(AN) OK, sorry for the wait, life's been hectic. 2 jobs! This means more money, but less energy ha-ha. I was also getting writers block, so I had my friend choose a different word. Then I wrote this in an hour: P Hope you like it! :)
Word: Challenging- testing one's ability, endurance.
Summary: A challenging dip in Beca and Jesse's relationship after college.
RATING:T
JPOV
"I just…I can't be here right now. I'll stay at Benji's." I say dejectedly to my girlfriends tear streaked face. She just didn't understand, and me being here wasn't going to help at the time.
"Jesse!...You can't leave me." She sobs and it breaks my heart but I know I can't help her through this, not when she won't let me. Not when she won't try.
"I'm not. I love you, I would never leave you. But I can't help you if you won't let me. You got to figure this out for yourself before I can help at all. I'm sorry." I say, but staying firmly in my spot after wiping my own tears from my face. If I touched her, I'd stay and nothing would be fixed.
"I love you too." She says after a short silence and I swallow back more tears before nodding and heading out of the apartment building, both hoping for and against her chasing after me.
I send Benji a text on the short walk down the street to his apartment complex, asking if it's cool that I crash on his couch. He says its cool, then asks if everything's alright. I tell him that I'll explain everything when I get there.
"Hey man." I say, sniffling as I enter his apartment 5 minutes later. He claps a hand on my shoulder and walks me over to the couch.
"What's up?" he asks, as I brush my sleeve along my own tear stained face. Beca rarely cried so I knew this wasn't good. Her face before I left is still burned into my brain.
"She doesn't get it. She can't just act like it isn't happen Benji, she has to face it. She's known two months know and acts just like she did before all the progress, but I know it's killing her and she won't talk to me!" I say exasperated, as I slump into his uncomfortable couch, another reason to go home, but I ignore it.
"I know, but you know Beca, she bottles stuff up. I'm sure she will come to you when she's ready." Benji comforts, patting my arm. He stands and asks if I want a beer. I sigh and nod in agreement.
"I don't know…this is big, everything was going so great between them and then just bam! It's almost like freshman year again, were a 1000 miles away." I complain and Benji looks at me thoughtfully, giving me a knowing smile.
"Sorry Benji, I'm complaining about my girl whose, in reality, a block away, when yours is miles away." I say sympathetically, patting his shoulder. Jessica had taken a music teacher job back in Georgia and Benji had always planned to come to LA. They've been doing the long distance thing for over 6 months
"Eh it's ok, she actually might move here. Her sister is planning on it after she graduates this year and they were thinking of getting an apartment together since her dads so against living together before marriage." Benji says excitedly and I smile.
"That's great man, I'm happy for you." I say and he nods. He flips on the TV and presses play, one of the Star Wars movies is always in his DVD player and we watch it together for the 100th time, quoting the lines together. We each consume a second beer and, after the movie of course, say goodnight.
I don't sleep great, considering the uncomfortable couch but also because my mind is racing, worrying about Beca. I knew our relationship would be anything but easy. She had promised me that 1st night that it would be challenging at the least to deal with her, but I just kissed her and repeated my love for her, causing her to roll her eyes but kiss me back.
This all happened on a Friday night so Benji and I just hung out all weekend, watching movies and playing video games. I was sort of like old times, when we were roommates. He asks if I want to go to a bar Saturday night, but I decline. I've never really been that much into drinking and didn't want to use it now.
I decide I'd go home on Monday, since I don't think I could stand Benji's couch another night and I missed Beca terribly.
Benji's beeping coffee maker wakes me up on Monday morning at 7am, since he has to go to work. He owns and manages a magic shop in the city, Real Illusions.
"Lock up when you leave Jess, I'll be back by 7." He says before he leaves, I'm in his kitchen, drinking coffee. I finish and shower and dress in my work clothes. I send Beca a text, saying I'd be home tonight. Sweet and simple, and her reply is the same. 'OK'
I get to work at 9am sharp, like every morning. I power through the day, focusing on my duties. It was surprising how quick I'd made it into the movie industry. I wasn't scoring movies yet, but I was getting there. I've met many people who do score movies and have made friends with them, so it can't be far. I'm still more of an errand boy at this point though.
5:00 PM rolls around eventually and I'm packing up when Annie, one of the composers, asks if I would like to go out for a drink. I'm about to decline, since Beca met her at a work party a month ago and had told me she didn't like how she looked at me, but remembered I wanted her opinion on something.
"Actually…sure. But just a drink. I have to get home." I say and she nods, smiling wide. We make our way to Riley's, a bar a few blocks away and I order a beer, and she orders a gin and tonic, which causes me to raise my eyebrows.
"So, how's the girlfriend?" She asks, and I grimace and she makes a face, I would almost call it hopeful before it changes to a questioning look.
"Trouble in paradise?" She asks, sipping her drink, and I take a swig, debating whether to tell her.
"Not really, just working through some things is all. We'll be fine." I say, deciding not to disclose my business as a knot forms in my stomach. I wasn't so sure about this now.
"Ah, well I hope everything works itself out." She says, and I get a hint of dishonestly in her smile, but shake it away, it wouldn't really matter if she likes me. I'm all Beca's.
"It will." I say, maybe a bit harsh as she blanches but smiles anyway, changing the subject to work. I had given her a piece I worked on for a movie we were doing, and she was giving me her opinion.
"Really? You liked it?" I asked hopefully, and she nods.
"Yea, it fit the scene perfectly. You're really talented Jesse." She says, brushing my arm and I smiled big, taking another swig of my beer and nodding.
"I know! It's what I've been trying to tell you!" I joke and she laughs, maybe a little too much at my stupid joke, but I like the ego boost.
"Jesse?" I hear from behind me, and turn to see Beca standing there, looking almost sort of shocked, but I smile guiltily, remembering she was expecting me home half hour ago.
"Hey Becs. Sorry, I should have called." I say, standing to greet her, but she backs away. I give her a confused look.
"Why are you with her?" She says pointing at Annie, and I shake my head.
"Relax, it's just a drink. She's telling me what she thinks about some work I did." I say and Beca nods. I narrow my eyes.
"What did you think I was doing?" I ask, stepping closer to her as to once again keep our business, our business, but sort of getting upset. Did she not trust me?
"Nothing…I'm sorry, that idiot Mike at your work said you left with her and 'looked cozy', I shouldn't have listened to him. Stupid insecurities." She says shaking her head, whispering the last part almost to herself.
"Oh…Yea Mike's an ass. Uh, you wanna go?" I ask and she nods, pursing her lips as she looks past me folding her arms. I assume she's looking at Annie since her face turns to a glare; I turn just in time to see Annie look to me, a small smile on her face.
"Well, thanks again for looking at my work, see you tomorrow." I say putting some money on the bar for my beer, and grabbing my coat and following Beca out, not acknowledging her goodbye.
"So." I say after we walked for a few minutes with way too much space between us.
"So." She says, slowing slightly to look at me.
"I'm sorry-" We both start and then laugh looking down. "You first." She says and I sigh.
"I'm sorry that I left like I did, I just knew you needed some time to yourself. I know you need your space, but I hate seeing you like that, not…Beca, without being able to do something about it." I say, and she nods.
"I know Jesse. I'm sorry I took the news the way I did. I'm still not that sure about it you know? I mean there in their 40s! It'll be so weird having a sibling that's young enough to be my kid." She says, grimacing and I stop her, grabbing her hands in mine as we face each other.
"I understand that, and it will be weird, but-wait, your kid? Do you want kids?" I ask and her eyes go wide.
"I-I don't know, I never really pictured myself as a…mom before." She says with a grimace and this conversation has taken a strange turn. Yea, her dad was having another kid with Sheila Diva-I came up with that one by the way- but we hadn't really talked about it. I wanted kids eventually, and I knew Beca would be the mother of those children if they were to exist. I had predicted aca-children over 5 years ago, according to Beca. She was right; I didn't remember any of my first Hood Night.
"You'd be an amazing mom." I say squeezing her hand; we had started walking again, this time with her hand in mine and her other holding my arm in our regular walking embrace. It was the most PDA Beca really ever initiated, though she's never really stopped me from kissing her or anything in public, she'd rarely start it.
"Really?" She says and I hear the sarcastic hint in her voice, and I look over at her.
"Yes. You are strong, caring and passionate. Any child would be proud to have you as a mom." I say genuinely and honestly, making sure to make eye contact. Maybe it would actually get through to her this time.
"Thanks. I think you'd be an amazing dad." She says, nudging me with her shoulder, and I smile, knowing she's sincere. "Yup, whether it's a boy or a girl, it will have seen every movie made and know all the facts about them by age 10." She jokes with a laugh and I smile.
"Of course!" I agree, seriously, though I'm smiling, causing her to laugh more.
"So, are you going to call your dad?" I ask after the laughter dies down and she goes quiet again, taking a deep breath.
"I will. It's not just the age thing. It's sort of the same feeling I had when I was 15, and he left the 1st time. He'll have someone else to love, that will love him unconditionally and he won't have to work at it like with me. He can just start over with this kid." She says shyly and I squeeze her hand again, getting her to look at me with her vulnerable deep blue eyes.
"Your dad loves you Beca, unconditionally. He'll love this baby too. Love doesn't have a limit, it expands." I say and she raises an eye brow at me.
"Is that a movie quote dork?" She asks and I smile, and shake my head.
"No, it's the truth. My mom told me the same thing when I was 8 and my brother and sister were born. I was being a brat, because the twins were getting so much attention. She let me know that she loves us all equally, and infinitely." I tell her and she smiles.
"That's so something your mom would say." She smiles and my eye brows nit together.
"Why you hating on my mama?" I say and she rolls her eyes.
"Ok, that's a movie quote. I'm not, just saying she's a sap like her son." She says and I laugh, shrugging in agreement.
"I had to get it from somewhere." I agree and she smiles.
"Sure dude. Thanks for that though, I'll try to keep it in mind when I talk to him." She says and I let go of her hand to wrap an arm around her, pulling her closer as I kiss her head.
"Good. I love you Bec, always and forever." I say, smiling as she wraps her arm around my waist in return. It was my usual endearment when I told her I loved her. She surprises me by stopping our walking to give me a real kiss, passion filled and hard.
"I love you too. I missed you so much Jesse." She whispers against my lips when we pull away for breath a minute later, and I peck her lips again.
"Me too. Benji's couch sucks." I say and she giggles, throwing her head back as my arms wrap around her waist, a happy smile on my face. We were Beca and Jesse again.
"I'm sure. Ready to go home nerd?" She asks and I nod exaggeratedly, causing her to laugh again, before pulling me in the direction of our apartment.