Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.

A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire.

AN:

I hope you will enjoy getting to know Edward a little better. The relationship between Bella and Edward will develop. I hope you enjoy it.

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Chapter Three

"That's actually private." A man's voice muttered.

I chocked a scream, but it came out like a pathetic squeal anyway. A shiver ran over my skin and I was no longer alone. "I wasn't reading it." I rushed. I knew exactly who the voice belonged to before I even looked up. "I would never..." I trailed off.

"Uh huh... yeah sure." He murmured defensively. Who wouldn't be humiliated, having their dirty little secrets flaunted like this?

"No, really, I didn't. I wasn't reading it. It seemed too private." The words tripped over each other coming from my mouth. Now I was defending myself.

"Okay whatever." He drawled embarrassed. I was the one who should be embarrassed, caught dead reading someone's personal journal. "Guess my cat's out of the bag... I'm Edward Cullen." He held out his hand. I simply stared at him like an imbecile. Was he serious? Here I was going through his personal stuff, and he was being, well...nice? I would be pissed if I caught a stranger with his or her hand roaming through my stuff.

"I'm sorry" I croaked.

"You're name's I'm Sorry? It's generally considered polite to introduce yourselves when someone says hello." He smirked, like he was expecting my idiocy.

"Uh no... my name's Bella. Bella... Dwyer" I hesitated. The last part got stuck in my throat as I hated using my last name ever since Jacob. I was in bad shape as I couldn't even say my name anymore. I huffed and here I thought I was getting better. Isabella Marie Black - seriously how hard was that? Extremely hard if I had to be honest with myself.

"Is there more... or is it Bella Dwyer?"

I gazed up at his face and shook his hand. He had definitely heard my reluctance as I said my name. "It's Bella Dwyer." I said as his fingers coil strangely familiar and warm around mine. It didn't flinch from his grasp.

I saw his eyes flash to his journal placed in my lap and the page that I was on. He looked morose. "Can I have it back or were you planning on keeping it?" He muttered and averted his eyes to the sand at his feet. I glanced down at the pages and suddenly understood his expression. He knew I had seen the pages imaging and replaying my up-chuck reflexes. I slammed the book shut with a loud thud and almost threw it back at him like it was poisonous. The action came out with a crueler edge than I intended.

"Are you mad?" He asked directly.

I sighed. "I wish I could say that you just have a vivid imagination. But I guess we both know that's not true." I tried to smile, but it only amounted to a strange and awkward twitch of my lips.

"Bella Dwyer, you have nothing to be embarrassed about." He said charitably.

"The sketches are really nice, you're quite the artist." I added, desperately wanting to move the conversation away from me and the fact he had seen me at that most fragile state.

"I thought you didn't read it." He pointed out and smirked at me. He was literally calling me out and I blushed furiously for the first time in what seemed like forever. I dared a glance at him and with my new clear eyes I really saw his features - angular and flawless, like an artist had spent time sculpting the perfect lines to complement each other.

"I didn't. I just looked at the sketches." I excused. Almost looking, I amended in my head.

"Well, it's just something I do to make the time pass. I often have a lot of spare time." He shrugged and smiled a charming lopsided grin. My mind flickered thought memories seeing his charismatic chuckle. I recognized him from somewhere, I was sure of it now, I just couldn't place him.

"Don't we all." I agreed somberly.

"You wanna walk back with me? Or were you planning on staying longer?" His voice was engaging and friendly. Perhaps it would be nice to have someone to talk to, someone that didn't know every little insignificant detail about you. More importantly, someone that didn't gawk at you with that pitiful stare and waited for the meltdown they expected was coming.

"I was gonna stay. I like this place." I shrugged and wondered if I was giving away too many details.

"Yeah, me too. This place seems like it's frozen in time. It's interesting." His eyes trailed over my face. "You seem to be more at ease here?"

I stared at him wide eyed with my mouth hanging open. What? How did he know? "I am." I responded after a moment. It was slightly uncomfortable to have him see through me like this, so I pondered whether I should tell him I wanted to be alone, which wasn't really the truth at all. Unexpected words suddenly rolled from my tongue. "I like the quiet atmosphere... it's refreshing and I feel I can breathe more easily." I bit my lip to stop the words from coming. That was just way too much information for a stranger.

"That makes sense." He agreed quietly.

"It does?" I stared at him rudely again.

"Here, there's no one watching, you can be utterly alone without having to put up a front." He stopped talking for a moment gazing at me. "You know... the façade." His lifted his eyebrows and rolled his eyes. Again I felt like I was completely missing the point by just about a mile. There seemed to be more to his words, than just understanding mine.

I chuckled unexpectedly and I listened to my own cheerful sound puzzled. It was a relief to have someone in the turmoil of my mind, besides Alice, who was the only one who had a bit of understanding for how I felt. But the man across from me seemed to understand more, like he was inside of my head.

"So did you want go or do you mind if I sit here with you?" He peered directly into my eyes with that penetrating green stare. Something stirred inside of me. It had been a long time since I had had any kind of bodily reaction other than primitive responses like hunger, fatigue, or a muscle ache. I forgot to answer. "I guess I'm intruding, I'll leave now." He clutched his hands around his journal and turned his back.

Suddenly, I didn't want him to leave. I wanted his company for a little while longer; I didn't want to be alone right now. Perhaps it would keep my mind busy on something else rather than my mental boxes. That would be a nice for a change. "You can stay." I blurted as he was already a few steps away. "I don't mind." I rose from the wooden step and brushed my behind free of sand.

"Are you sure? You don't seem like you want the company." A strange insecurity tainted his voice.

"On the contrary, I think it'll be nice." I looked up at the sun and squinted. Where was this coming from? All I had felt for the past year was nothing but pain and an uneasy panic roaring through my flesh. Now I could literally feel a tiny sphere of calm in the pit of my chaos. Was I actually getting better?

I moved my hand and placed it over my eyes to block out the sun. I was completely mesmerized by his grace, but his hair color still looked odd though. "What?" He questioned and frowned.

"Nothing." I avoided. "Please stay."

We sat down next to each other. It was a little overwhelming to be so close to a stranger and be this comfortable. It was pleasant, like being with an old friend. "Can I ask you something? It's a little private." He said and turned to look at me.

"Maybe." I retorted defensively. I was afraid his question would make me spill my guts as I had a feeling he had that effect on people.

"The first day, before your ... er... incident. What were you thinking? You kinda stared at me. I'm not trying to be rude here." He looked honestly curious.

"Oh... I'm not sure I wanna answer that." I swallowed dryly.

"I think we're past the embarrassing stuff... with my ridiculous book and your aversion to flowers." He laughed quietly.

"Point well made." I hesitated. "It's just that it's so childish, but I was annoyed you had taken my seat. I usually sit there when I eat." I murmured.

His eyes widened in surprise. "Really... that's it? Oh." He laughed again, louder this time.

"Oh what?" I practically spat, annoyed by his obvious amusement with me.

"Oh nothing." He drawled and smirked. I couldn't help feeling I had answered a different question than he had asked. Or that my answer surprised him, but was definitely something underneath it all.

"Can I ask you something? I think it might be private." I echoed his question.

"Maybe." He mirrored my answer and laughed quietly again. He had one of those laughs that were simply contagious and carefree. I couldn't help myself from chuckling along with him and our stupid little game. I bit back my grin in utter shock. I had actually laughed. Being so at ease I could laugh made my eyes almost glass over.

I saw him watching me. He had stopped laughing the moment he saw my confusion. I forced my mind to pick up where it had left of. "You seem to be very at ease with people who... have aversions to flower settings." I spoke slowly using his words again. I was trying to be funny, even though I wasn't the type. By the look in his eyes, I regretted my poor attempt at humor.

"Do I?" He said evenly, though I knew it wasn't a question. He grimaced. "Yes, I guess I have." He reached down and grabbed a handful of sand. He let it sift through his fingers before grabbing another one. I had seen this face before; it looked a lot like the person I saw when I looked in the mirror - endlessly sad.

"I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. Please just ignore my question." I wanted to take my words back. I didn't know what else to say.

"No. It's okay. It's my sister, she was sick a lot. So I kinda got used to it." He glanced at me, his eyes piercing through mine. This was something that pained him deeply - that was easy to tell.

"Can I ask what happened?" I said quietly. I felt unsure going into to this minefield as he was a stranger after all and I didn't want to pry.

"Yes you can. Sometimes it's good for me to talk about her. I like to." The pain was crawling across his face. "It hurts though, but it makes me remember her better. I guess it's a little masochistic, but I want to remember her the best way I can." His honesty was overwhelming and I wasn't sure I wanted to know this much. I felt scared that his pain would start clawing its way into mine. And I definitely did not need any more agony right now. I was just trying to get a small hold on my own. "I loved her very much. Sometimes it felt like she was my other half... people often mistook us for twins." He smiled sadly while his eyes focused on something far away. "In some ways we were twins. She was my little sister, but only 13 months younger than me so we grew up together. She was really sweet and we liked the same things, had the same friends. She liked to sketch just like I do." He paused and flipped open the journal and searched through the pages. He pointed to a smaller sketch that was done on different paper, cut out and glued to the journals page. The sketch was of three puppies, with their heads tilted and an 'I don't have a clue who chewed the toilet paper look'. The sketch was done in gray tones, but still extremely detailed. My eyes moved to the sketch above. It was the same motive, but not the same artist I could tell.

"She had the same talent?" I asked and looking at his face.

"Yes. I think she was much better though. I think she was better at everything, but I'm sure I'm too bias to make that call." He smiled and his eyes lit up beautifully from the memories.

"So what happened to her?" I was curious about the person who could make him have so many expressions.

"She died... obviously. She was seventeen and much too young. She got sick a while before, but we never really found out what was wrong with her. She started to lose energy. She was tired all the time and slept a lot. Then the vomiting started. She was unable to keep anything down, so she lost a lot of weight. People were convinced that she had an eating disorder, but I knew that wasn't true. I knew her as well as I know myself. She just kept getting weaker and weaker. Doctors and my father tested her for god knows what and came up with nothing. They couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. One night it was really bad and she started vomiting blood. My dad was a doctor and didn't wanna wait for the ambulance, so he and my mom rushed her to the hospital. That was the night they all died. He ran a red light; probably overlooking it and a truck totaled their car. They didn't feel a thing the doctors told me." His eyes focused on that place far away again and so endlessly sad.

"That's so sad. I'm very sorry for your loss." I chocked past the lump in my throat. I didn't know what else to say. Stupid really, as I had been through a year of people staring at me, not knowing what to say and here I was now, not having a goddamn clue what words to offer him. I should know what to say, but I just didn't.

"Don't worry about it, there's nothing to say. They died. That's it." He shifted his gaze, so calm and clear, settled and understanding. Again, it felt like he was seeing right through me and I felt like he was picking my emotions out of my head.

He started turning pages in his book again, looking for something. I glanced down to a letter size photo of a girl, her face a little round and child-like, hair parted at the side and streams of light brown, almost reddish, tresses waving down one side of her face. Her ears were sticking out a little too much for it to be pretty. Her mouth was petite, but the lips were full. I stopped at the eyes. They were a true copy of his, big, green and deep. I looked up at his face.

"I know." Was all he said before I could open my mouth.

I turned to the page again and I stared at the next image. There was a sketch of the photo, but this one was different. Her eyes were brighter, lips pulled to the sides in a quirky uneven grin. The face was happier and warmer. Edward tapped his finger at the sketch. "This is how I like to remember her. The picture doesn't show her as I remember her. So I had to make a few adjustments." He answered my unspoken question.

"She's lovely." I murmured under my breath. I really thought she was. There was something extremely lovable and angelic about her face as he had drawn it.

"I know." It was his only reply again. I studied the sketch again. What a nice way to remember. I wished I would be able to do something like that. Instead of running from my memories and showing them into stupid mental boxes. I felt absolutely ridiculous. I knew I had to stop my panic so I pushed my attention elsewhere with questions. "What were their names?"

"My dad's name was Carlisle and my mother's Esme. Elizabeth was my sister." He answered quietly.

"Can I ask you something else?" I dared. I was pretty sure what was off about him, now that I had seen the photo and sketch of his sister.

He smiled. "Yes. Now that we have skipped all 'the getting to know each other cute stuff', I don't see why not."

"How old are you?"

"Twenty three."

"So that would make it..."

"Five years ago." He finished.

"You seem so okay about it? How do you deal?" I wish I hadn't asked that question, I knew it would give away too much information. I guessed he would turn the guns on me now.

"Massive amounts of therapy. And like I said, it helps to talk about them sometimes and do some sketching. You should see my home; you'd think I was a freaking lunatic." He chuckled, but quickly straightened his face. "I have worked out a few ways to deal. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though."

"I could only imagine" I lied.

"I'm not so sure." He cocked a brow at me, looking right through me again with those green eyes.

"I have another question?" I hurried as I was desperate to keep the subject on him.

"Shoot."

"That's not your real hair color - is it?" I frowned.

He laughed his contagious laugh again. "No. That bad?" He snickered and laced his hand through the chaotic disarray.

"No." I lied weakly. "It just looks a little odd." I laughed quietly. Did I really say that? My face froze.

"It's okay, I'm not offended. I know it's not really any good." He was still chuckling, but I wasn't sure if he was reacting to my expression or the line of erratic questions. "It was just something I had to do, but they didn't like it anyway." He mumbled, but his eyes weren't amused any longer.

"Why?" I asked. I was glad the conversation had taken a lighter turn, but I didn't really understand what he meant.

"Complications." He said flatly. I could see he wasn't going to give me any further information.

We sat in silence, but I was glad to have his company. And for the first time in a year I had just spent thirty minutes not thinking about Jacob and I had enjoyed myself. My stomach felt bubbly.

He got up from the seat and stretched his limbs. He was quite tall and lanky. I liked the lines of his broad shoulders. My eyes slid down his arms and I noticed the way his muscles ran under his skin, making shades that darkened his skin in some places. He had his back to me looking at the run down main building. My eyes moved over his back. Through his t-shirt I could see his shoulder blades, he was definitely a swimmer. I caught myself regretting that his t-shirt wasn't just a little bit tighter.

I groaned internally. Had I actually just been checking this stranger out? I had to admit that was exactly was I was doing. Shame rolled over me and I felt remorseful instantly. I could not be doing this to Jacob.

"Have you ever been inside the main building?" He asked out of nowhere.

I blushed as he glanced at me. He couldn't know I had just literally done a once over of his body. I tried to hide it, but I was doing a terrible job. "No." I answered feebly, but glad to feel my blush fading.

"Let's go have a look." He bobbed his head towards the building. "Come on." He gestured with his hand, smiling.

The more I got to know him - his probably fragile soul - the more attractive he became. He was quite gorgeous physically; that I had already established. But now I knew a piece of his mind and heart he was beautiful beyond belief. I stared into his eyes; the deep-set green eyes that were so striking it literally took your breath away. "Sure, let's have a look." I tried to hide the awe in my voice. I didn't want him to notice the moment of fascination I just had with him.

We entered the main building and it was like a time capsule. It was like who ever had lived and worked here had just picked up and left. There were papers in the drawers, pencils in the pencil holder. In the kitchen there were plates on the shelves, pots on the stove. It was an odd and eerie feeling of a dead time. We walked quietly and slowly through the rooms, trying to disturb as little as possible and avoid ruining anything. We left everything undisturbed - exactly as we found it.

I located the eerie feeling and what it was. I was suddenly eager and edgy to get out of there fast. This place reminded of me of myself. I was an empty body frozen in time. I had stopped living the day Jacob died and it was like I had taken my final breath the day we put him in the ground. I was like this building, completely frozen in time and slowly being worn down until the day I was no more.

We walked back to the Twong's resort in silence. I breathed the hot air in deeply, filling my lungs until it hurt. In this moment it was the only pain I felt, like I had taken a pill for a headache and it was magically gone. I knew the agony would come back though; this pleasurable afternoon was just a temporary fix.

Edward suggested dinner together and I accepted with some feeling of gratitude. I grabbed the chance to numb the pain just a little while longer. I would use him, simple as that.

I was rummaging through my bag for something to wear, but mainly I was aiming for my denim skirt. I didn't want to look too done up, but I didn't want to look like a slob either. I would just keep it nice and simple – a denim skirt and t-shirt. I found it and closed the top button. I grumbled defeated when I realized the stomach flu had taken another toll on me and I had lost even more weight. I had bought this skirt not long before I had left the states and it fit back then. I knew I had lost weight since Jacob, but I was getting too skinny. It wasn't like I wasn't eating, I figured it was more like my mind was so busy it used all the energy I put into my mouth, leaving just about nothing for my body to nourish from. I smiled sarcastically. How many women wouldn't chop of their right arm off to unintended lose 10-20 pounds and be this horribly bony? I evaluated if I should wear the skirt or not. I pulled it up at the waistband, but when I released it, it just slumped down low on my hip and barely clung to my waist. I pulled out a bright yellow t-shirt as I wanted to look more cheerful, even though that wasn't really how I felt. Edward had been friendly enough, no need to drag him into my depression.

I pulled my hair back into its usual ponytail and went to the bathroom in search of my make-up bag. I had to dig deep in the small vanity. I hadn't touched make-up since I arrived, I couldn't be bothered. I found my mascara and unscrewed the lid. The brush appeared to have been unable to stand the heat and the liquid had merged into a hard gooey clump around the brush, there was no salvaging it.

I heard a soft knock on the door. I went to get the door, dumping the mascara in the trashcan on my way. No make-up after all, but it didn't matter anyway, he had only seen me au-natural. As I pulled to the door open, I couldn't help but smile a bit.

"Hi." I said lightly.

"You ready?" He asked softly and slipped his hands into his pockets. Apparently he had showered in double quick time as his hair was damp and in complete disorder. The black color was still a strong accent to his pale skin.

"Just about." I turned to get my key. There really wasn't much point in locking the door; the place was almost empty these days, but I closed and locked up anyway just out of habit.

The conversation was light with comments on the weather and the heat as we walked over to the restaurant.

We entered the hall continuing to the dining room. From the corner of my eye I saw Kachiri giving me an approving nod from behind the reception counter.

"Do you want to sit at your usual table?" He smirked and I rolled my eyes. Clearly he remembered my inverted tantrum when he had taken my seat. That was just slightly embarrassing.

"That's okay, we can sit somewhere else." I muttered.

"If you don't mind, then how about at the open doors?" He asked politely. I nodded and turned toward the table. There was a nice breeze coming from the beach, whisking sand inside and onto the tiled floors. We could easily hear the ocean as the water continuously licked the sand. He held the chair out for me, like a true gentleman and I had to stop from staring or stumbling when I sat down. This made me a little edgy, I wasn't used to this. Jacob had never held the chair out for me, so I wasn't entirely sure how to proceed. Edward picked a seat across from me and handed me the menu. I took it and placed it on the table.

"You okay?" He asked, surely noting I didn't pay attention to the menu.

"I'm fine, I already know what I want." I wasn't going to risk eating something that would upset my stomach. I was keeping it simple these days. "I'll have some rice and salad." My stomach wasn't completely back to its normal self yet.

"Oh, that's right." He nodded and all too clearly he remembered I was sure. I groaned internally while I tried to push back the images of me puking my guts. I glanced around the room, to keep from blushing with embarrassment. There were four other people besides us having dinner. At one table sat a couple, completely absorbed in each other and very much in love it appeared. They sat in the corner farthest away, clearly wanting privacy. At another table was occupied by two girls whispering something to each other and then giggling. They were young, pretty, nicely curved and both with very blond hair.

"I'll go order." Edward rose from his chair and pushed his hand through his hair, not really helping the chaotic state of it. "You want anything else?"

"Rice and salad, will do. And can I have a coke?" I blurted, sounding completely like a child asking her dad for permission.

He chuckled lightly. "Yes, you can." Edward disappeared toward the kitchen. I heard the two girls again, their giggling picking up. From the corner of my eye I saw them staring after Edward. Sure, I had already established he was good looking, but come on, they were ogling him like they had just seen Santa crap under the Christmas tree. A minute passed and Edward re-emerged form the kitchen. This set off another round of incomprehensible, but embarrassing giggles. I noticed Edward giving them a quick superficial smile as he crossed the room toward me. I tried to tune out their snide laughs, but not with overwhelming success.

The conversation flowed lightly throughout dinner. The questions were simple and easy to answer and didn't reach far beneath the surface. So they didn't disturb the peace I was trying to keep inside of my head.

The annoying snickering continued and I was getting irritated and ready flog the kids – like a mother-hen stopping the brats from throwing popcorn in the movie theater or she would strangle them with their pigtails. But they seemed to follow our every move, even though they tried to hide it. Edward ignored it and I tried.

I finished realizing I was still hungry. The rice and salad didn't do much to fill me up. I took it as a good sign that my stomach flu had permanently left my body. I had an actual appetite.

"Do you want the rest of my burger?" Edward asked interrupting my thoughts. I realized I had fallen into a stupor and was staring at Edward's half eaten burger.

"No thanks. " I said politely. I did want it though, it looked delicious and I was still famished.

"It's okay, you can have it." He offered.

"Okay… you don't mind if I eat it?" I asked unsure. It was somewhat strange to be finishing someone else's dinner.

"You look like you need it." He laughed. "Besides there isn't much nourishment to draw from it anyway… not the way you're devouring it with your eyes." He threw a dazzling smile at me and I blushed like on cue. I probably wasn't the only one, who had noticed I was getting emaciated.

Edward gently lifted it and placed it on my plate. The gesture tricked the loudest giggle from our spectators so far. In sync, Edward and I both turned our heads and gave the girls a nasty glare. Like a crack of a whip they stopped the giggling. Finally!

I started eating Edward's burger. It was good, and I swallowed it down in record time. Finished, I took my napkin and wiped my mouth and hands.

"I'm sorry, I normally don't finish other peoples dinner." I said with a sheepish grin.

"Don't worry... it nice to have dinner with someone who actually eats dinner." He took a sip of his coke.

"What's the deal with the two girls? They're looking at you like you're their new pet puppy or something?" I felt more confident with the food in my stomach.

"You noticed. I don't know." He shrugged, but his words were careful. His looked at me for an endless moment, astonished. He seemed to be evaluating something.

"So Bella." He paused for a moment, his eyes turned serious. "What happened to you?"

I chewed my lip while a nervous chill ran down my spine.

"What happened?" Edward prodded gently. It wasn't uncomfortable and I considered for a moment how to start telling the story. I sighed, and for the second time today I had to fight back the tears.

"I'm not ready." I muttered and my eyes glassed over.

"Okay." His lips narrowed and his green eyes were soft and understanding. "Can I ask again later?"

"Yes." I murmured. I wanted to tell him. Maybe next time I would be ready to answer his question.

"So Edward." I tried to lighten the sudden gloomy mood. "What do you do for a living?" I asked, smirking.

The attempt didn't work though and his beautiful eyes clouded over with sadness. "Would you consider me to be a friend, Bella?"

I stared at him bewildered and chewed over how to answer that. "Yes." I responded carefully, feeling in the pit of my stomach my answer was true.

He smiled marginally and leaned over the table. "Okay, as my friend then, let's not talk about work at all." He gently placed his hand over mine. His fingers were long and elegant; his hand was soft and reassuring. I nodded in agreement.

The evening continued quietly. The giggling duo of blondes left the restaurant shortly after they were busted eavesdropping in on our conversation. The young couple in the corner had eyes for no-one but each other. So we were basically alone.

Edward followed me to me back to my hut as it bypassed to his own place. I predicted that he would have followed me home where ever that might have been.

I was slightly nervous to be without his company. The idea of the nightmares I was going to face when my door closed made me edgy. I knew when I was surrendered to my lonesome self I would pay the price for neglecting my pain today. Tonight was going to be gruesome. I needed to work through my memories and I had horrible feeling; I would have no control over which memories would force its way into my head to night. I was mentally doing my best to prepare. I secretly wished I could have more time with this surprisingly gentle and strange but understanding man I had spent a fair amount of time with. We said goodnight and I walked through the door to face my monsters.

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