A blood transfusion. An MRI. A feeding tube. Countless stitches. Shoulder surgery. Medication. Morphine. And that was all in the first night.

The police had wanted to interview Blaine right away, but the man was reduced to whimpers whenever Sebastian was mentioned. They decided to settle on photographing every bruise, every cut, and gathered any and all DNA from him for proof of Sebastian's crimes. Blaine cried silently all the way through it.

Despite all the doctor's efforts to put Blaine back together, Kurt still found himself holding his lover as if he was going to fall apart. Kurt laid with him in the small, stiff bed and tried to make everything better. To make him forget.

But Blaine couldn't forget. He could still feel Sebastian's hands all over him.

The first night in the hospital wasn't so terrible. Blaine slept like a deadweight in Kurt's arms from all of the drugs being pumped into him. It was day two that made Kurt see that Blaine wouldn't ever be the same again. Blaine woke with a start after the drugs wore off, jerking out of Kurt's arms and curling in on himself. His hands gripped his hair.

" Oh god... oh god oh god..." he whimpered over and over again.

" Blaine, shhh, its ok. It's-"

" No... no! Stop!" Blaine was still stuck in his nightmare. Kurt touched one of his hands, but that only made his state worsen. Kurt pulled his own hands away.

" Blaine, look at me. It's ok now. Let me see your eyes. Look at me, baby." Kurt soothed. Blaine didn't- or couldn't- respond to him. He only seemed to fall deeper into his dream.

" He's gonna come back... he's gonna find me again. No... Kurt, help."

" I'm right here, honey! Look," Kurt gently placed a hand on Blaine's shaking back, " Open your eyes and look at me Blaine! Please!" Kurt's voice cracked with tears in his eyes.

Blaine's head snapped up, almost hitting Kurt in the chin. They sat still for a moment before Blaine's eyes finally found Kurt. He let out a sob, his body slumping into Kurt. Kurt held him and cried with him.

Blaine was broken; so broken that Kurt wasn't sure he could fix him. New York was supposed to be where all their dreams came true. Where they would be happy for the rest of their lives. Now this happens not six months into their first year. Kurt holds him tighter before he remembers how delicate Blaine is right now. Blaine groans at the dull pain in his shoulder.

" Oh, I'm sorry baby. I'm gonna call the nurse, ok?" Kurt said and reached for the call button.

No. Don't make me sleep. He's there when I sleep. That was what Blaine wanted to say. But he held his tongue. Soon, a young nurse came in with a syringe. She injected it's contents into the IV and left the room, promising to check up on him later. Kurt guided Blaine into laying down against his chest. Once he was settled, Kurt started a soft stream of soothing, loving words to him. Blaine clung to each one. He tried to fight the sudden feeling of drowsiness, but then Kurt was singing softly and perfectly into his ear. He struggled to keep his eyes open.

" Go back to sleep, love. I'm here, it's ok. I love you." Kurt said, kissing Blaine's hair. He tried to ignore the line of stitches hidden in Blaine's curls.

" But...h-he's there when I sleep. It scares me... Kurt."

" You're safe. You're safe here, with me. Just remember that, ok? You're safe." Kurt said. He resumed his singing.

Blaine finally fell into his drug induced sleep, Kurt's voice still with him.

I'm safe... I'm safe with you. I'm safe...

His subconscious disagreed.

On the third day, Blaine woke up to the sound of his own crying. He'd had the dream again. The one where he was tied to a chair and Sebastian Smythe had his mouth around his...

Oh, wait. That's not a dream. It's a memory.

Another wave of sobs came over him. He reached to the side of the bed, searching for the warm body that he was used to, but it wasn't there. He looked over and saw that he was the only one in the bed.

" Kurt?" he said, his voice wobbly and cracking. There wasn't a reply. Blaine's heart pounded.

He's gone. He's gone. He left. He's not coming back.

Blaine pulled himself up into a sitting position. The pain medication had worn off, and sharp pain went though him, making him grab at his shoulder.

" K-Kurt?" he ventured again. Still nothing. Blaine looked down at his lap and watched his tears make little dots on the sheets.

The stitches across his chest itched, and Blaine lifted his hand to scratch before he could catch himself. The pain was like needles were piercing into his skin. He groaned deep in his throat, but he kept on scratching. Because he needed the pain; he deserved it, didn't he? It made him feel something. He dug his nails into the bandage around his chest though the hospital gown and dragged them back and forth. He did this even when he was sure there was blood.

He deserved this. He needed to hurt because he'd hurt his love. He wanted to try to see what Kurt was feeling right now so he could suffer thought it too.

He scratched until the pain was too much, but even then he continued. He was too lost in the cycle that he thought he had broken long ago. The cycle where pain was his friend and it would take away everything else. That was exactly what he needed right now. Blaine felt tears go down his face as he cried out in pain when a scratch felt particularly sharp. He closed his eyes and almost let the pain swallow him whole, but then, someone pulled at his wrist.

" You need to stop, Blaine, please." a voice that Blaine was both happy and frightened to hear said. He tugged his wrist away and resumed his scratching.

" Blaine! You're hurting yourself, stop!" the voice persisted. A warm hand encircled his and pulled it away from his chest. Blaine whined in protest, his eyes remaining closed. The pain was full force now, burning and stinging and throbbing. He opened his eyes, but his vision was blurred by hot tears. He could see the shape of someone in front of him, though. Kurt was there.

You're back...

" Does he have a history with this sort of thing?" an unfamiliar female asked.

" It was a long time ago, but yeah. He was- Oh, Blaine, shhh. Don't cry love."

Kurt bent over Blaine and took him into his arms. Blaine clung to him.

" You didn't... I thought you w-were... you were gone a-and" Blaine stuttered though his sobs.

" No, no Blaine. I wasn't gone. I was right outside the door with Dr. Menkins. I didn't go anywhere. It was so hard to leave you alone in here... I was coming right back, Blaine, I wasn't leaving you." Kurt soothed. " I'm never leaving you, alright? I promise."

The nurse ended up having to redo the stitches that closed up the horrid name on Blaine's chest. Blaine looked up at Kurt the whole time, Kurt's cerulean eyes brimmed with tears. Blaine would whisper apologies to him occasionally, and he was always answered with an " I know, sweetheart. I love you."

You're still here, so you must love me.

Author's Note

I need to stop being so mean to Blainers when I write him.

In my headcannon, Blaine had some issues with self harm and depression while he was at his old public school. Nothing too major happened, just a few rough patches on his arms where he would scratch until the skin bled. He is able to get control after he goes to Dalton and meets Kurt. Then all this crap happens, and all of his urges come back, thus the intense scratching on the Sebastian cuts. LE ANGST.

EDIT

OK WOW I'M A FAIL sorry bout that. In my defense i uploaded this at like 1 am. ( runs away from angry mob)