Chapter Three:
Carson looks from Rodney to Elizabeth, as Rodney gazes at their leader in pure disbelief and horror.
"You let Sheppard fly the Jumper?" He asks accusingly.
She nods, not defending herself, not pretending she's done the right thing. "Yes."
He's about to say more when he sees the look in her eyes. Carson see's it too and knows why Rodney's stopped.
When you look beyond the shield, beyond the shadow, beyond the mask, there's nothing but grief and self-hatred.
She's dying inside: she's never going to forgive herself for what she's just done. Because she out of all of them is going to miss him the most and she's the one who has to give the order to end his life.
No matter what desperation Carson feels, no matter how much Rodney will miss him, both of them know it was nothing compared to what Elizabeth must be feeling right now.
The radio crackles and they hear John's voice for what they know must be the last time: "The weapon is armed and ready; I'm going in."
There's so much going on, so much to deal with: Colonel Sumner, Teyla and Ford all lost – hundreds of Wraith attacking, the city in chaos, the Deadalus not due for days.
Elizabeth has remained strong through everything, bearing it all herself; yet as Sheppard's voice echoes silently between the three of them, for the first time since he's met her Carson thinks Elizabeth might have reached her breaking point.
But she hasn't.
She's still holding out, Carson knows if he were her, he would have given up a long time ago.
In that instant he wishes more than ever, that John were here now - even for a moment - to see what Elizabeth is doing for him, for them and to be as proud of her as he is.