Disclaimer: Not mine.

Chapter Three

My eyes burned as I stared at the blinking cursor of my laptop. For weeks I'd searched for answers. I'd called her doctor, her father, her job, but every call ended as the one before. As apologetic as they might have been, no one would tell me anything.

I couldn't decide if reading those letters was a blessing or a curse. Was her condition the reason she left, or the catalyst for her to finally do what she'd wanted to for months? How much of what she told me was the truth? Any of it? All of it? None of it? The questions swirled in my head until I was dizzy. I cursed myself for caring. She left. She walked out the door and out of my life. She said she didn't love me. I tried to hold on to that anger, that feeling of abandonment, but then I would think about the letters and it was like I was being yanked right back to the day she left.

My jaw clenched with annoyance. My life had always been simple. I'd always had a plan. When I met Bella, she flipped my world on its axis. But as upside-down as she made everything, it couldn't have been more perfect. Her chaos had been the one thing I didn't even realize I was missing. But now that she was gone, the gaping hole where she belonged had never been more obvious.

But apparently life moved on. That was the rumor, anyway. The problem was, no matter how stuck or trapped I felt, I didn't know how or even if I wanted to move on. There were too many questions unanswered. My family pushing me to move past something I wasn't mentally or emotionally prepared to do wasn't helping.

I groaned when there was a knock at the door. Rubbing a hand over my face, I pushed away from the table and walked through the living room. My eyes slid shut and I pulled in a deep, exhausted breath when I saw my brother and sister-in-law standing on the other side.

"Hey." I opened it wider and stepped to the side, inviting them to come in.

"Hey, Edward." Heidi slipped off her coat and pulled me into a sideways hug, her lips brushing quickly against my cheek. Alex was next, his awkward hug just as quick.

"What's up guys?" I knew why they were here. They wanted answers. They wanted to know why I'd been avoiding them even though I'd already broken down and told them Bella was gone. It stung that neither of them seemed surprised. Maybe I was too blinded by my love for her to see what everyone else had. Or maybe they only saw what she wanted them to.

"We want you to have Thanksgiving with us. I know you typically have other plans, but we figured that wouldn't be the case this year."

I tried not to wince, because no, it wouldn't be the case considering we spent that particular holiday with her father. My heart beat a little faster at the thought of her being so close. I might be able to see her, talk to her. Alex and Heidi saw it. I couldn't decide if their looks of pity made me angry or want to sink to my knees in defeat. They'd already given up. For everyone else, it was over for me and Bella. Everyone except me.

"I'm going to volunteer at the shelter this year."

"When did you decide this?" Heidi asked, her eyes narrowed with suspicion.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and relaxed my shoulders. "I'm not doing this to avoid spending the holidays with you. It's a work thing. Mike asked me to do it nearly two months ago." I wasn't being completely dishonest. Mike had asked me to volunteer, but I'd never given him an answer. After everything that went down with Bella, he hadn't brought it up again. The truth was I'd rather spend Thanksgiving working and surrounded by strangers than sit around a table with my family. The familiarity of a scene like that was too similar to the times we'd spent at Charlie's. I needed to distance myself from my regular routine as much as possible. I needed my life as different as it could possibly be until she came back. Because she would come back. She had to.

"Why don't you come over when you're done? Or we could have dinner instead of lunch. We could even volunteer with you. It could be fun."

My jaw ticked as I glared at my intrusive sister-in-law. "Look―"

"Why don't we just play it by ear?" Alex interrupted, wrapping his arm around Heidi's waist. I didn't miss the way he flexed his fingers into her hip or the look on his face. He was telling her to let it go, and as grateful as I was, it annoyed me that he had to at all.

Heidi sighed and her shoulders dropped in defeat. "Okay. But you have to promise to stop by soon. Maggie misses you. And that's not a guilt trip. You know I wouldn't use her like that."

I nodded because I did know. "I'll come by soon. I promise."

Alex grabbed his coat and Heidi followed suit. After a few more moments of stilted conversation they filed out the front door and down the driveway. When I closed it behind them and turned toward my office it occurred to me they weren't even here long enough to sit down. With a tired sigh, I ambled back down the hall to my office. There was only one promise I had any intention of keeping at the moment and that was finding answers. Finding Bella.

~WMB~

When I woke Thanksgiving morning, my stomach tightened with anxiety. It shouldn't have felt any different. It was the same as yesterday and the day before. It was just another week, another day, another minute I had endured without her. But it was different. Because for the first time since she left, I had hope. Hope I would see her. That I could finally ask her the one question plaguing my thoughts for months.

Why?

Showered and dressed, I paced the length of my living room, antsy and on edge. It would be hours before everyone gathered at Charlie's to celebrate, but I was going to lose my mind if I stayed confined inside the walls of my house. Grabbing my keys, I climbed into my car. I sat motionless with the ignition running for several minutes, trying to decide what to do with myself. I thought about last year when Bella and I went to Charlie's, how we'd needed a break from her family and ended up sneaking off to a dive bar a couple of blocks away. I could go there, have a couple of beers and try to relax. Then I could walk to Charlie's. She would be there and we could talk. I could tell her how much I love her. How much I miss her. We could finally put this behind us, and this nightmare could be over.

Only a couple of cars littered the lot when I pulled beside the run down building. The cold, late November air bit against my skin as I jogged to the entrance. Pushing the door open, I quickly stepped inside. The smell of stale alcohol hung thick in the air as I made my way toward the booths in the back.

"What can I get you?"

I looked at the waitress and drummed my fingers on the table. "Um, just a beer." She turned to walk away, but I reached out and grabbed her elbow. "Can I also get a shot of Jack?"

She lifted her brow, but made no comment. With a slight nod she disappeared behind the bar. I looked at my watch and shook my head. No wonder she looked at me like I was crazy, it wasn't even eleven in the morning.

Resting my arms on the table, I looked around the bar. It was the same as I remembered. The windows were darkened with tint, the bench seats of the booths covered in worn leather, faded and cracked. An old juke box sat by the bar, its cheery neon lights out of place in the dank environment.

"You gonna be ordering any food?" The waitress set the glasses on the table and waited expectantly.

"No. I'm good."

"Well, let me know if you change your mind."

"Okay."

I pulled the shot glass to me and stared into the light brown liquid. My throat tightened in anticipation of the burn that would soon follow as I lifted it to my lips. Exhaling, I slammed it back and grabbed my beer, taking a long pull before blowing out a heavy breath. The bell above the door jingled when a couple stepped inside. They walked to the far end of the bar and claimed the two chairs closest to the juke box. They smiled when they looked at each other, a small laugh escaping the girl as they shared some silent secret. It hurt to see.

A year ago Bella and I had sat in those same seats. We'd smiled at each other and laughed at jokes only we knew the punchlines to. I tried to shake the tightness in my chest, the anxiety crawling up my back. The waitress looked at me, and I motioned for another shot.

Time crept slowly. One hour turned into two. The waitress finally cut me off, but it didn't matter. It was time to go. The room spun when I stood from the booth and caused my body to sway.

"I can't let you drive like this," the waitress said, her face apologetic.

I smiled and reached for my keys. "No problem. I'm going to walk." Dropping them into her hand, I turned for the door. "I'll be back for those."

A look of relief crossed her face. "I'll have them behind the bar."

The sunlight was blinding when I stepped into the crisp air. I wrestled with the zipper of my jacket and took a couple of unsteady steps to the sidewalk. It didn't matter how much I blinked or how many times I shook my head, I couldn't shake how drunk I'd let myself get. With my hands shoved in my pockets and my eyes locked on the concrete at my feet, I took off toward Charlie's.

All my worry and anxiety had disappeared somewhere around the fourth shot and third beer. Something else stirred in my chest now. Something darker. I was angry. Angry at myself for getting shitfaced, and angry at Bella because if it wasn't for her, none of this would be happening. I wouldn't be walking a deserted sidewalk drunk and alone. I wouldn't feel like my life had been stolen out from under me.

My fists balled and my nostrils flared the closer I got to her dad's house. The roar of my pounding heart silenced the outside world. What right did she have to ruin everything? Who told her she could break my fucking heart and just walk away? When her old house came into view, something cracked inside me.

I stormed up the steps two at a time and banged on the door. I wanted to kick it in. I wanted to slam my fist against the wood until my knuckles bled. I wanted to destroy anything that stood between me and where she was.

The door opened slowly and Charlie stepped into view. His eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he slipped into his usual blank mask.

"Edward. What are you doing here, son?"

"I need to see Bella. I know she's here."

He pushed open the screen door and stepped onto the porch, his eyes narrowing slightly. "Are you drunk?"

I shook my head. "I just need to talk to Bella. Tell her to come down, Charlie."

He looked past me to the driveway and I followed suit. Several cars were parked in the driveway, but none were Bella's. "How did you get here, Edward? You're in no condition to drive."

His questions felt antagonistic and evasive. My anger spiked, and before I realized what I was doing, I slammed my fist into the siding. "Stop asking questions and tell Bella to get the fuck down here, now."

My vision swam as I spun quickly, my back colliding with the side of the house as Charlie pinned me with his arms. "Son, I know you're not yourself right now, but I will mess you up if you speak to me like that again. Bella isn't here. You need to go on, now. Call someone to come get you. I don't care what you do, but you can't stay here."

I clenched my jaw. "You're lying. She's here. She always comes here for Thanksgiving."

"Not this year."

"I don't believe you." I shoved him away and turned toward the front door. "Bella! I know you're in there! Don't hide from me. Don't be a coward. I know about your doctor! You owe me answers! You fucking owe me, goddamn it!"

Charlie grabbed me from behind and dragged me down the steps as Bella's uncle, Billy, came rushing out the front door. "Get a hold of yourself, Edward. I don't want to call the cops, but you're testing my patience."

I tried to break away, but Billy locked my arms by my side and shook his head. "Don't do this. You don't wanna do this."

The look of pity on his face drained my anger. My shoulders slumped and my chin dropped to my chest. "I just need to see her. Please. I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to do anything without her."

Charlie cleared his throat and steadied me before stepping away. "What did you hope to accomplish showing up here like you are? Bella's said her piece and she's moved on. You need to do the same."

My stomach dropped and the urge to vomit caused my mouth to flood with saliva. "What do you mean she's moved on? Is she with someone else?"

"I mean that she moved out and cut all ties with you. It's over. You need to let go."

"I can't let go." I looked toward the second floor window of her childhood bedroom and stepped around Billy. "Do you hear me, Bella?" I yelled. "I can't move on because you lied. You fucking lied and I don't know what is and isn't real. Why couldn't you just tell me the truth? Why?"

My chest burned as my lungs fought to pull in each of my gasping breaths. Charlie put his hands on my chest and pushed me back until I stood on the sidewalk. "Stop embarrassing yourself. You're a grown man with a career, not a lovesick teenage boy. Be a man and take this for what it is."

"Sorry, but all of us don't roll over like a coward when the woman we love walks away. We fight. I guess you wouldn't know anything about that though." I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth. I liked Charlie, and I hated that I was the reason for the look of hurt that flashed across his face. It didn't make my words any less true.

His jaw clenched, and his fist tightened around the material of my shirt. "That's it. Go now, Edward, or I'm hauling you in. Don't make your parents come to the jail on Thanksgiving."

I stared at his face, looking for a chink, a break in his resolve, but found none. The thought of him calling my family, of them seeing me like this was enough to make me drop my eyes to the ground and nod. Without a word, I shoved my hands in my pockets and dropped my chin to my chest, leaving the exact way I arrived: angry, alone, and my head full of unanswered questions. Maybe Charlie was right. Maybe I should do like he did and cut her loose. With a fleeting glance over my shoulder, I continued my way back to the bar, convinced that the shadow by the fluttering curtain of her bedroom window was only a figment of my imagination.

"You're back," the waitress said, her voice surprised.

"I think maybe I should have some of that food you mentioned earlier."

She gave a small smile as something that resembled a look of understanding flickered in her eyes. "Go have a seat, I'll grab a menu."

I ordered the first thing I saw and dropped the menu to the table. The thought of eating made me want to vomit, or maybe it was the alcohol. Probably both. As angry as I wanted to be at Charlie, a part of me had to recognize he was right. I was too old for this. I had a career, a home, and a loving, albeit somewhat overbearing, family. But Charlie knew why Renee left. He made the choice not to follow. I didn't have that luxury. I didn't have all the answers. Or maybe I did and was just too stupid to see what was right in front of me. Maybe there was no mystery and it was exactly as she said.

A plate of steaming food slid in front of my along with a beer. I looked at the waitress questioningly and she just shrugged her shoulders. "You kinda look like you're having a rough day. Besides, I've got your keys. I know you're not driving anywhere."

I nodded and grabbed the beer. "Thanks."

"Let me know if you need anything else."

She turned and went back to waiting on the other patrons. It wasn't until that moment I realized how full the bar had become. Apparently I wasn't the only one who had no plans today. For some odd reason, the thought was comforting in an odd completely selfish way.

The fork clattered to the empty plate within minutes. I looked at the plate, my eyes widening in surprise. "I guess I was hungrier than I thought," I muttered and pushed it out of the way.

"Well, at least you ate something today."

I startled when I heard the familiar voice. I watched silently as Chelsea slid into the booth across from me and tossed her purse on the table. She looked at the waitress and lifted two fingers as she pointed at my beer.

"What are you doing here?"

Her eyes widened in mock surprise. "What do you mean? I come here all the time."

I was in no mood for games. "Chelsea."

She waited until the waitress had dropped off our beers before she spoke. "Why do you think I'm here, Edward? Charlie called Alex's house."

I groaned and took a long pull from my beer, a muffled swear passing from my lips as I dropped the beer to the table. "So how did you end up here? Draw the short straw?"

She laughed. "I'd never play that game with your brother. He always cheats."

I let out a tired sigh. "Chelsea."

"Fine. No one knows I'm here. No one knows you are here for that matter."

I didn't hide my surprise. "What?"

"Charlie called Alex's, but I answered the phone. When I realized who it was, I might have lied and told him Alex wasn't around. I wasn't sure why, but I had a feeling whatever reason he had for calling had to do with you. My gut feeling told me it wasn't anything good. Turned out I was right."

I fell back in the booth and breathed a sigh of relief. "What did he say?"

"He told me you showed up at his place drunk. Said you took off walking and he wasn't sure where you were headed, but someone ought to go find you before you ended up behind the wheel of a car."

"His concern is so touching."

"Don't be an asshole, Edward. You showed up at his house drunk on Thanksgiving and caused a scene. He didn't tell me everything that happened, but I have a pretty good idea. You're lucky he didn't call the police. You're even luckier I answered the phone and not Heidi or Alex. Count what blessings you have."

I chose to ignore her comment about causing a scene at his house. I'd deal with the embarrassment of that later. "It's not like they're not going to find out."

"Who's going to tell them? You? Because I'm sure as hell not saying anything."

I leaned forward, my elbows propped on the table, and stared at her. "You're not going to tell them?"

"Why would I? It's none of their business."

"What if they ask why you left? Are you going to lie to them?"

"I don't have to lie. I told them a friend needed me and I had to go." She reached across the table and squeezed my hand before removing it quickly. "I am your friend, you know?"

I looked at my hands and shrugged. "I'm not a very good friend."

"You're really not."

My head snapped up in surprise only to find her grinning at me over the top of her beer. I chuckled, my shoulders relaxing as I took another swig. "Thanks."

"Anytime."

"So what now? Are you going to drop me off and head back to my brother's?"

"Nah, I made it clear I wouldn't be back."

"But what about Thanksgiving?" I felt a sudden stab of guilt for ruining her holiday.

"I spend time with my family whenever I want. I'll see them again soon."

"But the food," I trailed off, looking at the place where my empty plate still sat.

"I'll grab a pizza or something. Seriously, it's no big deal. Besides, it's not me that I'm worried about."

I tried not to feel annoyed at what she was hinting. "I'm fine."

"Really? So showing up at someone's house drunk on Thanksgiving is normal?"

I don't want to do this."

"Of course you don't. You want to sit there in your little ball of self-pity and wallow in angst. I'm not trying to be mean, but you've got to pull yourself together. I know you're hurting. I can't imagine what you're going through, because I've never had anything like what you and Bella had. But I do know you can't let it break you. A relationship shouldn't define who you are."

"You don't understand."

"I don't, but I'm willing to try if you'll let me. You need to talk to someone. If not me, then find someone else. Anyone else. You don't have to go through this alone."

I scoffed in disgust. "I'm acting like a pussy. This is pathetic."

"You're acting like a guy going through a really big change in his life."

"I'm acting like a woman."

"I want to be offended, but you're probably right. Tell me, have you eaten a tub of ice cream and cried over romantic comedies?"

"Fuck no," I spat, my eyes narrowing with annoyance. I hadn't grown a fucking vagina.

"Good. Your manhood is still intact."

"Are you done?"

"Yup." She finished off her beer and motioned for the check which I took before she could grab.

"Manhood, remember?"

"Of course." She smiled. "I can drop you off at home, and if you need me to, I can bring you back tomorrow to pick up your car."

I opened my mouth to argue, but something stopped me. She wasn't being pushy or prying. She was just trying to be a friend. Suddenly the thought of sitting at my house alone for the rest of the day was the last thing I wanted. Granted I had no interest in being surrounded by my family, but I couldn't deny it was nice having someone to talk to. "Hey, since I've ruined your Thanksgiving, the least I can do it make sure you get something to eat. You wanna grab a pizza and some beer and watch the football game with me?"

She wasn't able to school her expression fast enough for me to miss her surprise at my invitation. "Sure, yeah. That would be cool."

I didn't even make it to the front door before I regretted the invitation. Nothing good would come from this. Nothing.

A/N

OMG WTF IS THIS? AN UPDATE?! Yeah, yeah, I know. I suck. I'll be honest, I really hit a wall with this story and at one point I was tempted to post an A/N saying the continuation wasn't going to happen. But low and behold, I got my mojo back. I've also been writing a book. Yup, I feel like such a big girl. LOL Anyway, the next chapter is finished and should post next week. I don't have an update schedule, but I promise to try my best to update every couple of weeks at the least.

Thanks to Ooza for beta'ing and serenading me with 90's club jams in my doc..before threatening to cunt punch me. Joo and Sarah preread and promised it didn't suck. I hope they weren't just being nice.

See you guys next week!

~Liv