Summary: She's letting it go. Slowly but surely she's moving on, because she refuses to allow the darkness of her past to cloud her future. Their future. Spoilers for Always. Follows Wake To The Light.
Author's Note: This fic just seems to have a mind of its own. In my head, it was going to be 4 chapters. So far, I haven't even made it through what was originally supposed to be chapter 2. So I present to you another chapter that ended up nothing like I intended.
Disclaimer: It's finally sunny, but I'm still not enjoying an African Safari. My job doesn't provide a hiatus.
Chapter 3
"So...now what?"
"What do you mean?"
"What comes next?" Kate asks, shifting on the sofa to curl one leg beneath her, angling her body towards his.
Castle shrugs, knowing she is looking beyond simply the rest of today. "Anything you want."
She hesitates, opens her mouth but shuts it again without speaking.
"What is it?" he encourages gently, reaching out to snag her hand.
"I don't...I don't know what I want to come next." This is the first time in her life that Kate has not had the foreseeable future planned out before her and it is a strange feeling. At times it feels freeing, something to relish in and simply sit back and enjoy. At others, it is terrifying to consider that everything she has ever known no longer holds the same meanings, the same levels of importance. She does not know if it is supposed to be this way, if the alternating feelings of confusion and ease and panic will ever fade.
But somehow having Castle here makes it better, because she can always count on him to know what to say, how to allay her fears.
"Well...I know Alexis wants to go to the Hamptons for a couple weeks. You could come with us," he offers hesitantly, unsure if it is too much, too soon. It is only their first morning together after all, and he is basically asking her to come live with him for two weeks. Not that he has any qualms or complaints, but she might. Or she might have plans or not want to leave the city or...
She shakes her head right away, automatic reflex to three years of turning down his offers, and a pang of guilt shoots through her at that thought. "No, I wouldn't want to intrude on your time with your daughter."
Okay, or there is that consideration. Not what he was expecting, but he loves how much she respects Alexis and their father-daughter time. Loves that she accepts that Alexis is part of the package. Loves that she is making so much of an effort to ensure that this new thing will not upset the balance of Alexis's life with him.
However, out at the Hamptons, there will be plenty of time for father-daughter activities as well as many others.
"Mother will be there, too."
She continues to shake her head. "I couldn't, Castle. It's not right for me to just barge in on your family."
"Kate," he says softly, lifting a hand to cup her jaw. "You're family now too. I know it may seem uncomfortable at the moment, but it'll all work out."
She pauses, takes time now to actually consider his offer. It sounds amazing, really. Time on the beach, away from the city and everything she is still coming to grips with leaving behind. She has no job, no real need to stay in Manhattan. And she probably really needs the vacation.
"You don't have to," he assures her, hand falling to twine with hers again just as she has come to her decision. "But I want you to know that you're more than welcome."
He wants her there. She wants to be there. And though she could probably come up with quite a few reasons why she should not go, she does not want to. She is done living behind excuses when it comes to Castle. Things are different now, and it is going to take some getting used to, but this an optimal place to begin.
"Yes," she says firmly leaving no room in her voice or either of their minds for any doubt. "That sounds perfect."
Castle smiles widely, the corners of his eyes crinkling up in that adorable way that lets her know he is happy...completely and truly happy...and he leans over to join their lips in a sweet kiss, a thank you and I love you and I'm-so-happy-you-said-yes all wrapped up in the gesture.
She finds his smile is contagious, feels her own blossoming, warmth spreading through her, suffusing her veins. She guides him back in with a gentle nip at his bottom lip, kisses him again. It is really just an awkward meeting of lips since they are both grinning broadly, but neither cares, because they can do this now, whenever they want to.
All the time.
The next two weeks are going to be so incredibly amazing.
She spends the entire day at the loft, leaving Castle's touch only for a few minutes at a time. They watch a movie smashed together on the couch, prepare a casual lunch side-by-side in the kitchen, spend an inordinate amount of time just cuddled up together, move around each other with teasing brushes of hands as they make dinner that evening.
It is beautiful and comfortable and domestic and just...right.
So right.
Alexis reappears just in time for dinner and the three share a friendly meal around the table. The conversation still lacks its normal easy flow, and Alexis is obviously still tense, but it is better than this morning. Less hesitant and more accepting, especially with Castle there as a buffer.
Alexis excuses herself first, disappears back upstairs, and Kate knows that is her cue to have a chat with the teen, work out this awkward tension that is hanging between them, unasked questions and suppressed concerns weighing down on them both.
She slips from the kitchen after Castle vehemently insists that he will take care of the dishes, makes her way up the stairs to the closed door that she assumes in Alexis's room. The butterflies in her stomach are out in full force now because though Castle is certain that it will all be okay, this is a defining moment of their new relationship. Partnership. Whatever it is. This is the moment where Kate either makes things right or walks away for the good of Castle and Alexis.
She knocks softly, hears a muffled, "Come in," from beyond the door.
"Hi, Alexis." Kate opens the door a crack, peeks her head in. From the shock on the girl's face, she is obviously expecting her father. "Can I come in?"
"Umm, yeah." Alexis sets aside her computer, turns on the bed so she is facing Kate, who is standing awkwardly near the door, glancing around the room.
"You can...sit," the teen offers, gesturing to her desk chair.
Kate crosses the room in stilted, awkward strides, slides into the chair and twines her hands in her lap to stop herself from fidgeting.
"So, you probably weren't expecting me," she begins, unsure of where else to start. Maybe she should have thought this through before now.
"You spent the night." It is not a question, but it certainly breaks the ice, defines where this conversation is headed.
"I did."
"With my dad."
"Is that awkward for you?" Kate asks.
"No, not...well I mean, yes, because he's my dad. And I know he does...things..."Alexis stammers awkwardly, face reddening, "umm...ewww. I guess it was just...unexpected?"
Unexpected. Kate can work with unexpected, because is better than awkward or horrible or unwelcome. And it was unexpected for herself and Castle as well. Very much so.
"Is it...are you okay with it?"
"I don't know," she answers fairly. "I'm not...I mean I know that my dad...well, that's for him to tell you. But he's not exactly subtle, you know. He was obviously upset yesterday and it was right after he went to see you, so I guess I don't know what's going on. I thought things weren't good, but now you're here and Dad's obviously really happy and I'm glad he is and...I'm rambling, I'm sorry," Alexis says abruptly.
"No, continue," Kate encourages. "Because he's your Dad and you have a right to ask me these things. And if I'm going to be here, I want to make sure you're okay with it."
She shrugs, fiddles with a cuticle as she gathers her thoughts. "I guess...what happened? Am I allowed to ask that? I mean, I know you stopped working on the case."
Kate nods. "I'm done now, yes, but I wasn't at first. That's why your father was upset with me yesterday. He tried to get me to stop. He's been...investigating behind my back. I don't know...it's not for me to tell probably..."
"I knew," Alexis interjects. "I mean, I didn't know what it was, but I knew he was doing something with it. He started last summer after some strange phone call."
"From a mystery man, yes. I found out and I was furious. I said...gosh, I don't even remember exactly what they were but I'm sure that I said some pretty awful things to him. He told me he was just keeping me safe and I told him he basically had no right to do so. I wouldn't listen to him so he...he left."
Kate's voice breaks on the last words and she lifts a hand to swipe at a traitorous tear. Crying in front of his daughter was most certainly not on the agenda for the evening.
"So why did you come back?" There is maybe a hint of accusation in Alexis's tone of voice but mostly just honest curiosity and a desire to understand.
"Because I didn't listen to what he said to me and he was right. I almost...well, the fight I told you about," she gestures to her bruised neck, "it didn't end well. And I thought..." Kate pauses, debating how best to phrase this without giving Alexis nightmares. "I thought I'd never have a chance to apologize to your dad. I thought I'd never have a chance to tell him that he means so much to me. And when I was given a second chance, I realized that I didn't want to use it for solving my case because there were things that were far more worthwhile."
"So you came here?"
"I did. And your dad was...mad. Really mad. And we still have some things to work out. But I know that we will."
Alexis nods, silently mulls things over for a minute while Kate anxiously awaits her next words. "Did he tell you?" she asks finally. "How he feels?"
Kate smiles to herself. "He did, yes."
"Did...did you?"
"I...haven't yet. But I will," Kate adds quickly, dissipating the protest that is forming on Alexis's lips. "Very soon. I just...I need a couple days to get my bearings back. Yesterday was overwhelming to say the least."
"But you're going to?"
"Yes," Kate assures her.
"Okay. Then I guess...I guess I'm fine with everything."
"So if I'm around a lot more now, you won't mind?"
The teen shrugs. "I mean, I'm leaving soon anyways, so I'm glad my dad will have you here."
"But I don't want to get in the way of you and your dad," Kate replies firmly. "I don't want to take him away from you and I don't want you to feel like I'm doing that, okay? And you have every right to call me out on it if it happens."
Alexis's eyes soften at this, her entire body relaxes as Kate's concern and level of caring permeate the barrier of the girl's stubbornness. Kate seems serious about this, and though Alexis still does not entirely trust her, hearing her words just now has afforded a place to begin coming to terms with recent changes.
"Okay."
Kate smiles meekly and Alexis offers one in return, something to fill in the silence.
"One more thing," Kate speaks after a moment.
"What?"
"Your dad invited me up to the Hamptons with you guys...you were wanting to go, correct?"
Alexis nods.
"But I'll only go if it's okay with you. I know this is kind of a father-daughter thing."
The fact that she is taking the time to ask, to ensure Alexis's well-being above her own, gives the teen a glimpse into why her father is so hopelessly in love with Kate Beckett. Alexis has spoken with her before of course, has spent some time with her. She recognizes the woman's drive and passion and fierceness, her strength and desire to always fight for what is right and just. But she has never really seen it in a situation like this. This is by far the most intimate conversation they have ever had, and though it was short and not overly comfortable, it was very informative.
"I don't mind," Alexis answers with only a slight delay. "And I know Dad will be really happy to have you there."
Kate smiles, a full-blown grin this time, because she is so incredibly happy to be going with him, too. And because he makes her happy and she will be spending two full weeks with him.
And because she loves him.
It is radiating from her features, she can feel it, and does nothing to suppress it. It feels so good to finally let it out, not have to hide it behind tight-lipped smiles and reserved eyes.
"I know he will."
Thoughts?