Before Paige realized what she was doing she had bolted from her spot in the front row pew, through the heavy wood church doors that slammed shut behind her altering everyone to her escape and was standing in the Rosewood sun. She knew that she would pay for this later when she went home. She had embarrassed her family by running out during a Sunday service and a memorial no less. Paige could already see her mother's eyes glaring at her and asking her what was wrong with her and what she was thinking. But Paige had to get out of there she could not listen to perfect and sweet Emily Fields go on about how wonderful a person Allison was. It felt like the more she spoke the heavier Paige's chest felt and she felt like she was going to explode at any moment and Paige was not ready to find out what that meant.

The freaked out brunette pedaled her bike as fast as she could to her house to change out of her ridiculous pant suit and into comfortable clothes. She rushed around the house yanking things out of the closet and throwing her suit into a nice navy blue ball in the corner of her room. Paige had plenty of time before anyone would arrive home since she had bolted before the service was anywhere near to being finished but there was a sense of urgency and anxiety in her that she couldn't shake or shut off. After putting on her favorite swim team hoodie and ripped jeans she grabbed her journal and jumped back on her bike.

Paige was not conscious of where she was going yet knew the exact way to get there. She ended up on the path in the woods she ran everyday with the swim team. It was a place where Paige felt comfortable being herself. She was hidden amongst the trees with green leaves obscuring the reality of the world as she ran. Everything became a blur of green and brown, and of leaves and limbs. There was no need to think or worry. All she had to do was run.

Today she kept her bike on the same path as they ran but knew from experience that just past the turning point there was a small brook. Once she found it she placed her bike against the nearest tree and sat down on a large rock that allowed her to dip her feet into the water without her jeans touching the water.

Paige opened her well-worn journal and just like her feet had lead her to this spot her fingers were leading her directly to the entry she had read so many times before. It was from the previous summer probably about a week before Allison had disappeared from Rosewood. The page it was written on was wrinkled and tear stained from the numerous readings and each time she read it the emotions overcame her as she tried and failed to process what it all meant.

Hey Journal,

Today was horrible like honestly non high school dramatic horrible. I knew I should not have trusted Allison when she came up to me last week. What is wrong with me!? I had heard all the awful things she had done to people like Lucas and Mona but she seemed so sincere when she spoke to me. I guess that's how she gets away with all of it but I still feel like a complete idiot. Did I really think that Allison DiLaurentis wanted to help me!? She doesn't even know me, I think the last time we spoke was when asked me if I was one of the preachers daughters who liked to have a lot of sex out of rebellion the day I was put next to her in math last year. So why did I believe her when she told me she could help me with my feelings for her friend. Why did I even admit to having those feelings!? I'm not even sure if I have those feelings I mean Emily is a girl and its wrong and goes against God but….she's so beautiful. She must have been created in God's image for sure and I am finding it harder to resist these feelings. I feel them with all my being when she looks at me or when I watch her beautifully tanned skin cut through the water like the amazing athlete she is. How could I even think of anything else when Allison offered to help me, why would I think though that Emily would have these feelings for girls as well. Especially me..no one notices me. I should have never give Allison that letter…what is wrong with me I feel like I am losing myself. Nothing I do or feel makes any sense anymore and now the wicked witch of Rosewood high has a letter containing all my deepest fears and feelings. She has documented proof of how the town's preacher's daughter is a dirty sinner who is going to hell. She already threatened to show my dad if I don't do everything she tells me. I feel so lost to begin with and now I feel like I am being sucked down this black whole of bad decisions. I am not being sucked though Ali is dragging me down there. What is she going to ask me to do? I do not know what is worse though her telling my dad or telling Emily. I couldn't stand it if Emily thought I was a freak, I rather be invisible. Another day another screw up by Paige McCullers. I do not know how I am going to get myself out of this one. How much longer till any of this make sense? I am really starting to hate who I am becoming….

Just like every time before Paige was crying from reading her own journal entry. Ali never did make her do anything but it was because she disappeared before she could. That did not stop Paige from living in fear of that letter ever being discovered. Paige never hated anyone the way she hated Ali except maybe herself. How could she ever begin to understand her feelings for girls when they were already being used against her before they could even be realized.

"I thought I would find you here"

The voice startled Paige and when she turned around to see Emily Fields staring at her Paige lost her balance and slid right off the rock.