Author's Note: I don't own tv shows (Like PnF). I also don't own video games (Like FE). To answer your question, Vader, James started out as my avatar, but eventually evolved into his own character as I exaggerated some parts of my own personality and added some completely new ones. Now, let's get back to the show!
...
Inside FoodMart, a young lad was taping a poster to one of those pillar-like objects that you always see in supermarkets and other similar places. You know what I'm talking about. The boy had white hair, and was squinting so hard that it looked like his eyes were closed. He was also singing a cheerful little song.
"Puttin' a poster on a post, yes I am! I like my toast with strawberry jam! Because it looks like blood!" Henry (that was his name) skipped away, and Aversa walked past, racking her mind for ideas.
"Come on," she told herself. "They can't just make this disappear, right?" Then, she noticed the poster that Henry had put up. "'James (and Chrom and Nowi) present-the Coolest Coaster this quadrant of the complex number plane?' This is the perfect proof! Father! Father!" she cried, running off.
Some nameless extras gathered round the pillar. "James built a rollercoaster?"
"Hey, Nowi and Chrom built it, too! Apparently," added one.
"Shut up, Terrence." What do you know. Guess one of them has a name.
"Do you think we'll get on for free if we bring the poster?"
"Better take it, just in case," said the third, finally speaking up. They took the poster off and walked out.
"Is taking posters from the supermarket legal?" asked Terrence.
"It putting them in the supermarket legal?"
"Good point."
"Also, it's not a supermarket. It's a grocery store."
We now return to your regularly scheduled (mediocre) Fanfic.
"See?" shouted Aversa, frantically dragging her father to the pillar thing. "Definite proof that I'm not crazy." She presented the place where the poster used to be to him.
There was a pause. "What am I supposed to be seeing?" Validar finally asked. Aversa looked at the post and shrieked. "I see," was his sarcastic reaction. "No crazy person would scream at a post like that. I'll be in the dairy section if you want to come yell at some cheese."
At the house...
A large crowd of people were gathered in James's backyard, including Henry, Tharja, Terrence, and his two friends. There was a stage in front, blocking the view of the ride. Chrom walked up to a microphone, cleared his throat, had a drink of water, took a deep breath, and said:
"Ladies and gentlemen, may I present, James Grimaspawn!" He sidestepped several times and pulled a lever, lifting up his friend on a platform.
"So who wants to ride this rollercoaster!?" There were raised hands and cheering from the crowd. He followed up his question with, "Now, who wants to pay to go on a crudely made ride designed specifically to terrify them (with the side effect of causing brain damage) under the premise of 'entertainment'?" Only one person's hand was raised up. "Put your hand down, Henry." No one's hand was raised up.
James quickly breathed out. "Now that that's settled, any questions?"
Terrence waved his arm. "I have one. Why do we have to pay 5 dollars each to ride this rollercoaster?"
"Well, obviously. Building material doesn't come cheap, you know," James answered.
There was a silence. Then, he burst out in laughter.
"Doesn't-come-cheap!" he managed to say between chortles. "We get all our building materials from the city council, in exchange for obeying the zoning laws! It's to pay for replacing Guitar Warrior controllers."
Flashback!
3 days ago, James and Chrom were finishing off a song in Guitar Warrior. "...and I owe my life to rock-and-roll!" Chrom and the game sang in unison.
"WOOT! YES! PERFECT SCORE!" screamed James as he smashed his Guitar against the floor. He and Chrom looked at it for a second before he offered an alternative.
"Maybe we should just play Righteous Dancing LIV."
Back to the future...
Tharja raised her hand. "Why don't they just enforce the zoning laws?"
James shrugged. "I don't know, they probably think we're going to destroy city hall with an, I dunno, atomic wrecking ball? Now: who wants to ride this puppy!"
Henry gasped. "You have puppies?!"
"It's an expression, Henry."
"Aww."
Simultaneously...
Back at Gangrel's lair, Perry was calculating the path of a ricocheting screw that he was about to launch (off the computers and into the wire that seemed to power his trap, which it would then cut, causing the arms to lose power, allowing him to escape) while the doctor himself was discussing finances.
"...I read in this one book, "Life of Ferd", or whatever, that the best place to invest your money is in your own business, but I already put all of it into making -inators, which I suppose is my business, but it doesn't really make me any money..."
Dr. Riffrat was interrupted by the realization that his nemesis was aiming right at him (or so he thought) with a very sharp looking screw. Fortunately for him (in the short run) it whizzed past his head. "Ha! You missed!" Gangrel taunted his foe (do you think I use parentheses too much?).
However, the projectile bounced off the monitor behind him, hitting the wire...head first. But that wasn't the end of its path. The wire stretched back like a slingshot, shooting the screw directly towards Gangrel's shoe!
Then it curved upwards and hit his belt. It broke, causing his pants to fall down and revealing his underwear, which had boxing gloves on them.
"Ah, yes. You've discovered my 'boxer boxers'. Well that's not going to-" Dr. Riffrat's spiel was interrupted by him tripping on his fallen pants. His crown flew off his head (Oh, I forgot to mention he wore one. It's made of plastic.) and hit a cart carrying chemicals, rolling it into a trampoline.
"Why do I even have that?" Gangrel said, suspending his pants with his cape. A beaker bounced off it, spilling its acidic contents on one of the arms. Perry took the opportunity to turn his head and, at the right moment, breathed fire on the damaged appendage, freeing his right hand. He threw his hat towards the button, turning off the doctor's trap. He was free!
...
As rollercoster climbed up the steep incline, James was showing the passengers how to use their seatbelts. He was rather vague about it.
"To fasten, insert this thingy into the other thingy. To release, press this little red-oops!" he said, as he accidentally dropped their only belt. "Guess we're riding it without seatbelts."
Tharja was not optimistic. "We're all gonna die, aren't we."
Henry, however, was. "That would be fun!"
"Ah, relax, guys," reassured James. "This is perfectly safe...hey, look the top of a plane!" His face suddenly froze. "I'm not sure I want to ride this thing."
The tracks plummeted downward, and the coaster did the same. As the ride twisted and turned, the expression on everyone's face was one of pure terror. (Except for Henry, who was clearly enjoying himself, Nowi, who was bemused, and Tharja, who was unimpressed.
An air cannon launched a horde of snakes at the coaster.
"Relax!" shouted Nowi. "They're just rubber!"
"Phew. I am so glad that I forgot to specify real ones."
...
Meanwhile, Validar was at the FoodMart checkout. Aversa, for lack of a better plan, strolled outside. To her astonishment, James's rollercoaster was right next to the parking lot. "Father!" she cried, sprinting back inside the store. "Father!"
...
"Perry the Drakopus! You escaped!?" yelled Dr. Riffrat. Before he had time to react, his nemesis, who had retrieved his fedora, preformed an acrobatic maneuver, then bounded upwards and slapped Gangrel in the face with his tail.
"Ow! That thing's sharp, you know."
Agent P snatched up a wrench, readying his stance for the duel he was expecting to have with the Doctor.
Instead, Gangrel ran over to his Magnifinator and activated it. "Now, tremble in fear at-the giant ball of tin foil flying directly at us...you know, maybe this was ill-advised."
He and Perry desperately tried to separate the machine from the magnet that it was powering.
"It's no use! We're all doomed! Well, you and me are doomed..." Thinking quickly, Agent P fired a grappling hook at a nearby helicopter, then tied some of the rope to the magnet. As it flew away, it took said magnet with it. Having completed his mission, Perry escaped on it.
Gangrel was very grateful. "What do you know! You saved us, Perry the-" His sentence was cut short, by virtue of being hit with a gigantic ball of tin foil. "Curse you, Perry the Drakopus!" he cried, as he rolled of into the distance.
Agent P!
The enormous magnet below the helicopter attracted the Magnifinator, which amplified its pull enough to lift up the rollercoaster out of the road-and out of sight.
In the parking lot...
"Behold!" exclaimed Aversa, once again presenting nothing to her Father.
There was a pause.
"Aversa, I don't have time for this. I'm getting the cart."
"No! I swear, it was here, and it was huge!" Aversa cried out in anguish. Suddenly, she noticed the rollercoaster being carried through the sky.
She approached her Father. "So, you believe that James is sitting in that tree in our backyard right now, correct?"
"Yes."
"And if he isn't, then you'll believe me?"
"I'm not sure about that, but he'd certainly be in trouble if he left without permission."
"Perfect. We just need to get home as soon as possible."
...
As he hung onto the magnet, Agent P realized that the helicopter was smoking. Probably because of the weight of this rollercoaster, he thought. Perry cut through the rope, fell down, and landed in the cart behind James and Nowi.
"Oh, there you are, Perry," said James, still clearly terrified.
"Nice hat, Henry!" complimented Nowi. Henry, on the other hand, curiously examined the tiny fedora that had somehow ended up on his head.
The coaster flew off a track and into a construction area. "Hey, James, was this in the blueprints?" Nowi asked as a large girder knocked it upwards. "Ok, I'm sure that this is new," she added, as the carts became lodged on the wing of an airplane.
Aversa saw them as she and Validar drove home.
"Excellent..." she said, quietly cackling.
"Aversa, sometimes I worry about you. Of course, who am I to talk..."
After several minutes, the rollercoaster finally fell off the plane, but I wouldn't call bouncing off the Statue of Liberty much of an improvement. It proceeded to ram into a tree, which bent down towards a nearby Slushy Dog stand.
"Welcome to Slushy Dog. May I take your order."
"You're kidding right?" exclaimed an incredulous Chrom, right before the tree launched him and his friends into the Eiffel Tower, which also bent over to an open window French bakery.
"Voudriez-vous un croissant?"
"HOW IS THIS HAPPENING!?" cried Chrom, just as the famed tower launched them (somehow) into the lower atmosphere-Ok, I need to make another disclaimer. This is ludicrous and extremely hard to write. In my defense, I did not come up with this, and the rest of the fanfic will be a lot better. Thank you.
Now where was I? Ah, yes. James, Chrom, Nowi, Tharja, Henry, Perry, Terrence, and Pedro (I looked it up, and it turns out he does have a name. Who knew?) were all stuck in a rollercoaster in space.
It was cold and quiet. James was not optimistic about the circumstances.
"We're going to die alone and unloved and float off into space, and no one will ever find us ever again."
Nowi rebutted him. "Ok, besides the fact that we're all together, ergo, none of us are alone, I wouldn't call you unloved, either."
"Yes," said Tharja, leaning forwards. "I'm here." James hit his head against the railing as a satellite floated by.
Chrom attempted to make light of the situation. "You know...if that hits James's house, his sister is in charge." Nobody laughed. Fortunately for them, it hit their rollercoaster, propelling them towards the Earth.
Meanwhile, at Houston...
"Hold up," said an Astronomer. One of our satellites just hit something."
"It's an alien spaceship! AAAAAH!"
"Josh, it's probably just a meteor."
"Oh."
"Wait, we just got in some pictures-it's red and it appears to be filled with people."
"It's an alien spaceship! AAAAAAH!"
...
"We're going to catch on fire!" yelled Chrom, as he and his friends plummeted through the atmosphere.
"Yay!" rejoiced a passenger. (One guess as to who)
Eveyone screamed-except for Nowi.
"Do you think we should have charged more?" she wondered aloud.
On the ground, Aversa and Validar returned home. As her fathered opened the trunk of the car, she checked the backyard. No one. Victory is mine, she assured herself.
"Father, Father! Come quick!"
"Very well, but don't make me wait." He opened the door in the fence to find...
James, Chrom, and Nowi, sitting underneath the tree, as expected.
"Hi, mister Grimaspawn!" James friends said in unison.
He waved and turned back to the groceries.
Aversa was stunned. "But-but-but...how?!"
"Aversa, I need your help getting the frozen foods inside."
She growled and entered the house.
After a moment, Nowi looked up and called, "Ok, the coast is clear!" All the passengers climbed out of the tree, complimenting the ride.
"That was awesome!"
"Best. Coaster. Ever!"
"It even defies the laws of physics!"
"Shut up, Terrence."
"So, James," Chrom asked. "Did you have fun?"
"A little," was the terrified response. "But I never want to do that again."
"Not even if we sang?"
"I probably never want to do that again."
Tharja dropped from the tree last. "So...can I come again tomorrow?" she inquired.
"Probably not."
"Ugh...what is it going to take to get you to like me!?"
"Ok, for the record, I have a secret crush on Nowi," James retorted, pointing at her. "But don't tell her that."
"Oh, cool! The feeling's mutual!"
Tharja stormed out of the yard, grumbling. "That's not how secret crushes work, people!"
James didn't mind. He built a huge rollercoaster, had fun with his friends, made 30 dollars, and had the time of his life...building it at least. Riding it was a nightmare.
It's been an awesome day, he thought. And tomorrow's gonna be aleph-null-1 times better!
Then the tree exploded.
"Father!"
"Aversa, I'm busy!"
Author's Note: So that's Rollercoaster done. I hope this chapter is more original, to make up for the last two, Vader. I do have a plan, though. I'll only adapt my favorites and the specials, and create brand new adventures to fill the gaps. Sound good? Now, to quote the Squid Sisters, stay fresh!