CH 3: Baby We're back
I still own absolutly nothing
Normal Voice: Chimichunga
Crazy Voice: Maximum Effort.
Smart Voice: Oh joy I got a brain!
Harry was jerked awake by being grabbed and rather non too gently from his cuboard under the stairs within Number 4 Privet Dr. It was is Uncle Vernon Dursley whom had awoken him from his cramped slumber, reaking of strongly of scotch.
"It's your fault freak," the obese man slurred his words as he staggared over to the fire place and grabbing the metal rod by the fire place, one of his favorite tools for when he came home drunk, whitch only happened after a sale he had that day didn't go through, his uncle whould then proceed to the pub to drink his failures away before coming home to take out his anger on poor four year old boy he had took in after his wifes sister and husband had went and gotten them selves murdered, "The biggest deal in my career, LOST because of your freakisness!"
Vernon then proceeded to bring the rod down across Harry's back causing the boy to cry out and try to crawl away. He knew trying to escape would only make it worse, but his body just acted on its own. Several more times he felt the metal rod strike him, each blow stronger then the last, before the next blow landed there was a knock at the front door.
"Who the bloody hell could that be," Vernon hiccuped tossing the blunt instoment as hard as he could at Harry as the youth whimpered when it hit him in the head, "Don't they have work to go to in the morning like normal folks, should be in bed the lot of them who ever they are."
Grumbling the rest of the way Vernon opened the door to a man dressed in black and red, full faced mask with to swords on his back with a hand gun in one hand while he used the other to prop himself against the door frame.
"Ello Tubo." he said before aiming the gun at Vernon's face and squeezing the trigger.
The last sight the Vernon Johnothan Dursley saw was the barrol of that gun with the words Smile and wait for the flash engraved into the metal before a bright flash and a bang.
"Aww," a voice behind him said as a woman with bleach white skin, blonde hair done up in pigtails with blue and red streaks wearing a red vest, red pants and black trainers, "I wanted to kill him Deadpool."
"Sorry Harley," the now named Deadpool said spinning the gun around his hand before holstering it, "first come first serve and I won teh race to the door."
"Only cause you teleported," Harley said stepping past her partner into the abnormally clean house, "How did you do that any way, that one of your mutant powers?"
"Nope beutiful not even close," Deadpool said skipping into the house after the sexy she clown, "my belt has a built in teleporter do hicky in it, stole it off of the guy who tortured me to activate my healing factor though."
"Ah good old Francis." his crazy voice piped up.
"Bless him and all the fun toys we got from him." The logical side of his brain said.
"May he rot in hell where he belongs." Deadpool intoned.
"Who?" Harley asked.
"Oh the son of a hamster who did this to me," Deadpool said grabbing the bottom of his mask and lifting it up, "BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!"
Harley could only discride Wade's face as horrorfying, like a if Freddy Kruger had angry sex with an avocado and his face had been the baby born from the event.
"Go ahead and scream you know you want to." Deadpool said lowering his mask back down.
"Eh seen worst," Harley said walking over to where Harry laid curled upto protect himnself from any more harm, "Killacroc's mug was way worst then yours, at least you look human still he looks like a living suitcase."
Coolio." Deadpool cheered giving his partner a thumbs up before a loud bang echoed around the house and he collapsed revealing a skinny horse. faced woman branishing a frying pan.
This woman was the one and only.
"Thank goodness." Deadpool's insane voiced up
"Quite you the author is talking not us" his logic voice said
Thank you, as the author was typing this was the one and only Petunia Marie Dursley, wife of Vernon Dursley, mother of Dudley Vernon Dursley and sister to the late great Lillian Martha Potter.
"Oh goody I get to kill some one now!" Harley cheered as she cartwheeled over to Petunia with her trusty hammer in hand.
Springing to her feet Harley swung her weapon upward at Mrs. Dursley and with a sickingly sweet crunching noise the horse faced woman died of a broken neck.
"Ow what the hell hit me?" Deadpool asked.
"She did." Harley answered.
"Bad Deadpool."Deadpool scolded himself beforedrew both his guns and unloading them in them into the dead body, "Good Deadpool."
"Alright you killed the fat one, I killed the horse faced one," Harley lised off on her fingers, "Why do I feel we're forgeting something?"
"I don't know." Deadpool said.
"Did we check the fridge for eats?" Deadpools crazy voice asked.
"No it wasn't that," his logic voice said, "We forgot lardo and marebags obese whale thay called Diddykins."
"I thought his name was Dudley." Deadpool said.
"No time for Fat Boy DP," Harley said scooping up Harry and heaing to the back door, "just get over here and use that belt of yours to get us out of here before the boys in blue get here."
"Yes Mame Captain Ham." Deadpool saluted the blonde bombshell he was working with and moonwalked over to her before grabbing her ass and pressing a button on his belt making the trio teliport out of the house just as an old man with a long white beard, half moon glasses and a crocked nose appeared wand at the ready looking for The-Boy-Who-Lived.
And Done with Ch.2 hoped you enjoyed it.