Scarlett lay in a state of bliss in Rhett's arms. He was tracing patters on her back. His lips were leaving small kisses on her neck. She shivered and looked up at him.
"Are you cold Mrs. Butler?" he asked with a knowing smile.
"No, I am quite warm Mr. Butler." she answered him and laid her head on his chest.
"Scarlett." Rhett said in a voice that she knew so well.
"Rhett don't ruin the moment." she told him.
She just wanted to lay there and pretend. Pretend that they were happy, pretend that Bonnie and Ella would be bursting into the room in a few hours wanting to start the day. Pretending that Wade would be right behind his little sisters ready to chastise them for disturbing their parents. She even went as far as to pretend that the baby that had died was still in her womb. She wanted to pretend that everything was perfect.
Rhett understood the unspoken words. He too wanted to pretend that they were perfect. That Bonnie and the unborn child weren't dead, that the children would run in and ask to go to Aunt Melly's so they could play with Beau. He sighed and noticed Scarlett's frown.
"No negative words or thoughts Mr. Butler." Scarlett told him firmly, "It's still her birthday and I won't have anything negative on her birthday." her voice got choked up.
Rhett glanced at the clock on the mantle. It was only eleven at night, it was still her birthday. He was shocked to feel wetness on his chest, he looked down to see Scarlett crying silently.
"She wouldn't want negative words or thoughts on her birthday." she kept whispering.
"You're right." he told her, "her birthday wish was for us to be together again." his voice was rough, "she told me once, she said, 'for my birthday will you and mother, me, Wade, and Ella have a sleepover in mother's room?' I told her I would ask you about it when the day got closer. I don't think she even remembered telling me, she was half asleep." he had tears shining in his eyes, "She would have had a little brother or sister to join us on that sleepover."
Scarlett looked up at her husband, she hadn't seen that much emotion in his voice since Bonnie's funeral, "I would have agreed. For her." she whispered.
"Would you have, my pet? Would you have laid down your pride to allow me back in your bed?" he asked her.
"I already did." she reminded him.
"A few years too late." he told her.
"Is it Rhett?" she asked, her voice very small.
"I'm afraid that it is my pet." he said and sighed, "But you said no negative thoughts or words on her birthday."
Surprising her and himself, Rhett pulled Scarlett's lips to his. He captured her lower lip in his and tugged gently. Scarlett couldn't contain the moan that escaped her lips. Especially not when his hands started roaming.
"Mr. Butler." she started but was cut off when his hand slipped between her legs, "Rhett." she whimpered softly.
"Yes Mrs. Butler?" he asked casually.
She wanted to stop him. Her mind was screaming at her to stop. To send him away, it would hurt later. Her heart would hurt worse when he left again.
"Don't leave." she whispered.
His hand stopped and she whined at the absence when he pulled his hand away from her.
"Scarlett." he started.
"No. If you are going to leave, then don't do that." she said and got out of bed, "Don't touch me like that, don't make love to me if you are just going to leave me again. I can stand a lot Rhett Butler, you know I can stand a lot, but I can't stand that!" she was shaking.
Goosbumps erupted on her flesh. Rhett was out of bed at her side when she started swaying.
"You are not fine." he told her as soon as she started to protest. "You are about to pass out."
Rhett frowned, he expected her to be recovered by now. With a jolt he realized what it was, she hit her head...so many times when she fell. He winced.
"You could have said something about your dizzy spells. How long have they been occurring?" he asked, knowing the answer.
"Since the accident." she told him softly, "I hit my head a lot you know." her voice was like acid.
She wanted to hurt him, make him feel the pain that was wracking her body at that moment. The clock struck midnight, Bonnie's birthday was over.
"So Mr. Butler, are you going to be leaving this morning?" she asked him, changing the subject.
"Do you want me to?" he asked, wondering if he should stay and force her to see Dr. Mead.
"No." she told him truthfully, "But when have you ever listened to me?" she asked him.
"Touche, now tell me, are you going to banish me from your room now or are we going to end this conversation by falling back into bed in a fit of passion. I must know so I can get dressed." he told her.
Her eyes went wide when she realized that they were both standing in her bedroom arguing, stark naked.
"You cad." she spit out.
"Is that the best you can do my pet?" he laughed, "My Scarlett your tongue seems to have dulled in the last six months."
She gathered her clothing and started redressing.
"Leave it off Mrs. Butler, you look better without it." he told her.
Scarlett blushed to her roots. "You should not speak of such things." she told him, noticing for the first time, the look of lust in his eyes.
"I should not tell my wife that she looks better unclothed?" he asked innocently.
"You lost that privilege when you left me." she said, her voice full of venom. "Actually, you lost it when you said, 'Cheer up.-'"
"Don't say it." Rhett said dangerously.
"'Maybe you'll have a -'"
"Scarlett..."
"'Miscarriage.'" she said the word softly.
He moved faster than she could ever see. One second she was standing looking at his fuming face, the next she was in his hard arms. He was holding her arms tightly, bruising her.
"Turn me loose!" she said angrily.
Instead he shook her, "How long are you going to punish me?"
"Stop screaming at me!" she said angrily.
"Answer me! How long will I be punished for killing our children?"
Scarlett's breath caught, "I thought you didn't believe that the baby was yours?"
"Who else could have fathered that child Scarlett? Even if you were unfaithful emotionally, you wouldn't risk your reputation by having an affair!"
"Then why did you ask me who the father was?"
"I was angry, I wanted to hurt you. My God Scarlett, I was a man who was in love with a woman who was too busy pinning over a married man." he stopped shaking her, but he didn't release her.
"You're hurting me."
"Good, then you'll know what it feels like." he told her, "You didn't answer me, when are you going to stop blaming me for killing our children?"
"When it stops being your fault." she spat out at him and twisted herself out of his grasp.
She put her nightdress on and opened her door, "I believe it's time for you to-"
He grabbed her again. His mouth coming down hard on hers. A thrill went through her even as she pulled away.
"What are you doing?" she demanded.
"I'm going to take you until I give you back the child that I owe you." he said, his voice hollow.
"I'm not something you can use when you please. Besides, you'll just leave again, leaving me with another brat." she snapped.
He didn't release her. His mouth took hers again, his hands ripped at her clothes.
"Rhett stop!" she demanded.
He ignored her. Throwing her on the bed, he wanted to hurt her, to humiliate her the way she had humiliated him for years.
"Rhett, please stop." she said, her voice going from anger to panic. She had never seen him like this.
He ignored her again. His lips explored her body, starting with her neck, he trailed tiny kissed down her throat, her breasts, and her stomach. She couldn't deny what he was doing to her body. She wanted him, but not like this.
"Rhett, please." she pleaded with him again, trying to force her legs to remain closed.
He forced her legs to part. She stopped responding. He noticed and looked up at her. She had a reserved sort of look on her face. Her chest was heaving from the silent sobs that shook her, but otherwise she accepted what was about to happen to her. She knew she was going to get taken against her will by her husband.
Rhett got off of her. He put his clothes on and walked out of her room. She winced when she heard the front door slam. Sobs wracked through her body and she stopped being silent. She sobbed loudly into her pillow and fell into a fitful sleep.
When she awoke the next morning, she wondered if he had returned, or if he left her again. She got dressed alone, not wanting Prissy to see the mess in the room. After making herself presentable, she walked out of her room. She could hear the door open and childish voices filled the house, along with his voice. She started shaking again, remembering...she was sliding down to the floor. Her breath was coming in loud gasps. Wade was the first one to see her. He was running up the stairs to find her, to tell her about what he and Ella did at Aunt Pitty's the night before.
"UNCLE RHETT!" The boy shouted when he saw his mother.
Wade had never seen her like that. In his twelve years, he had never seen Scarlett have a fit. Rhett was up the stairs in a minute. Scarlett shrank away from him, not able to form words.
"Wade, take Ella and go back to Pitty's" Rhett said calmy, "Your mother doesn't need you two running around." he told her.
Wade could only nod, he trusted Uncle Rhett. Uncle Rhett would take care of mother. After being sure that the children were out of the house, Rhett turned to Scarlett. She looked at him with wide, fearful eyes. It tore at his heart. He had seen her look at him with hatred, he had seen her look determined, in love, scared, but only of the Yankees. He had never look at him with such fear.
"Scarlett..." he began.
"Get away from me." she managed to get out. "Get away from me, GET AWAY!" she shrieked.
Rhett bent down and lifted her up, he carried her to her room and laid her gently on her bed. She shrinked away from him as soon as his arms weren't around her anymore.
"I'm sorry." he whispered.
"You're sorry? You almost raped me Rhett Butler, and you're sorry!" she laughed hysterically, "I knew you were an ill mannered cad but I never thought I married a rapist."
"What I almost did, has no excuse. If someone did that to Bonnie, I would kill him. I'll leave now." he told her and bowed gracefully before starting towards the door. "You won't hear from me again Scarlett, I'll get out of your life and leave you in peace."
She wanted him to leave. To never hear from him again. She wanted to be free from him. That is, the wanted to want all that. For everything he had done to her, the thought of losing him hurt more than anything.
"Wait, Rhett..." his hand was on the door knob when he paused.
He sighed, "I have a train to try to catch." he said in a tired voice.
"Come here."
She was sitting up on her bed, trying to force her body to relax. He looked dejected when he walked towards her. He bore the look of a man that had just lost everything. It confused her. Surely he didn't care what happened to her, didn't he say it himself?
"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."
She reached for his hand, which he gave to her willingly. This was wrong, was it because of what he almost did? Is that why he was being so...different?
"I love you." she whispered.
"I don't believe you." he told her, a glint of his mocking tone was seeping through his voice. "How could you, after I killed our unborn child, led to the death of our daughter, I left you, and I nearly raped you."
He kept messing up. He knew it. For years he wanted to hear those words. To hear her say that she loved him. Truly he loved her, still. He wanted to say it back, but what good would it do? What was left of their marriage, he ruined the night before. How could they be together if she was afraid of him?
She tugged on his hand gently. He leaned down a bit, allowing her to wrap her arms around his neck. She tugged him down until he had to sit on the edge of her bed. Scarlett frowned at his stubbornness, wasn't she the one that was supposed to be stubborn? Wasn't he supposed to be the one showering her body with caresses while she refused to comply, at least for a while. She always wanted him.
"I can't explain why I love you, I just do." she whispered.
"You also loved Ashley." he reminded her.
"Ashley..." she spat out his name, "I had an idea of the kind of man I wanted, and when Ashley showed up one day fitting the description, I clung to him. I was wrong Rhett, I was too blind to see that you are what I want, what I need."
"Even after..."
She cut him off, "Don't mention it anymore. Can't we put our past behind us and start over?" she looked at him, her green eyes swimming with tears. "Can't we forget how much we hurt each other, can't we forgive each other?"
"I don't think it's that easy my love." he told her.
Her green eyes went wide when she noticed his slip. He cursed himself silently. How could he have said that? It just made it harder to walk away from her.
"You do love me." she whispered.
"No."
"Just admit it Rhett, just admit that you love me."
"NO!" he pushed her away and stood up.
"Why won't you admit it?" she demanded.
"Because I'm not good for you Scarlett. You were a delicate flower, even after war and famine passed over you, you were a hard headed, delicate rose, and I tainted you. When I asked you to dance, when I bid on you, I tainted you. I turned you away from teachings of old. I scandalized you. It's because of me that you aren't received in any house in Atlanta."
"I don't care Rhett!" she stood up and went to him, put her arms around his waist and buried her head in his chest.
"You should." he told her, "For Wade and Ella's sake. Do it for them Scarlett, put down these silly fantasies of love and work for your reputation. I'll go missing, you can get a letter from a hospital somewhere in California stating that I'm dead if it'll help."
"I don't want you to go missing, or fake your death, not if I lose you."
"Scarlett, you lost me when you shunned me from your room after Bonnie was born." he said, the mocking back in his voice.
"No...I refuse to believe that. Just now, you called me your love."
"That was a mistake."
"You're lying, I can see it in your face." she was determined now. Her eyes were snapping with determination.
"Keep yourself in these delusions Miss O'Hara." he told her and bowed, "Good day." he left her room.
"Rhett come back." she said following behind him.
He ignored her. Ignored the tears that were in her voice. Ignored her choking sobs. Ignored the pain in his heart at the thought of leaving her again.
"Rhett, please stop." she was using the words from the night before, but in this context, it made it harder for him to bear.
"Rhett please." it was agony for him to hear.
She stopped following him. She had the same look on her face. She accepted what was happening, she accepted that he was leaving her again. She was stealing herself for the sound of the door closing. She was waiting for him to walk out of her life, this time, permanently.
"What do you want me to say Scarlett."
"That you love me and that you are going to stay with me. For better or for worse, as long as we both shall live." she reminded him of their vows.
"I can't stay here Scarlett." he told her, unknowing to her, he was hinting something.
"In Atlanta or with me?" she asked, not understanding his wording.
"Here, in this house. This horrible house where..." his voice caught. "I can't stand looking at the door and expect her to run in. She's around every corner. I hear her voice in the walls. I look at the stairs, and I see you tumbling down them over and over again. I relive those moments constantly. Being told to prepare myself for your death. Thinking that I would have to raise our children without you. Thinking that I had to bury you. Me...I'm twenty years older than you, and I was living with the fact that I would have to bury my young wife. It was harder to face that than knowing that I ruined your life because of something I did before you were even born!"
The memories plagued him. He thought she was dead, she was so still, lying on the bottom step. Quickly, he called for Mammy, who picked her up and carried her upstairs to her bedroom. He went to get the doctor, and Melly. He remembered the words.
"She's alive, but just barely. Prepare for the worst Captain Butler. Are you going to be raising Wade and Ella?"
The question was asked out of curiosity, but it made it final. Scarlett was dying, and it was his fault.
Scarlett watched, terrified, when he sank to his knees. His shoulders were heaving and he had tears running down his face. 'He never got to mourn.' she thought to herself. 'He was always so strong, he had to be.' She reached for him, taking his hand, like she would with Wade, and tugged gently until he was on his feet. She led him to her bedroom. When he sat on the bed, she sat on his lap. His arms went around her, his touch was urgent, as if to make sure that she was still there.
"I'm here, Rhett, I'm fine." she whispered over and over again. "I can have other babies, if you want them. I can leave this house, go where ever you want." she kept whispering.
"You don't want my babies." he reminded her roughly.
"Darling, your babies are the ones that I want the most. I wish Wade and Ella were yours too." she said, not caring that she was disrespecting her previous husbands. They didn't matter to her, not like Rhett did.
"You shouldn't say such things Mrs. Butler." she looked at him and was happy to see that the tears were gone.
"But it's true. I wish I hadn't married either one. If I had married you from the start, I wouldn't have had financial problems." she said impishly, hoping to get a laugh out of him.
He roared with laughter, "You little minx." he said affectionately.
"Do you love me, Rhett?" she asked.
"I don't trust you enough to answer Scarlett."
"Then you do."
"Or I don't, but I don't trust you not to claw my face."
"Take a leap of faith."
"All in due time my lo- pet." he corrected himself, but not before Scarlett noticed.
"Did you mean what you said? About leaving this monstrosity?" he changed the subject.
"But where would we go?" she asked curiously.
"I know of a place. I think you might like it."
"Oh where?" she got excited by the thought.
"It's a surprise." he said.
"Show me Rhett, please!" she looked at him through her lashes, pulling all her charms on him.
He laughed and carried her through the house, down to the front of the house, where the carriage was waiting. He drove it down the Peachtree until he got to the outskirts of Atlanta. Scarlett frowned, wondering where he could possibly be taking her.
On the horizon, nestled between a small forest of trees, there was a house. A white, haphazardly pieced together house that looked as if it was built to last 500 years. It was all white, her breath caught when they got closer.
"Rhett..."
"It's the exact replica of it. Down to the architecture."
"But why?"
"You love that house Scarlett, if you can't live there, I brought her to you." he was looking at her, smiling, "Do you like it?" he asked, sounding like Wade when he drew her his first picture.
"Oh Rhett, I love it!" she said and kissed him on the lips. "When can we move in?"
"It's fully furnished already, so we just need to pack up your dresses and the childrens' things and we can move in by next week."
"Oh Rhett, then we can start over?" she asked him. Praying for him to say yes.
"We can try to start over." he told her and kissed her softly. "By the way, I love you."