Grammatical corrections were made, thanks to the amazing 'codename00guest'!

Middle—It's you, that's why

"Eat, you fool!"

This started over dinner.

Every dinner for the last week to be exact.

He looked at the plate to his right. A nicely garnished turkey sandwich. He look to his left. A plate of a raw, very red, human liver. Instead he decided to pick up the freshly brewed coffee mug in the middle. He made sure to drink it slowly, savouring the pleasant taste and pleasing smell. He knew his so-called sister was reaching her boiling point seeing as he was purposely taking his sweet time. He gently placed the black mug down and directed a lovely smile her way.

He then mouthed a 'no way'.

She slammed the table so hard that it send a gush of wind his way. The poor table wobbled as the plates and silverware vibrate. The food swayed as he sat perfectly relax, thankfully managing to save the rest of his coffee before everything started tumbling down like dominos. This whole situation described exactly that—a domino effect. The plight before the mayhem was the perfect description to his current circumstances. He sigh gazing at the mess below. Now they definitely needed a sturdier table.

"Stop being so stubborn. You haven't eaten anything for a week! Coffee isn't going to sustain you! Before you do something extremely stupid due to the hunger and causing trouble for brother Renji, eat your freaking food! He has enough to deal with—"

He had enough too. Somehow at her mention of their so-called older brother, his mood instantly soured—with it came irritation. For the last seven days since he woken up with amnesia, he became increasingly observant. It made him feel unease. Especially since it's obvious their so-called little sister always tries to please their elder brother. He was particularly annoyed at how she would never refuse anything the stoic man asked of her. She was timid and polite to the extent of behaving angelic around the older man. However, it was the complete opposite with him. Touka was always nagging at him not to cause trouble for their brother, screaming at him to eat, and forcing him to do things he doesn't like. Why can't she comply with what he wants? Why does she treat him like a child?! He can take care of himself, he could solve his own problems! She should mind her own business!

"—or at least practice eating human food so you don't get easily discovered!" He tunes her rambling in only because his instincts suddenly flare. The air surrounding her was increasing with intensity.

"Or do I need to feed you?" She practically grind the words through her teeth as her eyes became predatory. The inky black sclera and the glowing red of her eyes were pinning him down. It was noticeable that her fists were knuckled white and teeth tightly clenched, making it obvious that she was prepared to force it into him. They have gone through this dozen of times, and each time he struggled with all his might. He will not yield, no matter what.

Izare realizes his actions were unbefitting of a ghoul. It was on the level of abnormality, it was practically unheard of since he wouldn't eat what was basically wrapped nicely for him to have. He was a ghoul, he knows that, but he couldn't bring himself to eat it!

He tried, hell he tried until he vomit and cried himself to sleep! The hunger keeps him up every waking seconds—and that smell! That clinging, tempting smell drives him crazy! It was everywhere! He might truly go insane from this hunger. It was painful, unbearable and torturous to resist! He's limiting himself. This made him suffer, yet he couldn't bring himself to eat what smelled so delicious, looked so appetizing and probably tasted heavenly. Was he a masochist? Seriously at this point he can't deny it. However, even when he was at his breaking point—he doesn't want to give into the hunger! If he did, it's the same as dying. He just knows that something important would be lost. Something that keeps him…sane? It was ironic. The hunger would destroy his sanity anyways if he doesn't consume human flesh. Either option would have him going crazy.

He needed to find another alternative soon...or what she feared will come true.

Touka, although she puts on a strong front, was scared. She was afraid of being discovered. He doesn't blame her. She has more to lose than him. The reality was clear. He held her current life in his hands, he was the source of her anxieties. However, what she doesn't know, what he doesn't allow anyone to know...more than his hunger, more than his past—she was the root of his fear, his identity and his insanity. It's true that they have been playing house for seven days. And it was a fact that he tries to act the role he was given. But in all honesty, his family are mere strangers to him. He doesn't completely trust them.

It was obvious his family was hiding something. He of course was clueless to what was going on. Three days ago, they had quickly packed and quietly moved to another ward. He was only told that they were moving to a bigger place. When he asked her why they were leaving or how he had lost his memories she stare at him in utter remorse before informing him that he had fought a dove to protect the family. It was during his fight where he sustained damages to his brain, resulting in his lost memories. Their conversation ended when she summarized that they needed to lay low while he will need to wear a disguise whenever he's outside. If he has to wear a disguise, it was clear the CCG knows his appearance and probably his name. It wasn't hard connecting the dots that Izare wasn't what he was called in the past... And there were other important details that were omitted. But honestly, he doesn't want to remember. At this point there was no use wasting time on trying to rediscover who he was, he rather focus on who he is. He will live as Kamishiro Izare.

"Touka, I'll eat."

The girl in front of him blink. Obvious confusion was placed on her features before his words clicked and her mind caught up.

"Then eat."

"I will."

"When?"

"Later." If he could find something that can satiate this hunger instead of human flesh... He was basically only a week old, which in his defense allowed him to be stubborn.

Her eyes narrowed. He knew he was just prolonging the inevitable. He needed a stronger distraction.

"Where is Yomo?"

"That's big brother to you."

The white-haired male held a calm composure, however internally he wanted to laugh. Kamishiro Izare is not a person who would use such an embarrassing label. After all, he was trying to establish an identity; he shall remake himself. But mostly, he wasn't at ease with the older man. Yomo Renji was a man who is never around for him to get used to. The man was a walking ghost. He would appear spontaneously, then quietly disappear just as suddenly. For all Izare knew, the only family he has is his violent sister.

"Where is Renji?"

She sighed as she harshly sat down across from him. The table, plates and silverware broken and scattered vibrate at her movement. The food still lying on the floor sat between them.

"You think I'll be fooled into your little scheme again? It won't work this time!"

"And what am I scheming?" He grin between the rims of the mug as he sip his warm coffee. The coffee at least keeps his hunger at bay...

"You're changing the topic for one. Delaying the inevitable for two and clearly trying to make me forget why I'm angry at you! You seriously can't expect this to go on any longer. You need to eat Kane—"

She had stop when she caught her mistake. It was obvious that she knew he caught it too. That wasn't his name. She was about to call him something other than his name. He wanted to ask—somehow he knew it was a name…that name must be— But what came to him second was that he doesn't want her to refer to him by that name. He was Izare. He wants her to call him Izare. Yet, his mouth didn't listen to him. He stayed frozen. Every fibre in his body told him to stop. That name made his head pound. It causes unnecessary stress. It made him associate it with pain. He didn't like it.

He heard a sigh and look at the girl across. Her eyes were cast downwards, her body slump. She was obviously troubled. Because he also noticed how sometimes she would have this pronounce sadness in her, which he rather would avoid. He doesn't want to comprehend it. For she only shows it when she grief for his past-self. He wasn't that person. He doesn't want to become that person. This was why he didn't want his memories back. Because Izare has his own feelings he wants to hold onto. He knows these feelings are his, and his alone.

And he also knows that Touka is a person who is very much like an open book. He could read her easily, even when she assumed he wasn't looking. So even if he doesn't want to understand what she was feeling... what she was thinking... he knew. For Touka wanted that person back. She doesn't need Kamishiro Izare. Yet, Kamishiro Izare needed her. He doesn't want to disappear...

They both sat still inside the small apartment. There was only the abnormally loud sound of the clock as the air within was so thick one could stab it with a fork. A door was heard opening. Then distinctly closing with a quick click of the lock.

It seems tonight the ghost makes an appearance. Their esteemed elder brother was home. From what he knew since Yomo Renji was of little words, was that he was busy starting up a café. Izare wanted to roll his eyes. In appearance it was a source of income for the family, but in reality it was for the dark and sinister minds to plot; the intentions, although pure, was in humans' standards extremely illegal. Human morals isn't really his calling seeing as his family needed it to survive. After all, an innocent café is the perfect place to do ghoul related business without anyone suspecting. It was all under the rug and probably where his forgotten dinner originates.

He's not a meddler. Whatever Renji spends his time on, Izare doesn't really bother to care. However, if it endangers Touka, then it will be his business. He admits he gets increasingly annoy whenever the girl mingle in his affairs, but she was the first familiar thing he knows in a world he doesn't remember. To him, she was the only thing he has that was a home. And without understanding when all this came about…there was always this strong desire to protect her. Perhaps, this was the only thing that closely resemble what an older brother should feel for their little sister. Because the blue eyes girl was many things to him…but not a sister. This was worse than his inability to eat humans. For he fear if it grows more fierce than his hunger, he might not be able to maintain his image as a brother...as her family…

NO! This was strange... He was acting weird. He's not thinking straight, clearly it's because of the hunger!

The cause of his amnesia must be affecting him. He has no memories and therefore, his family felt like strangers... Once he has a stable sense of self, surely all of this would go away. This was only his dependency on his sister since she was always there when he wakes and the last one he sees when he sleeps. That must be it…

For he was her brother—that these feelings are nonsense.

Yet, it was eating at him from the inside out.

He fear, he might already be crazy...

Click.

The gray eyes ghoul tune back to reality hearing his brother's approaching footsteps. It only took the tall man a few steps to reach the kitchen. His brother only glance at the small broken table, the shattered plates, the splattered liver and a ghoul-eyed girl sulking. To the man it might be a minor detail compared to the importance of making his way to the bedroom seeing the person didn't even faze, stopped or blink. This was what frustrated Izare. The man doesn't seemed to care about anything other than his ghoul infested café. He was always stoic and silent. Izare doesn't understand the concept of family, but he knows the man doesn't act anywhere near it.

Yomo Renji currently provided the rundown apartment they were residing. It has a shared bathroom, a space containing both the kitchen and living room and two bedrooms. Touka has her own while he and Renji shares a room. Most of the time Renji doesn't even come home, so luckily it was all his. This was the only thing the man display that was normal for a family.

But the bigger question was, why was the man back today?

Izare heard rustling of clothes before seeing Touka grabbing her jacket and leaving out the front door. Thankfully she haven't suffocate him this time. He didn't even want to recall last night's struggle when she had left bright angry finger marks still bruising his neck. Well, in a sense today's dinner went better than expected. He got away without eating didn't he? Their brother was home. And his sister remain her usual moody self.

To say this family is awkward and strange was an understatement.

It's best he doesn't get too involve. He would like to maintain the status quo with his siblings. It's best this way.

Before he really destroy this family.

He has a dream.

It always repeat itself. The sound of the door squeaking, the wind whistling, the floorboards creaking… The wooden door was never entirely close, it allows the dim light from outside to sneak inside the darkness of his bedroom. The distant whispers tickling his ears. The walls were surprisingly thin. The dream felt real.

But it was a dream nonetheless…

Because he was asleep. He felt numb. Everything was draining him. With no memories and the fatigue exhausting him, he was extremely tired. Laying straight on the bed, he could feel the blanket covering his body and the sounds of his soft rhythmic breathing. Darkness mixed with an air of melancholy surrounds him. His eyelids heavy, they wouldn't open even if he wanted them to. He must be deeply asleep. Yet, the voices taunt him. The dream, haunting.

That familiar voice always tries to pull him to a conscious state.

"Please… Let me be selfish for the last time—" He couldn't hear the rest. The voice sounded weak…fragile. It was fading in the distant, covered by the sounds of wind.

"You know what you're asking… Are you sure this is alright?"

"Yes. It's better this way… It's better for him…"

He hears fragments through the creaking of footsteps. Shattered puzzle pieces floated above his head. He was trying to make sense of it, yet his mind wouldn't focus. He felt himself submerging under deep waters. The sounds became hazy.

"...not my decision to make—there are consequences. Burdens—might never be forgiven… —e deserves to know."

"I know... But as long as he could gain some form of happiness—worth it."

"This will be the last time."

"—Thank…you…"

"It's not me you should thank."

"Yet, it was you that saved us. Thank you. You won't regret this decision."

The wind hollered, the window frame shuttered, but all he heard was that voice. It was so filled with sorrow, grief and regret. It calls him. It needed him. He wanted to embrace that fragile voice, he could feel the person's loneliness and he yearns to remember them.

But in the end, it was a dream. A dream he has no control over and a dream that left him with many regrets. He felt himself curling into a ball. Making himself as small as possible and blocking everything out. He wished to be at peace. Let him at least find it in the silence.

He blinks. Again and again. Maybe he was tired, too exhausted that he was seeing things.

He stare at his reflection.

He pinch himself. There was pain. He wasn't dreaming.

Weird.

He has one red eye.

Weird.

He was weird.

Dreary, dull and desolated.

Gray eyes stare vacantly outside the dust covered window in the living room corner. Eyes fixed on the rusted, broken down buildings outside. There were no greenery, trees or any sort of plant life anywhere near. Instead what roamed the streets below was littered with molding abandon shops filled with cobwebs, rats, the homeless, addicts and deviants. What lies above was a cloudy sky with flocks of black crows.

The notorious area where they reside was what people called the ghetto of the 5th ward. A dangerous place not regulated by police protection, where people disappear on a regular basis, but a paradise for criminals to run rampage. It was the perfect hiding place. And also an abundant food source for ghouls. Basically, it was a hunting ground for ghouls to chase the parasites of society.

This is what he sees since they moved. One gloomy neighborhood to another equally gloomy neighborhood. It seemed their last residence was too close to the craziness of the 20th ward. Yet, all of it felt distant and unrelated to him. He heard that many ghouls and doves died that night. His family might have gotten unnecessarily involved, but he doesn't recall. Whenever he tries to remember, his mind would be flooded with pain. So he doesn't bother now.

What consumes his mind was the counting of seconds, minutes and hours. It was numbers, numbers and more numbers to keep him company. For the devouring silence was unbearable. Has it been another week now? Odd it feels longer. He really can't tell time apart. Everything remains unchanging. Like his hunger. Like those bothersome feelings...

He would rather think about eating.

After all, he was a starved wolf locked inside a cage. Anyone would go mad.

But being alone was the most unbearable. All that accompanied him was his consuming thoughts, hunger and the need to eat. He really doesn't have much to do, except to remain in the apartment and to not cause a disturbance. He was completely treated like a child. It was rather annoying.

It adds to his dilemma. He can't discover any alternatives for his hunger. Perhaps he might go crazy and die. He chuckled. He might have already lost his sanity long ago.

Odd. He doesn't hear the annoying sounds of the crows today. The clock however, was unusually loud.

He looks at it. 5 P.M. it says on the pale wall of the room. How stupid. She won't be home for another two hours. Today she was probably busy helping with the café. Maybe she was even eager to stay for an extra hour helping with the clean-up. In which case, again forgetting about him and how bored he was being alone at home. It was insufferable how he was made to stay indoors till he was able to act as a human—he wasn't even human! Why he was even following these stupid rules was beyond him. He only complied because she was so insistence on it.

Everything seemed so tiring waking up to this world. His life basically revolved around the nagging blue-haired girl and the interior of the apartment. His only connection to the outside world was his view from the window. The view however, was nothing to take comfort in. It was dull and gray. Only when the sky was clear and blue was when he finds it fascinating enough to spike his curiosity. Other than that, it bores him.

He has enough of the dreary sky and decides to occupy himself on practicing to consume what the human called food before she gets back. The first time she made him taste such an abomination, he couldn't help but vomit. The horrible taste lasted for days! Personally, he gets nauseous just looking at it, then knowing that he has to put the disgusting thing in his mouth revolt him more. However, he could now pretend to consume those sandwiches. He'd show her how much he'd improved to the point that she would wonder if the sandwiches were delicious! Maybe she won't scowl as much and actually smile.

After a few tries he walks to the kitchen cabinets deciding to rinse the horrible aftertaste with some coffee. He opened one of the left cupboards, reached for his black mug then stride to the coffee maker.

He blinks. They ran out of coffee beans. The last batch of brew coffee, was consumed an hour ago…

His stomach growl.

He sigh.

This was a good enough reason to venture out.

It's her fault for not replenishing the coffee…for not being home.

He was slammed against the wall, he guess it was supposed to hurt. Now he was surrounded by a human meat blockade. He assumed this was supposed to intimdate him as two tall, bulky guys stand by his side, while the leader of the group sneer in front. However to a starving ghoul such as himself, all this did was intensifies his hunger. It was the worst thing a flock of humans could do. It was like a gift from god. Meat, food, flesh was all very close and tempting! What an amazing meal set! The food comes to him and he gets to eat, not one, but four all in one gulp!

"Hey nerd. Were you using your virgin eyes to check out my girl? HUH?!" The group's leader was jabbing their index finger on his chest. He guess this was supposed to hurt and frighten him. It was one of those situations he read about in books, those bullying scenarios. If he was any other fragile human in one of those novels—lacking a sense of combat and was meek, he might just be terrified by these trashes of society.

But they really should choose their prey wisely. Really, why of all things pick a starving ghoul?

Izare never loses his composure, or he acts like he doesn't. He was also used to dealing with Touka of all people. So he finds himself a rather rational individual. Yet, he finds it increasingly hard to let these bullies go. One, the guy was plainly stereotyping him as a nerd just because he was wearing glasses. The lens were obviously fake if one looks closely enough. Apparently, the guy was blind to that as well. Secondly, that was like generalizing that more than half of Earth's population were nerds. Some wearing glasses, mind you, aren't as intellectually gifted. Thirdly, did he mention that this person was really pissing him off? Seriously, he wasn't only staring at the girl. He would check anyone out at this point. Meat proportion, amount of fat, muscle averages... It doesn't really matter! He wasn't a picky eater! GOD, he was hungry. So hungry. Hungry. Hungry. Hungry!

There were four. Right here, right now... JUST one bite!

"HEY! Ya listening stupid nerd!"

"OMG! Look at how scare the guy is! He's practically trembling! Kyahahahahaha!"

"Hey I wanna take pictures when he cry and piss his pants!"

"You grinding your teeth little man?! HAHAHA!"

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

God, these people are annoying. Why the hell was he holding himself back for these pieces of trash?! WHY THE HELL WOULD ANYONE CARE IF ONE OR TWO DISAPPEAR? That's right. He'll do society a favour. He'll clean up the filth. He's contributing…isn't he? As a ghoul—

"Officer over here! Officer! Officer!" A girl's voice rang in the devouring laughers. Or maybe he was hallucinating due to the cracking pain pounding in his mind.

"SHIT! The cops are coming!"

"What ya all waiting for?! Run for it!"

"Every man for himself!"

The group of people disperse like a popping balloon.

That brought him back to his senses. If they had stayed a second longer, he would probably gutted them by now. The girl was smart, he could hear. There was no police officers anywhere in the area. That was why he venture to this area in the first place. A location for his thoughts to wander, a place where he doesn't feel trap like a boxed rat.

"Umm…Are you alright?" A soft voice asked worriedly. She was a few meters away and approaching fast.

Shit, he still haven't gotten his left eye under control.

"Here." She handed him a handkerchief. He couldn't make out the face of the girl due to the darkness of the alleyway and the evening sky. He thankfully had covered his left eye, being grateful for the shadows that shroud what he truly was.

"Thanks…You saved me." He meant it in ways she couldn't imagine. She did save him from almost destroying his creed. So he accepted her handkerchief gratefully, using it to cover his nose. Her smell was too strong. It was a sweet nectar to his canine fangs.

"Anyone in my position would help." He guessed the girl was giving him a reassuring smile. All he could think of was eating her.

He felt weak, nauseous even. It has been exactly fourteen days since he'd eaten. Caffeine wasn't cutting it anymore. He thought he could last longer. Maybe it wasn't a smart idea to leave that cramped apartment to roam the streets of Tokyo. Yet, his curiosity took over. It was supposed to be a quick trip to the café. He wanted to show her that he could manage by himself. That he wasn't a child that should be locked up. But once he gotten to the busy streets of the 5th ward everything started smelling scrumptious. Everything was so different from the area he was living in. Flesh, guts, meat was everywhere! It was dazzling! All the lights, people, colors and sounds. Everything was brimming with life; a world he doesn't know, a place he couldn't see through the fog of the window.

Izare clench his eyes and tightly grip the lavender handkerchief to his nose. He lean harshly on the brick wall for support. He was breathing heavily to the point that his so called savior became more worried.

"Are you truly alright? Maybe we should stop at a hospital?"

She has to leave. Her smell was so tempting, so sweet… His savior might become his first meal…

"I'm alright. You should go."

"But—"

"Go!"

His voice was frightening, almost reaching a pitch of being animalistic. She clearly flinch and with hesitating steps, turned to walk quickly away.

He was hungry… So hungry…Help…He needed help!

Someone save him…

He wanted to be save. Save from his hunger, from thinking, feeling…simply waking up and living this life, from everything!

He wants to be at peace… Why must he live this way…? Why does he have to love her…? Why did he lose his memories…? Why wasn't he a ghoul!? This would have been so much easier if he was...

He never wanted to wake to this. He never wanted any of this. If he had known, he would rather remain blissfully asleep.

Maybe this time, he could…

Flashback

When he ask her if he really does have one red eye. Because he was hoping he was hallucinating. Her mouth had close as she sat still. It was a clear indication that he wasn't delirious. She saw it too. He place his palm on the table. His nails were black, unnatural. He look at his reflection again, seeing his hair. It wasn't his natural color, it looks dead, unlike his brother's—unlike his sister's. Did they even look alike? He stare at her for an explanation. She flinch. Then her features turned firm as she composed herself.

"You…became half-human." She whispered.

He stare at her, blinking incredulously. From his semantic memory, he doesn't recall how a ghoul could become half-human... He has amnesia, that doesn't mean he's stupid.

"You got into an accident. Human organs were transplanted into you."

"…How?" It was impossible for knives to tear into his harden skin.

Her lips trembled, yet her voice was monotonous, "Because of your accident, you became an experimental subject to a man known as Kanou Akihiro. He was the doctor that transplanted the organs into you. A man that was an expert in human and ghoul." Her face was expressionless. It sounds scripted, revise numerous times. She must have had a hard time planning what to say.

He tried to remain calm, but anger was creeping in.

"An experiment…?" His voice sounds hollow with disbelief.

She slowly nodded in confirmation.

"You let such a man experiment on me? Are you insane?!" Now his tone became vicious.

She remained quiet. Her eyes were downcast.

"ANSWER ME!" He screamed at her. The anger has flooded his mind. All rational thoughts vanished.

The sounds of crows flapping their wings behind him resound through the open window. The evening lights cast an eerily glow inside the narrow room. The clock continues its advancement. Nothing was stopping, everything was moving out of sync. He felt himself tilting, everything was collapsing—swirling faster than he could balance. He can't stop what has come to pass. He can't stop time.

Yet, what further fume his anger was not being able to understand why he was furious. Why he felt betrayed. Was it because she didn't stop that doctor from performing such a surgery on him—or was it the fact that she didn't save him…? Why wasn't she there with him?

"I—"

"I'm glad we met."

"What?" His irrationality has long taken over to the extend he couldn't fully understand the meaning behind her words.

"You're glad he was my doctor?" He hissed exasperatedly. The blue-haired girl only sat rigid.

His accusing gray eyes were pinning her down for an explanation. She remain still. He stood up ready to leave. He had enough. He must be crazy for trusting a complete stranger. They only known each other for two days after all. He noticed how she was trembling. He held a stoic demeanor. She wasn't getting any pity out of him. Why would he forgive such a family who would willingly hand him over to be an experimental subject? Tears would not stop him from leaving. He didn't need her, or his past. But unexpectedly she glare up at him with clear, determined blue eyes.

"Yes. I'm glad he was your doctor. I'm grateful he performed that experiment on you! You're alive aren't you?" Now it was her turn to stand up and shout.

He was speechless and gawking when he felt a fist landed on his left cheek. He crashed to the floor hard. Now he was the one staring up at her in complete shock.

"I rather have you alive than dead!"

She jumped on him landing another blow. He remained still because although her hair curtain her eyes, he felt droplets of tears falling down to touch his bruising cheeks. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Everything in that moment made him feel a lingering sense of familiarity. Like they have been here before. It made him realize that he had forgotten something important. He couldn't help, but smile.

"And you know what? If it would save your life, I would have let that man do the exact same thing again."

He continues to stare at her as she weakly pounds his chest.

"You think I wanted any of this…?"

He reach up to touch her cheek. She flinch but didn't move away. This further encourage him to wipe her tears. Even with her reddening, puffy eyes, a running nose and staining flush cheeks, the girl above him still looked adorable.

"Stop it. I can wipe the dust from my own eyes." With that she stood up. He slowly did as well.

There was silence between them. The small apartment remain unnervingly quiet. It was early August making the weather frustratingly hot. There was no air conditioner anywhere in the worn down building. From the clock it was noon. They were having lunch, before this there was a heated debate on his eating habits, then the revelation he saw on the glass window. He had only one black sclera, one red eye, while his right eye remain a light grey. It was undoubtedly human.

So he was half-human…half-ghoul... Now that explains why he was having trouble eating…

End of Flashback

He slowly wake. This time the line inside the bookstore was noticeably shorter. Too short that he woke staring up at blue eyes in surprise.

"Welcome back." She said sarcastically.

"I'm home." He mockingly answered back.

"You're an idiot you know that?" She replied moving away from the bed.

"I've been told." He answered back with a slight smile. She only sigh as she turn ready to get up. He didn't want her to leave so he instinctively reached for her right wrist and used his left arm to shield the bright lights from his eyes. He was having a hard time seeing her face due to the blinding light of the lamp.

"How did you find me?"

"Police station."

She didn't comment on why he was still holding onto her wrist, instead she use her left hand to position a glass of water near his lips. He tilt his head upwards to drink.

"A girl notify the authority and they found you passed out in an ally. You're lucky nothing else happened. Count your star that they found a phone number I left in your jacket pocket. I had to leave the café early to get you. It's late and I still haven't started on my homework. I told you not to cause any trouble. It's all your fault."

He laughs. For the first time, there was no anger in her tone.

"You're intolerable, you know that?" Her voice sounded worry with a mix of irritation. But there was a small smile on her face.

"Sorry. What can I do to make it up?"

She stare at him with a frown.

"For starters, eat."

Now it was his turn to drop his smile. That was the one thing he couldn't do. He can't do it… That was the whole reason all this started. It was why he left, he didn't want another frustrating argument, didn't want to look at the bloody food, didn't want to stay in this rusty apartment for another second! That was why he had gone outside, he thought he could control himself, it was more of a rebellion, he didn't want to be alone, he blamed her for not being with him…He acted out childishly because he doesn't want her to treat him like a child, ironically he acted like one causing trouble for probably a lot of people… And in the end made her more worry.

"I ca—"

"Here." She interrupted with her arm in his face.

He stare at it in confusion. What was he supposed to do with that? Then a horrifying conclusion came to him.

"You can't be serious…" He whispered out more to himself than to anyone else.

"Eat." She place her forearm to his lips.

"Don't tell me you can't eat this?"

He looked at her incredulously. Of course he can't!

"Stop being a spoil brat!" She shouted exhaustedly. Her cheeks was red from frustration, her eyes tired with dark circles and heavy eyelids. Now that his pupils became adjusted to the light, he could she her face. She looked fatigued, drained with a pale complexion. His mind raced. How long was he out? Have she been taking care of him all this time? What time was it? What day was it? Was there truly a phone number in his jacket pocket? Did he even bring a jacket? Did she search all over Tokyo for him?! Why did she lied?

"Eat! God damnit! I don't care what I have to do! I'll force it down your throat! I'm not losing you or anyone else again!" She didn't cry, it was worse. She held an expression of defeat. There was so much regret and grief in her usually clear eyes, however they were now murky and clouded. He was too stunned to move. His mind had stop. He lay frozen. He prefer her crying over this. He didn't know what to do… Why was she acting like this? His eating disorder was his problem! He should be the only one suffering! He was the one hurting most! So why?! Why was she in more pain than him? Why was she suffering? Why does she care so god damn much?!

Unknowingly tears were falling from his eyes, he realized moments later that he was the one crying this time. Everything he held inside flooded out. He finally relented, his tears mixing with her blood as he bites down.

This was all her fault.

Why he was doing something so despicable.

Why he was feeling so vile.

He was loathsome.

The meat in his mouth tasted disgusting. Not the soft and sweet flesh he craved. Not the appetizing aftertaste he wanted. And most definitely not the satisfaction he desired! It was horrible, revolting, and extremely bitter. Yet! It was warm, it was her, it was something different that calms his mind so he took a bite and another and another! He could not stop. Not the tears, not his stubborn hunger and not even being able to stop himself from eating her entire arm! He could not stop. He was the worst, most revolting monster in the skin of a ghoul— in the skin of a human. He does comprehend...he's becoming…neither ghoul...nor human...

He licks every drop of blood, not wasting a single cell. He consumes it all—everything, she was too previous to waste. He lick his lips as he slowly opens his eyes. He could feel his power growing, his left eye smirking and his hunger creasing. It was at a manageable level for him to think rationally and he froze. His mind finally catching up with his action. What he just did. What he had done. For he just ate from his sister!

"Touka! Touka! Are you alright?! I'm sorry I'm so sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I—I—"

He was frantic. The girl in his arms lay still as both her forearms shows big, bloody bite marks. He could see the radius and ulna of her arm!

"Idiot, calm down." She said with a weak voice. Her eyes fluttering open. "I won't die from something like this. I'm just relief you stopped. Now help me wrap this up."

The white-haired male lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding before immediately placing her gently down and moving to do as instructed. He ran to the kitchen's cabinets and started frantically digging, opening everything in sight before finally seeing the white medical box at the base of the bedroom floor. He stood there blinking, then rushed to the sink, wash his hands before hastening back to open the first aid box. He search for the latex gloves. Wore them then took out a clean cloth to add pressure to her arms. Judging from her eyes glazing over and blurring, Touka was going into shock due to the pain and blood loss. She was losing consciousness. The panicking was starting again. He doesn't know—remember how to dress a wound!

"Kan…eki… Don't go…"

He looks up. It was that name again. His body froze, his mind throbbing. She was in a daze, unaware of what she had said. Kaneki… Her voice sounds like she was begging that person to stay. She was looking at him so desperately. Was she mistaking him for that person again? He wanted to say that he wasn't Kaneki; he wasn't the one she was looking for…

"Go where? I just went for a walk." He said softy.

She smile.

"That's good. I thought you had left."

"Why would I do that?" His mind was in tremendous pain. He disregarded it.

"Because you always…bare everything alone… It's always snowing—I tried to search for you… I was always trying to find you… I'm always trying to catch up…to you… But you never once look back…"

He doesn't know how to reply. He wasn't Kaneki, he wasn't the person she wants. So he wasn't the one that should be listening into something like this… He can't do this to her. He can't lie to her and pretend that he was that person, because he wasn't. She deserves better—to hear the answers from the person himself.

"Touka…I'm not—"

"We're a family, right?"

He stopped. She was smiling so peacefully. Maybe this time she was talking to Kamishiro Izare.

"Yeah." He whispered weakly as he started straying the saline solution to one of her arms. He then apply the antibacterial cream as he reached for the gauze bandage roll. He slowly started at the bottom of the elbow to wrap gently and carefully down to the wrist. The wounds and bite marks were horrible. There was patches of skin and muscles still on bones while other parts of the forearm was plainly bone.

"That's good. Let's become a family... A family that will never abandon each other…"

His lips were trembling, he bit down hard drawing blood. His mind was in conflict. He doesn't want to be her family...

"I want to be your—"

Touka had close her eyes, appearing to be in peaceful slumber. He was glad he stopped himself before he confessed his sin. It would surely destroy their relationship...ruin her... She must never know; he'll take it to his grave.

Izare follow the same process of bandaging her other arm. When he was finished, the half-ghoul stood up from his spot on the floor to place the blue blanket over her. He froze midway when realization struck, the bandages around her neck from that time…did he do that too? Was that the reason why she had such an irrational idea to have him feed from her? His stubbornness could truly kill her someday…and that scares him. He doesn't want to lose her. The solution is simple, a part of his mind told him. From now on, he'll just have to make sure he won't lose her.

Grays eyes gaze down at her with determination. A sad smile on his crack lips.

"Silly girl. That's impossible now… I can't abandon you. You might do something stupid if I did."

He couldn't comprehend why this girl was trying so hard to the point that she would let him eat from her. Why was she so desperate? Why does she suffer to the extent of worrying herself to exhaustion…? It was clearly making her miserable…and the worse thing about it was that it was all for his sake. Why? Was it because he was family? Her brother? Does family go to such extreme for each other? Was it truly him she cares about…or Kaneki?

He now knew his original name; who he was in the past, with his memories, a life he had forgotten. Yet, that person doesn't exist anymore. He had sense it when he first awoken. That person was a coward and ran. Kaneki, the person Touka treasure was gone. Although he may look like the Kaneki Touka knew… Kamishiro Izare is not her older brother. He was not Kaneki. He doesn't want to be that person. Yet, he was selfish and wanted more, he wanted to know exactly who Kaneki was and erase him completely from her memories. It wasn't about recalling the past that was important to him. It was her, which became precious.

Kaneki has many things. A family, friends, Touka's affection, dreams and memories of happier moments in life…Maybe even the memories of having parents. Izare however, was blank. He doesn't have anything. He feels out of place in this world. Perhaps all he has is Touka's lingering affection for Kaneki. Izare doesn't really mind…as long as he can be with her, it was enough for him. He doesn't wish for much. He just wanted his important person to live smiling. He just sought to protect her happiness.

He knows.

He knew all along.

He was playing the fool… He was pitiful. For in the end, he was jealous of himself. Envious of his older brother… All because he was deeply in love with his younger sister… He was laughable! He doesn't know where and how these emotions came about. Before he realized, it was too late. He could not stop, for he had fallen for her. He doesn't know how to make it stop or what to do with it… He tried to make it disappear, to confine it in the corner of his mind. To seal it, to deny its existence to the point that he prays it was something else entirely.

Like he said, he was weird.

Abnormal and insane. It was never her, it was him from the start.

Because he was disgusting for loving his own sister.

He doesn't think it's wrong. He would do anything for her.

But will his family accept him? If Touka knew...would she accept him? He doesn't care what the world thinks. He only care what she thinks. Fear starts crawling in. He was scare of—it was tiring to think. He was so very tired…

He doesn't know how long he can maintain his role. He doesn't need salvation. Or forgiveness. Only a little…just a little is enough…

He promise. He'll end his feelings for her. They will be a family again, just like she wished for.

Izare settles himself beside the sleeping girl, hesitantly wrapping his arm around her waist. His face ease into a natural smile. He could smell her lavender shampoo, how the strands of her hair tickle his cheek and feel her curling into his embrace. Her soft breaths lingers on his neck, making him feel a fuzzy warmth. His heart race, yet he finds himself at peace. Nothing looms over him, he felt no hunger or pain. This was the first time he truly felt at home.

The white-haired male close his eyes and let sleep consumes him.

Author's Notes: This chapter was frustrating to write. You have no idea how many times I revised this. I hope all my effort pays off! Also the timeline in this chapter is disorganized because I wanted to portray Kaneki/Izare's developing sense of self and how they mix. Also the events unravels how Izare/Kaneki came to the acceptance they did. At the end it's clear there is establishment in character development, which will influence plot in later chapters.

Please let me know how I did :)