak
The following morning
"Morning all," Sesshoumaru greeted at the breakfast table
"Where is your brother? He is usually the first one at the table for breakfast especially when it's pancakes and bacon" Sugimi said
"Lazy bones is sleeping in I guess,"
"Aw poor dog breath has a fart hangover," Kouga teased
Fiifteen minutes passed and they heard "What the hell? All went quiet then "You son of a bitch," inuyasha cursed
"Sesshoumaru anything to tell me son?" Sugimi inquired
"Nothing that I can think of,"
"Then why is your brother screaming like a scalded cat? His father asked
"I know not why you'd have to ask him,"
"Cheapscate," Sugimi replied
"Flufffffffy," Inuyasha bellowed "I'm gonna shove this thing straight up your bunghole so far up it you'll be sucking your food through a straw,"
"Does anyone hear anything for I do not it is blessedly quiet this fine morning," Sesshoumaru casually said
"Oh I've got to see it, I've got to see it," Sugimi exclaimed without standing disappeared in a ball of light
"Ah a nice cup of coffee would be great," Sesshoumaru exclaimed poured a cup sat down and slowly began sipping it
"Oh boy somebody get the skillet ready and heated cause yee ha we got us a big one here," Sugimi suddenly said
"Oh this I have got to see," Kouga spoke
Everybody bolted for and up the stairs first the demons followed by the humans "Look peeps a giant sausage and I am still hungry," rubbing his hands together Kouga teased
"I want eggs with mine," Bankotsu, Miroku, and Jakotsu teased," Inuyasha growled
"It-it-it's a giant hotdog dog," Kagura gasped while laughing
Yep Inuyasha encased in a huge body sized condom indeed looked like a giant sausage the opening held on with and tied around his neck with a big red ribbon that was tied in a bow. There was also a card attatched that said do not open until new years day. Inuyasha was red faced with fury and the red was swiftly spreading to his ears he gwowled while glaring daggers at the group
"Hope ya don't mind having only one pup cause you are about to become a single pup daddy," Inuyasha griped "Sesshoumaru you get your narrow ass up here now and face death like a man,"
"I will do nothing until after I've had my coffee," he replied from the kitchen "Why don't you come down stairs? Tied up with something are we?
"I will get you for this bank on it," the hanyou said and wore the sickest grin though fury still raged in his eyes
"Yawn boring," Sesshoumaru replied bordly
The next morning
"Inuyashaaaa," Kagome's raging voice, everyone took
"Cretin, what have you done this time? Sesshoumaru asked "Should I phone the police and have an ambulance on standby?
"Look it's not my fault the wench is on the rag" do I look like mother nature? Let her take it up with that bitch" wiseass Inuyasha replied
"I shall hold you in place while the miko unleashes her fury upon you,"
"You wouldn't," Inuyasha said
"Hm, would I, what do you think?"
"Inuyasha soon to be Sakura Taisho," Kagome bellowed
"Well I am going for a walk I've got to stretch the old legs, later losers," the cocky smirking hanyou
Suddenly Kagome came bounding into the kitchen eyes ablaze with fury and murderous intent with a box in one hand "What has it done this time? Sugimi asked,
Picturing various scenarios of the hanyous death the group was dying inside holding back laughter "Where is the little rodent anyway? The miko asked Sugimi pointed "Oh sorry this will tell all," she said put the box on the table andswiftly took off in the same direction as her prey
Sugimi picked up the box and looked inside "Cough, holy hell," he exclaimed afterward
"What is it father? Sesshoumaru asked
"Son you are never going to believe this," everyone gathered around them to get a look
Sesshoumaru took and read the card " Excuse me I feel like taking a walk be back in a few," once he was outside of the door all that was seen was a ball of light moving at high speed
"Uh oh," the group exclaimed, Sugimi put the box down so they could see what had been hidden beneath the card a 14 inch rubber penis with stripes like Sesshoumaru's painted on it "Ohhhh shit," and the card said
Here's your freaking present even though you abandoned me and left me hard I also included your Christmas card
You looked so hot in your see through nighty with your C cups and full in bloom and your bush showing a secret place you had my boiling blood flowing
You swayed your hips from side to side and gods I nearly died and did mention my rod stood at attention
You stroked him oh so lovingly then up and abandoned him and me this gift is to thank you for your treachery
Yours truly
Your loving fluffy
"And he made it like it was from Sesshoumaru," Sugimi said, and soon howls of laughter filled the room
Sesshoumaru, and Kagome returned over an hour later
"Where is your brother? Sugimi asked
"Currently doing an advertisement for something special," Sesshoumaru answered
"Advertisement?"
"Inupapa you can see for yourself it's a very tasteful ad if I do say so myself," Kagome said
"Oh Kags I have so got to see this point the way babe," Kouga was the first to speak up
"Point the way, point the way," the others teased
"Puppy toes can be found on Takeda Ave at the intersection,"
There was an instant stampede out through the door the "Takeda Ave intersection vicious," Sugimi said
"When dealing with a bitch one often has to think like and be a bitch," smirking Sesshoumaru replied
"Ooo fluffy swore I'm gonna tell daddy," Sugimi teased "How refreshing,"
At the Takeda Ave intersection
"Ah ha, ha, ha mutt you never looked so fetching," Kouga razzed
"Oh wow life size awesome," Ayame praised
"I-I didn't know they came that big," Sango managed to get out between laughs
"Yashi this is definitely a new look for you," Kagura teased
"Dude I'm dying can't breath this is a masterpiece better then cough the Mona Lisa portrait," Holding his stomach laughing panting Bankotsu added
"Oh Yashy your doing a great public service," Jakotsu applauded
The master artists Sesshoumaru, and Kagome had the poor chained to a big tree hanyou wearing a real looking penis suit with a large half open condom as a hat . A sign with large bold print attached to a post that had been driven into the ground on the left side saying safe sex is good sex I pauly penis endorse this ad with an arrow pointing to Inuyasha. All that could be seen of the hanyou was his face through the square hole in the front, between his teeth hanging down was a long strip of multi colored condoms which he could not dislodge because part of the top packet was glued to his chin he growled glaring daggers at his friends aka future homicide victims
Ring ring "Hello"
"Inu cough Inupapa go check your email," trying to stop laughing Sango said
"Mmmm," Inuyasha tried to protest
"Sango? Okay I'm on it" Sugimi replied ran to turned his computer on then went to and opened his email message, crash thump
"Inupapa, inupapa are you all right?
"Pant, pant Inuyasha, condom hat penis suit, sign, condom strip between fangs," laughing Sugimi answered
"Yes father is fine he just fell off of his computer chair after seeing the picture of little brothers new attire, he is so cute on his back on the floor laughing his ass off like a pup," Sesshoumaru told her
"He-he is the puppy ad for bir-birth control," Sugimi panted "Good dog,"
"See" Sesshoumaru said using the computer camera to show his father to her
"Aw Inupapa is happy,"
"Sessh you are one sick dog and Kaggy your one twisted girl great work my favorite criminals," Kagura praised
"Well we figured since he gave that nice rubber penis as a gift we decided to stick with the theme for our gift to him," Kagome said
"He-he better watch out," still laughing Sugimi said
"Why? Sango and the others asked
"Cough, because if a regular dog comes by he might want to mark his territory," Sugimi started laughing even harder. Hearing that Inuyasha's eyes widened with horror "It is a pe-penis tree," Inuyasha growled making him laugh harder
"Aw look at the giant puppy" isn't he adorable? Sesshoumaru teased his rolling in laughter on the floor father
"Lets take a really good picture put it in the computer and send it out as an email Christmas cards to everyone," Kouga said, Muffled sounds came from trying to scream Inuyasha
"P-p-puppy toes Christmas cards," almost choking Sugimi gasped he knew his son hated it when males used Kagome's nick name for him "And sign it all my love and best wishes for the holidays puppy toes Taisho, ah ha-ha-ha," he was laughing so hard he was curled up in the fetal position
"Ah kiddies," Jakotsu called his companions
"What? They all replied
"Run" they all followed his line of dight to Inuyasha
Sugimi immediately stopped laughing "What's going on?
"Little brother," smirking Sesshoumaru answered
Free from the penis costume and chaines that bound him to the tree stood blood red eyed Inuyasha jagged cheek stripes elongated fangs and claws wearing the most sadistic grin in the world said "Lets rock bitches,"
"Ahhhhhhhhh" they shrieked, all that was heard next was tearing and screams
"Uh oh puppy is all dog demony and on the warpath, that's my boy a true Taisho," Sugimi said and chuckled
"Well the video feed is gone so we can't see what is happening," Sesshoumaru added
"Aw puppys being a bad boy maybe I'll have to spank him later," Kagome joked
Five hours later the group returned barely covered by the shreded remains of what used to be their clothes panting and practically staggering like a drunken group of party goers and were followed by sadistically smiling Inuyasha. Sugimi looked his adopted children over apraisingly mentally assessing the damage he'd take them to get new outfits later on. They collapsed from exhaustion landing on their butts some on the floor others on chairs etc, the happy hanyou wore a triumphant grin
Inuyasha looked at his elder brother "Fluffy I owe you don't worry I did not forget ya, and wench I'll be seeing you later," he winked at Kagome grinning evilly
Next day
"Happy holidays peeps," Inuyasha greeted handing out cards
Merry Freakin Christmas and Crappy New Year let's all get stoned on a keg of beer. I'll be drunk as a skunk damn hope I don't get locked in my car trunk. Moneys tight times are hard here's your fuckin Christmas card. Christmas is a complete bust cause that no good Christmas turkey swiped the money from my trust.
I chased him down to the docks son of a bitch jumped on a departing ship the cheap bastard didn't even leave a tip. I'll hunt him down and kill him dead roast and serve him with French bread muwhahaha. I will make good use of the beast when I invite the neighbors to a feast
The meal was great the deserts were a treat but now we keep hearing gobble, gobble and the pitter patter of strange feet. As an eerie silence fell I wondered what the hell? Then suddenly run we heard somebody yell we jumped up and ran like hell it isn't fun getting chased by the turkey who just a short while ago was the dinner you'd enjoyed so well. Hey this isn't Halloween how can a ghost be making the scene? After that not another word was said as from the house for our lives we all fled
Yours truly
Fluffymaru Taisho
"Son you cannot use this as a Christmas card, it's alright among us but not outsiders," Sugimi commented
"Too late pops I already sent em out, well that's not quite true actually hand delivered them one to each of our friends doors saved a bundle on postage to," Inuyasha answered
"But this on the bottom,"
"Ah pop lighten up," the hanyou teasingly replied
"You have as the card picture your brother down on all fours with our miko wearing a thong and only pasties like strippers use to cover their nipples. And your brother wearing something that is no better than a thong instead of underwear and a Santa hat on his head,"
"What the Santa hat makes it Christmasy" Inuyasha replied
"Ah hah, but does the leash he's on with Kagome walking him like a dog? And her spanking him with a riding crop at the same time?
"Sure it does," the evilly smirking hanyou replied
"So then when I gut you and hang your innards up with Christmas lights that'll make it all Christmasy to" right? Sesshoumaru shot back "No worries father here everyone and happy holidays all," he handed out his own cards
Inuyasha down on all fours nude except for the big red bow on his butt behind a dog sniffing it's butt with his tongue hanging out panting. The caption above him said who let the rabid booty sniffing dog out? Woof, woof, the room erupted in laughter "Sniffing a dogs butt, at least I had you with a girl not brown nosing some dogs butt," Inuyasha griped
"You're welcome and happy holidays dearest brother. I also saved a bundle on postage I emailed it to everyone even my internet friends which at last count was one hundred and fifty," Sesshoumaru needled
"You emailed them but when?
"Just now," Sesshoumaru answered then held up his hand allowing his brother to see his finger on the send button of his cell phone "When you're going to ask, I had this on standby just in case you tried something sick and you did not disappoint,"
"You suck," was all Inuyasha said in defeat but his father knew better
"Hey mutt I hope ya used breath mints before you sniffed that dogs butt wouldn't want you to kill the poor thing with your rancid breath," Kouga needled
"And you call me a pervert and freak I never knew you had such strange fetishes," Miroku jabbed
"Well just stay away from my butt and we're good K," Bankotsu teased
"You wish you homicidal freak, and besides if I was going to sniff butt it'd be a girl we have a variety here four lovely wenches to choose from," Inuyasha wisecracked
"Only if you want to die dog," Ayame and the other female group members said
Christmas day and Inuyasha had a plan he'd give nailing Sesshoumaru one last shot before giving up, like the sneaky little weasel he was the hanyou waited when his brother was on the second floor he bolted up the stairs, before Sesshoumaru knew it he was shoved in the closet and the door slammed shut and locked it was also the same closet Kagome had locked him in
"Have fun you two," Inuyasha cockily teased
"You will die,"
"Yeah whatever flufsters," Inuyasha replied
Downstairs in the kitchen
"Aw come on Inuyasha Christmas day how heartless," Kagura scolded
"Relentless dog," Sango added
"Well he's got company so drop it,"
"I'm not even going to ask," Bankotsu said
"Let me out," banging the door Sesshoumaru yelled then yelped when after touching the door he got zapped
"Nothin doin lord Fuzzymaru," Inuyasha answered
"I am going to rip his lordly jewels off and feed them to the nekos," a female voice chimed in
"He got you to" Eh?
"Yes" she replied
"He's sealed us in with binding sutras," he told her "Let us out or I promise I will make the remainder of your life a living nightmare,"
"Nope not happening, you two have fun," Inuyasha replied
"Lovely, when I am out of here I'm going to pound him into the ground and straight into hell," she said
"Wonderful highly look forward to seeing that," he replied
"Great I'm bored and we're stuck in here,"
"We shall simply have to find ways to entertain ourselves until the cretin develops steals or buys a brain," he said
"Ooo good one,"
"Thank you I thought so as well." He teasingly replied
"We'll be lucky if he lets us out of here before the next century begins,"
"Let's see what to do to pass the time," Sesshoumaru said
Lemon starts
Before she had chance to form her next thought her dress was hiked up panties disappeared and she found she was being held up against the wall. Sesshoumaru slipped inside reveling in warm silken flesh wrapped tightly around his stiff throbbing shaft. Both lustfully groaned from the feel of their first time connection, it felt so damned good he wished that this moment and feeling would last forever
'"Yes" she exclaimed when he began to move
"Uh, you fit me like a glove," he complimented
"Yes Sesshoumaru yes harder,"
Lemon continues
Downstairs an hour later
"Yo doggy what's up?"
Inuyasha turned his head "Ayame, you're here then who the hell's up there in the closet with him?" Inuyasha exclaimed
"The closet faire, how should I know?"
"it can't, couldn't be," suddenly nervous Inuyasha said leapt up and ran upstairs, he pulled the sutras off the door to the closet opened it looked "Well merry freakin Christmas and crappy new year to me,"
Kouga came in through the back door in the kitchen with a bag full of goodies setting it on the table "Sniff, sniff, hey Yame smell that?"
"Yep" Ayame answered
"Does the mutt know yet?
"Best part is he locked Sesshoumaru in the closet with what he thought was me. When I came into the kitchen he said, Ayame you're here" then who the hell's up there in the closet with him? Then jumped up and ran upstairs"
"Oh I have so got to see this," Kouga said and ran for the stairs
Sango and the others came in "Ayame what's going on? And why are you are wearing the most wicked grin? Kagura said
"Follow me peeps," Ayame lead the way
Upstairs
"Would you mind closing the door little brother? As you can see my hands are full and I was not quite finished yet" Sesshoumaru casually said to the standing there mouth gaped open hanyou
'Ah ha, ha, ha if-if it isn't the unintended Christmas cupid," Laughing too hard to stand straight Kouga lost his balance and fell down the stairs still laughing all the way down, at the bottom of the steps he looked up his blue eyes sparkling with amusement "Mutt pushed Sessh in closet, sealed door with sutras, th-thought he trapped him with Ayame was Kagome, they mated, hehehe, god my stomach I'm, I'm dying,"
"What's going on? Coming through the front door Sugimi asked then noticed something "Sniff, Inuyasha close the door and get your ass down here I am certain your brother does not need or want an audience,"
"B-b-but," the hanyou stammered unable to speak clearly
"B-b-but nothing, get down here now or we're going to play washing machine,"
"Eek"
"Su-Sugimi mutt, sutra closet door, pushed Sessh in thought with Ayame, mated, cough," Kouga got out
"So you pushed your brother into the closet with who you thought was Ayame but in reality was Kagome sealed the door with sutras and they mated," Sugimi ran his version of a summary
"Growl,"
"Don't you growl at me pup you are the genius who did not use his nose first and decided to play Christmas cupid. So do not complain because it has been successful not in the way you'd planned but successful none the less," the elder inu pointed out
"But I," Inuyasha started
"Yes thought you'd lock the dog and the wolf in the closet together they'd fight amusing you in the process" what's wrong with you, is your nose broken or out of service? All you had to do was sniff first to know it was not Ayame" Sugimi was immensely enjoying this but would enjoy far more his sons reaction to what was said next "Now close the door and leave them alone I want some grand puppies,"
"They've already been in there for over an hour, bastards planted enough seeds for eight or more gardens by now," Inuyasha griped
"This ends now," Sesshoumaru bit
"Uh oh," Sugimi mumbled
Woosh, bang "Ow asshole" the hanyou whined after Sesshoumaru used his powers to send him flying and the door slam shut. Then bam after Kagome sat him "Damn you wench," the taiyoukai happily returned to playing gardener
"You're welcome," Kagome said
"Now if you don't mind cretin I have a task to complete," Sesshoumaru jabbed
"Son of a b," Inuyasha was cut off
"Do not whine be thankful you are still alive, he did not use full force or you'd be dead right now," Sugimi informed him
"Congratulations Kaggy," the females exclaimed
"Sessh you're the man," the males added, two thank you-s were heard then all went quiet, Inuyasha groaned in frustration as he passed his friends while going downstairs
"Aw good work Christmas cupid," they all teased, he growled, they laughed
Hours later
"Where is little brother? I may have a murder to commit" Sesshoumaru said
"Puppy toes is in the other room," Sugimi answered knowing how much Inuyasha hated males using Kagome's nick name for him he didn't mind females doing it, an indignant growl met their ears "Aw daddies little man is all upset" does he need a hug?
Ayame, and Inuyasha
"Hah? What? Thump "Ayame what the hell? Ow damn it wench do I look like a happy meal to you? Inuyasha said "Um Ayame whatcha doing?
"Inuyasha is that?
"Find something you like,"
"Oh wow, I can't believe," she started
"What you've met wenches best friend? The wiseass hanyou replied
"Gulp"
"Hehehehe," he responded
5 Hours later
Inuyasha came into the kitchen
"Happy deflowering to you, happy deflowering to you, you're no longer a virgin yahoo," Sesshoumaru and the other males sang
"This Inuyasha knows not of what you speak," Inuyasha replied
"Rock me baby rock me all night long, rock me baby like my back ain't got no bone," Kagura sang
"Love me baby ooo baby love me long, rock me baby till we see the break of dawn," Bankotsu joined in
"Can't get enough ride me all night long rock me baby till I'm dry as a bone," Sango added
"Love me baby love me all night long it's hard for me to do right when all I want to do is wrong," Kouga finished
"What are you fools going on about? If ya wanna have an orgy stop singing all sexy and go do it already" Inuyasha wisecracked
"Yasha" Kagome called
"Not you too,"
"Happy deflowering to you, happy deflowering to you were so happy for our favorite doggy yahoo," everyone sang except Ayame
The lights went low "Great dad forgot to pay the light bill? Inuyasha jabbed, then saw the cake with lit candles on it "What the hell? It's not my birthday so what gives?
"Let's just say it's a birthday like mating celebration party for you now make a wish blow out the candles and let's chow down on some cake," Sugimi answered
"Five hours good job little brother," Sesshoumaru teased rubbing Inuyasha's head messing his hair up
"Damn it fluffy cut it the hell out," he protested
"Welcome to the family my dear," Sugimi greeted Ayame
"Thank you inupapa,"
Ayame, and Kagome secretly exchanged looks "I'm pupped," both said each with one hand on her belly
"Wonderful I am to be a father," Sesshoumaru calmly responded
"No not this soon it was my first time it can't be," Inuyasha wailed
"What was that you said I did? I believe it was planting seeds" Sesshoumaru teased
"Now's not the time fluffy,'
"What did you expect after five hours? Sesshoumaru immensely enjoy watching Inuyasha wriggle like a worm on a hook "You seed planting fool,"
"Gotcha" Kagome, and Ayame said
"Wenches, I'll kill ya later I'm too tired now," the hanyou replied
"More like all humped out," Miroku teased